| If
it weren't for desire, most of the positive things that
we have in the world wouldn't exist, most of the positive
actions we experience and benefit from wouldn't have
occurred, and most of our positive resources just wouldn't
be. Desire is extremely important in life, for it allows
us, compels us to work towards something better for
ourselves and others. If I desire a better life for
myself and my family, I'm going to work towards that
better life. If I'm satisfied with the status quo, I'm
going to remain rather passive, not looking to accomplish
much, not looking to advance.
Of course, desire has its dark
side, especially when it degenerates into covetousness or
envy. These traits (for lack of a better word) are
extremely destructive, and they definitely hold one back
from getting the most out of life. But another dark side
of desire has to do with the objects of our desire, and
literature is full of examples of characters who have
desired the wrong thing and ended up hurting themselves
and others because they've focused so strongly on their
own desires and on achieving those desires.
An
extremely good example of this occurs in the film Dead
Poets Society. In this film, one
character's father desires one thing of his son: that he
go on to medical school and become a doctor. Because he's
so focused on having this desire become reality, he
completely disregards his son's desires for his own life,
and his son ends up killing himself because he sees no
hope for a future that he desires.
But it goes further than that.
The father's desire obviously isn't just
that his son become a doctor. The father also desires to
be proud of his son, but on his own
terms. The father also desires the approval of his peers
and colleagues--he wants his son to be a doctor so that
these people will look favorably upon him, the father,
and the great job he's done raising his son to enter such
a noble (and lucrative) profession. He also desires to be
in control, and seeing his son do things that he hasn't
sanctioned, such as act in a play or be on the yearbook
staff, takes away much of that control, and he can't
stand the idea of losing it.
People
also have problems when they desire things that are
inaccessible. Advertising plays a large part in this
problem, for advertising exists to a large extent to
create desire in an audience. The person who desires a
new BMW, but who makes on $25,000 a year, often finds the
beauty of life somehow diminished due to the lack of a
particular car in his or her life (and yes, I have known
such people). A major problem arises when that person
goes ahead and buys the car even though he or she can't
afford it--life is now full of money problems that just
weren't there before the purchase. The desire for an
object has added stress and strain to a life, and to the
lives of that person's family members.
I married very late, and for a
very long time, I desired nothing more than to be married.
Because of this desire, I often approached relationships
in a very forced way, a very unsure way. I hardly allowed
myself to be myself, always trying to fit some role, even
though I was trying to be myself. It wasn't until I let
go of the desire to be married and forced myself to deal
with every new woman that I met as a potential friend,
not a potential wife, that I was able to act much more
naturally. it wasn't long after I had made that shift in
my thinking that I met my wife, and we were married a
year later. My desire for marriage was natural, but
because I had allowed it to be so strong and to control
my actions, it affected the way I treated people, and
thus affected me in a very negative way.
There's
nothing wrong with desire; in fact, it's inherently
wonderful. Desire causes us to work harder to achieve
goals. But we must be sure that the objects of our desire
are attainable, and if they're not, then we must admit
that to ourselves. Sometimes those things that we desire
are the things that turn out to be the most harmful to us
and others. If you desire something unattainable or
inappropriate, admit that desire to yourself, but also
acknowledge that acting to fulfill that desire would be
very inappropriate and harmful. If you desire something
appropriate and attainable, go for it--and good luck in
getting it. |