Parenthood. . .
It's about guiding the next
generation, and forgiving the last.
Nothing has a stronger influence
psychologically on their environment,
and especially on
their children, than the unlived life of the parents.
the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents
same way I did--that everything involving our children was
painful in some
way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or
pride, were so
deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed
and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human
body and yet,
each child represented just that--a parent's heart bared,
beating forever outside its chest.
everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory.
The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as
it is the
nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment,
and mortification should their parents so much as
speak to them on the street.
realized that the version of the world they rendered for
us was not the version of the world they really believed
The Virgin Suicides
only give good advice or put children on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in his
or her own hands.
All parents damage their children. It cannot be
like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some
smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely
into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven
people behind the words
Two - Year Three
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job of every generation is to discover the flaws of the one
that came before it. That's part of growing up, figuring out all the
ways your parents and their friends are broken.
Zombies Vs. Unicorns
providing material for the drama that is always stretched
between parents and children; it uses up much of the childrenís
strength and wastes the love of the elders, which acts and warms
even if it doesnít comprehend. Donít ask for advice from them
donít expect any understanding; but believe in a love that
stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith
that in this
love there is strength and blessing so large that you
as far as you wish without having to step outside it.
Letters to a Young Poet
matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.
The Inner Circle
|Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can
show us how we are
to be and what things we ought to strive for, or they can show us
not to be and what things we ought to stray from, then you may have
the kind of parents that show you all the things about you that you
to get rid of and you realize those traits aren't yours at all but
your parents' marks that have rubbed off onto you.
C. JoyBell C
don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child
on a merry-go-round will wave at his or her parents every time
and why the parents will always wave back.
William D. Tammeus
have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you
clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes
and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but
never for one moment do you doubt their love for you--if you
have this, you have incredibly good fortune.
If you have two parents who love you? You have won life's
If you do not have parents, or if the parents you have are
so broken and so, frankly, terrible that they are no
improvement over nothing, this is fine.
It's not ideal because it's harder without adults who love
you more than they love themselves. But harder is just
harder, that's all.
This Is How
not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as
we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they
are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my
children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
often talk about the younger generation as if
they didn't have anything to do with it.
Parents who have never
apologized to their children are monsters.
If they're always apologizing, their
children are monsters.
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Thinkers - the people behind the words
parents, we guide by our unspoken example. It is only when
we're talking to them that our kids aren't listening.
The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand
that fathering is
not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.
The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.
I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that
what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him
on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for
all eternity--a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.
|If I had my
child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
"If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"
responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You
not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major
star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use
"collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an
I Had to Do It All Over Again (Parenting)
This question is frequently asked of people after
they've reached a certain age. One unknown
father came up with some answers I believe have a lot
1. "I would love my wife more in front of
my children." That is, he would speak more
words of affection, hold her hand more, put his arm
around her more, and hug her more.
2. "I would laugh with my children more at
our mistakes and joys." Laughter breeds
happiness, and a happy home has far fewer problems.
3. "I would listen more, even to the
smallest child." It is amazing what little
ones can teach us as the pearls of wisdom often come
4. "I would be more honest about my own
weaknesses and stop pretending perfection."
Kids know we are not perfect, and it's comforting to
know we can acknowledge our humanness.
5. "I would pray differently for my
family. Instead of focusing on them, I'd focus
on me." After all, that's where it really
6. "I would do more things together with my
children." We repeatedly hear about fathers
who get too busy to spend precious moments walking,
talking, playing, shopping, fishing, and cycling with
their children. That's where bonding takes
7. "I would be more encouraging and bestow
more praise." It is said that encouragement
is the fuel of hope, and praise, particularly for
effort, brings about even more effort in the future.
8. "When I made a mistake in the way I
dealt with my children, I would admit it and ask them
to forgive me."
9. "I would pay more attention to little
things, deeds and words of love and
kindness." When you add up all those little
things over a lifetime, they make a huge difference.
10. "I would share God more intimately with
my family through ordinary things that happen in a
This unknown father has some marvelous lessons for
us. Take his approach, and you will have a
happier, more fulfilled life as a parent.
~from his book, Staying
Up, Up, Up in a Down, Down World
must provide not only outer warmth for their child
but also inner warmth. They must create an atmosphere with
a sense of security in which the child feels love and acceptance.
the Dalai Lama
As parents, we want to protect
our children against all the suffering
and injustices of life. This is impossible, of course.
But what we can
do is create an environment where children are physically,
and spiritually secure. And we will succeed in protecting them
better if we accept the fact that all the children of the world
are our very own responsibility.
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I get so sick
and tired of hearing people gripe about what their parents
did to them. You know what your parents did to
you? The best thing
they could do. The
best thing they knew how, the only thing in many
that they knew how. Nobody has set out maliciously
to hurt their child, unless they were psychotic.
Living, Loving, and Learning
are naturally inquisitive and love to try new things. But they
cannot find these things by themselves; someone must offer them the
choices. Years ago, when the Quiz Kids were astonishing
radio audiences with their brilliance, a writer set out to discover
common denominators there were in the backgrounds of these
children. He found that some were from poor families, some
some had been to superior schools, some had not.
But, in every case investigated, there was one parent,
sometimes two, who
shared enthusiasms with the child, who watched for areas of
gave encouragement and praise for achievement, who made a game of
searching out the answers to questions, who went out of the way to
the tools of learning. No doubt the capacity for outstanding
was already there, but it took the love and interest and
companionship of a parent to bring it out.
Touch of Wonder
we must be convinced of our beliefs. We must know
where we stand, so that our children will know where they stand.
|Wanting what's best for
your kids is all about the child. It's
about helping them find something they are passionate about
so they are intrinsically driven to reveal the strengths that
God gave them, whether in art, music, sports, writing,
academics, or community service.
Wanting them to be
the best is all about me. My expectations.
My fears. So I yell at them from the stands, correct them after
lessons, and coax them into activities that suck the fun out of
childhood. And in the process, I teach them that their worth is
wrapped up in how they perform. I teach them that second
place is losing. I teach them that judgment is more
important than love and acceptance.
And it is so
Parents are often so
busy with the physical rearing of children
that they miss the glory of parenthood,
just as the grandeur
of the trees is lost when raking leaves.
the giving of help, a parent experiences one of the best feelings
that any of us can have: that life has meaning because we are
by someone else. Watching a baby grow with our help tells us
things we like to feel about ourselves: that we are competent
If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves
our children exactly as we and they are, then, I believe, we would
have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what
parenting means. It's a part of being human to fall short of
total acceptance--and often far short. But one of the most
gifts a parent can give a child is the gift of accepting that
World According to Mr. Rogers
parents, we need to try to find the security within
ourselves to accept the fact that children and parents won't
always like each other's actions, that there will be times
when parents and children won't be able to be friends, and
that there will be times of real anger in families.
But we need to know, at the same time, that moments of
conflict have nothing to do with whether parents and
children really love one another. It's our continuing
love for our children that makes us want them to become all
they can be, capable of making sound choices.
would I have turned out, I sometimes wonder, had I grown up
in a house that stifled enterprise by imposing harsh and senseless
discipline? Or in an atmosphere of overindulgence, in a
where there were no rules, no boundaries drawn? My mother
certainly understood the importance of discipline, but she always
explained why some things were not allowed.
Above all, she tried to be fair and consistent.
you have children, you realize how easy it is to not see them fully,
and perhaps miss all those early years. If you are not
careful, you can
be too absorbed in work, and they will be only too happy to tell you
it later. Being a parent is one of the greatest mindfulness
practices of all.
is above all an ethical responsibility.