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19
August 2008 |
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| You
find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful
people. Why not make an honest effort to
confer that pleasure on others? Half the
battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say
anything gloomy.
Lydia
Maria Child
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Giving
encouragement to others is a most welcome gift, for
the results are lifted spirits, increased
self-worth, and a hopeful future.
Florence
Littauer
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Ideal
conversation must be an exchange of
thought and not,
as many of those who worry
most about their
shortcomings believe, an
eloquent exhibition of wit
or oratory.
Emily
Post
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When
You Feel Disappointed
(an excerpt)
Iyanla Vanzant
I really
wanted my children to go to college. My son went into the
Navy. My eldest daughter went to college for two
semesters, lost thirty-five pounds, and begged to come
home. My youngest daughter barely got out of high
school. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I had
so many dreams for my children. I wanted one doctor, one
lawyer, and one college professor. I would have settled
for an architect or and engineer, but I really had my heart set
on a college professor, a Dr. Vanzant. Instead I got a
disc jockey, a vice president in my company, and a nurse's
aide. I guess I could have done worse, but I couldn't help
feeling disappointed.
My first
husband also disappointed me. I took our vows very
seriously. Honor, cherish, sickness until death.
Instead I got adultery, violence, sued for divorce.
Disappointment is not only about what happens to us, it is also
about what we do or do not do for ourselves. I have at
times been very disappointed in myself. The things I have
or have not done. The choices I have made. The chaos
and conflict I have created in my life has at times been very
disappointing. It was through self-examination that I
found the root cause of disappointment: not stating your
true intentions very clearly at the outset of any
endeavor. When you fail to do that, and when you fail to
let everyone involved know exactly what it is you want, chances
are you will be disappointed.
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I really
didn't care whether or not my children went to college. I
really wanted them to make me look good. I did not want to
feel like a failure since I had them when I was very young.
I did not want to stay married forever. I was just happy
someone wanted me and my young son. I have never been
incapable of accomplishing anything I was equipped to accomplish
or set out to accomplish with a good intent. Most of my
life, however, has been spent doing what I thought other people
wanted me to do. When it didn't work out the way they wanted
it to, they were disappointed in me and I became disappointed in
myself. Whatever you do without a clear and honest intent
will leave you in some state of disappointment.
It is
fantasy to believe that people can disappoint you. The only
thing people can do is what they can do. They may say they
can do something else. They may want to do something else,
particularly if that something else will please someone they hold
in high regard. We go merrily along with people, believing
they will do what they say, even when their track record,
demonstrated inability, or exhibited lack of interest tells us
otherwise. In the end, we say they disappointed us.
No. We are disappointed that we put our faith in this person
despite our better judgment. People always show you who they
are. It does not matter what they promise you; if you check
the record of your relationship with most people, you have
definite evidence of who the person is. You know whether or
not they keep their word. You know whether or not they show
up on time. You know if they will pay you back or not.
We know because we always know, and still we act like we do not
know when we retreat to the fallback position of being
disappointed.
I have
heard many people say that they were disappointed when they did
not get the position, or the house or the money. I always
ask why. There is a spiritual principle that says you can
only have what is for you to have. Regardless of how much
you want it or think you need something, if it is not in the
divine plan for you to have it, you will not have it. There
is nothing to be disappointed about. On the other hand,
there are those situations when something is divinely ordained for
us and it comes along, but we are not ready for it. In these
situations, things will seem to slip right through our
hands. The feeling is one of disappointment and
devastation. The lesson is to get prepared. You cannot
lose. Your blessings have your name on them. When you
are ready, an even better opportunity will be presented to
you. When it shows up, you will need to be ready. In
the meantime, don't be disappointed.
Another
sure road to disappointment is to do something you know is not
quite right with the hope of getting something out of it. I
think the term is ill-gotten gain. In most of these
situations, you will be disappointed. The spiritual
principle is that you cannot get something for nothing. You
cannot gain something good if someone else will be harmed in the
process. The laws of the universe will not permit it.
You cannot buy a twenty-three-inch color television in the
supermarket parking lot for $75. You cannot have a lasting,
peaceful, and totally fulfilling relationship with a person who is
married to someone else. We can twist and turn the
circumstances, telling ourselves anything we need to hear to
justify our actions, but our good can never grow from someone's
harm. When we are not in alignment with the law, when we do
not tell the absolute truth to ourselves and the other people
involved, we will find ourselves in a sea of disappointment.
I have
three wonderful children, whom, as they are adults, I call
offspring. They are honest, dependable, loving people.
I realize that the choices they have made in their lives they had
a right to make. I understand that their failure or success
will come in response to the standards they set for
themselves. I recognize that they are still young and have
plenty of time to make new choices and take their lives into new
directions. I hope one of them turns toward medical or law
school. I hope one of them will eventually have Dr. in front
of their name. However, rather than wasting my time and
energy being disappointed if they don't do it, I have done it for
myself. I have a Dr. I have a law degree. I have
been a visiting professor in several universities. You see,
that is the key to never being disappointed: When you really
want something, don't make anyone else responsible for you getting
it.
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Ordained
minister and "spiritual life counselor" Iyanla
Vanzant doesn't know the exact moment when her soul opened
up "and the spirit of the divine entered [her]
body." But she will always remember the key insight
that opened the door to her soul and simultaneously locked
the door to her insanity: "If you know who walks
beside you, you can never be afraid." This is the
premise from which Vanzant has launched her enormously
successful 40-day, spiritual self-help program. One Day
My Soul Just Opened Up is designed as day-by-day
journal/workbook to help readers believe in a divine
presence while pondering daily spiritual lessons such as
simplicity, peace, compassion, and nonjudgement. |
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Free
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Let
It Be You
Jim Rohn
Each and every day, there are people all around the
country and world who are living their dreams.
Millionaires are made every day. Families are
experiencing tremendous relationships. People
are becoming more and more healthy. Life-long
learners are growing intellectually and improving
their chances for success.
The fact is that living the life of your dreams is
possible. People prove that every day.
Someone somewhere is going to get rich, get healthy
and improve their life. My recommendation is
this: Let it be you!
Have you ever wanted to make more money? Have
you ever looked at someone who has money and wished
that it could be you? People think about
getting wealthy all of the time, when only a small
percentage actually does. But any of the
masses could. Someone is going to start a
business. Someone is going to make a great
investment. Someone is going to begin the
journey to great wealth. So why not let it be
you?
Someone is going to decide to improve their
relationships. Someone is going to enjoy love
with their family. Someone is going to
schedule some meaningful time with their
friends. So why not let it be you?
Someone is going to go back to school to improve
their life. Someone is going to become a
life-long learner. Someone is going to set a
goal to read a book or listen to a CD each week for
the next year. So why not let it be you?
Someone is going to look in the mirror and see that
they need to lose a little weight and they will make
the decision to become healthy. Someone will
run their first marathon. Someone will join an
aerobics class and improve their health. Why
not let it be you?
I think that by now you get the point: Every
day, people are improving their lives. Whether
you do or not doesn't matter to those who do.
They are going to do it, regardless. It is
simply a matter of a decision being made. Let
that person be you!
You may be asking, "Okay Jim, but
how?" Well, let's cover the very simple
actions.
The first and most important is to make a commitment
to work on yourself. Are you going to improve
or stay the same? No matter what you have
achieved, you are at a certain point right
now. What you have achieved in the past is
fine, but it doesn't make a difference for the
future. The decision about what you will
become is made each day and every day. Each
day someone is making the decision to better him or
herself. Let that person be you!
The second is to make a plan. Once you have
decided to become better you will have to have a
plan. It doesn't have to be a long, intricate
plan. It can be simple. Save a dollar a
day. Walk a mile a day. Read an article
a day. That is a simple plan with achievable
goals. Someone is going to develop a plan that
will take them into the future of their
dreams. Let it be you!
The third is to begin to act. All of the great
ideas, without action, become stale and
useless. The key to turning dreams into
reality is action. People who have great ideas
are a dime a dozen. People who act on their
dreams and ideas are the select few, but they are
the ones who gain the wealth, wealth and wisdom that
is available. Someone will act today.
Let it be you.
My encouragement to you is to stop looking at others
who live the good life, wishing that you were as
well, and instead begin to commit to your
improvement, develop a plan and act on it.
Someone is going to. Let it be you!
Reproduced
with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine. |
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Are
You Avoiding Yourself?
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer
How
much time do you spend avoiding yourself? Your
immediate response was no doubt,
"none." Why would I avoid
myself? It seems like it would be impossible
to do. Yet, that is what many people
do--avoiding. Your life is comprised of
everything you do--showering, brushing your teeth
and sleeping, with everything in between.
However, there is often a plethora of busy work that
distracts and keeps you from connecting with
yourself. Experiencing your life from the
inside takes time each day to be alone and quiet in
the presence of your soul.
Many
people have not grasped that one's life is all there
is. Your life is not about your parents,
siblings, spouse, children, friends, cars, house,
clothes and things. Your life is about your
soul. Yet, the majority of people seldom
connect with their true essence. As a result
many people have stopped "being" and are
merely walking through life with a "to do
list" and a plethora of acquired
"things" for which they can say,
"Look at me, look at what I accomplished."
The big house with the three car garage, the fancy
car, vacations, country club membership and the list
goes on. This is not to say, that having the
finer things in life is bad. But what have you
accomplished where it really counts--your emotional
and spiritual growth?
There
are many reasons why it is uncomfortable to sit with
yourself--it is difficult to open yourself to your
inner voice, which might question what you are
creating with the choices you make. Your inner voice
might remind you of things you want to keep
hidden--even from yourself-let alone others.
Your inner voice might remind you of your inner
yearnings--dreams that you have let slip away.
When
you are feeling overwhelmed by your busy schedule,
the idea of hearing your inner voice can seem to be
more than you can stand. However, your inner
voice reflections the chords that connect you to
your authentic self, and is the very thing that
makes your life worth living. When you
continually avoid connecting with your inner voice
you risk losing the very purpose of your existence
this time around.
In
order to begin the process of being present and less
absent in your life, you need to set aside a few
minutes each day to sit with yourself. Sit
with your self in a meditative or contemplative
state. Watching TV or a movie, reading a book
or chatting on the phone does not count as spending
time with oneself. To avoid the avoidance,
take time each day for self-exploration. Being
with yourself in an open way is very powerful and
empowering.
After
several weeks of practicing being with yourself, you
will notice that you enjoy this time so much that
you make less busy work and spend time at the center
of your life, rather than avoiding yourself.
Dorothy
M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist,
Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your
Life." Dr. Dorothy has the unique gift of
connecting people with a broad range of profound
principles that resonate in the deepest part of
their being. She brings awareness to concepts not
typically obvious to one's daily thoughts and
feelings. http://www.drdorothy.net |
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After
a quarter of a century of personal experience and
professional
observation, I have come to understand that peace of mind is
the true goal
of the considered life. I know now that the sum of all
other possessions
does not necessarily add up to peace of mind; on the other
hand, I have
seen this inner tranquility flourish without the material
supports of property
or even the buttress of physical health. Peace of mind
can transform a
cottage into a spacious manner hall; the want of it can make
a regal
residence an imprisoning shell.
Joshua Loth
Lieberman |
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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A
Perfect Day
Elsa Joy Bailey
Have
you ever had a day that was all grunge and growl and
no ice cream cones? Sure you have; so have
I. Let me tell you about one of mine.
What
I remember most about this particular day is that
nothing seemed to fit. The morning arrived too
early. I overcame that, but when I arrived at
work I was given a new assignment: a knotty
one, which was impossibly uneasy and awkward.
It was a task for which I had no inspiration,
something I plain didn't want to do. And
everyone in the office seemed sour, as though they
had overdosed on lemonade.
I
did close my eyes briefly in an attempt to remember
they were holy creatures, but it was a cursory
overture. When I opened my eyes people were
still futzing around in an unhappy way and the
harmony was, well, absent.
I
began doing the unfortunate assignment, sighing
heavily the way people do when they are certain that
happiness is an entirely alien concept.
By
lunch I was ready for help. I took my
cafeteria tray outside, found a bench under a tree,
and sat there alone, watching a troop of high-energy
ants march meaningfully along a cement curb. I
noticed that to an ant, nearly everything is an
obstacle. After all, they're miniscule.
My
spot under the tree was very peaceful, rich with
inspiration and hope, and eventually I began to
wonder why I had spent all morning looking at life
with such small eyes. I thought, look at
this! when the ego is in play, our vision is
as small as ant eyes staring at pebbles and seeing
boulders. That's exactly what I had been
doing: staring at pebbles and seeing boulders.
So
I closed my eyes and remembered that the bench, the
tree, the ants, the day, the office, the work were
not outside of me, instead -- they were elements
contained in my infinite self. And then I felt
a flood of peace chase through my arteries.
As
soon as the peace struck home, I decided to accept
the ants as innocent.
When
I went back upstairs to my desk, I was wearing
different eyes: no judging, no blaming, no
searching for molehills to make into
mountains. No peering at events through a
frown. No squinting.
It
is a far, far easier way to look at things. As
I removed the strictures from my seeing, everything
around me seemed to sigh and relax and settle into a
cool, easy pace.
Later
that afternoon, someone in our group decided on a
whim to go get ice cream for everyone. So
towards the end of the day, there we all were,
scooping out heaping platefuls of ice cold
inspiration, joshing and kidding around as though we
were all 12 and it was recess.
I
thanked the ants for the lesson.
Visit
Elsa's "Chapel without Walls" at www.elsajoy.com! |
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God
looks at the world through the eyes of love. If we,
therefore,
as human beings made in the image of God also want
to see reality rationally, that is, as it truly is, then we,
too, must learn to look at what we see with love.
Roberta
Bondi |
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Commitment
An excerpt from Walk the Talk
Eric Harvey and Steve Venture
Think of someone you know who is "a
person of good character." Lock
his or her image in your mind. Now take a
moment to reflect on the things this person says and
does . . . the personal characteristics that make
him or her a role model for you. What comes to
mind? What do you see?
Chances are that high on the list of your role
model's qualities is COMMITMENT--the
unwavering dedication to being a good family member
and friend . . . to doing his or her best at work
and away from the job . . . to doing what's right,
noble, and decent.
Committed people like your role model just seem
to have their heads and hearts in the right
place. They keep their priorities
straight. They stay focused on what's
important. They know, inherently, that what
they believe must drive how they behave--and
how they behave ultimately determines the character
they possess, the reputation they enjoy, and the
legacy they leave.
Abraham Lincoln had this to say about commitment:
COMMITMENT is what
transforms a promise into reality. It is the
words that speak boldly of your intentions.
And the actions which speak louder than the words.
It is making the time when there is none.
Coming through time after time after time, year
after year after year. Commitment is the stuff
character is made of; the power to change the face
of things. It is the daily triumph of
integrity over skepticism."
The world renowned pianist, Van Cliburn, after
one of his magnificent concerts was approached by an
admirer who had been in the audience.
The emotional fan grasped Cliburn's hand and
said,
"I would give my life to be able to play the
piano like that."
The pianist smiled and replied, "I
did."
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