Seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world.

A Course In Miracles

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.

A. Sachs

Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.

Marian Wright Edelman

Where My Responsibilities End

It's difficult sometimes for me to see clearly where my responsibilities end.  It's usually fairly simple for me to see where they begin, but at times I hold on too long, trying to take care of something that truly is beyond my sphere of influence or beyond the realm of my responsibilities.  The problem is that I want to be responsible and helpful, and I want to do all that I need to do and all that I can do to help others.  But sometimes, if I go too far, I can end up being more destructive than helpful.

I believe that it is human nature for us to want to do good and nice things for each other.  But I also know that sometimes I want to go a bit too far and not just help someone else, not just fulfill my responsibilities, but to go that extra little bit to try to make something work out well that really is beyond my realm of influence.  I feel responsible for outcomes that really shouldn't concern me, for if I try to create them I'm robbing someone else of the chance to create his or her own outcomes.

I see good examples of this every day at school.  My responsibility at school is to teach, obviously.  Sometimes, though, one of the temptations that teachers face is to go beyond teaching in one or more of several different ways.  I've faced situations in which I've felt tempted to give so much information about a topic that I could rob the student of the chance to find out that information on his or her own.  While my intent is to help and to try to fulfill my responsibilities as a teacher, the end result would be in a lost learning experience for the student.

I also see teachers struggle with the idea of giving family-type advice to students who are not members of their families.  I may see a student struggling with relationships, but it's important for me to keep in mind that I only know the student on a superficial basis, from an hour or two of contact per day, so it isn't always appropriate for me to give advice on certain topics when I don't really know enough about the person's background for the advice to be useful or helpful.  My responsibility at school is to teach, and while there are certainly situations in which I may be helpful in other ways, I have to be careful not to extend myself past my main responsibilities.

It's simply not my responsibility to "fix" someone else's life.  It's not my responsibility to make another's day bright, though I can definitely contribute to the possibility with a kind word or deed or some sincere encouragement.  It's not my responsibility to keep my favorite store afloat financially by spending too much money there, though I can contribute to the owners' income by taking my business there.

There's a scene in the film We Are Marshall that illustrates this point very well.  After the plane crash, a fireman finds an object that confirms that the plane was the one carrying the football team.  He gives it to another firefighter, who then shows it to some family members of the victims.  At the moment that they discover that it is, indeed, the plane that carried their sons and daughters, there is so much more that could be said, so much more that could be done.  Yet the fireman turns away without a word, his responsibility fulfilled.  The healing of the families, the helping them to deal with their loss and grief, are not his responsibility.  Any words that he would say right then probably would sound empty, void of meaning.  He does all that he can do--inform them of their loss--then leaves what comes next to the people who should be dealing with what comes next.

I recently heard of a situation in which friends were buying a house from its owner.  The value of the house has dropped considerably in the past year, and the owners are facing serious financial troubles because of this fact.  When the house was appraised at a certain amount, the owners asked the buyers if they would be "flexible" and consider paying an amount closer to the original appraisal from last year so that they could afford moving expenses.  The simple answer was "no"--it wasn't the buyers' responsibility to help the sellers with their financial problems.  The deal was for the house, and it would simply be ludicrous to pay more than the appraised value--the buyers could find themselves in a world of trouble if they need to sell in a year's time, for example, if they paid more than the price at which the house was appraised.

Of course, this isn't a call not to live up to responsibilities.  Rather, this to me is an effort to keep in mind that sometimes we go too far with our help or our efforts, no matter how well intentioned we may be.  When we do go past our responsibilities, we face the possibility of causing harm to others or to ourselves, even if the harm is unintentional.  From now on I plan to make a firm commitment to be aware of where my responsibilities end, and where I may be stepping too far into territory that isn't welcoming or friendly.  I always will try to go the extra mile for anyone who truly needs it, but I don't want to allow my potential for going too far to hurt anyone else or myself.

I want to live up to all of my responsibilities, but I want to know where they begin and end so that I can be much more helpful to the people who may need me.