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3 January 2023
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Our
greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising up every time we fail.
Ralph
Waldo Emerson
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Giving
encouragement to others is a most welcome gift,
for the
results of it are
lifted spirits, increased self-worth, and a hopeful future.
Florence
Littauer
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Poor people are not those who
are without a cent,
but those
who are without a dream.
Harry Kemp
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Create
a Larger Vision for Your Life
Cheryl
Richardson
Leading a life of meaning and purpose ultimately creates
the desire and ability to make a larger
contribution. If there's one thing I've learned over
the last ten years, it's that nothing can top the deeply
satisfying experience of using your unique gifts to
improve the world in some meaningful way. Whether
it's helping to end world hunger, raising a child to be an
adult with a strong sense of integrity and character, or
treating everyone you meet with dignity and grace, the
role you play in making the world a better place is
significant.
Now more than ever, most of us realize that we are each a
part of a global community. Each one of us has a
responsibility to stay conscious of this global connection
so that we may honor the dignity of all human beings. . .
.
Ten years ago my first coach asked me a question that
motivated me to think beyond my individual goals toward
how I might create a larger vision for my life. He
said, "Cheryl, as you consider your values and the
work you'd like to do in the world, what do you want for
people?" My response was immediate, "I
want people to know they have a choice about how they live
their lives."
Upon
hearing this answer, he challenged me to be more
specific.
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"What do people need in order to know
that they have choices?" he asked.
"Well," I replied, "They need to feel
empowered. I want people to feel empowered to make
choices that will allow them to live the lives they most
want to live."
Once I knew what I wanted for others, and what others
needed in order to make choices in their lives, I was
ready to look at how I might be of service. What
could I provide that would help people to feel empowered
enough to make changes that would help people to feel
empowered enough to make changes that would improve the
quality of their lives? This part was easy. I
had always been a big believer in providing simple,
practical tools that helped people to make manageable
changes with joy and ease. With this in mind, I
created a vision statement that continues to guide my work
today.
"I want people to have the practical tools and
resources they need to lead high quality, authentic
lives."
When you create a larger vision for your life you
consciously make a decision to think beyond
yourself. You become less concerned with individual
gain and more concerned with how others will benefit from
your actions. This does not mean that you become
selfless or that your needs no longer matter. On the
contrary, it's imperative that you take good care of
yourself so that your giving comes from a pure place--a
healthy place without attachment to what you'll get in
return. This is when service becomes a sacred
experience.
When you make a choice to be of service to others, you
gain the courage and sense of determination that will fuel
your efforts. With a solid vision in place, you also
become less concerned with your individual fear or
self-doubt and more committed to taking the actions that
will support your larger vision. . . .
To create a larger vision for yourself, you need to
identify how you would most want to improve the
quality of life for others. If you could give the
people of the world a gift, what would you give
them? If you could heal the world of some malady,
what would you heal? If you could contribute to
others in your community, what would that contribution
be? What do you want for others?
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I
Am in Love
Thich
Nhat Hanh
Every morning in winter when I wake up, I put on
some warm clothes and go out to take a walk
around the Upper Hamlet. It is usually
still dark outside, and I walk gently, in touch
with the nature all around me, the sky, the
moon, and the stars. One time, after
walking, I came back to my hut and wrote this
sentence: "I am in love with Mother
Earth." I was as excited as a young
man who had fallen in love. My heart was
beating with excitement. It is true--as
soon as I even just think about going outside to
walk on the Earth and enjoy nature, her beauties
and wonders, my heart is already filled with
joy. The Earth gives me so much. I
am so in love with her. It's a wonderful
love--there is no betrayal. We entrust our
heart to the Earth, and she entrusts herself to
us, with her whole being.
Mother Earth is real. She is a living
reality that you can touch, taste, smell, hear,
and see. She has given us life. And
when we die, we'll go back to her, and she'll
bring us life time and time again. There
are people who have lost hope, who are tired of
life on Earth, and who pray to be reborn
elsewhere, in a heaven where there is no
suffering. And yet they're not even sure
whether such a place really exists.
Astronomers have been able to look at many
distant galaxies using powerful telescopes, but
they haven't found anything as beautiful as this
planet Earth. Where else would you want to
go when Mother Earth is so beautiful, and always
ready to embrace you and welcome you home?
I have learned that my home, my country, is the
whole planet Earth. I do not limit my love
to a tiny piece of land in Asia, Vietnam.
I have experienced a lot of transformation and
healing thanks to this insight. If your
love is still too small, you have to enlarge
your heart. Your love has to embrace the
whole planet Earth.
Real change will only happen when we fall in
love with our planet. Only love can show
us how to live in harmony with nature and each
other and save us from suffering the devastating
effects of climate change. When we
recognize the virtues and talents of the Earth,
we feel connected to her, and love is
born. We want to be connected. That
is the meaning of love: to be at
one. When you love someone, you want to
take care of them as you would take care of
yourself. When we love the Earth like
this, it's a reciprocated love. We'll do
anything for the benefit of the Earth, and the
Earth will do anything for our well-being.
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on Earth
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Life has no
other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it,
than to
accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes
to,
everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate,
or
despise,
serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty,
painful,
evil,
can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if
faced with
an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for those
who have the vision to recognize it as such.
Henry Miller
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Control
or Acceptance?
Here's an interesting
question to ask yourself: are you here on this
planet to control others and try to make them into the
people you think they should be, or are you here to
accept others exactly as they are and possibly learn
important lessons from them?
This is an especially important question for parents,
who spend tons of time trying to modify the behavior of
their children so that their kids won't
"embarrass" them in public, so that they'll
follow social conventions and not cause too many
problems.
But are our attempts to control the behavior and the
perspectives of our children about helping our children
to become better people and unique individuals, or are
they about making our own lives a bit easier?
Are you going to learn important lessons about life and
living from someone who's doing everything the ways that
other people want them to? Or could it be possible
that you can learn important lessons from someone who
not only is different from you, but who also believes
things that completely contradict your own beliefs, who
does things that you believe are completely wrong, who
says things that offend you or make you uncomfortable?
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Be
not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them
to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
Thomas ŕ Kempis
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I knew a parent once
who made that statement that "any child of mine
who doesn't believe in God is dead to
me." He made the statement when one of
his kids was feeling very strong doubts about
religion and the existence of God. His
statement was an attempt at control--"if my
love means anything to you," he implied,
"you'll continue to believe in God. I can
control you through my threats." What he
didn't understand was that we can't control things
like other people's beliefs, and so his statement
turned out to be little more than a harsh push out
of his life for his child, and it resulted in years
of separation and animosity.
We are not here to control other human beings.
We're here to accept them, exactly as they
are. That's what love is all about--I love
you, so I accept you just as you are. Yet we
still see many people attempting to control
others--especially their children--and continue to
say that they're trying to get them to do things
their way because they love them.
Of course, there are certain things that make sense
to have some control over. Young people tend
to be impulsive, and very often they regret their
impulsiveness later, so there are certain ways we
can help them to avoid that regret. I wouldn't
let a 14-year-old get a tattoo, for example, not
because I don't think that he or she should have
one, but because that's something that easily can
wait until they've had plenty of time to think about
it, and it's a decision that's best made with a few
more years under one's belt. It's also
important to set controls on things like the amount
of time a child can spend in front of a screen each
day, as that child still hasn't learned the benefit
of learning from the world and actually spending
time with other people. Bedtimes, too, are
important, as many young people don't understand the
importance of sufficient rest for their
health--mental, physical, and emotional.
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Probably
the wisest words that were ever uttered to me. Came from
a therapist. I was sitting in her office, crying my eyes out. . .
and she
said, "So let me get this straight. You base your personal
happiness on things entirely out of your control."
Laura Munson
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But we cross important
lines of control when we tell our offspring that
they're going to be a lawyer or a doctor, or
else. If our teenage daughter tells us that
she wants to be an artist and all we can say in
response is that artists don't make enough money,
then we're trying to get that child to reject a
passion that she feels because we don't think it
will be good for her future. What would be the
difference between that sort of response and a
response that says, "Okay--that sounds
wonderful! We'll help you out in whatever ways
we can"? Are we trying to discourage her
because we're afraid that we'll end up having to
help too much, or because we think she'll be unhappy
in her chosen field? Discouragement is an
insidious form of control because it's often
dishonest--"That's a bad idea because" is
often code for "I want you to do something else
because."
It can be very difficult to accept another person,
and to accept the fact that he or she has very
different thoughts and opinions from us. They
may support a different political party; they may
have a different perspective on things like sex,
morality, ethics, or values; they may speak
differently, using more vulgarity or a higher
register of language; they may treat other people
differently, be poor tippers, or take things for
granted that we appreciate dearly. But that's
who they are, isn't it? Is it our job to
accept them as they are, or to change them into what
we think they should be?
Of course, there's nothing wrong with suggesting
changes. Some of my students do things and say
things that are going to cause them difficulties
later in life. They may have a certain habit
that's going to hurt them in interpersonal
relationships, and I would be remiss in my duties if
I were never to let them know of the possible
negative effects of what they're doing. But
when I mention it to them, I'm careful to make sure
that they know that I'm not trying to tell them what
to say or how to say it--I'm simply letting them
know that their current way of doing things may lead
to negative results. And then I let go--it's
now their decision whether they want to make changes
or not, and I'll still accept them for who they are
no matter what they decide.
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Most of us crave
control. We think we'd find lasting happiness
if only others would do what we want. But wringing our hands
over their independence won't change anything. On the contrary,
addressing our own behavior, our own thinking, our own attitudes
can encourage the very behavior we tried to demand all along.
Karen Casey
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There are things that
we can control in life. We can control how
many cookies we eat today, how much money we spend
on hobbies or vacations or cars, whether we spend
time reading or watching television. But when
other people are a part of our lives, it's important
for us to keep in mind that they are unique
individuals who are craving
acceptance--unconditional acceptance.
Unfortunately, most of us accept others only
conditionally. "I'll accept you if. .
." has become the norm for most of us.
This is not a good thing, especially if we're
craving acceptance ourselves--how do we feel when
others treat us the same way, when they accept us
only upon the condition that we change ourselves or
act in ways that we don't normally act?
We can be extremely positive influences on other
people, but we have to build a base upon which that
influence will thrive. If you accept me as I
am, then when you tell me about something that I may
want to change in my life, I'll know that you're
trying to help me, not trying to control me.
If I feel, though, that your acceptance is
conditional, then I'm simply going to think,
"Here goes this person trying to tell me what
to do again." And your suggestion--or
attempt to control--will be not only ineffective,
but also probably destructive to our relationship.
Other people have so much to offer us if we only
take them as they are and actually listen to what
they have to teach us--whether we agree with them or
not. If you want positive influences in your
life, keep in mind they're already there--you just
have to choose to pay attention to them and remember
that they are who they are, and that's okay.
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More
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more on acceptance
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To be able to forgive, we must come down from the
citadel of pride, from
the stronghold of hate and anger, from the high place where all emotions
that
issue from one's sense of being wronged shout only for vengeance and
retaliation.
John Hess
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Once
upon a time there was a king who ruled a small
kingdom. It wasn't great, and it wasn't really known for any of its resources or
people. But the king did have a diamond, a great perfect diamond that had been in his
family for generations. He kept it on display for all to see and
appreciate. People came from all over the country to admire it and gaze at it.
Then
one day a soldier came to the king with the news that,
although no one had touched the diamond, for it was guarded day and night, the
diamond was cracked. The king ran to see, and sure enough there was a crack right
through the middle of the diamond.
Immediately
he summoned all of the jewelers of the land and had them
look
at the diamond. One after another they examined the
diamond and gave the
bad news to the king: the diamond was useless; it was
irredeemably flawed.
The king was crushed, so were the people. Somehow they
felt they
had lost everything.
Then
out of nowhere came an old man who claimed to be a
jeweler. He asked
to see the diamond. After examining it, he looked up
and confidently told
the king, "I can fix it. In fact, I can make it
better than it was before."
The king was shocked and a bit leery. The old man
said, "Give me the jewel,
and in a week I'll bring it back fixed." Now the
king was not about to let the
stone out of his sight, even if it was ruined, so he gave
the old man a room,
all the tools and food and drink he needed, and he
waited. It was a long week.
At
the end of the week the old man appeared with the stone in
his hand and
gave it to the king. The king couldn't believe his
eyes. It was magnificent.
The old man had fixed it, and he had made it better than it
was before! He
had used the crack that ran through the middle of the stone
as a stem and
carved an intricate, full-blown rose, leaves, and thorns
into the diamond.
It was exquisite.
The
king was overjoyed and offered the old man half his
kingdom. He
had taken something beautiful and perfect and improved upon
it! But the
old man refused in front of everyone, saying, "I didn't
do that at all.
What I did was take something flawed and cracked at its
heart and
turn it into something beautiful."
Megan
McKenna
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Sometimes
it rains on the just. I believe that.
Sometimes it rains on the unjust. I believe that,
too.
But I also believe that sometimes it just rains.
Neither God nor Justice nor belief has anything to do with
it.
unattributed
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