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We often
feel that other people make us angry, sad, or whatever.
Things they say or do just make us see red. Before we
know it, we've said or done something we will
regret. Worse still, we can get furious with
inanimate objects--computer that won't cooperate or cars
that won't start. But we can't help it, can we?
Actually,
we can! In truth, nobody can "make" you
feel angry, sad or any other emotion. Each of
these responses is actually a choice. At that
moment, we choose to feel this emotion and to react
accordingly. Emotions are not something that just
happen to us--they are something we do.
It may
not seem like it. However, between the
action/words/situation that evokes an emotional response
from us (the stimulus), and the emotional response,
there is a moment. A moment of decision.
For many
of us, that moment is so fleeting that we hardly even
know it exists. It seems as if the emotions within
us well up automatically.
However,
what is happening is that we have created a conditioned
response. We no longer decide upon the response
because it is automatic. Indeed, part of that
response may actually be decided by that part of the
brain that was once involved in fight or flight.
Nonetheless, a lot of that "automatic"
response is a result of our own deliberate choices made
time and time again.
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We choose
this response until we no longer even know we are
choosing it. For those of you who drive, you will
remember a time, when EVERYTHING involved in driving was
conscious, i.e. when you were learning.
You
decided to brake when that car in front of you
stopped. You decided to change gear when the car
had reached such and such a speed. Now you don't
decide these things--you just do them. They are
automatic and, for the most part, the right things to
do.
We do the
same sort of thing in our relationships and the way we
handle life situations. However, it is possible to
begin to regain that moment of decision between stimulus
and response. Practicing awareness is one way -
literally looking at the situation as if you were an
external observer watching yourself from the
outside. Become aware in that situation that you
really can choose your response. Meditation can also
help to calm you and make you more conscious of every
moment.
Then,
when situations threaten to "make" you react
in a certain way, you will have won that moment between
stimulus and response - to choose how you will handle
yourself. That is altogether a better way.
Copyright Asoka
Selvarajah. All Rights Reserved. You can subscribe to Dr. Selvarajah's ezine,
"Aspire To Wisdom"; a unique
synthesis of Personal Development, combined with
Spiritual Growth & Metaphysical Teachings. It is
available at: http://www.aksworld.com/AspireToWisdom.htm
.
His Mystic Visions website is at http://www.aksworld.com
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