to address the issue also clears the way for us to move on. Amongst other things, it releases pent-up emotions and frees up
our energies in readiness for the next stage of recovery.
The next stage
begins when we can sit down and objectively ask ourselves why
things didn't turn out as we had hoped.
visitors to this site will know, I place great importance on
involving other people to help us achieve our goals. And this
situation is no exception. Amongst other things, other people can
give us a different perspective and be a source of new ideas.
So in this
case we may find it useful to talk it through with a friend or
colleague. In the case of a job interview, it's also worth
considering a chat with the interviewer to get their
feedback. More often than not, they're happy to offer some
feedback - as long as they don't feel that we're simply looking
for an excuse for an argument.
objective at this point is to establish why things didn't turn out
the way we had hoped. More specifically, was it due to factors
within or outside or control?
If it was due
to factors outside our control - for example, a job candidate who
simply had more experience or personal circumstances that
prevented us form working on our goals - then we simply have to
accept that. In these situations we need to know only that we did
our best under the circumstances. Then we need to move on with our
If we could
have influenced the outcome, then we need to identify what we
could have done differently.
that we don't turn this into an exercise in blaming ourselves (or
others, for that matter). We're looking for specific areas where
we can take practical steps to improve our future performance.
in a job interview we may have neglected to do a bit of background
research on our prospective employer. Or when trying to achieve
certain health goals, we may have forgotten to establish our
priorities or not managed our time as well as we could have.
By looking at
this objectively, we can turn something that was a negative into a
positive. We can build on our experience rather than beating
ourselves up because of our 'failures'. And we can end up with a
new set of ideas that will take us towards our goals.