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More
from and about
Hugh Prather
(biographical info at bottom of page) |
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It's
not that we fear the place of darkness, but that we don't think
we are worth the effort to find the place of light. |
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Very seldom will people give up on
themselves. They continue
to have hope because they know that they have the potential
for change. They try
again--not just to exist, but to bring about
those
changes in themselves that will make their lives worth living.
Yet people are very quick to give up on friends, and
especially on
spouses, to declare them hopeless, and to
either walk away or
do nothing more than resign
themselves to a bad situation.
What an
absurd amount of energy I have been wasting all my life
trying to find out how things 'really are', when all the
time they weren't.
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By approaching my problems with "What might make things a little
better?"
rather than "What is the solution?" I avoid setting myself up for
certain
frustration. My experience has shown me that I am not going to solve
anything in one stroke; at best I am only going to chip away at it.
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I sometimes
react to making a mistake as if I have betrayed myself.
My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden
assumption that I am potentially perfect and that if I can
just be
very careful I will not fall from heaven. But a 'mistake' is
a declaration
of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend, a reminder I am
not dealing
with the facts. When I have listened to my mistakes I have
grown.
It's this
simple: If I never try anything, I never learn anything. If
I never take a risk, I stay where I am.
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Perfectionism
is a slow death. If everything were to turn out just like
I would want it to, just like I would plan for it to, then I would
never
experience anything new; my life would be an endless repetition of
stale
successes. when I make a mistake I experience something
unexpected. . . .
when I have listened to my mistakes, I have grown.
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Today I don't want to live for, I want to live. |
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Just
when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes and I am
left the same. The more things change the more I am the same. I am
what
I started with, and when it is all over I will be all that is left
of me. |
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To
have any hope of happiness, we must first recognize those times
we are afraid of the innocence of others. They are the same
moments
as when we ourselves resist feeling gentle and free. We
mistakenly
believe that our sense of self-worth comes from how we compare to
others, and that to see them as innocent would reflect badly on
us. |
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True
humor is fun--it does not put down, kid, or mock. It makes people
feel wonderful, not separate, different, and cut off. True humor
has
beneath it the understanding that we are all in this together. |
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| For
more than thirty years, Hugh Prather has counseled couples,
families in crisis, battered women and their abusers, and grieving
parents who have lost children. Currently a resident minister at
St. Francis in the Foothills United Methodist Church, Prather
lives in Tucson, Arizona, with his wife, Gayle, and is the proud
father of three sons.
Hugh
became a publishing phenomenon when his first book, Notes to
Myself, was released in 1970. Since then, the book has sold
more than five million copies and been translated into 10
languages. Published by a small company, with little advertising
or promotion, it has inspired and comforted readers throughout the
world.
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