14 July 2025         

   

Hello!  We've all made it to a new week in our lives, a fact that's obviously a
cause for celebration; we hope that you're able to make your week into a very
special set of days that you can look back on in fondness for the pleasant memories.

   
   

   

You Don't Have to Do It Alone (an excerpt)
Laura Berman Fortgang

Negative Thinking Never Helps
Jeff Keller

Teaching and Learning
tom walsh

   
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Simple and Profound Thoughts
(from Simple and Profound)

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.  We get very little wisdom from success, you know.    -William Saroyan

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.    - John Foster Dulles

If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are.    - Montesquieu

Ideally, every human being ought to live each passing moment of their lives as if the next moment were to be their last.  We ought to be able to live in the constant expectation of immediate death and to live so, not morbidly, but serenely.    - Arnold Toynbee

   

  

You Don't Have to Do It Alone
Laura Berman Fortgang

To multiply the number of opportunities available to you and your chances at succeeding at making a change, it makes sense to get other people involved in your quest.  At the same time, it's wise to choose those people carefully.  A support system is crucial to keeping you going; however, even if your own fears haven't crept up to deter you, you may have to deal with the fear that others project on you.

Who is on your team?  Who have you recruited to egg you on and catch you if you fall?  Most people naturally have people in their life with whom they share goings-on, and yet there is so much more room to make a support system a bigger and better designed part of your life.

Support can come in many forms, and it can reach you across state lines and even oceans.  It does not depend on proximity.  The key is putting some thought into recruiting and instructing the team.  Your team will become your reservoir of courage, should you encounter further moments of doubt.  It is a pool you want to dip into, so you have to be sure the right folks are in it.

Before choosing or confirming who your support system is, let's look at what support means to you.  Do you need cheerleaders?  Do you need people who can listen without judging or advising?  Do you need a kick in the butt or a hug and a kiss from those on your team?  Defining support is as important as having it.

Miguel had never really thought about what kind of support he wanted.  He had just naturally fallen into a pattern of relying on his friends and family to hear him out when he needed to complain or, as he put it, feel sorry for himself.  When asked what kind of support would really be useful for him, he realized that he would probably feel better faster if his support system did not let him complain so much.  Instead, he wanted them to help him turn his problems around and stop indulging his pity.  He approached each of his usual supporters and let them know that the next time he called them to complain, they had his permission to remind him that he could do something about it.  He then asked that they spend the time brainstorming with him instead of just listening to him.  Now when he got stuck, he got out of it faster and found that he could do this for his friends as well.  Miguel felt he was no longer an occasional burden to his supporters, and his relationships improved because of that.

All this may make you wonder what kind of support you provide those around you.  Do you support them in their pain or in their power?  Funny enough, not everyone wants to be supported to be their best.  Some people actually get their needs met by staying frustrated or in pain.  They get attention and sometimes sympathy, and they don't have to take responsibility for their problems.  They may just like it that way.  With that said, it may be difficult to understand why anyone would choose to support their friends and loved ones to be anything less than they can be, but it happens all the time.  We get used to how people are, we forge behavioral patterns, and we forget that we can influence them.  We also might feel too threatened sometimes to fully support someone.  If supporting them means that they may move ahead of us, or otherwise do something that affects our life negatively, we might willingly (or unwittingly) become less supportive.

Being supportive does not necessarily mean that you only agree with the person you are supporting.  However, it does mean that you are constructive and are not tearing the person down or being mean-spirited in your concern for them.  It's OK to disagree or play devil's advocate, but it is imperative to have respect for the person and the situation they face.

If you turn it back around to how you would  like to be supported, recognize that you can instruct--and yes, sometimes even train--those around you to give you the support you need.

It may sound selfish to imagine instructing other people on how they can support you.  But it doesn't need to be selfish or sound imperious in any way.  It may be unusual, but it is an example of being mindful and purposeful in making your life what you want it to be.  I'm sure you've heard many a CEO or leader say that they succeed by surrounding themselves with a team of intelligent people.  You are, in essence, building a team.  You are not giving people direct pieces of your goal to accomplish for you, but you are forming a team that can buoy you and keep you going.  Just as you would not expect a significant other to meet your every need, neither will your support system members be uniquely equipped for every function.  Some may be better cheerleaders or strategists, and others may be more useful for brainstorming or hand-holding.

The opportunities to ask for their support may come as part of a formal request or in your casual, everyday interactions.  It may mean asking them to lunch to help you with something or asking them to hold you accountable for what you are trying to change, or it may just mean asking them to speak to you differently if they have indeed said something insensitive.

At the risk of sounding insensitive myself, people, like puppies, are trainable.  You can set boundaries, correct behavior, and redirect their negativity--all for the good of your new life direction and the future of your relationship with that person.

more thoughts and ideas on relationships

   


   
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Negative Thinking Never Helps
Jeff Keller

I've never had someone come up to me and say, "I'm always negative and it's working out great for me. I can't wait to get up in the morning!" And yet, positive thinking still has its skeptics.

Some people tell me that positive thinking doesn't work or that it's "unrealistic," especially in today's turbulent world.

"Look around you," they say. "How can you be so positive?"  Well, let me ask you this:  can the world be lifted out of negativity by adding MORE negativity?

The truth is, there are certain things that negative thinking will do for you.  It will make you sick.  It will make you very unpleasant to be around.  And, it will significantly limit what you can achieve.

Let's take a closer look at why negative thinking doesn't serve us.  For starters, we all operate under the Law of Dominant Thought.  Simply stated, we're always moving in the direction of our dominant thoughts.

Most of us have heard about the "self-fulfilling prophecy"--that we get what we expect in life.  Expect negative results and, sure enough, you'll produce negative results.

As I'm sure you've found, negative thinking also causes you to feel more stress and to have less energy.  Scientific studies have demonstrated that negativity weakens your immune system.  How many times have you gotten sick during a stressful period in your life?

If you're still not convinced about the effects of being negative, take out a sheet of paper and write down your list of all the benefits you're getting from negative thinking.  I think your list is going to be very short, if you come up with anything at all.

Let me make an important distinction here.  It's quite natural for a person to feel sad in response to a tragedy or the death of a loved one.  There's a period of loss and grieving that differs for each individual, and we don't expect a grief stricken person to be positive in the short run.

However, even a person in that situation will not be served by holding onto their negative thoughts indefinitely.  (By the way, if you've suffered some trauma or have had a difficult time releasing negative thinking, by all means get counseling.  That's not a sign of weakness.  It's a
constructive step to help you move forward in your life.)

Doing What Comes Naturally

From everything I've observed, babies are naturally positive.  They're usually smiling and seem to be enjoying life.  I haven't met any negative, frowning babies.  That's why I don't buy the argument that negative thinking is just natural.

Those who think negatively do so out of habit.  They have conditioned themselves to think that way. In Western societies in particular, we've developed the tendency to focus on minor irritations, even though these annoyances are only a tiny part of our overall lives.  We tend to focus on the 5% of our lives that are going "wrong"... instead of the 95% going well.

We'll sigh and tell everyone about the traffic jam or flat tire on the way to work.  Yet, we'll never comment about the miracle of our existence--the billions of cells in our body that somehow allow our brain to function, our heart to pump blood or our eyes to see.

We don't appreciate that we have enough food to eat or that we have a roof over our heads, while there are millions of people who don't have these gifts.  It's no wonder that so many people think negatively.

The newspaper is filled with negative news.  Television and radio reports dwell on tragedies and crimes.  How often do you read or hear about people helping each other or doing something positive?  Hardly ever.  If you do nothing to counteract this bombardment of negativity, you're going to think negatively.

At any time, however, you could take control of this situation.  You could stop watching and listening to all of the negative news and read something positive instead.  You could limit your contact with "toxic" people and make sure your life is filled with positive inputs.

If you did that, your "natural" inclination would switch and you'd begin to think positively.

Quick Mental Exercises

I'll show you that you have much more control over your thinking than you might believe.  Try this experiment.  Right now, think about your favorite movie.  You might even get a picture in your mind of your favorite scene in that movie.

Now, let's think about your favorite meal.  What is it?  A fresh salad ... a juicy steak ... grilled salmon?  Whatever it is, just think about it.  Now that your mouth is watering, let's move on.  Think about being out in a snowstorm, with two feet of snow on the ground.  Can you see the snow and feel the cold on your toes?

In each case, you were able to control what you thought about.  You could shift your thinking in an instant.  It has been said that positive thinking is harmful because optimistic people ignore things that can go wrong or are easily duped and taken advantage of.

In other words, if you expect the sun to be shining all the time, you're just naive and are sure to be disappointed.  But positive thinking doesn't mean that you ignore reality or refuse to consider the obstacles that might arise.  On the contrary, the positive person expects a positive outcome but prepares for overcoming obstacles.

For example, if a positive person is planning an outdoor wedding, he or she won't use the power of positive thinking to make sure it doesn't rain on the big day.  Rather, a positive person is prepared with contingency plans, focusing on things that she can directly control, such as having a tent available in case it does rain.

By this point, I hope that you're receptive to the idea that negative thinking won't help us.  So, the question is: how can we change our thinking to become more positive?  The answer, simply stated, is that you must change what goes into your mind every day.

Start by eliminating as many of the negative inputs as possible. While you can listen to the news for a few minutes to catch the important headlines, there is no need to hear reports of the same murders and bombings over and over each day. At the same time, replace the negative inputs with positive stimuli.

Read positive materials on a daily basis. Listen to positive audio tapes or CDs, or to music that inspires or relaxes you.

Here's another technique:  monitor your everyday language.  When you find yourself beginning to complain or talk negatively, switch immediately to something positive. Say something like, "I really have so much to be grateful for" and start listing some of those things.

Condition yourself to focus on constructive solutions to challenges, rather than harping on problems or fretting about things outside of your control. Make a commitment for the next 30 days. Think about what you want instead of what you don't want.

Think about what you're grateful for rather than what you believe is missing in your life. Saturate your mind with the positive. After 30 days, you can then decide whether to keep focusing on the positive or to revert to your negative thinking pattern. I think I know which one you'll choose!

* * * * *

Jeff Keller is the President of Attitude is Everything, Inc. For more than 15 years, Jeff has delivered presentations on attitude and motivation to businesses, groups and trade associations throughout the United States and abroad. Jeff is also the author of the highly acclaimed book, Attitude is Everything.

  

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Why do we protect children from life?  It's no wonder that we become afraid to live.
We're not told what life really is. We're not told that life is joy and wonder and magic
and even rapture, if you can get involved enough.  We're not told that life is also pain,
misery, despair, unhappiness, and tears.  I don't know about you, but I don't want
to miss any of it.  I want to embrace life, and I want to find out what it's all about.
I wouldn't want to go through life without knowing what it is to cry.

Leo Buscaglia

   

 
Teaching and Learning

I've recently been involved in a discussion about teaching.  In this discussion, several teachers have expressed their opinion that it's a good thing to give students their cell phone numbers and email addresses so that students can contact them at night with questions about their homework.  While on the surface this might seem like a rather harmless perspective, it really does scare me to think of just how often teachers become enablers, and just how little privacy and personal times teachers allow themselves to have.

When I finish teaching for the day, I'm done for the day.  Don't get me wrong--I don't bolt out of the building with the last bell.  I hang around and talk with students and give help wherever I can to those who want it.  I usually coach sports, which puts me at school even longer, and I volunteer for a lot of activities, which adds even more time.  But when I go home, I'm at home and not at work.  My down time at home, the time when I rest my mind and my body and my emotions, is the time that allows me to do well when I am at school.  If I were to receive a call at 8 p.m. from someone who has a question about homework, would I be doing that person any favors by answering the question for them?  Usually not.
   

Education is not the filling of a pail,
but the lighting of a fire.

William Butler Yeats

   
You see, there are two sides to education:  teaching and learning.  The teacher's responsibility reaches only so far--the learner also has a responsibility to put forth some effort to develop strategies for learning material.  We don't learn by simply listening to someone tell us answers--we have to process the information and then hopefully respond to it in ways that show that we truly do understand it.  Our young people today, however, are not learning to do this--they're simply learning to ask someone else for the answers (even if that someone else is a corporate entity such as Google), and then accepting those answers without considering whether they're accurate or not.

Teachers have a very important job; there's no doubt about that.  But that job does not and should not extend into their living rooms at night--when they're done for the day, they should be done for the day.  They need the down time to rest and recuperate.  And if they have given homework, then it's important for their students to come up with the best answers they can, themselves.  The answers may not even be completely accurate, but the process of at least working towards the answers is the most valuable part of learning.  Having a ready source of the answers to call and ask for information does not exactly make a positive learning experience.
    

Learning is not attained by chance.  It must be sought
for with ardor and attended to with diligence.

Abigail Adams
  
Any fool can know. The point is to understand.

Albert Einstein

    
And students need time with material that doesn't make sense to them to try to get it to make sense.  Instead of calling the teacher for an explanation, a student needs to sit down with the material again in order to try to figure out what he or she missed the first time around.  And to do it a third time if they miss things the second time around.  It's in struggling with things that we truly learn about them--things that are simply explained to us by others rarely make their way into our long-term memories.

I don't ever make my students suffer, but I do try to make them think.  I don't hand them answers on a silver platter, but I also don't withhold answers when it looks like someone is reaching the limits of his or her patience, or is about to be overwhelmed with frustration.  You see, I want my students to learn how to deal with problems on their own rather than just call a teacher or type a phrase into a search engine.  When my students move on past my classes, I want them to be self-sufficient--able to ask for help when they really need to do so, but also able to function on their own when they need to.  The attrition rate in college is over 40%, and I know from experience that most of that is due to too many students not being able to function on their own, and not having those teachers who gave them every answer there for them any more.
   

You know that I don't believe that anyone has ever taught anything
to anyone.  I question the efficacy of teaching.  The only thing
that I know is that anyone who wants to learn will learn.  And maybe
a teacher is a facilitator, a person who puts things down and shows
people how exciting and wonderful it is and asks them to eat.

Carl Rogers

   
If we want to learn, the first thing we need to do is to learn how to learn.  If we want our young people to be good learners, we have to help them to learn how to find answers themselves, and not just ask the nearest bystander for information.  Life is an amazing journey, and there's much to learn along the way--and we'll never know how much richer our lives could be, if we but knew how to learn all we can from every situation we face.  So learn how to learn, and teach young people to learn for themselves by not giving them every answer they ask for.

As a teacher, one of my most common answers to a student's question is, "You tell me."  When someone asks what a word means, I give them a dictionary.  It would be easier for all of us if I were just to give the answer, but I'm not looking for easy answers--I'm looking to prepare young people for the adventure that lies before them.  And there are many astonishing adventures in front of you, too, with many wonderful lessons to teach.  May you be ready and able to learn when the chances come your way.

   
More on learning.

   
   

   

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Morality has been conceived up to the present in a very narrow spirit, as obedience to a law, as inner struggle between opposite laws. As for me, I declare that when I do good I obey no one, I fight no battle and win no victory.  The cultivated person has only to follow the delicious incline of his or her inner impulses.  Be beautiful and then do at each moment whatever your heart may inspire you to do. This is the whole of morality.

Ernest Renan

  

On Letting Go
author unknown

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. 
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off. 
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. 
It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, 
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, 
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, 
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

   

  

ll truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times;
but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly,
till they take root in our personal experience.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    

  

Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.

   
   
    

   

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