Hello
there, and welcome to today, and a new week in our lives!
We're very glad that you're here with us, and we
hope that somewhere on this
page, you find something that's relevant and helpful
to you in your journey
through this experience that we call life!
Enjoy the readings,
and thank you much for stopping by!
For most people, their legitimate emotional needs
include spending time with family, friends, a
spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, colleagues at
work, and perhaps a spiritual director or mentor.
Spending time with these people helps us to develop
a sense of self, teaches us to participate in the
fulfillment of other people's needs, and reminds us
of our deep connection with the human family.
One of our most dominant emotional needs is our need
for acceptance. We all need to feel we
belong. In the face of rejection, we may put
on a brave face and pretend that we can survive
without acceptance. And that is true; we can survive
without the nurturing acceptance provides. But
we cannot thrive without it.
We all have a great need to feel accepted. It
is one of the forces that drives human
behavior. Our need to be accepted is powerful,
and it is astounding what most people will do to
gain some sort of acceptance or sense belonging.
Peer pressure takes full advantage of this need to
be accepted. Under the influence of peer
pressure, people do things that they would not do if
they were alone (and in many cases would prefer not
to do), simply because they do not want to be
excluded from a certain social circle. There
is perhaps no greater example of our need to belong,
our need to feel accepted.
We seek this
sense of belonging in hundreds of different ways at work, at
school, within our family, in the context of our intimate
relationships, and by joining clubs, churches, and
committees. Some of the ways we try to have this need met
are healthy and help us to pursue our essential purpose.
Others are not healthy and can prevent us from becoming
the-best-version-of-ourselves.
I have always been fascinated with how many different churches
there are in America and the criteria people use to choose a
church. For several years I have been asking people, and I
am amazed how similar their responses are. Most of them
say something like "From the minute I walked in there five
years ago, I just felt so welcome" or "I just feel
like I belong there."
We have a great need to be accepted. We need to belong.
With this in mind, it is easy to understand why so many people
join gangs and cults. From time to time, you may hear a
story about a gang or a cult, and those of us who live in a
relatively secluded world may wonder why anyone would get
involved in these things. Simple. Just like you and
me, people who join gangs and cults have a legitimate need for
acceptance and a sense of belonging. They just don't have
the options you and I have.
Young people who grow up in an inner-city environment join gangs
because they see it as their best option. The gang
provides a sense of belonging, the feeling of acceptance, and
allows them to feel that they are not alone in what must be a
frightening world. The gang tries to fill the emotional
needs that a family should be satisfying. But in many
cases, the parents (or parent) are caught up in drugs, alcohol,
and crime. Or, in perhaps the best-case scenario, they are
doing all they can to pay the bills and keep food on the
table. People don't join gangs because they see a great
future in it. They see them as a way to survive.
People join gangs because it gives them somewhere to belong.
People join cults for the same reason. We all have a need
to belong, a need for acceptance. A cult is just a more
sophisticated form of a gang.
Our needs are powerful. In many cases, if they are not
fulfilled in healthy ways, they will seek their own satisfaction
in self-destructive ways.
Something
to consider: Do you know people who are searching
for--perhaps even desperately--the acceptance that
they're missing in their lives? What can you do to
help them feel accepted, to help them feel better about
themselves? We don't need to fully fulfill their
need for acceptance, of course, but in which small ways
can we contribute to their lives in positive ways?
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There is no getting around doing what you need to
do. You can avoid or postpone any task for any
length of time. However, when it comes to doing
something that you need to do, you will either do it
or reap the consequences of not doing it. The
consequences also seem to follow a general rule:
the longer you avoid or postpone, the more harsh
and/or unpleasant a task will be. When you know
there is something you need to do, the best thing to
do is to do it. In order to do whatever it is
requires that you have discipline. When God was
giving out discipline, I must have been at the mall!
When I first noticed that my tooth was becoming
sensitive to hot and cold, I was not disciplined
enough to call the dentist. Two root canals and
$600 later, I recognized the value of
discipline. When my ex-husband started coming in
late, which evolved into staying out all night,
two and three nights in a row, I practiced the speech
that I would give him at least twenty times a day, for
at least twenty months. Did I have the
discipline to say what I needed to say, ask what I
told myself I would ask? Of course not!
Two babies, two broken ribs, and a wired jaw later, I
actually understood the value of discipline.
When dragging my body out of the bed, in order to drag
it to a job I hated, was not enough evidence that I
needed to move beyond fear by disciplining myself and
my life in order to pursue my heart's desire, getting
fired for being late and demonstrating a
"lackluster" performance provided all the
evidence I needed. In essence, discipline is
having the courage to do what needs to be done before
you are forced to do it.
I once heard Oprah Winfrey say, "Discipline comes
from doing!" I was very sad to know
that. I thought I could keep praying for
discipline, keep reading about discipline, keep hoping
that one day I would wake up and find I had been
advanced to the head of the discipline line. It
was quite disconcerting to discover that the only way
I would develop the discipline to do what I kept
avoiding was by doing the very thing I kept
avoiding. Somehow that just doesn't seem quite
fair! Besides that, when I think about why I was
avoiding certain things (TRUST!), how hard things I
avoided appeared to be (WILLINGNESS!), and how many
other things demanded my attention at the same time
(CHOICE!), I concluded that the doing aspect of
discipline was more than I could handle.
How many diets had I started and not finished?
How many morning exercise and meditation schedules had
I developed? How many promises had I made with
myself that I had failed to keep? How many times
did I wait until the last minute to do something and
suffer the hysteria of working under stress? How
many times had I promised not to say or do something
only to find myself embroiled in chaos or controversy
because I did or said what I had told myself I would
not do or say? I did not understand why my
grandmother insisted that I make my bed before I
brushed my teeth, or why she insisted that I iron all
the clothes I planned to wear during the week on
Saturday morning. It made absolutely no sense to
me that I had to wash my hair every Tuesday, polish
the silver every Wednesday, eat my vegetables before I
ate the meat, or put the rollers in the back of my
head before I put them in the top. My
grandmother was a stickler for doing everything in a
particular way at a certain time, and as a result she
usually got quite a bit done. My grandmother was
very disciplined. I, on the other hand, was not.
What I have learned after many painful experiences,
resulting from years of avoidance and procrastination,
is that when you begin to honor yourself and your
life, you become disciplined about how you handle
yourself and your life. Beyond the realm of just
doing, discipline is attending to with
care. When you feel good about yourself, you
attend to your care in a gentle and disciplined
manner. When you honor the gift of life, you
attend to the affairs of life with a disciplined
approach. When you accept and acknowledge that
you and your life are part of a loving process, you
are eager to be an active participant. You
realize that all that you do, and the manner in which
you do it, will determine how far you go and how
quickly the process will move forward.
Discipline is not easy, but it is a necessary skill to
develop, the only real demonstration of the value you
place on yourself, and the reason you have been placed
on the planet.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
All my life I had been looking for something, and
everywhere I turned
someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted
their answers too,
though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.
I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking
everyone except myself
questions which I, and only I, could answer. It
took me a long time and
much painful boomeranging of my expectations
to achieve a realization
everyone else appears to have been born with:
that I am nobody but myself.
When
I talk about the steps toward inner peace, I talk about
them in a framework, but there's nothing arbitrary about
the number of steps. They can be expanded; they
can be contracted. This is just a way of talking
about the subject, but this is important: the
steps toward inner peace are not taken in any certain
order. The first step for one may be the last
step for another. So just take whatever steps
seem easiest for you, and as you take a few steps, it
will become easier for you to take a few more. In this
area we really can share. None of you may feel
guided to walk a pilgrimage, and I'm not trying to
inspire you to walk a pilgrimage, but in the field of
finding harmony in our own lives, we can share.
And I suspect that when you hear me give some of the
steps toward inner peace, you will recognize them as
steps that you also have taken.
In
the first place I would like to mention some
preparations that were required of me. The first
preparation is a right attitude toward life. This
means, stop being an escapist! Stop being a
surface-liver who stays right in the froth of the
surface. There are millions of these people, and
they never find anything really worthwhile. Be
willing to face life squarely and get down beneath the
surface of life where the verities and realities are to
be found. That's what we are doing here now.
There's
the whole matter of having a meaningful attitude for the
problems that life may set before you. If only you
could see the whole picture, if only you knew the whole
story, you would realize that no problem ever comes to
you that does not have a purpose in your life, that
cannot contribute to your inner growth. When you
perceive this, you will recognize problems as
opportunities in disguise. If you did not face
problems you would just drift through life, and you
would not gain inner growth. It is through solving
problems in accordance with the highest light that we
have that inner growth is attained. Now,
collective problems must be solved by us collectively,
and no one finds inner peace who avoids doing his or her
share in the solving of collective problems, like world
disarmament and world peace. So let us always
think about these problems together, talk about them
together, and collectively work toward their solutions.
The
second preparation has to do with bringing our lives
into harmony with the laws that govern this universe.
Created are not only the worlds and the beings but
also the laws which govern them. Applying both in
the physical realm and in the psychological realm, these
laws govern human conduct. Insofar as we are able
to understand and bring our lives into harmony with
these laws, our lives will be in harmony. Insofar
as we disobey these laws, we create difficulties for
ourselves by our disobedience. We are our own
worst enemies. If we are out of harmony through
ignorance, we suffer somewhat; but if we know better and
are still out of harmony, then we suffer a great deal.
I recognize that these laws are well-known and
well-believed, and therefore they just needed to be
well-lived.
So
I got busy on a very interesting project. This was
to live all the good things I believed in. I
did not confuse myself by trying to take them all at
once, but rather, if I was doing something that I knew I
should not be doing, I stopped doing it, and I always
made a quick relinquishment. You see,
that's the easy way. Tapering off is long and
hard. And if I was not doing something that I knew
I should be doing, I got busy on that. It took the
living quite a while to catch up with the believing, but
of course it can, and now if I believe something, I live
it. Otherwise it would be perfectly meaningless.
As I lived according to the highest light that I had, I
discovered that other light was given, and that I opened
myself to receiving more light as I lived the light I
had.
These
laws are the same for all of us, and these are the
things that we can study and talk about together.
But there is also a third preparation that has to do
with something which is unique for every human life
because every one of us has a special place in the
Life Pattern. If you do not yet know clearly
where you fit, I suggest that you try seeking it in
receptive silence. I used to walk amid the
beauties of nature, just receptive and silent, and
wonderful insights would come to me. You begin to
do your part in the Life Pattern by doing all the good
things you feel motivated toward, even though they are
just little good things at first. You give these
priority in your life over all the superficial things
that customarily clutter human lives.
There
are those who know and do not do. This is very
sad. I remember one day as I walked along the
highway a very nice car stopped and the man said to me,
"How wonderful that you are following your
calling!" I replied, "I certainly think
that everyone should be doing what feels right to
do." He then began telling me what he felt
motivated toward, and it was a good thing that needed
doing. I got quite enthusiastic about it and took
for granted that he was doing it. I said,
"That's wonderful! How are you getting on
with it?" And he answered, "Oh, I'm not
doing it. That kind of work doesn't pay anything."
And I shall never forget how desperately unhappy that
man was. But you see, in this materialistic age we
have such a false criterion by which to measure success.
We measure it in terms of dollars, in terms of material
things. But happiness and inner peace do not lie
in that direction. If you know but do not do, you
are a very unhappy person indeed.
There
is also a fourth preparation, and it is the simplification
of life to bring inner and outer well-being--psychological
and material well-being-- into harmony in your life.
This was made very easy for me. Just after I
dedicated my life to service, I felt that I could no
longer accept more than I needed while others in
the world have less than they need. This
moved me to bring my life down to need-level. I
thought it would be difficult. I thought it would
entail a great many hardships, but I was quite wrong.
Now that I own only what I wear and what I carry in my
pockets, I don't feel deprived of anything. For
me, what I want and what I need are exactly the same,
and you couldn't give me anything I don't need.
I
discovered this great truth: unnecessary
possessions are just unnecessary burdens. Now I
don't mean that all our needs are the same. Yours
may be much greater than mine. For instance, if
you have a family, you would need the stability of a
family center for your children. But I do mean
that anything beyond need --and need sometimes includes
things beyond the physical needs, too--anything beyond
need tends to become burdensome.
There
is a great freedom in simplicity of living, and after I
began to feel this, I found a harmony in my life between
inner and outer well-being. Now there's a great
deal to be said about such harmony, not only for an
individual life but also for the life of a society.
It's because as a world we have gotten ourselves so far
out of harmony, so way off on the material side, that
when we discover something like nuclear energy, we are
still capable of putting it into a bomb and using it to
kill people. This is because our inner well-being
lags behind our outer well-being. The valid
research for the future is on the inner side, on
the psychological side, so that we will be able to bring
these two into balance, so we will know how to use well
the outer well-being we already have.
We
are incredibly heedless in
the formation of our beliefs,
but find ourselves with an illicit
passion for them when
anyone proposes to rob us
of their companionship.
It is obviously not the ideas
themselves that are dear
to us, but our self-esteem
that is threatened.
James
Harvey
I
remember this illumination happening to me one noontime as I stood
in the kitchen and watched my children eat peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches. We were having a most unremarkable time on a
nondescript day, in the midst of the most quotidian of
routines. I hadn't censed the table, sprinkled the place
mats with holy water, or uttered a sanctifying prayer over the
Wonder bread. I wasn't feeling particularly
"spiritual." But, heeding I don't know what
prompting, I stopped abruptly in mid-bustle, or mid-woolgathering,
and looked around me as if I were opening my eyes for the first
time that day.
The entire
room became luminous and so alive with movement that everything
seemed suspended--yet pulsating--for an instant, like light
waves. Intense joy swelled inside me, and my immediate
response was gratitude--gratitude for everything, every tiny thing
in that space. The shelter of the room became a warm
embrace; water flowing from the tap seemed a tremendous miracle;
and my children became, for a moment, not my progeny or my charges
or my tasks, but eternal beings of infinite singularity and
complexity whom I would one day, in an age to come, apprehend in
their splendid fullness.
Holly
Bridges Elliott
Who of us is mature
enough for offspring before the
offspring themselves
arrive? The value of marriage is not that
adults
produce children but that children produce adults.
Peter DeVries
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
™
