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14 November 2023
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Keep your
thoughts right, for as you think, so you are. Therefore, think only
those things that will make
the world better, and you unashamed.
Henry H. Buckley
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Happy
marriages begin when we marry the ones we love,
and they
blossom when we love the ones we marry.
Tom Mullen
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Treat the other
person's faith gently; it is all he or she
has to believe with. Others' minds were created for their
own thoughts, not yours or mine.
Henry S. Haskins
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In
any moment of decision the best thing you can do
is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Theodore
Roosevelt
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from Destiny
in the Balance
Earl
Nightingale
A person's world can be compared to a plot of
ground. It exists; it's there. It
has inherent within itself an astonishing
potential, and it's prepared to react to a
person's every action. In fact, it must.
Whatever your job happens to be, think of it for
a moment as this plot of ground. In the
beginning, there's nothing there but
earth. If a person sits and watches it,
nothing will happen to it. If a few seeds
are tossed onto it, the rain and the soil's
natural fertility will combine to reward that
person with a few results for limited
efforts. Action; reaction. It all
depends upon just what is wanted from this plot
of earth. It's what is wanted that must
first be decided.
Let's say what is wanted is a beautiful lawn,
bordered by flower gardens, with a big tree,
under the shade of which the person can sit one
day and admire the work. So the areas for
the gardens are marked off; the soil is
cultivated, smoothed, and cleared of stones and
trash; the lawn, flowers, and trees are
planted. From this point on, anyone
observing this plot of land can evaluate in a
second the amount of service, the contribution,
this person is giving to the project. How
can you tell? You can tell by seeing what
the land is giving back to the person.
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We are
given the plot, and that's all we should be
given. Planting the plot is only the first
step. How we tend it determines its degree
of greatness and success.
There's a story about a preacher who was driving
by a beautiful farm. The fields were
beautifully cultivated and abundant with
well-cared-for crops. The fences, house
and barn were clean, neat and freshly
painted. A row of fine trees led from the
road to the house, where there were shaded lawns
and flower beds. It was a beautiful sight
to behold. When the farmer who was working
in the field got to the end of a row near the
road, the preacher stopped his car and hailed
him. The preacher said, "God has
blessed you with a beautiful farm."
The farmer stopped and thought a moment.
Then he replied, "Yes, He has, and I'm
grateful. But you should have seen this
place when He had it all to Himself."
The farmer understood that he had been blessed
with a fine farm; but he was also aware that it
was his own love and labor that had brought it
to its present state.
Each of us is given a plot to work--"a
lifetime and the work we have
chosen." Like the farmer, we can be
grateful if we have the vision, imagination and
intelligence to build well and successfully upon
the seemingly unimpressive land of our
beginnings. Or we can let it fall into a
haphazard condition, with no real continuity or
purpose behind it--with unpainted, ramshackle
buildings, surrounded by weeds and debris.
In both cases, the land is the same; it's what
we do with it that makes the difference.
The potential for a miracle is there, if only
we're wise enough to see it and to realize that
our fulfillment as persons depends upon our
reaction to what we've been given.
To come up with ways to improve your service,
read books on your specialty; read what others
have found to work well for them. But at
the same time, think of original and creative
ways to increase your service--ways that are
unique with you and the way you are.
Going at it strong for a week or a month and
then falling back into old habits is just like
working for a week or a month on that plot of
ground and then abandoning it. Before
long, it will be no better than before.
Each morning, and during the day, ask yourself
this question: "How can I increase my
service today, knowing that my rewards in life
must be in exact proportion to my
service?" Do this every day, and you
will have started to form one of life's most
valuable habits.
Horace Mann wrote: "If any person
seeks for greatness, let that person forget
greatness and ask for truth, and that person
will find both."
You can banish all the confusion and
complications, nagging worries, and vague,
half-formed fears by returning to the great
truths, the great laws, the great verities on
which all success, all accomplishment--on which
the whole world--is built.
* * * *
A
pioneer in the human potential movement
offers principles to put one's life on
track. Nightingale is the co-founder of
the world's largest personal growth
audio publisher and a veteran
broadcaster, but his deeper gifts are
the personal values he articulates in
this recording. Inspiring people to get
ahead of the world's also-rans without
denigrating them, he promotes an
invigorating sense of
self-responsibility--a need to get one's
own house in order, find one's passion
and gifts, and not settle for the herd's
idea of the good life.
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Different
Points of View
an excerpt
Salle Merrill Redfield
Even though we tend to assume we are much like everyone
else in our culture, each of us has his or her own beliefs
and assumptions about the nature of life. These
assumptions are formed through years of experience,
beginning in childhood and continuing throughout our
entire lives. Each experience adds to our unique
value system and point of view. For instance, a
person who grew up with a loving, stable family would view
the world differently than a person who spent his
childhood in and out of foster homes. Similarly, a
person who has undergone years of stress created by a
chronic disease will have a different appreciation for
life than a person who has never been ill.
Our differences can sometimes be startling when they show
up. Have you ever had the experience of talking with
someone, assuming you are being understood, when suddenly
you realize the other person has no idea of what you just
said? Or the person becomes upset for seemingly no
reason? Chances are, something you said didn't make
sense within this person's experience. Or perhaps
your words came across as a put-down and created a
defensive reaction.
There is a good probability that the breakdown in
communication happened because the other person assigned a
different meaning than you intended to a word or phrase
you used. This is more common than many of us think.
To clarify this point, think about an ordinary word like
"wealth." It can conjure up a thousand
connotations. To one person "wealth" may
mean being able to pay bills on time and having enough
money left over to take the family to dinner and a movie
once a month. To someone else "wealth"
will mean owning three homes and a private jet. And
to yet another person "wealth" may mean having a
healthy family and loving friends. Our unique
definitions are all very subjective, sensitive, and
sometimes unconscious. . . .
We may hear a statement or request from another person and
think, "This person is stupid or wrong."
What's actually happening is that the other person is
sharing his or her beliefs, based on his or her
experiences. If we disagree with what seems
perfectly logical to that person, we will shut down
communication immediately.
If we find ourselves becoming defensive, it helps to ask
the other person to define what he or she meant by their
statement. We may realize we misinterpreted their
meaning altogether. And if we are the ones who say
something that is misunderstood, it helps to make
statements like "Perhaps I wasn't very clear with my
point" or "Let me say that another
way." This will disarm the other person and
give them the opportunity to explain what they thought was
said.
Also make sure that you are being understood by asking,
"Do you know what I mean?" or "Did that
make sense?" When you are trying to convey an
important point, you may find it helpful to have your
listener repeat what you said. This way you can
determine what he or she actually heard.
Check body language. By noticing a look on someone's
face or maybe a tilt of a head, you will be able to tell
if you were understood or if your statements were unclear.
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Ours
is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know
more
about war than we know about peace, more about killing
than we
know
about living. We have grasped the mystery of the atom
and
rejected
the Sermon on the Mount.
Omar Nelson Bradley
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Strategies for
Taking Action
I know many people who seem
to be sleepwalking through life. They establish routines and
then they get set in those routines, rarely if ever stepping out
of them to try to do something new or different until they're
forced to do so, either by circumstances of by a sense of
desperation or frustration. They may know that something
needs to change, but the idea of taking action is almost foreign
to them, or their fear keeps them from doing so. Much of my
life has been this way--heck, it still is in some areas. I
don't take action all the time, even when there's a voice inside
of me telling me to do so.
Sometimes, the routine is simply too comfortable. Taking
action on something would rip me from the comfort of the routine,
and I simply don't want to risk losing the comfort. Comfort,
though, rarely leads to growth (though a strong argument could be
made that comfort can allow one to read much more, which can be a
source of growth, depending on the reading material).
Comfort very often leads to stagnation, both intellectually and
emotionally.
Other times, the risk is too high. It may be the risk of
losing the comfort, but the risk may be even deeper--what will
happen if I lose everything I have? What will happen if I
can no longer take care of my family? Any course of action
that we take will have inherent risks. One of the most
important things we can do before we take action is realistically
assess the risk involved. I think there are at least three
levels of risk: Not risky enough to keep me from doing it;
Risky, but the results of the risk wouldn't be the end of the
world; and Too risky to bother. Would I put all of my money
into one money-making scheme that may or may not pan out?
Absolutely not. Could I put most of my money into a plan
that truly does fill a need in my community and therefore has a
decent chance for success? Much more likely.
One day, I'll address some strategies for assessing and taking
risks.
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Having the world's best
idea will do you no good unless
you act on it. People who want milk
shouldn't sit on
a stool in the middle
of a field in hopes that
a cow will
back up to them.
Curtis Grant
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If I want to
take action on something, usually I'll first do a
quick risk assessment. This can be completely
informal and it doesn't have to involve a detailed
study. Can I join this particular group
activity, or will it conflict with other things that
I do (like work)? Will taking action end up
taking much more time than it initially
appears? Many people who have volunteered for
a one-hour a week activity have ended up spending
much more time than it initially appears. And
if it will take more time, do I have that time to
spare? If I do, and I'm willing to spend that
time on this activity, then there's no problem at
all.
Secondly, I need to know just what I'm taking action
on. Perhaps there's a political cause that I
feel is very important--should I take action trying
to solve a problem or trying to recall a
politician? Is the group I'm planning on
acting with in line with my own political ideals, or
are they more reactionary or aggressive than I
prefer to be? If I'm planning to start my own
business, I need to know exactly what my first step
is--do I need to develop a prototype, devise a
business plan, apply for a license? If my
first action won't work because I missed another
action beforehand, then I may face enough
frustration that I'll give up, and then all my
action will have been useless.
Perhaps I want to confront someone who has said
something rude about me. I know from
experience that if I don't think about the situation
first, if I don't consider what I'm going to say and
how I'm going to react to the other person's
comments, things very easily can turn out
poorly. The other person is likely to become
defensive and more hurtful words may come out--if I
haven't considered what I'm going to say and how I'm
going to react, many of those hurtful words may be
mine. While I might have thought that the
action of confronting this person was going to have
positive results, it will have become a harmful
action rather than a helpful one.
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Success
often comes to those who dare and act;
it seldom goes to
the timid who are afraid of the consequences.
Jawaharlal Nehru
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It is important
to be the person who takes the action, but it's also
important to be prepared to take the action.
We can't spend so much time getting prepared that we
freeze ourselves into inaction, of course, and we
can't wait too long while we figure out what we want
to do. One of the biggest obstacles to action
is too much preparation, which usually is just a way
of putting something off because we're afraid to
actually do it.
Not everyone is going to take action in the same
ways. There are people who jump right into the
pool, and there are those who gradually submerge
themselves. If a child is drowning in the
pool, though, the person who usually takes his or
her time is going to have to change strategies if
their action is going to have the desired
outcome. So we have to balance the realities
of what the situation calls for and what kind of
people we are. If I'm a jumper, then I may
sabotage my chances of success if I want to get my
new business started too quickly--I'm probably going
to have to slow down and make sure that each stage
is taken care of well before I move to the next
stage.
Sometimes, the action called for is very
simple. If you want milk, you go to the
cow. If a friend or a person we know looks
like they're having troubles, the best action we can
take may be going up to them and saying hello.
As we walk by the pieces of a broken bottle, the
action that's called for may be to stop and pick up
those pieces so they don't hurt anyone. And an
action may be simple but difficult--if someone is
offending me with their language, do I say
something? That can be very hard. Or do
I leave, which is also a way to make a strong
statement about the language? That's often
easier, but is it as effective? And am I
prepared for a possible confrontation if the person
using the offensive language may start to insult me
personally for daring to say anything about their
language? Knowing what I'm ready for and what
I'm not ready for can help me to make the decision
about which action to take.
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We don’t always know whose lives
we touched and
made better
for
having cared, because actions can
sometimes have unseen
ramifications.
What’s
important is that you
do care and you do act.
Charlotte Lunsford
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No matter how
we look at it, taking action when we want to
accomplish or change something is usually our only
alternative. Knowing what we're going to do
before we attempt us allows us to be prepared for
the action and its results. Some actions don't
need much planning, while others need a good deal of
preparation if the action is going to have the
desired results. We can improve our chances of
being successful when we take action by keeping in
mind a few important principles, and we greatly
increase the chances of failure if we don't at least
consider what we're going to do and how we're going
to do it. It's great to talk about how
important action is in life, but it's even more
important to prepare ourselves for an action.
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More
on action.
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We
flourish under the benefits of encouragement, praise, approval, and
acceptance. If we live with encouragement--especially our own--we learn
to be confident. If we live with self-praise, we learn
to appreciate what's
around us. If we coexist with self-approval,
we're more likely to give ourselves--and others-- a little slack.
Leslie
Levine
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There are ways that this
culture can lull you to sleep if you aren't careful and don't
occasionally stop just to look around. The irony is that
it's a sleepwalking induced and kindled by the notion that life
is meant to be perpetual motion, as if life fully lived implies
relentless activity.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? How do you get away with that?"
Yesterday our birdfeeders were visited by three Cedar
Waxwings. My wife and I sat watching through the glass
doors that lead out onto our deck. Waxwings were a first
for us. And they are surreal in their elegance. They
are a crested bird, greyish brown with a canary yellow
belly. Zorro-like, they wear a black mask and chin.
Each looks like a fine porcelain figurine, delicate and without
blemish. While we watched, a nuthatch shuttled from feeder
to tree trunk, one sunflower seed per trip, each time wedging
the seed into a crevice of the bark where he would, from my way
of seeing, stand upside down while pecking away at the
shell. The late spring evening sun hung as if suspended
off the western horizon, while the air remained still.
Sometime during this pageant, it occurred to me that this is it.
This, as in this elusive essence we call life. I
tried to remember the Henry David Thoreau quote about going into
the woods to drink from the very marrow of life, but I couldn't
quite come up with it and realized that it didn't really matter
anyway. I doubt if the Cedar Waxwings would have been
impressed. If you are lucky, you grab hold of these
moments when they come, for they are parcels of life undistilled.
And you save the analysis for later on down the road. You
could, I suppose, stop and take a picture if you wanted to take
the time to find your camera. Or you can chuckle at your
need to confine the moment, push it aside, and curl up on the
couch to watch the birds, listen to their song, and feel the
gooseflesh reminding you that your heart is still intact.
Terry Hershey
Soul Gardening
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They
that give good advice, build with one hand; they that give
good
counsel and example, build with both; but they that give good
admonition
and bad example, build with one hand and pull down with the
other.
Francis Bacon
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