The process of resolving an inner or interpersonal conflict or handling an emotion that we have struggled with for many years or decades, such as anger or fear, in a healthy manner is one that frequently entails making progress and suffering setbacks.  We usually feel excited and pleased with ourselves when we make some surprising progress and discouraged and disappointed when we regress or backslide.

When we do suffer a discouraging setback, it tends to feel like we are back at square one, but that is almost always not the case.  The progress we have made prior to the setback is real; it is not to be discounted or negated, though our feelings of disappointment, shame, or remorse and our subsequent loss of perspective may try to convince us otherwise.  One key indicator that we have made and are continuing to make progress is that the setback will not keep us down for very long, not nearly as long as it may have in the past.  Progress is evident after a setback or moment of regression or failure when:

For instance, if we have recently lost our composure (which happened to me just the other day when I was discussing religion with someone), we usually feel disappointed with or even ashamed of ourselves (Why did I let that happen?  I should have recognized that our conversation was going nowhere and either agreed to disagree with this person or changed the subject!).  Our inner critical voice may be champing at the bit, as mine always is, to put in his or her two cents worth.

But as is often the case, a setback or regression of some type precedes or paves the way for even greater progress.  For some unknown reason, a setback almost always seems to be necessary at times in order for our next growth spurt to occur.  Perhaps we have another significant lesson to learn.  Or maybe we need to be reminded that whenever we react in familiar counterproductive ways, such as yelling, the silent treatment, blaming, retaliation, and the like, we are setting ourselves up to suffer inevitable feelings of remorse or shame.  A setback, though often painful, is not without potential redeeming value, for it frequently paves the way for a comeback and gives us the momentum to grow more than we would have had we not suffered the setback.  Go figure!  Personally, I would prefer to make significant progress without having to suffer setbacks, but life doesn't usually seem to work that way.

more on adversity

Most of us didn’t.  Instead, we thought about it every night.  “Got to get moving on that ratty project. But I’ve got almost a whole month left—it can wait.”  As time goes by, worry about getting a failing grade looms larger in our minds.  At first the pain of starting the term paper is greater than our concern about the failing grade, so after a week we still haven’t started.  Two weeks go by.  What are we doing every night before we go to sleep?  Worrying about that F.  “I better start.  Tomorrow I’ll get moving on it.”

A week before the term paper is due, the F is getting larger, but it’s still not quite large enough to offset the pain of working at preventing it.  All of a sudden there are only three days left before it’s due, and at last the F looms larger than the pain of working on the term paper.  So we start.

As you lay it out you begin feeling some enthusiasm.  “This isn’t bad.  I may get an A if I do this and do that.”  When you walk in with your paper you’re happy, but you wasted 27 days worrying about starting.  In other words, you operated at a deficit emotionally for 27 days when you could have been in the profit column the whole time.  Move into the emotional profit column right now; starting today, get your priority tasks and actions handled promptly.  Plan your actions then act on your plans.  Apply this determination to every area of your life and it will make an enormous difference in your income, growth rate in business as well as your satisfaction and growth rate personally.

The portrait of a man who was being called the Whiz Kid on Wall Street appeared on the cover of a national magazine many years ago.  He was one of the first to put a conglomerate together, and some of the federal laws affecting business in the early ’70s came about because of the trends that his creativity set off.  At the time he was 42; he was running one of the largest industrial combines in the country, the conglomerate he had built himself.  So the magazine had assigned a journalist and a team of researchers to do an in-depth report on this entrepreneur.

One of the researchers went to the small city the dynamic executive had left 15 years earlier.  A few items turned up there about an alcoholic with the same name who had been sleeping on park benches at that time.  The researcher passed this information along, and as the journalist was concluding his interview with the Wall Street powerhouse in his plush office, the journalist laughed and said, “Believe it or not, a man with your exact name was sleeping on park benches and getting ousted by the police when you lived in your hometown.  I guess the poor guy was a real wino.  Isn’t that something?”

The president looked up and smiled.  “That was me,” he said.

The reporter was flabbergasted.  “This can’t be.  You’re kidding.”

The president of the conglomerate leaned back in his leather chair and shook his head.  “I’m not kidding.  The wino sleeping off drinks on park benches was me.”

The journalist stared at him for a moment and realized that the man was telling the truth.  He also realized that now he had a whole new story.  When his apologies were waved aside, he said, “I have to ask, what made you change?”

Listen to what he said because so many people fit this mold:  “When I was sleeping under newspapers in the park 15 years ago, I knew that someday I would do what I’m doing now.  I was just waiting until I was ready to start.”

Do you know how many people are like that?  “Well, next year’s my year.  I’m going to get to work then.  You just wait and see—right after the first of the year I’m gonna start shaping up.”  But, of course, the time to get going never quite comes for most people.  They have good intentions but are lacking the two most vital components of any good deed:  the motivation to begin and a strategic plan to keep them moving forward.

You see, by not beginning, you’re not only risking failure, but you’re also confining yourself to the level of success you currently have.  If you’re happy with that, fine.  If not, make that plan and get fired up!

If your potential for greater success is nagging at you, don’t wait.  Time is flying by so fast.  Start today to achieve the greatness you know is within you.


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reprinted with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine