choices

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Of course, if we're talking about choices as an obstacle to living life fully, then we're talking about bad choices.  How often have you regretted a choice that you've made because it's turned out badly and you or someone else has suffered considerably as a consequence of a choice that you've made?  How often have you seen friends or family members or other loved ones--or even total strangers, for that matter--make choices that you knew were going to be harmful to that person and to others, but they've gone ahead and made the choice, against all advice?  It happens quite often, doesn't it?

One of the biggest causes of friction between parents and their children is the fact that parents want to help their children make choices so that their kids won't make the same mistakes that they did years earlier.  Basically, though, in trying to help their children avoid pain and other consequences of bad choices, these parents are also robbing their children of the ability to make choices.  They're trying to control their children's actions and have them act in the precise way that will allow them to avoid problems, and then they wonder why the kids feel uncomfortable with the control.

Once a choice is made, any other possible choices are moot.  They can't be made any longer, for the situation never will be the same.  A similar selection of choices may present itself in a similar situation, but any choice we make causes change and turns the way things are into the way things were.  Many people, though, spend a great deal of time and energy in regret, wishing that they had made a different choice somewhere along the line, wishing that they hadn't chosen the course of action that they chose.

They don't realize, though, that the only way to deal with any choices that we've made is acceptance.  The choice has been made, now deal with the consequences--don't regret the choice.  Of course, if our choice was ill-advised or if it caused pain or anguish to yourself or others, we shouldn't just shrug our shoulders and say "oh, well."  We need to learn from it, and we need to direct our energy towards dealing effectively with the consequences, and not direct our energy towards feeling bad or feeling sorry for ourselves.

We also can't let one or two--or even ten or twenty--bad choices keep us from making choices in the future.  Accept the fact that some choices have turned out badly, but learn from those choices and move on.  The person who won't enter into another relationship because of the person or persons who treated them badly before doesn't realize that he or she made a choice to be with that other person, and that instead of sabotaging their future happiness, they should learn from the error and focus on choosing to be with people who will treat them better.

Don't let yesterday's choices hurt your today and your tomorrow.  Don't let your fear of choices prevent you from making effective ones.  Accept that you will make mistakes, and make sure you're ready to deal with any consequences of your choices or actions.  We all face choices every day, and billions of people make billions of decisions every day, but billions of people also deal with consequences--and there are many wonderful consequences to choices--every moment.

  

   

The difficulty in life is the choice.

George Moore

The more alternatives,
the more difficult the choice.

Abbe d'Allainval
   
   
  
Not all of your decisions will be correct.  None of us is perfect.  But if you
get into the habit of making decisions, experience will develop your judgment
to a point where more and more of your decisions will be right.  After all,
it is better to be right 51 percent of the time and get something done,
than it is to get nothing done because you fear to reach a decision.

H.W. Andrews
  

Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be;
custom will soon render it easy and agreeable.

Pythagoras

  

You may find merry-go-rounds tame.  Perhaps your life is more like
a roller coaster ride.  That's okay, as long as it is the ride you want to be on.
Maybe you enjoy the highs and lows of the roller coaster.  I have fun
on the merry-go-round, where I can meet people of all ages
and we can talk while we ride.  The kind of conversations and interactions
I like are impossible when we are alternately shrieking or tense with anticipation.
But if that kind of life is truly your choice and makes you happy,
then go ahead and ride the roller coaster.
  Whatever ride you choose in the carnival of life, just remember to stop,
now and then, for a rest and refreshments.  And those of us
who are carousel riders should definitely take a break whenever
the merry drops out of the merry-go-round.

Bernie Siegel

 

In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Theodore Roosevelt

  

You are the person who has to decide.
Whether you'll do it or toss it aside,
You are the person who makes up your mind.
Whether you'll lead or will linger behind,
Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar.
Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Edgar Guest

   
Know how to choose well.  Most of
life depends thereon.  It needs good
taste and correct judgment, for which
neither intellect nor study suffices.

Baltazar Gracian

  

  

Over the years I have come to believe that life is
full of unchosen circumstances, that being human
has to do with the evolution of our individual
consciousness and with it, responsibilities for choice.
Pain and joy both come with life.  I believe that how
we respond to what happens to us and around us shapes
who we become and has to do with the psyche or the soul’s growth.

Jean Shinoda Bolen

decisions

What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.

Bodie Thoene

  

The greatest power God gave us is the power to choose.  We have the opportunity
to choose whether we’re going to act or procrastinate, believe or doubt,
pray or curse, help or heal.  We also choose whether we’re going to be happy
or whether we’re going to be sad.

Lou Holtz

   

The need to make wise choices encompasses every area of our lives.
Since we have time for only a limited amount of stuff, we need to choose
wisely what stuff we're going to allow to take up that time. Since we have
only a limited amount of time to spend with friends or to engage in leisure
activities, we need to choose our friends and our activities wisely.

Elaine St. James

   
  

We can choose to gather to our hearts the thorns
of disappointment, failure, loneliness, and dismay
in our present situation.  Or we can gather the flowers
of God's grace, boundless love, abiding presence,
and unmatched joy.  I choose to gather the flowers.

Barbara Johnson

  

 

Happiness and love are just a choice away.

Leo Buscaglia

  
What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to do.

Aristotle

    
    

In order to feed our internal flames, we must wake up and make each of our
choices conscious.  A conscious choice reflects our highest commitments and
is in direct alignment with our vision for our lives.  When we make the conscious
choices, we take into consideration the effect that our actions will have on our
lives as a whole.  We take the time to reflect on where our choices will
lead us and the impact they will have on our future.

Debbie Ford

    
    

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You have choice.  You can select joy over despair.  You can select
happiness over tears.  You can select action over apathy.  You can select
growth over stagnation.  You can select you.  And you can select life.
And it's time that people tell you you're not at the mercy of forces greater
than yourself.  You, indeed, are the greatest force for you.  Now, you
can't do it for me, but you can do it for you.

Leo Buscaglia
   

Your choices have psychological consequences.  The way you choose
to deal with reality, truth, facts--your choice to honor or dishonor
your own perceptions--registers in your mind, for good or for bad,
and either confirms and strengthens your self-esteem
or undermines and weakens it.

Nathaniel Branden
Self-Esteem Every Day

   

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There is more ambivalence in our lives now than there was in the past.  There is more confusion and there are more questions of meaning.

In part this is because we live in a multiple-option world.  Once we pass basic survival, the options for Americans seem endless--whether it's choosing a flavor of ice cream, whom to live with, or what to believe in.

For those of us raised on Neapolitan ice cream and marriage, it's intimidating.  Don't try to buy a stereo or a car without a sixteen-year-old along to provide advice.  There are too many alternatives and variations.

The negative is that life is more complex and decisions wear us out.  The positive is that the choices are now ours.  We are more tolerant of those who choose differently.  We accept a wider spectrum of love, faith, and style.

There is more individual responsibility for what we are and the way we touch our communities.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, breathe in deeply the freedom, accept the responsibility, and remember that joy that can go with it.  You have the ability to make a unique, individual choice.  If it is good, it is yours; and if not, you can choose differently next time.

Jennifer James
   
Every choice that you make forms a building block of your life.  Every
act, every word, every decision becomes a part of you.  The way that
you see and respond to the world in which you live results from the
choices you have made.  So, in a sense, not only do your choices make
you who you are, they, in effect, make your world because the world
that you "see" is the world in which you live.  We are given the
opportunity to shape and mold our world through the use of our
consciousness.  We have the power of free will to determine what we
want in life, and we have the authority to call forth our good through
the powers of decree, imagination, enthusiasm, joy, and faith.

John Marks Templeton
Worldwide Laws of Life