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After thirty minutes of
trying to help her remember something – anything – that would
bring her a feeling of hope or happiness, I began feeling hopeless
myself when I was suddenly inspired to say, "This may be a
little thing, but when you hear a bird sing, does it bring you
joy?"
Her response was
immediate: "That's not a small thing to me. I love to hear
birds sing."
"And hearing the
laughter of a child playing?" I countered. I could almost
hear the rush of relief (mine or hers?) that broke forth as she
shifted her perception. For the first time in our conversation she
stopped insisting that she had nothing to be happy about. In her
silence I could tell that my message had finally penetrated her
resistance.
I’ve found that
negative thinking derives from beliefs about ourselves that were
formulated long ago – about who we think we are and what we’re
capable of doing. In our early years, many of us had parents who
didn’t know how to be loving, nurturing or supportive, so we
learned from them how to criticize and judge ourselves. As a
result, we often treat ourselves exactly as we were treated as
children, scolding ourselves for being afraid or for making a
mistake and often taking on a distorted view of how things are
without ever questioning its validity.
But the past is ancient
history, gone, dead and buried (at least if you allow it to be),
and now it's time to treat yourself exactly as you've always
wanted to be treated. When you catch yourself beating yourself up,
remind yourself to be gentle and loving. After all, if you aren't
that way with yourself, how do you expect others to be that way
with you?
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© Copyright Carol James http://www.inspiredliving.com
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