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We all have
to live with criticism. No matter what we do or how well
we do it, there almost always will be someone there to criticize
our efforts, the results of our efforts, or both.
And that's not
necessarily a bad thing. Criticism becomes a problem when
we take it to heart, when we take it personally. When we
see criticism as a reflection of who we are as human beings,
then we face one of the biggest obstacles to living a full life
there is. Other human beings have found it fitting to
criticize something that we've done, or to criticize us
personally.
The way that criticism
affects us, though, has very little to do with the criticism
itself, the person or people who are criticizing us, or even the
way that they're criticizing. Criticism becomes an
obstacle to our peace and happiness depending on the way that we
take it, and nothing else.
My simplified perspective
on criticism is this: If someone's criticizing me to try
to hurt me personally, then that person simply isn't worth me
losing my peace of mind over what he or she has done. If
on the other hand someone is criticizing me sincerely and
constructively, then he or she is trying to help me, and I
should look upon their words and actions as help, and nothing
else. I should try to learn what they want to teach me
with their criticism, and grow because of it.
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I usually find that
people who are criticizing don't know the whole story behind a
certain action or process. Have you ever taken someone to
task for not completing a job or a task only to find out that
something completely out of that person's control had happened,
not allowing them to finish the job? I've criticized my
step-kids for treating certain people in ways that seemed poor
to me, only to find out that there's much more to the
relationships than the little bit that I saw.
If I'm being criticized
constructively, I should be thankful that someone is taking the
time to teach me, even if they may not do it in the most
diplomatic ways possible. The way I react to the criticism
will determine how I feel about myself and how I relate to
others who are with me, and it's important that I separate the
criticism from myself, personally.
But what about the people
who constantly criticize others, almost mercilessly? In
their cases, the criticism that they're dishing out is the
obstacle to their full lives, as people learn very quickly to
avoid them at all costs if they don't want to be
criticized. These people often don't understand why others
don't want to be around them, even as they continue to criticize
almost everything that they see. I don't want to spend
time with anyone who's going to belittle me and all that I do,
so I'll stay away from them as much as I can.
These people also are
teaching themselves never to be satisfied. I've known
quite a few people like this, too, who seem simply unable to let
something be, just as it is. It's either too cold, too
hot, too blue, too short, too new or too old. There always
has to be something wrong, and they always have to point it
out. Can you imagine how sad life would be if you were
never able to look at something beautiful, accept it for exactly
what it is, and enjoy it?
So criticism can hurt
both the receiver and the sender, keeping both from living life
as fully as they possibly can. At least the receiver has
the option of taking the criticism in a healthy way and not lose
his or her peace of mind over it. If one is a constant
sender of criticism, though, it's very possible that the person
doesn't even recognize the way that he or she is sabotaging his
or her ability to be accepting of life and the other human
beings with whom we all share this planet.
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