Life is
to be lived. If you have to support yourself,
you had
bloody
well better find some way
that is going to be
interesting. And you
don't do that
by sitting around
wondering about yourself.
Katharine Hepburn
Wisdom is
not to be obtained from
textbooks,
but must be coined out of
human experience
in the flame of life.
Morris
Raphael Cohen
If a child is to keep
alive his inborn sense of wonder
without any such gift from the fairies, he or she needs
the companionship of at least one adult who can share it,
rediscovering with him or her the joy, excitement,
and mystery of the world we live in.
I have learned from experience that happiness is an
acquired skill. There is always something to
complain about, even in the best of times. Happiness
is not an objective reality so much as a subjective
decision. Chronic complainers miss the boat.
Many people are addicted to suffering and have a mental
habit of pointing out the worst in people or
situations. Not only are they robbing themselves of
joy, but their failure to appreciate all the goodness that
life has to offer actually diminishes all that good.
Both our blessing and our condemnation have power.
Thinking that something is bad has the power to make it so
in our experience.
Children are one of the greatest lessons in happiness,
constantly challenging us to enjoy the moment, as the next
one will not be the same. There is no sense saying
about a small child, "Well, I'll enjoy watching her
at the beach splashing around in the waves, but I'll do it
later, next year or the next year." Next year,
she will not splash around in the same way. Two
years old gives way to three and then four. And
before you know it there is a teenager standing in front
of you who won't even want to go to the beach with
you. You'll wonder where all the years went, but
they will be gone. No more watching her finger
paint. She doesn't finger paint anymore.
I
have lived large parts of my life in wonderful
circumstances that I utterly failed to appreciate.
Reasons to be happy were everywhere, but somehow I didn't
connect with them.
It was as though I was eating but
couldn't taste the food. Finally, I've learned to
celebrate the good while it's happening. I feel
gratitude and praise today for what are sometimes such
simple pleasures. I have learned that happiness is
not determined by circumstances. Happiness is not
what happens when everything goes the way you think it
should go; happiness is what happens when you decide to be
happy.
There was a time a few years ago when several members of
my family died in quick succession. It seemed as
though all we did was go to funerals, gathering together
to cry. Then, several years later, Hilary, the
oldest of my late sister's daughters, got married.
Finally, we were gathering not to grieve but to celebrate,
and the gratitude everyone felt was palpable. Every living
member of Hilary's family came to the wedding, from many
places around the world, and all of us knew why. We
would have loved her and celebrated her marriage even if
her mother and her grandfather and her uncle had not
recently died. But everyone knew that the
circumstances of the last few years made this wedding,
this mitzvah, even more important. The event
was so infinitely sweet because it contrasted dramatically
with the bitterness of the previous few years.
So those who have learned to be happy are often those who
have suffered most. When simple pleasures have been
taken away, such as someone's loving smile or encouraging
word, then the next time such pleasures come around--and
the do--we lift our cup of life to them. We sing
God's praises in a way we had never done in the days when
we took so much for granted.
Gratitude is essential to happiness. Developing a
grateful attitude--knowing that every time we arrive
somewhere safely, we have something to be happy about;
every time our children rush up to us and smile, we have
something to be happy about; every time we get out of bed
and can take a deep breath and go out for a walk, we have
something to be happy about--that is the essence of a
happy existence. Happiness is a muscle we must use,
or it will wither away.
Whatever we focus on is bound to expand. Where we
see the negative, we call forth more negative. And
where we see the positive, we call forth more
positive. Having loved and lost, I now love more
passionately. Having won and lost, I now win more
soberly. Having tasted the bitter, I now savor the
sweet.
Several years ago, a friend of mine lived with me during
the final five months of her life. Not completely
understanding the effects of her illness, I kept saying,
"Michelle, you must eat. You're getting too
thin! Eat!" And after she died, I read in
her journal about how "Marianne takes it for granted
that if you eat, you gain weight; if you want to go out
somewhere, you can; and if you want to live past this
year, it's a reasonable proposition." She was
someone who had so little to be happy about, but she
taught me so much about happiness. During those
months, right after the birth of my daughter, I would come
home to find my dying friend with my baby snuggled next to
her. There was a smile of bliss on both of their
faces that I will remember all my days.
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Pity
the man who has a favorite restaurant, but not a
favorite author. He's picked out a
favorite place to feed his body, but he doesn't
have a favorite place to feed his mind!
Why
would this be? Have you heard about the
accelerated learning curve? From birth, up
until the time we are about eighteen, our
learning curve is dramatic, and our capacity to
learn during this period is just
staggering. We learn a tremendous amount
very fast. We learn language, culture,
history, science, mathematics... everything!
For
some people, the accelerated learning process
will continue on. But for most, it levels
off when they get their first job. If there are
no more exams to take, if there's no demand to
get out paper and pencil, why read any more
books? Of course, you will learn some
things through experience. Just getting out
there--sometimes doing it wrong and sometimes
doing it right--you will learn.
Can
you imagine what would happen if you kept up an
accelerated learning curve all the rest of your
life? Can you imagine what you could learn
to do, the skills you could develop, the
capacities you could have? Here's what I'm
asking you to do: be that unusual person
who keeps up his learning curve and develops an
appetite for always trying to find good ideas.
One
way to feed your mind and educate your
philosophy is through the writings of
influential people. Maybe you can't meet the
person, but you can read his or her books.
Churchill is gone, but we still have his
books. Aristotle is gone, but we still
have his ideas. Search libraries for books
and programs. Search magazines. Search
documentaries. They are full of
opportunities for intellectual feasting.
In
addition to reading and listening, you also need
a chance to do some talking and sharing. I
have some people in my life who help me with
important life questions, who assist me in
refining my own philosophy, weighing my values
and pondering questions about success and
lifestyle.
We
all need association with people of substance to
provide influence concerning major issues such
as society, money, enterprise, family,
government, love, friendship, culture, taste,
opportunity, and community. Philosophy is
mostly influenced by ideas, ideas are mostly
influenced by education, and education is mostly
influenced by the people with whom we associate.
One
of the great fortunes of my life was to be
around Mr. Shoaff those five years. During
that time he shared with me at dinner, during
airline flights, at business conferences, in
private conversations and in groups. He
gave me many ideas that enabled me to make small
daily adjustments in my philosophy and
activities. Those daily changes, some very
slight, but very important, soon added up to
weighty sums.
A
big part of the lesson was having Mr. Shoaff
repeat the ideas over and over. You just
can't hear the fundamentals of life philosophy
too often. They are the greatest form of
nutrition, the building blocks for a
well-developed mind.
I'm
asking that you feed your mind just as you do
your body. Feed it with good ideas,
wherever they can be found. Always be on
the lookout for a good idea--a business idea, a
product idea, a service idea, an idea for
personal improvement. Every new idea will
help to refine your philosophy. Your
philosophy will guide your life, and your life
will unfold with distinction and pleasure.
To
Your Success,
Jim Rohn
* * *
Reprinted with permission from the Jim Rohn
Weekly E-zine, at jimrohn.com.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
After all, I don't see why I am
always asking for
private, individual, selfish miracles when every year
there are miracles like white dogwood.
There's an awful lot to be said for taking life, for taking the
world, "as it is." One of the greatest sources of
our own dissatisfaction and stress and frustration is the fact
that the world around us isn't "as we want it"; rather,
the world is as it is, and the sooner we learn to accept that
fact--and even celebrate it--the sooner we can get on with our
lives and really make them something to be enjoyed.
When we buy a car or a house "as is," there's always a
certain risk involved, isn't there? Maybe the seller has had
some problem with the engine, and he knows that major work will be
necessary in a few months or a year. Perhaps the seller
knows that the water heater of the house has been functioning
erratically, or that the furnace is on its last legs, and is
hoping to unload the house without having to pay for that sort of
repairs.
Acceptance
is not submission; it is acknowledgement
of the facts
of a situation, then deciding
what you're going to do about it.
Kathleen
Casey Theisen
Life isn't a car or a house. Life comes to us each moment,
on a moment-by-moment basis, and asks us to take it as it
is. It asks us gently--it's only a demand if we receive the
request as a demand. Our lives unfold regularly, always
carrying us along with them, yet we somehow never are taught to
deal with life regularly, never taught how to live life moment by
moment. Just as with buying a home or a car, though, there
are risks inherent in life, and life also asks us to make
decisions that could turn out badly for us. Should we give
our heart to that person who may harm it? Should we move on
to a new place or a new career in order to be more
fulfilled? Should we trust ourselves with our decisions and
our plans? Each moment comes filled to the brim with
life--should we throw ourselves whole-heartedly at this moment, or
should we hold back in order to keep ourselves from being harmed?
One of the biggest obstacles that we have to overcome in taking
life as it is, is the fact that we tend not to trust life
completely. However we choose to see life, God, or the
Universe, we tend to see ourselves as being very small and
insignificant in the vastness of reality--why would things turn
out well for me when I'm so tiny that God or life doesn't really
care what happens to me? That's an obstacle, though, that
we've allowed to thrive within ourselves and that takes great
effort to tear down.
Sometimes
we fight who we are, struggling against ourselves and our
natures. But we must learn to accept who we are and
appreciate who
we become. We must love ourselves for what and who we are,
and believe in our talents.
Harley King
The fact is that life can be trusted. Millions of people
have made their ways through life and have thrived doing so, and
they've left behind teachings that can help us do the same
thing. Most of them have made it very clear that trusting
life and living--or God and ourselves--is the first thing we need
to accomplish in order to live full and healthy lives.
Personally, I've always had huge issues with trust, but as I've
read the words of people who led happy lives, I realized that I
needed to tear down my mistrust if I were to have any chance at
being happy. And I've learned that the more I trust life,
the more life responds with being completely trustworthy. I
haven't become rich or famous, and I'm not able to stop working
and travel the world, but I have all that I need and even more--I
have shelter and food and a wonderful wife and family and friends
and work that's fulfilling and hobbies that I find to be
fascinating.
My discontent with life would start with a simple premise: this
isn't enough. This is life as it is, but since I don't have
more now, I'm not going to be content or satisfied right here,
right now. That would be simply me being immature and
silly. After all, if I think something should be improved, I
can only decide to work now to change it for the future. It
still is the way it is. When I can accept it, I can know
that this moment is perfect, for even the problems in it are there
to spur me on to solving them, to challenge myself to make my
future days even more positive. Obstacles are there to teach
me how to function in life, how to push myself past my previous
limitations.
We
face up to awful things because we can't go around them, or
forget
them. The sooner you say 'Yes, it happened, and there's
nothing I can do
about it,' the sooner you can get on with your own life.
You've got children
to bring up. So you've got to get over it. What we have to
get over,
somehow we do. Even the worst things.
Annie Proulx
Do you accept life as is? Is there something in your life
that is so bad that it prevents you from accepting the beauty and
wonder of each moment? If you can remember that the negative
parts of life are there to help you to learn and grow, perhaps
you'll be able to see the perfection of the current moment, and
you'll be able to accept life exactly as it is, right here and
right now. This present moment truly is the only moment when
life actually occurs, and if it's pushing you to challenge
yourself, then meet that challenge to make your future present
moments even more positive, fulfilling, and full of wonder than
you ever imagine they could be.
If
only the people who worry about their
liabilities would think
about the riches they
do possess, they would stop worrying. Would
you sell both your eyes for a million dollars. . .
or your
two legs. . . or your hands. . . or your hearing?Add up what
you do have, and you’ll
find that you won’t sell them for all
the gold
in the world.The best things in life are
yours,
if you can appreciate yourself.
Don't think it was a natural
process for me to leave my personality behind and put on a
character. Something deep inside me continued to rebel; one
part of me wanted to keep on being myself, while the other part,
the part that wanted to be loved, tried to comply with the world's
demands. I detested my mother and the superficial, empty
manner she had. I detested her, and yet slowly, against my will, I
was becoming just like her. That is the great, terrible
blackmail of every upbringing, the one it's just about impossible
to escape. No child can live without love. That's why
we follow the model prescribed to us, even if we don't like it at
all, even if we think it's wrong. The effects of this
transaction persist into adulthood. When you become a mother
it resurfaces whether you want it to or not, you may not even
notice it, but it's shaping your actions once again. So when
your mother was born, I was absolutely convinced I'd behave
differently. And in fact I did, but the differences were
superficial and completely false. To avoid imposing on your
mother a model like the one that had been imposed on me at a
tender age, I always left her free to make choices. I wanted
her to feel she had my approval in everything she did. I
constantly told her, "We're two different people and each of
us must respect the other's differences."
There was a mistake in all this, a serious mistake. Do you
know what it was? It was my lack of identity. Even
though I was now an adult, I wasn't secure about anything. I
wasn't able to love myself or have esteem for myself.
Susanna Tamaro
from Follow Your Heart
Enthusiasm
is one of the most powerful engines of success.
When you do a thing, do it with all your might. . . .
Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful,
and you will accomplish your objective.
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
™
