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Complaining
is a difficult topic to cover, for it's often hard to
distinguish between complaining and constructive criticism. Without criticism, without a certain degree of discontent,
we wouldn't progress at all, we wouldn't have any changes
come about to better our lives. But looking at a wrong
and calling it a wrong, and simply pointing out a
perceived negative aspect of every part of our lives are
two different things.
I've
had times in my life, for example, when things completely
beyond my control were going badly, and I've wanted more
than anything else to talk them over with someone. When I
tried to talk them over with the friends I had at the
time, some of them said I was just complaining, and didn't
really listen to what I had to say. Because I still hadn't
been able to discuss what was going wrong, I would try to
talk it over with someone else, with pretty much the same
results. What I didn't realize then was that if people
aren't going to listen with a sympathetic ear to what you're
trying to say, don't talk to those people about problems. They won't understand, because they won't try to
understand.
When
I finally did find someone to talk with, things got much
better, and my desire to talk about the negative things
grew less and less as I was able to express myself to
some very special friends. I guess the point here is that
we should be careful of what we call complaining and what
we call venting.
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I
had one or two problems that I wanted to talk about, but
I know people who have millions of them, it seems. No
matter what their circumstances, they'll find something
to complain about. They might have won $30,000 in the
lottery, but it wasn't enough, because with $35,000, they
could have paid off their mortgage. And the taxes. . . .
I know people who say that it's not worth winning a large
cash prize because the taxes are so high. Well, even if
the IRS takes 60% of the $30,000, they're still up $12,000
that they didn't have before. Besides, despite all of the
negative we hear about the IRS and the government (much
of it justified, I'm afraid), most of the money that goes
their way goes towards the public good. What better way
to spend money?
When
I give gifts to these people, I hear "It's beautiful,
but what am I going to do with it?" or "It's
nice, but I really wanted. . . ." They express
little graciousness, if any. Their health is always bad,
and things at work are always going poorly. Friends
always betray them, or never write, or never call, or
never drop by, and when they do drop by, they always pick
such an inconvenient time. The new car is great, but let
me tell you about the flaws.
This
topic goes hand-in-hand with the topic of perspective in
our main section. These people tend to focus on the
negative, seemingly ignoring the positive aspects of any
given situation. A beautiful day? Yes, but the wind's a
bit chilly. Forget the chilliness--the wind is what it is,
and there's no way to change it, so accept it for just
what it is. And if someone mentions how beautiful the
weather is and you end up complaining about it, you've
basically just shot that someone down, taking their
positive perspective and dragging it in the mud, dirtying
it up for yourself so it will be something to complain
about. I actually had someone complain once that I said
"thank you" too often when people did things
for me.
Complaining
takes something out of everyone. Focusing on the negative
drags others down, especially when it's done often, in
many different situations. If you see something wrong,
complain about it, but do something about it, too. Don't
just sit there and complain--it too quickly becomes a
habit. Without complaints, there's no change, but when
complaining becomes a way of life, there's little light
in life to keep us warm.
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