| There
is a definite need for conformity in any society. I
conform to social norms every time that I get in my car
and drive on the correct side of the road, obeying the
speed limits and using my turn signals. I conform
when I pay the taxes that our government uses to provide
services that benefit me and other members of my
community, be it on the city, state, or national
level. I conform when I wear clothing outside, when
I pay my utility bill, when I keep my yard neat, when I
say "Excuse me" when I pass in front of another
person.
But
there are also many ways in which I don't conform.
My shoelaces never match, and they're never the same ones
that came in the box with the shoes. I don't wear
suits and ties, for I find them constricting and
uncomfortable. I don't buy the latest fashions, and
I don't buy books or see movies or watch television shows
just because they're popular. I don't adopt patterns
of speech just because everyone around me talks a certain
way, and I have a car that's functional and comfortable
and inexpensive, not impressive.
Conformity
at its root is not a negative thing. Our conformity
helps others to be able to depend upon us, which is a
great gift to give them. When our actions are
somewhat predictable, others can feel more at ease around
us. This type of conformity is the result of
conscious decisions on our part, decisions that we will be
helpful, contributing members of our communities.
On
the other hand, there is what I call "blind
conformity," and that's the type of conforming that
is not the result of any thought or desire for the greater
good. This is the type of conformity that causes us
to make decisions based on what we think other people will
think of us. We buy certain brand names because the
people we want to impress will be impressed with our taste
if we do. We do certain things because we believe
that we're doing what we're "supposed" to do
based on the ideas and reactions of other people. We
engage in a great deal of destructive behavior, be it
smoking, drinking, casual sex, drug use, vandalism, or any
of a number of such behaviors because we want others to
approve of us.
The
simple fact is, though, that if others approve of us only
because of our willingness to conform to what they think
is right or proper, then those people very obviously
aren't worth it. Their approval should mean nothing
to us if it's conditional, based upon only our conformity.
Conformity
is strongest when we're in our teens and trying to fit
into our own place in the world. But it's not
limited to the teen years, and almost all of us continue
to make blind decisions based upon what we believe others
will think of us. The man in debt who pays $40,000
for a new car or the woman who has a closet full of
expensive dresses or shoes that she almost never wears,
but which she bought because she knows that her friends or
associates approve of the brand names are deciding to buy
not based upon realistic criteria, but upon a need to
conform.
They
need to be seen being "right." Doing the
"right" thing, buying the "right" car
or clothes.
But
we don't need to be right. There are tons of people
out there who will accept us just as we are in just what
we're wearing.
When
we conform blindly, we sacrifice our individual
authenticity, our unique personalities. We don't
allow people to know us as we are, but as we think they
want us to be. We'll never be doing more than
playing a role, though, as if we were actors in a play or
a movie.
Breaking
away from conformity takes courage, and it takes complete
honesty at the moment of making a decision. We must
be honest with ourselves and ask "Am I doing or
buying this because I want to, or because I think others
will approve of me if I do?" And then we must
be brutally honest with the answer, for only then can we
start to make decisions based upon who we truly are and
what we truly want and like. |
