Do not be afraid of showing your affection.
Be warm and
thoughtful and affectionate.
People are more
helped by sympathy,
than by service;
love is more than
money, and a kind word
will give more
pleasure than a present.
of the tendencies of the Adult Child of an Alcoholic is to
avoid showing affection. After all, if you don't show
affection, you'll never be rejected, right? At least,
that's the subconscious logic going on in the mind of the
person. I can vouch for this phenomenon because it has
affected me all my life, and though I am getting better at
it, I'm pretty sure it will be with me until the day I
die. right now I'm a bit better at it than most people
I know, but I still hold back in many situations.
basic thought that allows me to share my affection much more
readily than I used to be able to is the thought that other
people need to see it, feel it, and hear it. I know
that when people have been affectionate towards me, it was
miraculous in a way, and it made me feel wonderful. So
why would I think that other people wouldn't feel that way
when I showed them my affection (within appropriate
boundaries, of course)?
try to show affection in the simplest of ways. When I
ask how someone is, I truly listen to the answer and I make
eye contact while they're speaking, and then I respond to
what they say. I thank people for things they've done
for me, and I tell them that I appreciate their input
because it helps me a lot. If someone is very
important to other people, I tell them that. I know
that many people are uncomfortable with others showing them
affection, so I try to stay within limits that they're
comfortable with. At home, I hug my wife and my
step-kids, and I try to encourage them and compliment them
in valid ways. I try to write letters to friends, even
quick notes, though I'm getting worse at that as time goes
if I'm "warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate," I imagine that the contribution that I
make to the lives of the people I affect in life will be
significant and positive, and that's pretty much all I can
ask for from myself, isn't it? And it's a nice little
gift that definitely does beat money or a present.