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I've known quite
a few people who live their lives consumed by guilt about things that have
happened in their pasts. They make themselves miserable constantly
reminding themselves about something that's long since over, and they seem
to be unable to enjoy life today because they don't feel they
"deserve" to do so. For some of them, that guilt is
constantly reinforced by a person in their lives who constantly reminds
them of why they should feel guilty; other take it upon themselves to feel
guilty, and they don't allow themselves ever to step out of that guilt and
into a more pleasant life.
I've done some
rather rude and obnoxious things myself in the course of my
lifetime. I've made quite a few mistakes in judgment, and other
people have suffered because of my mistakes. I've made people feel
horrible. I have to say that I do feel guilty about that, but I don't let
the guilt grow so predominant in my life that I focus on it instead of my
day-to-day life. The people at alcoholics anonymous (of which I've
never been a part, but I have read a great deal about their programs) have
the right idea in having people apologize to whomever they can about
whatever they may be carrying in the form of guilt. Apologies set us
free--now the ball is in the other person's court (please pardon the cliché), and that person can do with it what he or she pleases.
I apologize when I can, and when I can't, I apologize mentally and ask for
that person's understanding, forcing myself to realize that the situation
is out of my control, so there's no use dwelling on it.
But that's guilt
for things that we've done and are conscious of. Much more difficult
to deal with is the guilt that comes from negative family situations--the
abusive parent for example--that forces a young person to carry guilt into
adulthood about things over which he or she has never had any control at
This concept was very well illustrated in the film Good Will
Hunting. If you can get past the vulgar language in the film (which did
nothing to further the plot or define the characters, unfortunately), you
see a film that captures the torture that young people put themselves
through over guilt of things past. How many times does Robin
Williams have to tell Will "It's not your fault"? He has
to repeat it over and over because Will is dooming himself to a life of
misery because he's not able to deal with the subconscious guilt he's been
carrying around for years. When he finally is able to admit to himself
that it isn't his fault, he takes off and starts a new life, one that we
hope won't be shaped by guilt.
church for years depended on guilt to bring people into the church and to
keep them giving. For guilt produces fear, and fear of God or God's
wrath is an effective tool for "bringing people to God," and
many religious types still use this type of tool to "keep their
flocks in line." It's pathetic, for instead of teaching God's
love, they're preaching God's anger and judgment and punishment.
This use of guilt was just one of several reasons that Martin Luther
decided to break away from the Catholic church in an effort to reform
Christianity into what it should have been. Several centuries later,
many people still haven't gotten the point--God doesn't want us to feel
guilty about our mistakes; He wants us to learn from them, make amends for
them, and move on with our lives. If you hurt someone today and you
make amends for it, you're going to be a much more sensitive person
tomorrow. That's the type of person who fits into God's plan, not
the guilt-ridden people who are socially inept simply because they aren't
allowing themselves to move past something that's happened or that they've
I've done plenty
for which I could carry around a ton of guilt. But if I do that, I cannot serve my fellow
people at all, for
I'll be so caught up in what's
happened in the past that I won't be able to focus on the present, which
is where they need me to be. If you're carrying around guilt, make
amends. If you can't apologize to the person, write down an apology
and let out all that's in your heart--then burn it or throw it away.
Let your guilt go with it. Maybe it was your fault, but no loving
person would want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life over one
incident. A spiteful or vengeful person may want that, but recognize
that person for who he or she is, and don't allow that miserable person's
desire to continue to control your life with the puppet strings of
guilt. Move on. Live in today. Be a help to those who
Let other pens dwell on
guilt and misery.
I quit such odious subjects as soon as I can.
people behind the words
Two - Year Three
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To make no mistakes is not
the power of people,
their errors and mistakes the
the good learn
wisdom for the future.
can produce so great a serenity of life as a mind
free from guilt
and kept untainted, not only from actions,
but purposes that are
wicked. By this means
the soul will
be not only unpolluted but also undisturbed.
will run clear and unsullied.
people feel "guilty" about things
in order to shut out feelings of guilt
they should feel
|It is not
a gain that guilt should be wholly forgotten.
On the contrary, it is
loss and perdition.
But it is a gain to win an inner intensity of
a deeper and deeper inner sorrowing over guilt.
am suspicious of guilt in myself and in other people;
usually a way
of not thinking,
or of announcing one's own
to be rid of them fast.
what you did. Guilt about what you didn't do. A guilty
mind or heart is incredibly destructive. Guilt damages your self-
worth almost as quickly as it erodes your self-respect. The guilt
then flows into your relationships, which makes it difficult for you
to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. When you believe that
you are guilty, you will re-create situations
in which you will be accused.
Guilty people are defensive. Quite often they
by giving too much and saying too much. When a person feels
guilty, it is difficult for them to see anything good in themselves,
and so they are compelled to try to do more to prove their
innocence. Unfortunately, the more they do,
the more guilty they feel.
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|Guilt is the sum total of:
All the negative feelings we have ever had about ourselves!
Any form of self-hatred, self-rejection, feelings of worthlessness,
sinfulness, inferiority, incompetence, failure, or emptiness.
The feeling that there are things in us that are lacking or missing or
When we hold onto
the negative in ourselves it comes with endless
guilt. We hold onto a lifetime of floating visions and regrets about
what we should have done or should have become. Conscience
recognizes wrong and tries to atone. But guilt turns into
Conscience brings us closer to each other; guilt drives us apart.
Create a new feeling. Every time guilt settles in your stomach,
write "I forgive" on a piece of paper. Send it up the
it up and flush it, put it in the garbage. Don't eat it.
What is guilt? It is moral
self-reproach--I did wrong
when it was possible to have done otherwise.
on guilt will always breed fear, and focus on innocence will always
breed love. Any time we project guilt onto someone else, we are
the experience of guilt within ourselves. Like blood on Lady
hands, we cannot remove our own guilty feelings
as long as we are judging others.
remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most
undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent,
make what amends you can and address
yourself to the task
of behaving better next time. On no account brood
your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the
best way of getting clean.
is not a response to anger; it is a response to one's own actions or lack
of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then
guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just
name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication;
it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things
the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.
Tereza's mother never stopped reminding her that being a
sacrificing everything. Her words had the ring of truth, backed as they
were by the experience of a woman who had lost everything because of
her child. Tereza would listen and believe that being a mother was the
highest value in life and that being a mother was a great sacrifice. If a
mother was Sacrifice personified, then a daughter was Guilt,
with no possibility of redress.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
friends with guilt. Guilt is a beautiful emotion that alerts us when
something is wrong so that we may achieve peace with our conscience.
Without conscience there would be no morality. So we can greet guilt
cordially and with acceptance, just as we do all other emotions.
After we respond to guilt, it has done its job and we can release it.
Glenn R. Schiraldi
10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem
is closely related to guilt, but there is a key qualitative difference.
No audience is needed for feelings of guilt, no one else need know, for
guilty person is his own judge. Not so for shame. The humiliation of shame
requires disapproval or ridicule by others. If no one ever learns of a
there will be no shame, but there still might be guilt. Of course, there
both. The distinction between shame and guilt is very important, since
two emotions may tear a person in opposite directions. The wish to relieve
guilt may motivate a confession, but the wish to avoid
the humiliation of shame may prevent it.
was always fraught with guilt, and it's such a waste of an emotion.
It keeps you out of the moment of being where you are.
guilty mind can be eased by nothing but repentance; by which
what was ill done is revoked and morally voided and undone.
Moral and Religious Aphorisms
is oftentimes the strongest witness against itself.