10 February 2025         

   

Welcome to the newest issue of our e-zine, and thanks for your visit!  Once more we offer
what we hope will be positive and uplifting material that can add a spark to your day, in the
hopes that it will be relevant and helpful to you in your journey through life.

   
   

   

Haven't Got Time for the Pain
Bernie Siegel

Developing into a Healthy Thinker
Sue Patton Thoele

Life
tom walsh

   
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Simple and Profound Thoughts
(from Simple and Profound)

The life each of us lives is the life within the limits of our own thinking.  To have life more abundant, we must think in the limitless terms of abundance.    - Thomas Dreier

We can know nothing of humankind without knowing something of ourselves.  Self-knowledge is the property of those people whose passions have their full play, but who ponder over their results.    -Benjamin Disraeli

Conditions are never just right.  People who delay action until all factors are favorable do nothing.    - William Feather

A lot of our 'busyness' is a way for us to avoid thinking about what is most important.  There's a difference between being busy and being productive.     - Kristen Lippincott

   

  

Haven't Got Time for the Pain
Bernie Siegel

Our hotel room was robbed one evening while we were at dinner.  I think I know who did it because on our way down to the restaurant we saw a suspicious-looking man loitering in the hallway near our room.  I had a good look at him while we waited for the elevator, and when we returned to our room and found our belongings had been removed, I could picture his face perfectly.

The man took my clothes and a fur coat I bought Bobbie when we were in the Netherlands.  He also took jewelry that had been in Bobbie's family for years and was precious to us--because of its family history.  We reported the theft and gave the police a detailed description of the burglar.  Bobbie and I talked about the loss for a while and then went to bed.  The next morning, when I tried to do my meditation, I was disturbed by the picture of the man in the hallway and by thoughts of what I would like to do to him.  The same thing happened the next morning, and every morning thereafter.  Even after we'd checked out of the hotel and returned home, the man's face followed me, and angry thoughts disturbed my morning meditations.

When several weeks had passed and I was still angry over our loss and violation, I realized the burglar was in charge of my thoughts and my life.  That morning I decided to reclaim my life and thoughts.  I spontaneously visualized the man bringing his children Christmas presents that he purchased with the money he obtained when he sold our possessions.

As I pictured the scene, I thought to myself, "If I had known what he was going to do, I would have left a few dollars on the bedside table for him so he could bring his children some really lovely gifts."  I finished the visualization smiling, and never again did the man in the hallway trouble my thoughts.  Now and then I smile thinking of him and his children.

You can point out that the burglar probably spent the money on drugs rather than his children.  Maybe he did.  It makes no difference to me what he did with our belongings.  I am free because of the change in me.  I helped our son Jeff do the same thing when his home was robbed, only this time the robber bought his mother a birthday present.  Now Jeff laughs about the incident and my irrational thinking.  But it works.

I was listening on the car radio to Carly Simon singing, "I Haven't Got Time for the Pain."  There is wisdom in that song.  Our time here is limited.  We don't have the luxury of extra time to spend in pain.  Some pain may be necessary--for instance, the pain that protects you from an injury or leads you to respond to the needs of others.  But the pain you feel when something or someone is disturbing your life and thoughts is not useful, and you will be happier when you resolve the problem and reclaim your life.

The burglar taught me that events are not my problem.  My thoughts about the events are the problem.  This is fortunate, because I can't change the things that have happened but I can change my thoughts about them.

What thoughts are so important that it is worth holding on to them even when they make you miserable?  Why are you holding on?  You are in charge of your thoughts and feelings.  If you are willing to search for the reason that you can't let go of disturbing thoughts, you can learn about yourself and restore your own peace of mind.

If something controls you in a way that puzzles you, think of it as a mystery.  Mysteries are best approached by closing your eyes and mouth to experience darkness and silence.  I find new and healing images in that dark, silent place away from emotions that control me.  Do not be afraid to close your eyes and be silent in prayer, meditation, rest or sleep.  In those states you may rediscover a new self.  Then your life, time and thoughts will become yours again and you can live your unique myth.

You are in charge of your visions, images and feelings, and you can transform the ones that disturb you.  What haunts you like the man in the hallway haunted me?  What thoughts control you and cause you to suffer?  It could be thoughts about something someone did to you, or you may be distress about something someone did to someone else.  You could be feeling guilt over something you did.  Think about the event and your reaction to it.  See if you can find a solution and let go of the painful thoughts, resolve the problem and regain peace of mind.  If you are puzzled, close your eyes.  Go to a dark and silent place, away from the emotions, light a candle and see what healing images you find or what words you hear to solve your puzzle.

more thoughts and ideas on acceptance

   


   
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A nice song for this week (I think I included this one recently, but it's on my mind right now, and it's definitely worth listening to more than once!):

    

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Developing into a Healthy Thinker
Sue Patton Thoele

The select few who've mastered the art of meditation can empty their minds, but the rest of us can't stop thinking.  Unfortunately, much of what we think isn't conducive to strength, happiness, and self-esteem.  Therefore, when we catch ourselves thinking negatively, we need to plan a script of thoughts to replace our unhealthy self-talk.

Admittedly, I balked when first hearing the idea of creating a script for myself.  Doing so seemed contrived and unnatural.  Plus, I was convinced the whole idea was too simplistic to be effective.  It wasn't until life pushed me over the edge and the slender thread by which I was hanging was being unraveled by my negative thoughts that I gave in and tried scripting.  Because it worked--and still works--for me, I'm sharing it with you.

Avoid the common error of chastising yourself for negative thinking.  If you catch yourself in the middle of some particularly negative self-talk and berate yourself, "There I go again!  How terrible!  No wonder I feel as I do!  Why can't I stop this?", you'll only start a new line of negative, self-critical thoughts.  Instead, give yourself a gold star for a good job of vigilant thought monitoring.

I watch my self-talk carefully.  I was once working with a client who was suicidal.  After the session I noticed I was feeling depressed and on the verge of tears.  I tuned in to my self-talk.  I'd been saying, "I should be able to save her.  If she dies, I'll be responsible.  I'm not up to the task of making her well."  Ah, the Responsibility Sponge hard at work.  No wonder I felt lousy.

I checked the reality of those debilitating thoughts and began to replace them with these:  "She is a child of God, safe in the universe; I am a good therapist; I love myself and her."  I pictured her well and happy and, as a result, began to feel better.  Sad, still, but then it was a sad situation.  But I changed the statements that were draining my self-esteem reserves and causing me pain and began to release my feelings of failure and fear, which, if continued, would have become obstacles to my helping her.

Affirmations are flower seeds that we plant in our subconscious.  They have a powerful effect in helping us build a life that is happy, authentic, and free from fear.  Conscious affirmations are an effective means of reprogramming negative self-talk, underlying assumptions, and hidden attitudes.

Probably the most important affirmation you can have is "I love myself."  If you simply can't say that, as I couldn't when I started affirming, try "I am willing to love myself" or "I am willing to be willing to love myself.  Whenever you become aware of unhealthy self-talk, replace it with one of the following affirmations or create your own affirmations to meet your particular needs.

Positive Self-Talk Affirmations
1.  I love myself.
2.  I am a good friend to myself and others.
3.  I am a worthwhile human being even though I make mistakes.
4.  I know my limits and boundaries and stand up for them in a firm and loving manner.
5.  I now have the time, energy, wisdom, and money to accomplish all that I desire.
6.  I trust myself.  I know what is good for me.
7.  I am willing to be my ideal weight.
8.  I am a valuable person worthy of the love and respect of others.
9.  I deserve satisfying and supportive relationships.
10.  I am an excellent and creative worker.
11.  I am wise, loving, light-hearted, and kind, a clear reflection of God.
12.  I am God's (use any term that resonates with your heart) cherished child.

Don't expect quick results.  You are reprogramming your subconscious mind, the most complex computer on earth.  It will take time for your feelings to catch up with your new thoughts.  But even if you don't feel the truth of the affirmation now, know that valuable work is being done on the subconscious level.  The eventual benefits of changing thought patterns has been proven over and over again by people who faithfully, persistently practice affirmations.  These include world-class athletes and successful business people.

  

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with--just know that they'll be here for you each week.

   

There cannot be a sense of abundance or the experience of prosperity without
appreciation.  You cannot find beauty unless you appreciate beauty.  You cannot
find friendship unless you appreciate others.  You cannot find love unless you
appreciate loving and being loved.  If you wish abundance, appreciate life.

William R. Miller

   

 
Life

One of the most important lessons that I've learned over the many years that I've spent studying life and living has been a very simple one:  Our lives are what we make them.  Yes, there are outside factors to everything in life, and there are other people who do things that mess up our efforts, and there are earthquakes and fires and storms that can seem to destroy our efforts, but the fact remains the same:  Our lives are what we make them.  Within the limits that we currently face, we always have the choice to improve our lives, keep them the same, or make them worse.  And we do these things with the choices that we make, the people with whom we choose to associate, the risks that we take or avoid, and the attitudes that we bring to the situations that we face.

Life is what it is, and we spend much of our time trying to mold it into what we think it should be.  This is a strategy that's doomed to failure, and that failure causes huge amounts of frustration in all of us--we think things should be a certain way, so we put forth effort to make life conform to our beliefs.  But it just doesn't work.  Yes, there are certain things we can accomplish, such as getting better jobs or changing laws to protect certain things or starting organizations that work for social justice, but when we recognize that the world is full of billions of other people also trying to mold life to their beliefs, we start to see that our frustration isn't helping us a bit, and that life will be life and it will go on on its own terms, with or without us.  And that's perfectly okay.
   

Life is brimming with things to be discovered and known,
skills to be mastered, challenges to be overcome.  And when
you are discouraged, dig a hole in the earth and think of
the possibilities.  So many things can be planted in your lifetime,
skills that once mastered will bear fruit forever. . . . Pluck
up some enthusiasm for the business of life, for the loamy
matter that supports us all.  Become a handyman and spread
your skills wide, digging deeper into the earth’s crust
to uncover its secrets.

Christopher Kimball

   
When we get it through our heads that life is a process of discovery and creation, then we can start to act in ways that bring us to higher levels of knowledge, empathy, compassion, and wisdom.  And then we can start being much more content with life and what it throws our way--we can start living our lives fully instead of thinking that there must be something more that we're somehow missing.  The lives that we lead are gifts that are beyond our comprehension, really, and it's important that we do our best to make the most of those gifts.

But would you tell a gift-giver, "Thanks for the gift, but it should have been something else?"  We all know that saying such a thing would be a sign of ingratitude, a sign that we don't appreciate the gift at all.  And without gratitude and appreciation, the gift will simply be a waste of everyone's time.  If we accept it for what it is, though, and try to make the best of all of its qualities, we can make the most of the gift of life by turning the lives into works of art, creative wonders that honor the gift-giver and the gift itself.

Being able to do this, though, requires that we recognize that if we're to live our lives, we cannot be passive observers of life--we must be active participants.  As Shakti Gawain says below, life doesn't just happen to us; rather we create the conditions that cause life to respond in the ways it does.  True, that person did something very awful to you, but how did that person get into a position of influence over you in the first place?  We allow people into our lives, and we have the power to put them out of our lives, too.  Perhaps you don't have enough money at the moment to do what you dream of doing, but you do have enough money to do something.  When we lose something dear to us, it often turns out to be very positive for us as we let go and move on--if we allow ourselves to let go in the first place.
    

Many of us have had the attitude that life is something that happens
to us and that all we can do is make the best of it.  It is basically a
victim's position, giving power to people and things outside of
ourselves.  We are beginning to realize that the power rests in us,
that we can choose to create our life the way we want it to be.

Shakti Gawain

    
There are so many amazing things that we can do with life, but most of us simply put ourselves into a little box that we think defines us and we allow ourselves to stay with the same patterns and actions for years and years.  It isn't life that limits our possibilities--it's something that we do ourselves as we consider our choices.  Life gives me the chance to explore new surroundings and new thoughts and ideas each day, but I generally choose to stick with what I know.  That way, I don't allow my fear to grow too strong.  But that way, I also don't allow my heart or my mind to grow too much, either.

Look at all that life offers.  Some of it is out of reach at the moment, but if we really, truly want something, we can make it happen in our lives.  It takes effort and perseverance and a bit of faith, but anything can be done that doesn't violate the known laws of physics, right?  When we approach life with a positive attitude and an indomitable faith, there really are no limits as to what we can accomplish.  Yet most of us approach life with hesitation and fear, and we come to see our lack of accomplishment as life's fault, not our own.

Life is about love, and about becoming the people we were meant to be.  And there's a good chance that that person isn't rich or famous or even well-known; some of the most important contributions in life have come from people of humble means who have taught very valuable lessons to others who have gone on to spread those lessons throughout the world.

I love life.  Life allows me to walk in the snow, to hear children's laughter, to run marathons, to taste chocolate and wine (not together, though), to read good books, to enjoy good movies, to experience other people's smiles, to help people who are in need, to be helped by others when I'm in need, to see the stars and hear the wind and stand in awe at the sunset.  Life allows me to learn, to know more today than I knew yesterday, or to be better at something today than I was yesterday.  Life is the tenderness of a loving touch, the beauty of a bird's song, the fantastic feel of rain on my skin and in my hair, the joy of waking up after a good sleep.

Yes, life does offer me challenges and obstacles, but these are the things that teach me, that help me grow, and that make me appreciate the times when I'm not facing any particular challenges.
   

The great affair, the love affair with life, is to live as variously as
possible, to groom one's curiosity like a high-spirited thoroughbred,
climb aboard, and gallop over the thick, sun-struck hills every day.
Where there is no risk, the emotional terrain is flat and unyielding,
and, despite all its dimensions, valleys, pinnacles, and detours, life
will seem to have none of its magnificent geography, only a length.
It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage
and beautiful country lies in between.

Diane Ackerman

   
How is your relationship with life?  Is it a love affair, or is it antagonistic?  Is it full of appreciation and wonder, or full of blame and accusations?  It may be confusing and even frightening at times, but life definitely gives us gift after gift, and it's completely up to us what we do with those amazing blessings--we can accept them and put them in their best light, or we can let our fears control us and see those gifts as nothing at all special.  No matter what we choose to do, though, life will keep giving us gifts.  Eventually we're going to have to make those gifts important parts of our lives and make our lives the special, marvelous experiences that they always were meant to be.

   
More on life

   
   

   

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To act with common sense, according to the moment, is
the best wisdom I know; and the best philosophy, to do
one's duties, take the world as it comes, submit respectfully
to one's lot, bless the goodness that has given us so much
happiness with it, whatever it is, and despise affectation.

Horatio Walpole

  

You Are You
unattributed

You are strong. . . when you take your
grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave. . . when you overcome your
fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy. . . when you see a flower
and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving. . . when your own pain
does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise. . . when you
know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true. . . when you admit
there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive. . . when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's mistake.

You are growing. . . when you know what
you are but not what you will become.

You are free. . . when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable. . . when you find
your honor is to honor others.

You are generous. . . when you
can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble. . . when you
do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful. . . when you see me
just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful. . . when you forgive in
others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful. . . when you
don't need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich. . . when you never
need more than what you have.

You are you. . . when you are
at peace with who you are not.

   

  

The race of humankind would perish did they cease to aid each other.
We cannot exist without mutual help.
All therefore that need aid have a right to ask it from their fellow human;
and no one who has the power of granting can refuse it without guilt.

Walter Scott

    

  

Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.

   
    

   

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