Welcome
to the next-to-last day of the year just gone by.
When we live day by day,
such events as the changing of the year don't mean
as
much in the bigger picture, but
it can still be nice to ponder all that we've
accomplished in the year that we've
just lived through and all that we hope to do in the
year to come.
We sincerely hope that you're able to make 2025 your best year ever!
As I grow
to understand
life less and less,
I learn to live it
more and more. -Jules Renard
All animals, except man, know
that
the principal business of life is to enjoy it. -
Samuel Butler
Life only demands from you the strength
that you possess. Only one feat is possible--not to
have run away. -
Dag Hammarskjold
The
only thing I regret about my past is the length of it.
If
I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes,
only sooner. -
Tallulah Bankhead
I once succumbed to the fad of fasting and went for
six days and nights without eating. It wasn't
difficult. I was less hungry at the end of the
sixth day than I was at the end of the second.
Yet I know, as you know, people who would think they
had committed a crime if they let their families or
employees go for six days without food; but they
will let them go for six days, and six weeks, and
sometimes sixty years without giving them the hearty
appreciation that they crave almost as much as they
crave food.
When Alfred Lunt, one of the great actors of his
time, played the lead role in Reunion in Vienna,
he said, "There is nothing I need so much as
nourishment for my self-esteem."
We nourish the bodies of our children and friends
and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their
self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef
and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give
them kind words of appreciation that would sing in
their memories for years like the music of the
morning stars.
Paul Harvey, in one of his radio broadcasts,
"The Rest of the Story," told how showing
sincere appreciation can change a person's
life. He reported that years ago a teacher in
Detroit asked Stevie Morris to help her find a mouse
that was lost in the classroom.
You see, she appreciated the fact that nature had given Stevie a
remarkable pair of ears to compensate for his blind eyes.
But this was really the first time Stevie had been shown
appreciation for those talented ears. Now, years later, he
says that this act of appreciation was the beginning of a new
life. You see, from that time on he developed his gift of
hearing and went on to become, under the stage name of Stevie
Wonder, one of the great pop singers and songwriters of the
seventies.
Some readers are saying right now as they read these lines,
"Oh, phooey! Flattery! Bear oil!
I've tried that stuff. It doesn't work--not with
intelligent people."
Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It
is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it
usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty
for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a
starving man will eat grass and fishworms. . . . In the long
run, though, flattery will do you more harm than good.
Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will
eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is
simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One
comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out.
One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally
admired; the other universally condemned.
I recently saw a bust of Mexican hero General Alvaro Obregon in
the Chapultepec palace in Mexico City. Below the bust are
carved these wise words from General Obregon's philosophy:
"Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid
of the friends who flatter you."
I am not suggesting flattery! Far from it. I'm
talking about a new way of life. Let me repeat. I
am talking about a new way of life.
If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch on
and we should all be experts in human relations.
When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem,
we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about
ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a
while and begin to think of the other person's good points, we
won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can
be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is
appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or
daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we
fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking
a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children
more than this kind of parental interest and approval.
The next time you enjoy a meal at a restaurant, send word to the
chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired
salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.
Every minister, lecturer, and public speaker knows the
discouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an audience
and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment.
What applies to professionals applies doubly to workers in
offices, shops and factories and our families and friends.
In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all
our associates are human beings and hunger for
appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on
your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set
small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your
next visit.
Pamela Dunham of New Fairfield, Connecticut, had among her
responsibilities on her job the supervision of a janitor who was
doing a very poor job. The other employees would jeer at
him and litter the hallways to show him what a bad job he was
doing. It was so bad, productive time was being lost in
the shop.
Without success, Pam tried various ways to motivate this
person. She noticed that occasionally he did a
particularly good piece of work. She made a point to
praise him for it in front of the other people. Each day
the job he did all around got better, and pretty soon he started
doing all his work efficiently. Now he does an excellent
job and other people give him appreciation and
recognition. Honest appreciation got results where
criticism and ridicule failed.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called
for. There is an old saying that I have cut out and pasted
on my mirror where I cannot help but see it every day:
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can
do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do
it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not
pass this way again.
Emerson said: "Every person I meet is my superior in
some way. In that, I learn of them."
If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousand
times more true of you and me? Let's cease thinking of our
accomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure our the
other person's good points. Then forget flattery.
Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be "hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will
cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a
lifetime--repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
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For
years, motivational gurus have promoted the concept of
positive self-talk, having a positive attitude, and
how it makes a difference in our perspective,
productivity, and quality of life. Rarely are we
told how to go about doing this on a regular basis.
There are all kinds of techniques and exercises
that can work, but they have to be personalized and
meaningful to each of us. We have to believe it
or at least behave as if we do.
One
of the houses we lived in when I was growing up had a
bay window in the dining room with a window seat.
That part of the house faced east. One of the
things I really enjoyed doing was to get up very
early, before the sun came up, get a glass of juice
and curl up in a corner of the window seat and watch
the sky change.
Between
darkness and dawn there was a brief time of
splendor. Dark silhouettes of tree branches with
incredible colors behind them. Peach,
sapphire, crimson streaks, dark indigo overhead and to
the north, then as the sunrise itself approached they
would all fade into daylight. This surrealistic
light show didn't last too long, but it was enough to
get my day off to a positive start.
Even
though it was forgotten during the course of the day
and its activities, the quiet beauty, peacefulness,
and anticipation of that short time reached out to me
to return to it each morning.
Not
all of us have the chance to sit and watch the
sunrise. And for some of us it isn't meaningful.
What is important is to find something that is
meaningful, personal, and uplifting to start our day.
Whatever
we do, our minds are most impressionable when we first
awaken. What we do with that brief time between
sleep and being fully awake, between darkness and
daylight sets the tone for our entire day and how we
approach it. We can turn it into a brief time of
splendor in which we reconnect with our true selves.
Then it becomes easier to view each day as a new
opportunity filled with limitless possibilities for
great things.
Have
a Great Day and be good to yourself. You deserve
it!
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
Gentleness is
a way of life, showing our love in how we interact
with people
and things. Like any way of life, gentleness has to be
practiced for
us to become more gentle. If we want to become more
gentle,
we must take active steps, that is (1) choosing
to be more
gentle, (2) keeping this resolution in mind, (3) acting
in gentleness,
and (4) catching ourselves when we are not gentle so that we can be
more aware of our gentleness or lack of gentleness in
the future.
Thomas Stobie
Feelings
Why do we so often consider our feelings to be worthless or
useless? Why do we see them as obstacles to our lives
instead of wonderful sensors that help us to understand our world
and what's happening in it? How often are we told not to let
our feelings get in the way, or not to trust our feelings,
especially when it comes to things like money and business?
In our world, "feelings" has become almost a dirty word,
for in competition, it's important to leave your feelings behind
and focus on winning or doing better than everyone else.
Our feelings, though, are one of the most important elements of
being human. Part of the definition of humanity has to
include the feelings we have that separate us from other forms of
life, as well as our ability to share and express those feelings.
They're a part of ourselves that we should be celebrating, not
hiding; sharing and not keeping to ourselves.
Of course, feelings can get away from us, and they can become
destructive when people allow themselves to be controlled by their
feelings and emotions. While our feelings can be very
effective as a guide, they should not be in control of who we
are. When our feelings are hurt, for example, we often say
and do things that we later regret; when we're feeling down, we
often follow that feeling into depression. It's very
important that we get in touch with our feelings so that we can
recognize them and understand them--we can't really control them
(repressing them is not controlling them), but they can be an
important part of our lives if we know how to deal with
them.
Pay
attention to your feelings. They are there to help
you; they
are your friend. When you feel off, take notice.
Gently observe your thinking. Where is it? If your
thoughts
aren't in the here and now, rather than being hard on
yourself,
or getting too much into details of your thinking
(analysis
paralysis!), simply direct your attention back to the
moment.
Don't allow your thoughts to pull you away from
happiness.
As Richard says
above, taking notice of our feelings is a method
that can help us to make our feelings useful.
Our feelings are our first reaction to almost
anything that happens to us--our intellect takes
over only after whatever immediate reactions that we
have. Sometimes, those feelings can be
completely inaccurate--such as feeling fear when we
see a person who is absolutely no threat at all, or
feeling disgust when we see something that looks
like something else that disgusts us. In these
cases, our logical minds do come to our aid to help
us find a balance between our feelings and our
thoughts, as following that first response often
would be inappropriate. Someone who is very
good at manipulating others can get us to feel
trust, and it may take our reason and logic to start
to notice holes in whatever story we're being fed.
As a culture, though, we've put intellect and reason
on a very high pedestal, and in doing so we've
effectively disenfranchised our feelings, turning
them into a part of ourselves that we no longer
trust. We make our decisions based on rational
thought, and we don't trust our gut instinct.
We judge others highly when we see that they value
reason above all else, and we judge others harshly
when we see that they trust their feelings and make
decisions based upon them.
This cultural tendency has turned us into a
community of people who in many ways aren't able to
feel any more. We say that we feel love, but
then we offer logical reasons for which that love is
justified. We say that we feel compassion, but
we limit our compassion to situations that we can
justify logically--how many people make donations to
worthy causes only because of the tax breaks and
positive public relations that they'll receive in
return?
We
should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect;
we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore, the judgment of
the intellect is, at best, only the half of truth, and must,
if it be honest, also come to an understanding of its inadequacy.
When we
suppress a gift as wonderful as our feelings,
though, we truly limit ourselves in this world of
ours, which is a world that seems to have been
designed to maximize our feelings of awe, wonder,
love, hope, compassion--and even supposedly
"negative" feelings such as despair,
longing, fear, or distrust. Our feelings are
gifts to us, and we're making a huge mistake when we
relegate them to second-class status in our own
beings. They can make our lives much richer
and fuller when we allow ourselves to feel them
fully, and get to know the feelings that we're
having. As Shakti says, they are an important
part of who we are, and when we deny or suppress
them, we cannot be at one with ourselves. That
loss of unity can be a dreadful situation for us to
experience.
One of my biggest problems early in life was that my
feelings scared me--if they were positive I
"knew" they wouldn't last, so I shouldn't
trust them; if they were negative, they always had
the chance to become far, far worse, and so I
dwelled on them, and guess what? My focus on
the negative feelings actually caused me to go
deeper into them, to make them grow into something
bigger than they actually were, to make me miserable
and hopeless for many, many days of my life.
Now, my relationship with my feelings was forged by
having an alcoholic parent (read some of the traits
of adult children of alcoholics), but other people
have uneasy relationships with their feelings for
different reasons. The most important thing
that we can do, though, is to recognize our
feelings, accept them for what they are, and learn
not just to live with them, but to understand them
and actually listen to the messages that they have
to give us.
Notice
what happens when you doubt, suppress, or act contrary to
your feelings. You will observe decreased energy, powerless or
helpless feelings, and physical or emotional pain. Now notice what
happens when you follow your intuitive feelings. Usually the result
is increased energy and power and a sense of natural flow. When
you're at one with yourself, the world feels peaceful, exciting, and
magical.
Recognizing our
feelings is a non-judgmental process. Just see
what they are, and notice that, but don't judge your
feelings ("it's ridiculous to feel that
way") or yourself ("I'm an idiot to feel
that way") for them. They are a part of
who we are, so we should let them be what they are
and acknowledge them ("I'm feeling confused
right now"), and with that acknowledgement we
can do something about them ("If I'm confused,
I should seek clarification" or "If I'm
angry, I should deal with the situation in a
positive way or find out for sure if my anger is
justified"). The messages that they give
us are extremely important, and they can help us to
make decisions about future actions that can
actually contribute to our mental and emotional
well-being. If we repress them and ignore
their messages, then we will hurt ourselves, even if
we don't recognize the harm that we're doing in the
short run.
We have to listen to them carefully, though, for the
messages can be mixed or misinterpreted. For
example, I can't count how many times I've thought I
was angry at a person when I was really extremely
frustrated with a situation. Because I wasn't
able to recognize what my feelings truly were, I
wasn't able to deal with situations well, and I
often made them worse by expressing my anger instead
of facing the frustration.
Love your feelings. When you love them, you'll
see them clearly and you'll allow them to speak to
you--and you'll actually listen to their messages
when they do so. They are a truly vital part
of who we are, and it's a great tragedy that so many
of us have learned to repress our feelings instead
of learning from them. Make them an important
part of your life, and your life will grow richer
and fuller as you become a person who is more in
tune with yourself.
Giving kids clothes and
food
is one of thing,
but it's much more
important to
teach them that other
people besides themselves
are important and
that
the best
thing they
can do with their lives
is to use them in the
service
of other people.
No
matter how busy you are, make sure to find some time over the next
two weeks to reflect, think, give and plan.
The week between Christmas and New Year's is the ideal time for
this. Try to slow things down. Spend time with the ones you love and
care about. Take some time to talk with your spouse and kids about
goals and dreams for the next year. Use this as a time to recharge
your batteries (and not just by watching TV the entire time), and
with excitement, think about a handful of changes or additions you
want for your life in the New Year.
I believe you will find the act of reflecting, thinking, dreaming
and planning (with your family) to be one of the most important
exercises you can do that will positively impact the next 12 months.
And, remember, do not neglect to commit yourself to set this time
aside, or you will find that the business of life can and will get
in the way.
So, let's all take a moment to gather up the past year of victories
and defeats, growing as well as those times of stagnation, and use
it to wipe a clean slate and thoughtfully design the next year the
way we truly desire it to be.
Unfortunately, we're used to
thinking of childhood as a period of blindness
and inadequacy, not as the richest time of all. And yet, to
convince
yourself
that it's so all you have to do is look carefully into the eyes
of
a newborn baby. Try it if you get the chance; forget preconceptions
and observe
the child closely. How do the eyes seem to you? Empty,
unconscious? Or
ancient, distant, wise? Babies naturally know how to
breathe deeply; it's we adults who
have lost this
ability. At the age of four
or five I had as yet learned
nothing about God or
religion, nor about any
of the fine messes people have made in
their name.
Susanna Tamaro
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
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