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9 May
2023
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Even the common articles made for daily
use
become endowed with beauty when they are loved.
Soetsu Yanagi
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Out
of our beliefs are born deeds; out of
our deeds we form
habits; out of our habits
grows our character; and on our
character
we build our destiny.
Henry
Hancock
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Giving
encouragement to others is a most welcome gift,
for the
results of it are
lifted spirits, increased self-worth, and a hopeful future.
Florence
Littauer
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Set
Your Own Priorities
Kristine Carlson
We live in a "gotta keep up, gotta keep going"
era. So, do you continue to live like a sheep, just
following the flock because of some irrational fear you're
not going to keep up? Or do you reflect on the kind
of life you really want, and then set your own
priorities? My vote is in: set your own
priorities.
Buying in to peer pressure seems ridiculous after the
teenage and college years, but many of us buy in without
being aware of it. We rarely define what it is that
we really want, or ask ourselves the question, "Why
do I want this?" We just keep ourselves busy
adding more, more, more to our daily routine of too
much. We, as mothers, complain of being a chauffeur
to our children, and spend countless hours driving them
around from activity to activity. Yet we are the
ones who fully control the master schedule. How much
"quality" family time are we really spending at
home?
Much of the time, if we are really honest with ourselves,
we are signing up our kids for countless activities and
basing many of our priorities on what is going on around
us. If our kids aren't doing the same things as
everyone else's, we translate this into fearful thoughts
such as: "My kids won't measure up. They
won't have the same opportunities as other children their
age.
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I'm not a
good mother if I don't keep them active."
Really, all we are truly ensuring with this speedy pace is
that our children will adopt this philosophy by habit, and
you can bet they will do it better. More, more, more
running around. They will probably barely remember
their childhoods, as it will seem to have been a blur.
What happened to "downtime"? How many kids
still run through fields and catch butterflies, press
wildflowers, and play with imaginary friends? The
answer to the question, "What are your
priorities?", is an individual one. Do you want
to prioritize blasting around from one sport and dance
class to the next, or is one activity per kid, per season,
enough?
Another thing I've noticed in my own community is the
pressure that parents feel to ensure that their children
are keeping up with educational standards. I want to
know who decided that nowadays, fifth graders have to do
the work we did in the seventh grade? The number of
hours and degree of difficulty of the homework Jazzy had
in fifth grade last year blew my mind. And what
shocked me further was the parents who said it was not
enough. One day I asked Jazzy, who was ten years old
at the time, "Why don't you go outside and
play?" She responded in frustration:
"Mom, I have too much work today--I can't be a kid
anymore!" Boy, don't kids just say it straight
the way it is?
While on the one hand, I want my kids to do what is
expected of them in school because it teaches them
responsibility, I take issue with the amount of work
they're being given. Childhoods are fleeting, and we
only get one chance to create those special memories for
our children. I want my kids to grow up and say,
"Wasn't being a kid great?"
So, figure out what your priorities really are, and hold
on tight to being true to them. You constantly need
to ask yourself and your family: Are we doing too
much? Are the activities we are selecting benefiting
us--or are they burdening us? Are our children under
too much pressure? Are we under too much pressure?
Set your own priorities; evaluate and contemplate the
manner in which you are living your life. Live life
the way you want to, with your own set of values.
Stop running around simply because "you gotta keep
up, and you gotta keep going." You will take an
enormous weight off your shoulders by letting go of this
attitude, and you will find the payoff intrinsically
enormous!
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The
Mirror
Bruce I. Doyle III
When we examine the concept that your beliefs
determine your experiences, we will see that
your experiences (external events) are driven by
your beliefs (internal events). You can
then use the outer events to see what you really
believe. This is often referred to as
mirroring.
The universe you experience mirrors your belief
system back to you. If you want to change
your experiences, you must change your
beliefs. Your life experiences are great
teachers, but if you don't realize that you're
in class, you may miss the entire course.
Sure, it will be offered again, but you know
what happens to tuition every year!
. . . . In most cases, the reflections of
unpleasantness that are mirrored back to you
(your perceptions) have to do with beliefs you
hold about yourself. Poor self-esteem is
the major cause of individuals' dissatisfaction
with their lives. We experience our
defined inadequacies and limiting beliefs (many
of which are transparent) by seeing in others
what we are not seeing or what we refuse to
accept about ourselves. Next time you feel
critical of someone, reflect back and see if you
aren't, in some way, identifying with a trait in
yourself that you don't like or haven't
accepted.
If you issue a judgment--either verbally or
mentally--about someone else's behavior and that
judgment is accompanied by emotion, you're
getting hooked. The emotion is a great
indicator that you have an opportunity for some
self-discovery and possible healing on the issue
in question. If you only observe someone
else's behavior, just notice it without any
emotional response, you are clear.
Don't be ashamed if you find yourself issuing
judgments. This behavior is something that
may take some time to change, should you choose
to do so. Every one of those judgments is
tied to a belief. It may take a while to
track down all those beliefs. Be kind to
yourself as you do so. Judging yourself
for judging others just compounds the issue.
I can recall often hearing, as I was growing up,
my grandfather and my dad speaking critically
and very judgmentally of other people--those who
were different from them. Those of another
race and people who were poor were deemed
"naturally lazy," and those who were
"the filthy rich" were
"crooks." I didn't think that
much of those opinions rubbed off; we had only
one black person in school, and I liked him a
lot. He was always in a good mood and
usually had us in stitches. Later in life
I had other friends who were different from me.
I never thought, therefore, that I had an issue
with race until I fell in love, head over heels,
with the woman of my dreams. Shortly after
we began dating, she informed me that her
previous relationship had been with a black
man. I was stunned. My judgment was
put right in my face. It wasn't
transparent any longer. I had a long list
of judgmental beliefs about the kind of white
woman who would date a black man. I had to
either walk away from the relationship to prove
that I was right or look at my limiting
beliefs. They sure didn't fit my current
beliefs about the woman I was dating. The
mental conflict was agonizing.
Fortunately, she was understanding, and I was
able to get in touch with my limiting beliefs
about the situation and release them. It
took several months of soul-searching to let go
of them--not to mention the male insecurity
issues they dug up.
Things always happen for a good reason.
Several years later, my youngest daughter
introduced us to her new boyfriend during
parents' week at college. You guessed
it--he was black. I was pleased that it
didn't bother me a bit. He was a nice
young man. It felt good to have that issue
behind me, too.
Each time you let go of a limiting belief, life
gets calmer and calmer. The mental chatter
just diminishes. It's your assessment
(perception) of external events that creates
your experience of them. If you don't like
what you're experiencing, you can always revise
your assessment of what's happening.
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Life Fully, the e-zine
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The
therapist does not treat patients by simply giving them
another set of beliefs. He or she tries to help them see which
kinds of ideas and beliefs have led to their suffering. Many
patients want to get rid of their painful feelings, but they
do not want to get rid of their beliefs, the viewpoints
that are the very roots of their feelings.
Thich
Nhat Hanh
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Loss
of Awareness
One of my biggest fears
for human beings comes to me because of what I see in
our world all around me, every day. I constantly
watch as more and more people pay attention more to
their phones than to the trees that surround them; more
to Facebook and Snapchat than to the information they're
supposed to be learning in class; more to the
conversation they're having while walking down the
street than to the people they pass while walking.
We're facing a world in which people know less about the
world they live in than they know about the virtual
worlds that don't exist at all, except as a collection
of byte-sized instructions that allow programs to run.
For many people these days, it seems as if the world
around them doesn't exist any more. They're so
focused on what comes through their omnipresent phones
that they no longer hear the sounds of the birds, and
they don't feel the touch of the breezes. They
hardly listen when the person they happen to be with at
the moment because their minds are on whether or not a
certain person has responded to the last text message,
and what that person may say when they do respond.
How many sunsets are being lost? How many nice
moments with strangers aren't happening? How many
learning experiences are being passed by?
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Today, I choose
awareness.
I choose to be aware of the beauty of life and living.
I choose to be aware of the simple truths in life.
I choose to be aware of the simple pleasures in life.
Iyanla
Vanzant
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When I went to
college, we didn't have things like that to carry
around with us, so there was much more connection
between people all the time. After all, we
were all students at the same school, so we had
something in common from the start. I had many
conversations with people I didn't know who just
happened to be in the same place as I at the same
time. There were still the people who avoided
eye contact for whatever reason--social fears,
insecurities, disinterest. But all in all, we
were in an environment that was stimulating because
of the unmitigated potential--you never knew whom
you were going to meet on which day.
When I watch people walking around campus now,
though, I see that at least half of them have their
eyes exclusively on their phones, except for the
occasional glance up to make sure they're not about
to walk into a light pole. When I walk into my
classroom a few minutes before class starts, more
often than not all of the students are focused on
their phones. I tell them often, "I
remember when you got to class early so that you
could have a nice conversation with the person next
to you," but in general, they really don't care
to hear that. I know that they're losing a
great opportunity to get to know someone much better
by having a decent conversation, but they've made
the decision that what's on their phone is more
important to them than the person sitting next to
them.
So they'll never be aware of certain things.
They'll never know that the person next to them or
behind them likes to read the same books, belongs to
a club that would be very interesting, has the same
problems with his or her parents that they do.
They don't know where the other people in class are
from, and they don't know anything about their hopes
and dreams and aspirations--all because they choose
to ignore the people in the room with them in favor
of checking their email or looking at videos of cats
being silly.
I also see a loss of awareness in the ways that
people are making themselves busier and busier all
the time. It used to be that we knew who the
busy people were--they were the exception to the
rule, the workaholics who spent so much time
fulfilling commitments at work or in their social
worlds that they didn't have time to sit quietly and
have a cup of coffee or tea and simply experience
the world around them. Because we tend to get
so busy so often, we don't learn nearly as much
about the broader lessons in life. If I'm
focused on my job all the time, it's hard for me to
learn about anything else. I know parents who
don't know much of anything about their kids because
they're so focused on work and social obligations
that they don't have time to sit down and enjoy
their children's company and learn something about
them.
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I
shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare
at a tree,
a flower, a
cloud, or a person. I
shall not then be
concerned at all to ask what
they are but
simply be glad that
they are.
I shall joyfully allow them their
"divine,
magical,
and ecstatic" existence.
Clyde
S. Kilby
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And of course, the
question is, "so what?" Who says
that people need to be aware of their
surroundings? If they like being on their
phones all the time, then what's wrong with
that? Isn't that just another kind of
awareness, or awareness of something else other than
the natural world and the people around you?
The problem that I see with this question is that
the awareness of what's on a computer or phone
screen is simply awareness of things that other
people have said or done, and our only possibility
of interacting with that input lies in reacting, not
acting. It also sets up expectations for
us--once I text someone or send them a message
through social media, I have the expectation that
they'll respond. And in that response I don't
hear tone of voice, and I don't see the look in the
eyes of the person with whom I'm
communicating. My "awareness" is
limited to a very narrow set of inputs, while I'm
still missing the awareness of the beauty that
surrounds me. It's like having a wonderful
dinner put in front of me, but eating only the bread
on the side plate. The bread may taste good,
but it provides very few nutrients and only a tiny
bit of the flavor available to us.
A lack of awareness deprives us of the experience of
the richness of the world in general and our
immediate surroundings. When we have material
wealth, we generally use that to improve our
situations, to make our homes more attractive and
enjoyable, to enjoy some of the things that we need
money to do (like travel). Yet without
awareness, our spiritual, intangible wealth goes
untapped. When we don't see the beauty, we
never appreciate it. When we don't know that
something amazing is right in front of us, we never
experience that amazing something. If we never
find out that this other person knows a lot about
something that interests us, then we never benefit
from that person's knowledge and experience.
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How then, do we come in contact with ourselves?
Number one,
by becoming aware. Isn't that a nice
word--aware? It kind of hits
you right where it
matters, doesn't it? To be aware. To be aware
of everything. To be aware of life. To be
aware of growth, to be
aware of death, to be aware of
beauty, to be aware of people,
flowers, trees. Open
your mind and begin to see and feel!
Leo
Buscaglia
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Likewise, a lack of
awareness keeps us from seeing need. Many of
us are very good at seeing need in the visible
things that are supposedly within our control--the
floor needs swept, the laundry needs done, the tree
needs to be pruned. But how long does our son
or daughter feel depressed before we recognize the
changes in behavior? How many words of
encouragement do we not share because we don't see
that someone else is struggling with something
important? How often can we not answer a
question about our own town or neighborhood because
we never spend the time to get to know our own
surroundings? Do the flowers need water?
Does the dog need attention because it's feeling
neglected? Do you, yourself, need some down
time because of the stress you're going through, but
that you don't recognize because you're unaware of
the present moment, thinking instead about next
week's work?
How often do we rob ourselves of the experience of
something beautiful because we simply don't have
time--or make time--to stop and ponder the beauty
that is there?
How many times have you heard someone say--or said
yourself--"This is wonderful; I never knew it
was here?"
We work to develop awareness because it's beneficial
to us. It helps us to learn about the world we
live in, to take care of the world, and to
contribute to that world; to learn about ourselves,
and to take good care of ourselves. Without
awareness of our present moment and our surroundings
and the people in our lives, our lives become empty
shells, full of unfulfilled potential to
contribute. So today, just once, stop for two
or three minutes and make yourself fully aware of
your surroundings--the sky, the air, the trees, the
pictures on someone's desk, the beauty of the music
you're listening to, the sparkle in the eye of the
person you're with, the intricacy of the woodwork in
the building you're in. When you can develop
that awareness and fully appreciate your
surroundings, then you've taken a huge step towards
becoming the person that you're meant to be.
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More
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I
believe that the first test of a truly great person is
his or her humility. I do not mean by humility, doubt
of his or her own powers.
But really
great people have
a curious feeling that the greatness is not in them,
but through them.
And they see something divine
in every other person.
John Ruskin
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Creating
Your Character is Like an Artist Creating a Sculpture
Jim Rohn
Could creating your character be likened to an artist
creating a sculpture? I believe that character
is not something that just happens by itself, any more
than a chisel can create a work of art without the
hand of an artist guiding it. In both instances,
a conscious decision for a specific outcome has been
made. A conscious process is at work.
Character is the result of hundreds and hundreds of
choices you make that gradually turn who you are, at
any given moment, into who you want to be. If
that decision-making process is not present, you will
still be somebody. You will still be alive, but may
have a personality rather than a character.
Character is not something you were born with and
can't change like your fingerprint. In fact,
because you weren't born with it, it is something that
you must take responsibility for creating. I
don't believe that adversity by itself builds
character and I certainly don't think that success
erodes it. Character is built by how you respond
to what happens in your life, whether it's winning
every game or losing every game, getting rich or
dealing with hard times.
You
build character out of certain qualities that you must
create and diligently nurture within yourself, just
like you would plant and water a seed or gather wood
and build a campfire. You've got to look for
those things in your heart and in your gut.
You've got to chisel away in order to find them, just
like chiseling away the rock in order to create the
sculpture that has previously existed only in your
imagination.
But do you want to know the really amazing thing about
character? If you are sincerely committed to
making yourself into the person you want to be, you'll
not only create those qualities, but you'll
continually strengthen them. And you will
recreate them in abundance even as you are drawing on
them every day of your life. Just like the
burning bush in the biblical book of Exodus, the bush
burned but the flames did not consume it.
Character sustains itself and nurtures itself even as
it is being put to work, tested, and challenged.
And once character is formed, it will serve as a
solid, lasting foundation upon which to build the life
you desire.
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We
can spend our lives letting the
world tell us who we are.
Sane or
insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes
or victims.
Letting history tell us how
good or bad we are. Letting our
past
decide our future. Or we can decide
for ourselves. And
maybe it's our
job to invent something better.
Chuck Palahniuk
Choke
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