quotes, quotations and passages on

listening

A single conversation across the table
with a wise person is better than
ten years' mere study of books.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory. Emily Post

Conversation was never begun at once, or in a hurried manner. No one was quick with a question, no matter how important, and no one was pressed for an answer. A pause giving time for thought was the truly courteous way of beginning and conducting a conversation. Luther Standing Bear

Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn't looking down at a device in their hands? We've become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us. Regina Brett

I grow tired of conversations as competitions. So many people simply want to impress with their own stories or wit or woes that conversations don't happen. Rather, we spend much of our time during conversations thinking about what we want to say instead of truly listening to the other person or persons. Conversation is for sharing, and much of sharing involves listening. I would guess that most of us couldn't tell someone else just what we've gained from a conversation once it's over. We've been so focused on what we want to say that we haven't paid attention to what the others have wanted to share with us. tom walsh

We all lose when bullying and personal attacks become a
substitute for genuine conversation and principled disagreement.

Alicia Garza

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A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That's why there are so
few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.

Truman Capote

Surely only boring people went in for conversations consisting
of questions and answers.
The art of true conversation consisted in the play of minds.

Ved Mehta
All for Love

In the best conversations, you don't even remember what you
talked about, only how it felt. It felt like we were in some
place your body can't visit, some place with no ceiling
and no walls and no floor and no instruments.

John Green
Turtles All the Way Down

Americans no longer talk to each other, they entertain each other.
They do not exchange ideas, they exchange images. They do not
argue with propositions; they argue with good looks,
celebrities and commercials.

Neil Postman
Amusing Ourselves to Death

The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.

William Hazlitt
Selected Essays

I really do feel like the work and time we spend avoiding having
difficult conversations is so much more wasteful and painful and
time-consuming than actually having the difficult conversation.

Shonda Rhimes

Conversation. What is it? A Mystery! It's the art of never
seeming bored, of touching everything with interest, of pleasing
with trifles, of being fascinating with nothing at all.

Guy de Maupassant

There is something hugely civilised about allowing long pauses in
a conversation. Very few people can stand that kind of silence.

James Robertson
And the Land Lay Still

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not,
as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings
believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory.

Emily Post

During a conversation, listening is as powerful as loving.

Amit Kalantri
Wealth of Words

A man once asked me. . . how I managed in my books to write such
natural conversation between men when they were by themselves.
Was I, by any chance, a member of a large, mixed family with a lot
of male friends? I replied that, on the contrary, I was an only child
and had practically never seen or spoken to any men of my own age
till I was about twenty-five. "Well," said the man, "I shouldn't have
expected a woman (meaning me) to have been able to make it so
convincing." I replied that I had coped with this difficult problem by
making my men talk, as far as possible, like ordinary human beings.
This aspect of the matter seemed to surprise the other speaker; he
said no more, but took it away to chew it over. One of these days it
may quite likely occur to him that women, as well as men, when left
to themselves, talk very much like human beings also.

Dorothy L. Sayers
Are Women Human?

He knew very well that the great majority of human conversation is meaningless.
A man can get through most of his days on stock answers to stock questions, he
thought. Once he catches onto the game, he can manage with an assortment of
grunts. This would not be so if people listened to each other, but they don't.
They know that no one is going to say anything moving and important to them at
that very moment. Anything important will be announced in the newspapers and
reprinted for those who missed it. No one really wants to know how his neighbor
is feeling, but he asks him anyway, because it is polite, and because he knows that
his neighbor certainly will not tell him how he feels. What this woman and I say
to each other is not important. It is the simple making of sounds that pleases us.

Peter S. Beagle,
A Fine and Private Place

There’s a difference between a healthy discussion and a pointless debate.
A conversation with someone who is open-minded, who values growth
and understanding, can be enlightening—even if you don’t agree. But trying
to reason with someone who refuses to see beyond their own beliefs? That’s like
talking to a wall. No matter how much logic or truth you present, they will twist,
deflect, or dismiss your words, not because you’re wrong,
but because they’re unwilling to see another side.

unattributed

In fact, the more each person can remove his or her ego from
the discussion and focus on the subject matter, the more
fruitful the conversation will be for all involved.

Matthew Kelly
The Seven Levels of Intimacy

As Uncle Victor had once told me long ago, a conversation is like
having a catch with someone. A good partner tosses the ball
directly into your glove, making it almost impossible for you to
miss it; when he is on the receiving end, he catches everything
sent his way, even the most errant and incompetent throws.

Paul Auster
Moon Palace

Everybody talks, but there is no conversation.

Dejan Stojanovic
The Sun Watches the Sun

A heart-to-heart conversation with your soulmate, not sex, is the
most intimate experience of your life. While sex is a brief exchange
of physical pleasures, conversation is a lifelong exchange of souls.
After each conversation, you're no longer the same person
you were before—you've shared a piece of your soul
and received a part of hers in return.

Shahid Hussain Raja

The stronger person is not the one making the most noise but
the one who can quietly direct the conversation
toward defining and solving problems.

Aaron T. Beck