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Following are six behaviors that increase self-esteem, enhance
your self-confidence, and spur your motivation. You may
recognize some of them as things you naturally do in your
interactions with other people. But if you don't, I suggest
you motivate yourself to take some of these important steps
immediately.
First, greet others with a smile and look them directly in the
eye. A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence born
of self-respect. In the same way, answer the phone
pleasantly in the office and at home, and when placing a call,
give your name before asking to speak to the party you want to
reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with
self-respect is making the call.
Second, always show real appreciation for a gift or
compliment. Don't downplay or sidestep expressions of
affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or
receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid
self-esteem.
Third, don't brag. It's almost a paradox that genuine
modesty is actually part of the capacity to gracefully receive
compliments. People who brag about their own exploits or
demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up
in the eyes of others--and that's because they don't perceive
themselves as already worthy of respect.
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Fourth, don't make your problems the centerpiece of your
conversation. Talk positively about your life and the
progress you're trying to make. Be aware of any negative
thinking, and take notice of how often you complain. When
you hear yourself criticize someone--and this includes
self-criticism--find a way to be helpful instead of critical.
Fifth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by
increasing your level of productive activity. When your
self-esteem is being challenged, don't sit around and fall victim
to "paralysis by analysis." The late Malcolm
Forbes said, "Vehicles in motion use their generators to
charge their own batteries. Unless you happen to be a golf
cart, you can't recharge your battery when you're parked in the
garage!"
Sixth, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to
learn. View a failure as the conclusion of one performance,
not the end of your entire career. Own up to your
shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as a failure. A
failure may be something you have done--and it may even be
something you'll have to do again on the way to success--but a
failure is definitely not something you are.
Even if you're at a point where you're feeling very negatively
about yourself, be aware that you're now ideally positioned to
make rapid and dramatic improvement. A negative
self-evaluation, if it's honest and insightful, takes much more
courage and character than the self-delusions that underlie
arrogance and conceit. I've seen the truth of this proven
many times in my work with athletes. After an extremely poor
performance, a team or an individual athlete often does much
better the next time out, especially when the poor performance was
so bad that there was simply no way to shirk responsibility for
it. Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in
no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them
so. On the contrary, these undeniably painful experiences
can be the solid foundation on which to build future success.
Printed
with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-Zine. With over
10 million audio programs sold in 14 languages, Denis Waitley's CD
album, The Psychology of Winning, is still the all-time,
best-selling program on self-mastery.
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