Humor is a
huge part of living a full life, and there's nothing like a good laugh
every now and then.
We present these pages with no plan in mind--no
structure or organization,
no categorization--just fun stuff that we think
An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so
they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure
nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they
explained to him about the problems they were having with their
memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that
they were physically okay but might want to start writing things
down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked
the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV the old man
got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you
He replies, "To
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
She then asks him,
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember
He says, "No, I
can remember that."
She then says,
"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You
had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that--you want a bowl of ice cream
She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know
you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice he says, " I don't need to write
that down. I can remember that." He then fumes into
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a
plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my
Signs That You
American Express calls and says, "Leave home without it!"
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a
You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe
Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis
You rob Peter and then rob Paul.
You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
Your bologna has no first name.
You give blood everyday, just for the orange juice.
Sally Struthers sends you food.
McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
who LOVE flying.... Occasionally, airline attendants make an
effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their
other announcements a
bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee... "There may be 50
ways to leave your
lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude
now, so I am going to
switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish,
please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside,
you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
Express. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please
take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like
that, sure as
hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee... "Welcome aboard
XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children,
now which one you love more.
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in
the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
to have some
of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none
are on this flight...!
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas,
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach,
the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited,
give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his
bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had
except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said
the pilot, "what is it?" The
little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up
the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
to the terminal.
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube,
you'll think of us here at US Airways."
inspiring and motivational books that may interest you. Our main way of supporting this site is
through the sale of books, either physical copies
or digital copies for your Amazon Kindle (including the
online reader). All of the money that we earn
through them comes back to the site
in one way or another. Just click on the picture
to the left to visit our page of books, both fiction and
|Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz
finally decided it was
time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was
the name of a Florida Realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all
extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the
investment of a lifetime.
Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."
"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I
don't even buy green
All contents © Living Life
Fully®, all rights reserved.
during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Pritchard, was extolling her
secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the
prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden
As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery
wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat
approached Mrs. Pritchard to test my theory. "Why wooden
spoons?" I asked.
"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here
listening to all your metal
spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts."
people behind the words
Two - Year Three
for your free daily spiritual or general quotation