| My
stepkids get a bit upset when I tell them not to use the word
"hate" when they talk about other people.
"The word's too strong," I tell them, "and it means
too much that you don't really want to say."
"But I
don't mean that I really 'hate' them," is the typical
response that I hear.
"Then you
don't need to use that word, do you?" I ask. The
usual response to this comment is "whatever," the same
response that we hear to many different situations. I try to
make a point of letting them know that at least to some people,
casual use of words such as "hate" aren't acceptable in
most situations. Most people don't care, but I do -- hatred
is a quality that's always destructive, never helpful or
constructive, and always unpleasant.
Hatred leads
us to do or say things that we normally wouldn't say because they
go against that important inner voice, our conscience.
Hatred blinds us to the good and keeps us focusing on the bad, no
matter what another person or other persons may be doing. If
we hate, a person could save a family from a burning house, and we
would still see the actions as self-serving -- we could even
accuse the person of saving the family because he or she wanted
the glory of being a hero.
When we hate,
our blindness leads us to commit acts that destroy -- they can
destroy friendships, business deals, relationships, even human
lives. The terrorist attacks of September, 2001, were a
strong example of the results of hatred; the people who committed
those acts were so caught up in their hatred that they could think
only of destruction and causing pain and damage. In all the
training that they received, their hatred was constantly
reinforced by other people who hated the same "enemy,"
because those people who taught them knew the value of hatred in
getting someone to do something that they normally wouldn't even
consider.
When we hate,
we destroy our own happiness and love of life. Our focus is
constantly on the negative aspects that we see in another person
or group of people. We focus on some sort of
"wrong" that was done to us so strongly that the right
and the beautiful that surround us every day become clouded and
dim, even invisible, and that's completely our doing -- the people
we hate have nothing to do with it. We choose to focus so
strongly on what we choose to hate that we give up the possibility
of helping ourselves by focusing on what is good.
Hatred is a
choice, a choice made due to weakness, due usually to a feeling of
powerlessness. We choose an object of hatred because of our
own perceived lack of power, whether we truly are powerless or
not. This object of hatred makes us feel "good" in
a warped way -- our hatred gives us a sense of righteousness, a
sense of power over those we hate. But peace of mind,
compassion, and acceptance can do the same thing, only in a
positive, constructive way rather than in a negative, destructive
way.
Do you
hate? You shouldn't, for it's hurting you. It's
holding you back and keeping you down, and ironically, those you
hate probably don't even know about your hatred or aren't letting
it get to them, so you're hurting yourself without even
accomplishing what you hope to accomplish. Let go of the
hatred, for you don't deserve the kind of pain it's causing you,
and you'll love the feeling of freedom that comes when you're able
to live your life without it. |