Hello,
and welcome! We all have another new week to
work with in our lives,
the gift of time with which to learn and grow and
share and love and live.
We hope that you're able to do all those things this
week!
According to
a recent Time/CNN poll, close to 65 percent of us spend much of our
so-called leisure time doing things we'd rather not do. That
is a staggering statistic, especially when you consider the
incredible number of options that are available to us today.
I think there
are two reasons a lot of us aren't doing the things we really want
to do. First of all, many of us don't know what those things
are.
When I think
back to my hectic lifestyle, I have to admit that one of the reasons
I allowed my life to continue to be so complicated is that I hadn't
slowed down enough in recent years to figure out what I wanted to
do, not only in terms of my work life, but in terms of a lot of my
personal choices.
I knew the
basic things: I knew my husband, and family, and special
friends were important. I knew that for me, spending time in
nature was important. I knew maintaining my health with
exercise and an appropriate diet were important.
But there
were other areas, such as my life's work and many social and leisure
activities, I just sort of drifted along with because it was easier
than taking the time to come up with alternatives.
For any
number of reasons we lose sight of what we want to do. Perhaps
we weren't encouraged as children to make our own decisions.
Or maybe we
have easygoing, compliant personalities and have gone along with
what other people have wanted to do, or have wanted us to do, for so
long that we've forgotten what's important to us.
Or perhaps we
never allowed ourselves to believe that doing the things we enjoy is
even a possibility for us.
If you've
spent a lot of years not knowing what you really want to do, either
in terms of your career or in terms of your personal, social, civic,
or family life, it can seem like an impossible task to stop what
you've been doing--or at least slow down for a bit--and figure it
out. It often seems easier to keep on doing things we don't
want to do.
Secondly,
what we want to do can often be difficult to do.
For example,
if your deep, dark, hidden desire is to write the great American
novel, it would seemingly require a major disruption in your life to
arrange things so you could even get started on it. Often it's
easier to continue doing things you almost want to do, or don't mind
doing.
So our lives
get frittered away by a social engagement here, a luncheon there, an
evening of television here, or the habit of working evenings or
weekends or both on projects that we don't have all that much
interest in. And the things we really want to do, in our heart
of hearts, get put on the back burner.
One of the
things simplifying your life will do is free up time for you to
figure out what really matters to you, and then enable you to
arrange your time so you can do it.
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What
makes people successful? This
question has mystified people since humans first
became dissatisfied with cave dwellings and tried to
find some way to make life more comfortable. Perhaps
the following comparisons between the characteristics
of a person who fails and a successful person will help answer
the question.
Successful
people know precisely what they desire, have a plan
for getting it, believe in their ability to get it,
and devote a major portion of their time to acquiring
it. The person who fails has no definite purpose in life,
believes that all success is the result of
"luck," and moves on his or her own
initiative only when forced to do so.
Successful
people think before they speak. They weigh their
words carefully. And they emphasize their likes
concerning people, minimizing their dislikes or not
mentioning them at all. The unsuccessful person
does just the opposite. He or she speaks first,
thinks later. His or her words bring only regret
and embarrassment and cost him or her irretrievable
benefits because of the resentment they engender.
Successful
people express opinions only after having informed
themselves so they can do so intelligently. The person
who fails expresses opinion on subjects about which he
or she has little or no knowledge.
Successful
people budget time, income and expenditures.
They live within their means. The person
who fails squanders time and income with a contemptuous
disregard for their value.
Successful
people take a keen interest in people, especially
those with whom they have something in common, and
cultivate a bond of friendship with them. The
unsuccessful person cultivates only those from whom he or she
wants something.
Successful
people are open-minded and tolerant on all subjects,
toward all people. The person who fails has a closed
mind, steeped in intolerance, which shuts him or her
off from the recognition of favorable opportunities
and the friendly cooperation of others.
Successful
people keep abreast of the times and make it an
important responsibility to know what is going on, not
only in their own business, profession or community,
but also throughout the entire world. The unsuccessful
person concerns him or herself only with his or her immediate
needs, requiring them by whatever means are
available--fair or foul.
Successful
people keep their minds and outlook on life positive
at all times. They recognize that the space they
occupy in the world and the success they enjoy depend
upon the quantity and quality of service they render. They make it a habit to render more service than
they promise. The person who fails looks for
"something for nothing" or something under
the table, which he or she did not earn. And
when he or she fails to get it, he or she blames the
greed of others.
Successful
people have a keen respect for their Creator and
express it frequently through prayers and deeds of
helpfulness to others. The unsuccessful believes in
nothing but his or her own desire for food and shelter
and seeks those at the expense of others when and
where he or she can.
All
in all, there is a big difference in both the words
and the deeds of the successful person and the person
who fails. But all people are where they are and
what they are because of their own mental attitudes
toward themselves and others.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
When you have too much
month
for your paycheck,
then what
you need to do is
realize
that there is abundance
all around
you, and focus on
the
abundance
and not your lack and
as night follows
day
abundance will come to you.
Sidney Madwed
Solitude
There is a certain peace in being alone that we simply never shall
find if we're always surrounded by other people. Why, then,
are we so often afraid of being alone? Solitude is really
the only state in which we can accomplish the reflection that we
need to understand our lives and our selves, and it's in solitude
that we're able to develop the strength that allows us to deal
with many of life's setbacks and obstacles. When we're alone
we can tap the creative depths of our minds and hearts without the
distractions and tangents that are introduced to us by
others. Our aloneness is a healthy, marvelous place, yet we
somehow learn to fear it--we somehow learn that if we spend time
alone, there's something "wrong" with us.
In my life, solitude has been an extremely valuable asset, though
for many years I saw it as a curse. I simply didn't want to
be alone, and I wanted to be with other people. My very
nature, though, was geared towards solitude, for I never really
enjoyed many of the things that other people do to avoid being
alone; especially difficult for me was the way that alcohol was so
often a major part of most "social" gatherings.
Having grown up in a family with an alcoholic parent, I simply
didn't want to be around people who were drinking. Even as a
child, I spent a lot of time alone, reading or drawing or writing,
while the rest of my family watched TV (another activity I'm not
particularly fond of). When I was alone as a grown-up,
though, I spent most of my time wishing I were with other people
rather than taking advantage of my alone time.
There are many things that we can do when we're alone that we
simply can't do when we're with other people. In solitude,
we have time for more reading, more reflection, more walks alone,
more hiking and camping in places that other people probably
wouldn't want to go. Yes, it is great to share experiences,
and the company of our fellow human beings can be one of the most
important elements of life, but it's also important that we accept
our solitude when we've been gifted with it and use it to fulfill
some of our deep needs that can't be filled when we're in groups
or even part of a couple.
Deliberately
seeking solitude--quality time spent away
from family and friends--may seem selfish. It is not.
Solitude is as necessary for our creative spirits to develop
and flourish as are sleep and food for our bodies to survive.
Some people
view other people's solitude as selfishness, as
Sarah points out. But just as rest and
relaxation are necessary to keep ourselves strong
and able to deal with our lives, solitude can
provide us with a spiritual and emotional
rejuvenation that can make us stronger and more
resilient in the face of life's challenges.
Not all of us can find the means to spend two weeks
alone whenever we feel like it, of course, but
solitude doesn't necessarily need to be extravagant
or extreme. Sometimes it's as simple as going
into another room with a book and closing the door
behind us. Sometimes, the long walk in the
morning can be a balm that soothes our nerves and
allows us to ponder life and consider the challenges
we're facing.
For me, the solitude is a beautiful experience in
itself, but it also helps to strengthen other
experiences. Just as the best meals I've ever
had have come after times of having very little to
eat, some of the best times I've spent with others
have come after time that I've spent alone.
When I've spent time in solitude, I tend to listen
more when I'm with others, and I tend to appreciate
their presence more. I don't feel a need to
talk as much, and I'm able to just be with the other
people without having any expectations or
preconceived ideas of how people should act or what
they should say. And I know, when this
happens, that it's one of the many benefits of
having spent time alone and learning even more how
to value myself and be comfortable with myself just
as I am.
It is a difficult
lesson to learn today--to leave one's
friends and family and deliberately practice the art
of solitude
for an hour or a day or a week. And yet,
once it is done,
I find there is a quality to being
alone that is
incredibly precious. Life rushes back
into the void,
richer, more vivid, fuller than before.
Why does our
society value keeping people in groups as much as
possible? In part, it's because when we're in
groups, we spend more money. But also, being
with other people helps us to deal with many of our
fears of being alone in life, our fears that we're
somehow not good enough, somehow rejected by our
fellow human beings. Many years ago, Blaise
Pascal said that all of our miseries result from not
being able to sit in a quiet room alone, which
implies that we do not feel comfortable being alone
with our own thoughts.
Being with a group--or even with just one other
person--means that we never have to
experience our thoughts as deeply as we can, or as
fully as we can. Our thoughts frighten us,
because when we do sit alone in a quiet room, we
sometimes find ourselves thinking things that we
don't necessarily want to think--but that we need to
think if we're ever going to work our ways past the
fears and insecurities that those thoughts
imply. Being alone allows us time to work our
ways through our thoughts and feelings, and we can
come out of our aloneness with a new resolve, with a
new sense of strength that can come only from
knowing ourselves a bit better and feeling more
confident of what we want and our ability to fulfill
our own wishes.
The awareness we experience in solitude is
priceless for the peace
it can give. It is also the key to true loving in our
relationships.When
we have a part of
ourselves that is firm, confident, and
alone, we
don’t need another person to fill
us.We know that we have
private spaces full of goodness and
self-worth, and
we grant the
same to those we love.We do not try to pry into every corner of
their lives or to
fill the emptiness inside us with their presence.
Solitude is
within our reach almost all the time. Of
course, I'm not going to find a lot of solitude when
I'm in my classroom with 25 students, or if I'm
working in a store serving customers
constantly. But if we consciously search out
the moments of solitude that can help to rejuvenate
us--those few minutes that we can spend completely
with ourselves and our own thoughts--then we can use
solitude to make our lives richer and fuller.
And even in the crowds, according to Emerson,
solitude is within our reach: the great
person, he says, is the one "who in the midst
of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the
independence of solitude." It's a matter
of perspective, and a matter of effort, but the
solitude we crave and need is always available to
us.
Most
of my major disappointments have turned out
to be blessings in disguise. So whenever anything bad
happens to me, I kind of sit back and feel, well, if I give
this enough time, it'll turn out that this was good,
so I shan't worry about it too much.
William
Gaines
Once
upon a time there was a woman who longed to find out
what
heaven is like.
She prayed constantly,
"O, God, grant me in this life
a vision of
paradise." She
prayed in this way for
years until one
night she had a dream. In her
dream
an angel came and led her
to heaven.
They walked down a street in paradise
until they
came
to an ordinary-looking house. The angel,
pointing toward
the house said, "Go and look
inside."
So
the woman walked in the house and found a person
preparing
supper, another
reading the newspaper, and
children playing with
their toys. Naturally,
she was
disappointed and returned to the angel on
the street. "Is this all there is to
heaven?"
The
angel replied, "Those people you saw in that
house
are not in paradise--paradise is in
them!"
Edward
Hays
The "burning
bush" was not a miracle. It was a test. God
wanted to find out
whether or not Moses could pay attention to something for more
than
a few minutes. When Moses did, God spoke. The
trick is to pay attention to
what is going on around you long enough to behold the miracle
without
falling asleep. There is another world, right here
within this one,
whenever we pay attention.
Lawrence Kushner
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
™
