Welcome to this newest month in our lives!  We hope that
you're able to make this month one of your best ever, and that
you're able to make it a positive time for others in your life, too!

The Key to Building Your Personal Power
Lee Pulos

What Do You Expect?
tom walsh

A Second Chance:  Reconnecting with What Matters Most      Kathy Paauw

Obstacles to Gratitude
Wayne Dyer

Please feel free to contact us at infoatlivinglifefully.com or on our feedback page.
Living Life Fully home - e-zine archives - Daily Meditations

Don't forget that you can receive an e-mail reminder each time
that our e-zine is published, or a free e-mail of our daily quotations
and/or our weekly Digest.  Click here to learn more!

The Key to Building Your Personal Power
Lee Pulos, Ph.D.

Self-esteem is the immune system of the mind and of the spirit. Self-esteem is our experience of feeling competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and feeling happy and worthy and deserving of happiness. People who have the greatest sense of self-esteem are those who feel they are doing their life's work. Genuine self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves when things are not going right.

Self-respect has to do with our value as a person, an inner certainty, a sense of happiness, a feeling of success about life, and feeling worthy enough to attract, allow, and receive love into our life. People with a lesser sense of self-estimate — or esteem — find it easier to give love than to receive it.

If you have a healthy immune system, does that mean you will never get sick? Of course not. But you will be less susceptible to illness and you will experience a faster recovery. Having a high level of self-esteem doesn't mean you will never be anxious, miserable, depressed, or overwhelmed on occasion. The advantages of having a strong sense of self and worthiness is that you have good shock absorbers. If you are attempting to achieve a goal and hit a wall, you will persevere. You may not always succeed, but you will succeed more often than you fail. A top manager in one of the executive seminars I was conducting said to the group, "I have been knocked down five times — but I got up six." The average CEO has had 3.2 major failures before succeeding.

While our sense of self-efficacy shows up in different areas of our life, it shows up most prominently and consistently in the area of relationships and love. If a person doesn't feel he or she is worthy of love, the person will find it hard to believe someone else loves him or her and will usually find ways to trust test — or sabotage — the relationship in some fashion. Have you ever tried to tell or convey love to a person who doesn't feel lovable? There just isn't much you can do to convince that person.

Our self-esteem of course will vary in different areas of our lives, and our effectiveness level, performance, or success will correspond to our self-esteem in that particular area. For example, you may have high self-esteem as a manager and communicator of ideas, and your performance or effectiveness level will correspond to your self-estimate. You may have low self-esteem with mechanical things or replacing parts and putting gadgets together, and your friend's may lovingly call you a "klutz" in that area. You may have average self-esteem as a parent or spouse, and your competence in that area will correspond accordingly.

If you take all the areas of your life and make a bar graph of high- and low effectiveness levels, you will probably end up with a zig-zag profile. Psychologists would average that out and come up with what is called a "g" factor — or general level of self-esteem. Of course, if you want to raise your self-esteem in a particular area of your life, one approach would be to begin improving your performance.

Perhaps taking a course on effective parenting, joining Toastmasters, or taking a continuing education course on public speaking and effective communication. Not a good money manager? Take that night-school course on financial planning . And so forth. As you raise your performance and effectiveness level in different areas of your life, your self-estimate in that area should go up accordingly.

In contrast to the "bottom up" method of changing self-esteem is the "top down" approach. Utilizing certain exercises to change limiting beliefs in certain areas of your life — and of course, re-educating and re-programming your subconscious with affirmations, visualization, and/or self-hypnosis — will also work in improving your effectiveness level in different areas of your life.

Thus, self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves. Our self-concept is broader than self-esteem and is the umbrella, so to speak, that subsumes our beliefs, our ideals, our body image — which is an important part of our self-concept. It includes our liabilities, assets, limitations, and capabilities, and self-esteem is one of its major components.

Everyone, of course, is born with 100% self-worth. You cannot pour more water into a glass that is full to the brim. There are no "better thans" — or "less thans." However, as we are growing up and begin acquiring certain beliefs about ourselves — primarily from well-meaning parents, teachers, friends, and so forth — we begin to assess our value, our worth as a person. Some people metaphorically take on so many barnacles, wounds, traumas, and insults that they begin to re-evaluate and devalue their sense of worth. Some people — despite their cruise ship of life being so overburdened with barnacles — somehow develop survival skills and go on to succeed. These people are called invulnerables in the literature — and these are the people we should be studying. What is it that these people are doing right despite horrific and brutal histories filled with abuse and shame? We need more studies of success — not just of pathology, which unfortunately is the way most of us are trained.

The importance of self-esteem was first drawn to national attention more than 40 years ago following the publication of Psychocybernetics by cosmetic surgeon Dr. Maxwell Maltz. He described how he would volunteer one morning a week and do cosmetic surgery on prison inmates in the local penitentiary. After two years or so, the warden called Dr. Maltz into his office and pointed out how the men whose nose jobs and facial disfigurements were improved through plastic surgery were not committing more crimes and returning to jail following their release from prison. Dr. Maltz realized that by changing their body image — which, as I noted earlier, is a very important part of self-image — the convicts felt better about themselves. He went on to describe self-esteem as "the most important discovery of the 20th century." However, this is not necessarily true of everyone.

In later writings, Dr. Maltz described two female patients who had radical cosmetic surgery on their faces. In assessing themselves after the bandages were removed and all the swelling disappeared, the women looked and looked at themselves — and very sadly and disapprovingly said, "I don't look any different; not much has changed. I still feel the same about myself." That was when Dr. Maltz realized that self-image — for most people — was internal, not the external trappings of what we call beauty.

Along the same lines, I remember an almost painfully candid interview in which Elizabeth Taylor described herself as "short, pudgy, awful thighs, I hate my nose, my eyes are too far apart, I don't like the shape of my face, I wish I could change my whole appearance at times." That self-description — from one of the most beautiful women in the world. No wonder she had such a series of self-destructive behaviors: eating binges, drug and alcohol abuse, a number of accidents and multiple surgeries, eight marriages, and so on. Self-esteem is an inside job.

Let us now move on and look at some of the qualities that people with high self-esteem share to varying degrees.

The first quality is that they are continually seeking the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile goals. Goals, of course, are the purpose to all human activity. It is not necessary or even possible to achieve all our goals, but their purpose is to help us become more than what we were. Goals are like dreams, and many people, rather than dreaming their own future, ,allow themselves to be woven into other people's dreams. There are two ways to create our reality: to set goals and program an optimal future or to simply allow whatever comes your way. Both are programs. Both work. High self-esteem people love themselves enough to dream — to create the future they will be stepping into.

High self-esteem people realize that material things such as a fancy car or a mountain condo are symptoms of success — but not true success. True success is intrinsic — the way you treat yourself, your family, other people.

People with a strong sense of self-worth live consciously as problem-solvers — having a respect for facts, for truths, being present in the now when someone is talking to them. They have a passion for self-awareness, for honest self-examination, an awareness of their inner world — not just the external world. And they don't anesthetize themselves with denial or addictions such as drugs or alcohol.

Most importantly, they are quick to forgive — themselves and others. They release the past and don't try to make the present conform to the past by hanging on to grudges or seeking revenge. They realize that it is not the prisoners who spend more time in prison — but the warden. If you are keeping someone as an emotional hostage, then you are the prisoner. All healing has to go through the door of forgiveness.

High self-esteem people have good boundaries. They can say no to what doesn't fit or seem right for them. They can draw the line in the sand and firm their boundary. The person who doesn't value himself or herself enough to say no accepts an intrusion simply in order to please and adds to the stresses of his or her life, unfortunately.

Another quality is that people who value themselves value others and treat them with respect. You will never hear racist, sexist, or ageist remarks from people who feel good about themselves. They go out of their way to honor, respect, and nobilize all people.

As indicated earlier, high self-esteemers form nourishing rather than toxic relationships. They have open, honest communication skills and look for clarity rather than fearing it. If giving feedback, they take responsibility for their feelings and instead of a "you"-blaming remark will preface it with an "I feel this way for what just happened."

Another component is humility. That doesn't mean false modesty or apologizing for being who you are, but regardless of how many times you have experienced a person in a certain way – say, for example, the person is a gossip or bossy — humility is being open to each moment in life as something new — by not prejudging that so-and-so is a bore but rather having the humility to let that person be different this time. Humility is seeing each moment or experience as brand new without judgment.

Altruism is another quality of high self-esteem. Altruism is being helpful or of service to others — whether by doing volunteer work, being a big brother/big sister, or whatever you choose to contribute to create a higher sense of well-being or even excitement. Women in one social helping program reported that by volunteering for service at a convalescent home for older folks, they felt a long-lasting sense of deep inner satisfaction — even exhilaration — and an increased sense of self-worth, less depression, and fewer aches and pains.

People with a higher sense of self-estimate also have a higher sense of accountability. Let me give you an example. One of my friends called me not too long ago, offered to buy me lunch, and wanted to talk about how devastated he was, as his wife had run off with his best friend. I thought "oh no! He wants to get into blame and self-pity." So much for my humility in this instance. Instead — despite his torment — he said, "Lee, you have known me for a long time and you have been with my wife and me on many occasions. What was it about me — what could I have done — or didn't do that caused her to leave me?" I was almost in tears — as I could feel his pain — yet he wanted to take accountability for what had happened rather than give his power away to blaming or "poor me's." In other words, he acknowledged that he is accountable for creating his life, his reality, that whatever he did — or didn't do — led to a very sad chapter in his life, but also, he ended up, over time, learning a great deal more about himself.

Finally, high self-esteem people will argue for their magnificence and the magnificence of other people — rather than for their limitations.

People often ask me, "Is all this concern about self-esteem something recent that has come about with the New Age movement?" I always chuckle when I hear that because I know that more than 2,000 years ago, one of the greatest Teachers of all time said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." You cannot love thy neighbor if you don't love yourself. You cannot give away what you don't have.

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement.  Our articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live life.  Take
from them what you will, and disagree with whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you each week.

"Don't spend your precious time asking 'Why isn't the world a better place?'  It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is  'How can I make it better?' To that there is an answer." --Leo F. Buscaglia

As I read the newspaper and listen to the news about current world problems, it’s easy to point fingers at our elected officials and blame them when I do not agree with decisions made by Congress about how America will respond.  But I still come back to asking the question, “Where is my responsibility, and what can I do?”

How can I make this world a better place? I’ve asked myself that question many times over. My answer is simple: I can examine my own choices and behaviors and check to ensure that they are congruent with my values.

Although I have never had a near-death experience, I have heard numerous stories told by those who have. In each case, all of the individuals have spoken of their experience as a life-changing one that has prompted them to make significant changes in their lives. Each survivor is grateful for being given a second chance -- a chance to reconnect with what matters most – to right the wrongs they have done, or to shift gears and live with a renewed sense of priorities and purpose.

One such person is New York Times best-selling author, Dannion Brinkley.  In reading about how Brinkley’s near-death experience prompted major change in his life, I was struck by the power that humans have when we connect with our deepest beliefs, commitments, and values…and make different life choices as a result.

Brinkley once served in the Marine Corps and worked within U.S. intelligence operations.  A veteran of several war zones and intelligence work, he had just returned home form Nicaragua in 1975 when his life was forever changed.

On September 17, 1975, Dannion Brinkley was at home talking on the phone during a thunderstorm. Suddenly a bolt of lightning hit the phone line, sending thousands of volts of electricity into his head and down his body.  It traveled down his spine and welded the nails in the heels of his shoes to the nails in the floor.  It knocked him out of his shoes and into the air, threw him back down, and bent the bed frame.  As his body burned from the inside out, he was paralyzed. Fear engulfed him. Because of Brinkley’s  espionage background he thought that someone had come to even the score by doing exactly what he had done to others many times and in many places in the world.

His heart stopped.  In the process, he had a near-death experience. As Brinkley opened his eyes, he was in a blue-gray place.  In this place, he was calm and no longer on fire.  Brinkley rolled over and saw himself sprawled across the bed.  He watched his wife come down the hall and begin CPR efforts. He watched as paramedics arrived and began working on his body.
 
During Brinkley’s near-death experience he underwent a panoramic life review. He felt every emotion, thought every opinion and saw every event that had ever happened in his life.  In addition to reviewing everything about his life, Brinkley also got to “be” every person he had ever met.  He got to feel the direct interaction between the other person and himself – all of the pain, anguish, frustration, humiliation and anger that he had inflicted on so many people.

Eventually, Brinkley returned to his body, which had been massively traumatized by the lightening strike.   (It took two years for him to relearn to walk and to feed himself.)  When Brinkley revived in the morgue after 28 minutes of death, he had an incredible story to tell. Brinkley was told of events that would shake the world before the year 2000 – including the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, the Persian Gulf War, and a coming economic crisis. Of the 117 revelations that he recalls, 95 have already come to pass.

Once recovered, Brinkley wanted to find a way that he and others could benefit from his near-death experience. To this end, he has been a hospice volunteer for 17 years, helping people eliminate their fears of death.  In May 1997, he founded the national hospice volunteer organization called Compassion in Action.

After reading about Dannion Brinkley’s near-death experience, I paused to imagine what it would be like to see my whole life flash before me in the span of 28 minutes…to feel every emotion, think every opinion and review every event that had ever happened in my life.  Would I like what I saw…what I thought…what I felt?  Whether you believe in these near-death experiences or not, the idea of such an intense review of one’s life is rather mind-boggling.

Given that only a small percentage of the population has reported having a near-death experience (most people don’t live to tell about it), the majority of us can only imagine what that experience would be like.  Perhaps the closest you or I will ever get to this is by imagining that you have just died after living a long life and you are listening in on your own memorial service.  I challenge you to ponder these questions:

1. What would you want people to say about your life?  What would represent a life well-lived with no regrets? (This represents your beliefs, commitments, and values.)

2. If you continued to live your life just as you are now, what do you think people would have to say about you someday at your memorial service?  (This represents how well your actions and behaviors align with your beliefs, commitments, and values.)

3. Based on your responses above, is there anything you choose to do differently than you are doing right now?  If so, what’s holding you back from doing it?

I encourage you to identify one thing that you choose to do differently, and come up with an action plan to begin this week.

Kathy Paauw, a certified business/personal coach and organizing/productivity consultant, specializes in helping busy executives, professionals, and entrepreneurs de-clutter their schedules, spaces and minds. Contact her at mailto:orgcoach@gte.net or visit her website at http://www.orgcoach.net and learn how you can Find ANYTHING in 5 Seconds --Guaranteed!

excerpted from Manifest Your Destiny

Gratitude is an inner process.  It is an attitude of thankfulness even when things do not appear as we would prefer.  Rumi wrote, "Don't grieve for what doesn't come.  Some things that don't happen keep disasters from happening."  Gratitude is a way of experiencing the world with love rather than judgment.  The three most common obstacles to an attitude of gratitude originate in your mental processes.  They represent a way of thinking that impedes gratitude.

You always have the choice to be love finding or faultfinding.  The faultfinder focuses on what is wrong and what is missing.  The focus shows up as criticism, judgment and anger.  The feeling is of being against the manifestations that appear in the world rather than being for what one receives. . . . Faultfinding does not happen because of what you observe in the world.  It is the observer located within you that chooses a critical or angry point of view.

2.  Complaining.
I have a motto that I have used for many years that is quite simple but is very effective in overcoming this obstacle to an attitude of gratitude:  "Don't complain, don't explain."

The complainer always feels shortchanged and deprived, and consequently becomes envious and bitter toward those who seem to have been blessed with what is missing in his or her own life.  The complainer feels isolated and separate from goodness and joyfulness.  Because the fullness of life seems to be occurring elsewhere, the complainer is full of ingratitude. . . .

The ego constantly instructs you to need and want more, and tells you that complaining helps.  The problem with this is that the ego is never satisfied.  No matter how much you feed the ego, it will give you a new list of demands almost immediately after being satisfied. . . .  The ego is never satisfied, and lives with the slogan that more is always better, and if more does not arrive precisely when the ego is feeling the need, then you have every right to complain.  This is a huge obstacle to an attitude of gratitude, and an even larger impediment to manifesting the essence of the desires of your heart.

3.  Taking what you have for granted.
Taking things and people in your life for granted drains you of the joy that you could be experiencing if you were feeling grateful.  taking things for granted means going through life unaware of the multitude of gifts that are here in each and every moment.

Think of the activities and experiences that would be missed if they suddenly disappeared, and cultivate an awareness that does not take life for granted.  Strive to be alert to being a love finder.  Remind yourself that there are no ordinary moments.  Kicking a ball around with a child, watching the shape of the clouds in the early morning, hearing the sounds of the seasons, saying good night to a loved one--every single experience of life is an opportunity to experience gratitude or its opposite, a feeling of ennui.  It is always a choice. . . .

Change an attitude of ingratitude by imagining, just for a moment, how empty your life would be without those blessings.  Often, we fail to appreciate our loved ones and all of the gifts of the universe until it is too late and they have left our lives. . . . An expression of gratitude towards grandparents, co-workers, spouses, and even the pilots flying an airplane you are on is a way out of the ennui trap.  Discontinue taking life for granted.  Live with an appreciation for life that cultivates gratefulness.