When the Direction Seems Difficult

It's very easy to talk about going with the flow in life, allowing life to lead us in directions that life wants to take us rather than trying to define those directions ourselves.  Almost everything we read from major religions and philosophies tells us that when we try to control the directions and flow of our own lives, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration, but that if we let life take us in the ways that it knows are best for us, then we'll benefit from the long-term focus that life has versus the short-term focus that we seem to have.

Part of the problem for us, I believe, is that we don't allow ourselves to "let go and let God," as it were, because we think that we know what's best for us.  We think that our logic and rational thinking give us the power to see how we can flourish in life, and what the best courses are to follow.

In my case, I know that this happens very often because I allow the fear to take over my decision-making processes.  It can be the fear of risk-taking, the fear of failure, the fear of new things, or any other fear out there, but these fears often don't allow me to move in certain directions, even when life has cleared the way--even given me not-so-gentle pushes--for me to move in new directions in life.

In response to that fear, I usually start to let what I see as my rational mind take over the decision-making processes.  I start to devise reasons for which I shouldn't move in a certain direction, for which I should take another course that would make much more "sense."  Instead of focusing on acceptance of change and a new path in life, I try to find ways to hold on to the status quo in the hopes of keeping things the way they are.  If I can do this, I can fool myself into thinking that I'm pursuing security, that I'm doing what's "best" for me, when the fact is that by trying to take control of the situation, I'm probably just losing opportunities that probably would expose me to new and beautiful situations in my life.

Right now, for example, an opportunity may be opening up at a place that's four hours away from where we live now.  My rational mind is fighting strongly to avoid this opportunity, as taking the chance would mean a few hardships that I'm not accustomed to, and possibly put a strain on my marriage.  It would mean a lot of time in my car each week, and it would mean starting completely anew in a completely different culture where I may or may not be accepted.

But when I look at those "rational" descriptions of the opportunity, I see a lot of fears reflected there.  I see the fear of change, as my relationship with my wife will most certainly change.  I see the fear of wasting time in my car.  I see the fear of rejection.  There are more reasons and more fears, but these are enough for now.

Relationships should be dynamic, and we should welcome change into them.  Many marriages break up because people try to keep them the same all the time, and then they become dull and boring, with little to no fulfillment.  Time in my car is very peaceful and relaxing for me--almost meditative.  My fears of rejection never have come to pass, no matter where I've lived or what I've done--people are people, and if I'm good to them, they're good to me.

Of course, sometimes we take risks and things seem to go bad because of them.  But in those cases, it's usually because we're going against the flow of life and just convincing ourselves that we're actually letting life lead us.  I've known people who have seen relationships dissolve, only to find much more fulfilling relationships later.  I've know people who have lost their jobs, only to find much more fulfilling work somewhere down the road, after some important time for reflection that wouldn't have happened if they were still at their old jobs.

Right now in my decision-making process, I must try to be aware if I'm making decisions to keep myself "safe," or if I sincerely feel inside that I'm following the flow that life has prepared for me.  Am I motivated by fear, or am I looking objectively at the situation and trying to figure out what's truly best for me and my family?  Are we ready and willing to face a few obstacles--some possibly drastic--if I do make the choice that seems to be the one that makes the most sense in the long term?

"Let go and let God," or "Let go and let Life," or "Go with the flow."  They're all simple words, of course, and the advice sounds easy to follow, but we do have to figure out ways to deal with the interference that our minds plant in our way, and how to figure out exactly what is interference and what is truly helpful logic.

   
More on adversity.