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September
14
One's friends are that
part
of the human race with
which one can be human.
George
Santayana |
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Today's
Meditation:
I like reading quotations like this about friendship
because they give me an idea of how I should be acting as
a friend. We don't have nearly as many role models
of being true friends these days, as most of the people we
know get wrapped up in their own lives, in being busy and
not being able to be there for the people they care for
and who care for them. The years of focus on self
and self-indulgence have created a generation that's
marked more for its ability to overwork and overeat than
for its ability to make and keep friends.
We're in a culture of "independent" people who
sometimes seem to be just looking for some reason to cut
you out of their lives, for that would simplify life for
them, especially if you're going through problems that you
need to talk over with others. And if that's so, I
have to ask myself if I do the same things, or if I
provide friendship that other people are able to depend on
when they need me to be a friend. Am I the type of
person with whom other people feel comfortable being
themselves, mistakes and problems and all, or am I the
type of "friend" whose judgment other people
fear, so they tend not to share openly their thoughts and
fears and hopes and desires?
I think that many of us see people not being themselves
around us and wish that they would be themselves, and just
themselves. We don't realize, though, that we're
part of that equation that is keeping them from being
completely open and honest with us. Perhaps it's
because we don't listen closely, or because we tend to
judge others' statements, or because we don't take them
seriously enough.
Our goal in being a friend should be just to be a friend,
not to change our friends or "fix" them in any
way. Once we start trying to do that, then the true
friendship is over and we're in an acquaintanceship.
I want to let others be just what they are, and I want
them to be comfortable enough with me to be just that.
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Questions to
consider:
Why do we so often get so tempted to "fix" our
friends--their problems, their personalities, their quirks
and habits?
With what kind of person do you feel the most welcome and
comfortable? Are you that type of person for your
friends?
What specific things might we do to make sure that we
allow our friends to be completely human, completely
themselves, when they're with us?
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For further
thought:
Oh, the comfort, the
inexpressible comfort of feeling safe
with a person;
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure
words, but
to pour them
all out, chaff and grain together,
knowing
that a faithful hand will take
and sift them, keep
what
is worth keeping, and then, with
the breath of
kindness,
blow the rest away.
George Eliot
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on friendship.
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