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Boundaries aren't all bad.
That's why
there are walls
around mental institutions.
Peggy Noonan
Patriotic Grace |
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The
purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of
ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways
that
are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we
have a
right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the
right, but
the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.
Robert Burney
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The
logical progression, then--what exactly are boundaries?
This shield can come in many different forms, but at its
core, a boundary simply involves saying No.
No to giving something; no to behaving in a certain way;
no to being treated in a way that will hurt your heart,
your body, your totality. Personal boundaries can
come in all facets of life--physically, emotionally, and
mentally. You protect your body; you protect
yourself from fatigue and stress, you protect your time,
money, and even privacy. You protect your right to a
basic level of respect and courtesy.
Urban Monk |
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All her life, Claire had had a problem figuring
out where other people ended and she began. All her life, she’d
taken on the world’s hurt; she held herself responsible. But
why?
Elin Hilderbrand
A Summer Affair
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Individuals set boundaries to feel safe,
respected, and heard.
Pamela Cummins
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When we fail to set boundaries and hold people
accountable, we feel used
and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which
is
far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.
Brené Brown
The Gifts of Imperfection
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Setting
boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation--
although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in
fact they are
attempting to manipulate. The difference between
setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when
we set a boundary we let go of the outcome.
Robert Burney
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In my personal relationships,
I couldn’t find the edges where I
ended and others began. I
sometimes felt powerless, unsure of
who I was in relationships,
and unheard. I wasn’t sure how to
change my life, but I knew
that I had to. Because I didn’t set
healthy personal
boundaries, I was exhausted, I couldn’t focus,
and I felt
consumed by drama around me, in both my personal
and professional
lives. As I result, I dealt with a lot of conflict,
failed to take
care of myself, and generally disliked my work.
Britt Bolnick
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Every healthy marriage is composed of walls and
windows. The windows
are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the
world—that is, the
necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends;
the walls
are the barriers of trust behind which you guard the most
intimate secrets of your marriage.
Elizabeth Gilbert
Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
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And
after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear,
healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other,
let us risk
remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved
out loud.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer |
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The boundary
to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.
Tara Brach
Radical Acceptance
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People
who violate your boundaries are thieves.
They steal time that doesn’t belong to them.
Elizabeth Grace Saunders
The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment
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Once you see the boundaries of your environment, they
are no
longer the boundaries of your environment.
Marshall McLuhan |
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Appropriate boundaries create integrity.
Rae Shagalov |
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Boundaries
are a prerequisite for compassion and empathy. We can't
connect with someone unless we're clear about where we end and they
begin. If there's no autonomy between people, then there's
no compassion or empathy, just enmeshment.
Brené Brown
Atlas of the Heart |
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Indeed, the only truly serious questions are ones
that even a child can
formulate. Only the most naive of questions are truly serious.
They
are
the questions with no answers. A question with no answer is a
barrier
that cannot be breached. In other words, it is questions with no
answers
that set the limit of human possibilities, describe
the boundaries
of human existence.
Milan Kundera
The Unbearable Lightness of Being |
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Eros is an issue of boundaries.
He exists because
certain boundaries do. In
the interval between reach and grasp,
between glance and counterglance,
between ‘I love you’ and ‘I
love you too,’ the absent presence of desire
comes alive. But the
boundaries of time and glance and I love you are only
aftershocks of
the main, inevitable boundary that creates Eros: the boundary
of
flesh and self between you and me. And it is only, suddenly, at the
moment
when I would dissolve that boundary, I realize I never can.
Anne Carson
Eros the Bittersweet |
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Boundaries are the
distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
Prentis Hemphill |
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Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself.
It doesn’t make me
mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don’t do
things your way.
I care about me too.
Christine Morgan |
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The more severe the dysfunction you experienced
growing up,
the more difficult boundaries are for you.
David W.
Earle
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You need
boundaries. . . Even in our material
creations, boundaries
mark the most beautiful of places, between the
ocean and
the shore, between the mountains and the plains,
where the
canyon meets the river.
William Paul Young
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