Let the Name Be Wonder
Leo Buscaglia

Doing vs. Being
tom walsh

Proverbs for Abundant Living
Brian Cavanaugh

Put a Cork in It
Gail Pursell Elliott

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Hope is like a road in the country; there never was a road,
but when many people walk on it,
the road comes into existence.

Lin Yutang

Anatole France

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it.
Only the wisest of people achieve the second.

Logan Pearsall Smith

How then, do we come in contact with ourselves?  Number one, by becoming aware.  Isn't that a nice word--aware?  It kind of hits you right where it matters, doesn't it?  To be aware.  To be aware of everything.  To be aware of life.  To be aware of growth, to be aware of death, to be aware of beauty, to be aware of people, flowers, trees.  Open your mind and begin to see and feel!  Begin to experience, and don't be ashamed of it!  Touch, feel, chew, as you never have before.  Keep growing!  Keep consistently growing.  Every moment that you do, you change.  Open your mind, open your heart, open your arms, take it all in.  You can keep taking and taking and taking, and what is, never runs out.  There's always more.  The more that you see in a tree, the more that there is to see.  You hear a Beethoven sonata, and it leads you to infinity.  Pick up a book of poetry, and it leads you to beauty.  You love one person, and that love leads you to hundreds.  Keep growing.

Find alternatives.  The patterns that you are in are only one possibility.  There are thousands of possibilities for everything. . . . There are not only a million alternatives, but some that haven't been dreamed of yet.

Dichotomies:  good, bad, right, wrong--nonsense!-- normal, abnormal--no such thing but gradations and possibilities and creativity.  I have a blind girl in my class now who is far more normal than I.  She sees--definitely.  She says, "It is as normal for me to be blind as it is for you to see."  What is normal?  What is right?  What is wrong?  

As long as you are free, you are free to select and choose alternatives, provided that you are willing to accept the responsibility for being free.  And after you've tried your alternatives, and they don't work as you would wish, don't blame me.  Blame your choice.  Try another alternative.

You make the decision, you take your paintbrush, you choose your colors, you paint your paradise, and then you live in it.  Or paint hell if you want to, but don't blame me for it.  Only you can be responsible for not being.  Forget what was.  Get hooked on what is!  The moment will take care of that.  Life isn't an isolated phenomenon but it is part of the general experience, constantly influencing and being influenced by every new moment.  You don't like where you are?  Then change it!  Be someone else.  Do your thing for a change, and learn from what happens.

And another thing--don't avoid negative states.  Negative states can teach you a lot.  Don't avoid people who create negative states in you.  We have a tendency to turn around and walk away, but they are going to require you to reevaluate yourself and see yourself in a new light.  Sally doesn't upset you.  You upset you.  She puts you in a negative state because she doesn't meet your expectations.  Well, tough for you!  The cause for your pain is not Sally--it's you.  Learn from your negative states.

Another thing I learned in Asia that I'd like to give you, which may be pretty far out for some people, and if it is, discard it:  Rid yourself of expectations.  Buddha once said a magical thing.  He said, "When you cease expecting, you have all things."  That is wondrous.  "When you cease expecting, you have all things."  If you go around doing your thing without expectation, then you already have everything you need.  If they do give you something in return, you take it with open arms.  It should always come as a surprise.  But if you expect a response and it comes, it's a bore.  Cease expecting, and you have all things.  Take whatever people give you.  If you appreciate it, hug it, kiss it, and take it in joy, but don't expect it.  If you want pain, just go around with expectations.  People are not here to meet your expectations.

Finally, all you really need is in you.  All you have to do to realize it is to recognize it.  You are the perfect you.  And to tamper with perfection is to court pain.  Grow into your perfection.

I want to end with a quote from Bynner's translation of Lao Tzu's The Way.  This book sums up what I have been talking about but much more beautifully than I.  Isn't it fantastic that all books of wisdom are always so small?  It has taken me an hour and fifteen minutes to say what it takes Lao Tzu fifty words.

   Existence is beyond the power of words to define.  Terms may be used but none of them are absolute.  In the beginning of heaven and earth there were no words.  Words came out of the womb of matter.  And whether a person dispassionately sees to the core of life or passionately sees the surface, the core and the surface are the same, words making them seem different only to express appearance.  If a name be needed, let the name be wonder, and then from wonder to wonder, existence opens.

If a name be needed, wonder names them both.  From wonder into wonder existence opens.

The you of you is limitless.  The children that we work with, no matter what label we put on them, the essential they, that which is immortal, is limitless.  Those of you who have worked with children know that they have limitless potential, no matter how much they've realized.  All we have to do is make it possible for them to recognize it in their way and be there to help when they need help, support, encouragement.  "And if the name be wonder," they are all going to succeed.
  
   

Living, Loving, and Learning  is a delightful collection of Dr. Buscaglia's informative and amusing lectures, which were delivered worldwide between 1970 and 1981. This inspirational treasure is for all those eager to accept the challenge of life and to profit from the wonder of love.

Doing vs. Being

I've been reading a lot lately about the idea of being versus doing, the concept that we can get so caught up in the things that we have to do that we stop simply being, that we stop growing and changing as human beings.  Yes, we learn more information and we learn more ways to do things and we learn more strategies for success in material ways and at work, but what do we learn about who we are and how we fit in on this planet?  What do we learn about our relationship to God and life and love, and how do we grow as the spiritual beings that we are?

I believe that we get caught up in this trap because doing is so much easier.  We can quantify what we do--the results are right there to see and count and judge.  We can count how many sales we've made, we can measure how much of the yard we've landscaped, and we can count the number of times that we've driven to the store.  We can also see the results of not doing, such as the dishes on the kitchen counter, the full "to-do" list of things that still need to be done, or the bed that hasn't been made or the clothes that haven't been washed.  There's a lot of value in doing, of course, for doing allows us to keep things clean and to take care of problems, often before they even come up.

But there has to be time for being in there, also.  "Being" doesn't consist of sitting in front of a screen, be it television, computer, games, of movie, for that is a form of passive consumerism, taking in something that someone else has done.  And while this can be valuable for unwinding after a long and stressful day, it still isn't a way of being.

It's hard for me to define "being" as I'm using the term here.  No one has taught me what it means, though I have read many books that address the idea.  It seems that being is getting in touch with that deeper part of ourselves, that inner power that many people call "spirit," that many others call "God."  I'm not sure what I'd call it, but I do know that I don't let it out nearly enough, and my outward behavior and actions aren't guided nearly often enough by its power.  this is the part of me that can help me define who I am in this world, as opposed to what I do in this world, yet I keep it under wraps, buried beneath all of the activities and tasks and chores that keep me running seemingly all the days of my life.

Finding the time to nurture this part of me--even to find it--is very difficult.  Time for prayer and reflection are hard to come by, especially since I seem to have been conditioned throughout my life to do things, to search out accomplishments, for they are what I'll be judged on by others (or so I've been led to believe).

But have you ever met one of those people who are calm and peaceful and loving and caring?  They seem to have a radiance that the rest of us would love to have, and it's a result of their being able to get in touch with who they are rather than what they do.  These tend to be people who are more interested in working at being more caring, more compassionate, and more loving rather that filling their time with more things to do.  These are the people you would love to talk to, for they've learned to see life with clarity and to listen without judgment, as opposed to the people who always have suggestions for what you should do to make things better.  These are the people that I personally would like to emulate, for that peace of mind and peace of spirit will go much further towards making me a happy, fulfilled person than any accomplishments can.  After all, when we accomplish something, our next thought tends to be "what next?"  When we find peace of heart and peace of mind, we also find that "what next?" doesn't really matter.  It will come of its own accord.

I believe things are getting worse rather than better, for I see the way many kids are being raised these days.  Between soccer and football and little league and choir and homework and skiing and all of the many, many tasks that are part of their lives, they are much, much busier doing things than members of my generation were as kids.  Children these days often have very little time for playing, for having fun, for just being kids, and that's both sad and frightening.  As they grow up, they can't help but develop a nagging sense of having missed something very important.

Where is your focus--on "being" or on "doing"?  Both are very important, but they must be maintained in a careful balance.  If we go too far over on the doing side, we're definitely risking missing one of the most important aspects of who we are, and we're risking never getting in touch with that deeper part of ourselves that can bring us fulfillment and peace.  When we ask ourselves why we're here on this planet, I'm pretty sure that the answer is closer to "finding out who I am" than it is "accomplishing more things than my neighbor."

Fr. Brian began collecting quotations, anecdotes and stories in 1977 as a form of journal-writing therapy, which blossomed into a fruitful hobby. Over the years he has compiled an anthology in excess of 30 hand-written journals of quotations and ten composition books of stories. From this collection he edits "Apple Seeds," a monthly quoteletter of motivation and inspiration for students, faculty, and a growing mailing list.  To review the online version of Apple Seeds and additional works of Fr. Brian go to www.appleseeds.org.

A chemistry set.  What a great present to get when you’re ten years old and dreaming of becoming either an astronaut or a mad scientist.

The parents were out visiting neighbors.  All alone in the kitchen with the table cleared off, the metal folding box with its chemicals, test tubes, and other equipment was spread out for inspection.

Oh yeah, there was an instruction book with experiments.  It seemed much more interesting to combine several chemicals with a bit of water, put a cork in the top of the test tube and heat it gently over a candle.

There was no warning when the cork shot out from the test tube.  The build up of vapors was unseen even though the test tube was clear.

As surprising as the color of the spray that dotted the ceiling of the kitchen, which had to be repainted along with the rest of the room, was how much of it there was and how far it traveled. There seemed to be so little in the test tube yet so much on the walls and the ceiling.  The pattern was random and extensive.

If you’ve ever told anyone to "put a cork in it" or wished they would, while the person was trying to express feelings that you found disquieting, you may not have realized what you were asking.

Whenever we put a cork on releasing pent up feelings or frustrations we may not see the build up that is occurring as a result.

When the cork finally is released, the resulting spray can be far-reaching and more colorfully extensive than we ever imagined it could be.  It can affect more people and situations than it ever would have, had it been allowed to be released in a controlled and trusting environment.

Sometimes we forget to remove the cork and release the build up of negative vapors in some positive way.

Not taking things personally that are simply a build up of someone else’s stress is one way to gently release the pressure on our own cork.

Giving others a chance to vent without taking the situation or statements personally is a way to help others release their own pressure.  Doing this without judging the person is how to do this with dignity and respect.

Depending on the situation, sometimes we may feel that we do not have much of a chance to release some of the pressure.

If the cork in the test tube had been left off, the vapors would have been able to mix with the air and the aftereffects would probably not been so surprising.

This is an interesting point to think about.  More air would have helped. Perhaps it would have been better to leave the cork off of the tube.  Perhaps it also is better for us not to put a cork on ourselves but to keep ourselves open and to breathe deeply to mix those frustrations literally with more air.

If you’ve ever felt the pressure of stress rising you may find that you’ve forgotten either to breathe or that you’ve been practicing shallow breathing.

The next time you’re tempted to tell someone to "put a cork in it" or someone says that to you, try taking a few deep breaths.  You may be amazed at the results.

Have a great day and be good to yourself. You deserve it!

Gail

© Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved.  Food for Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is Innovations.  If you enjoyed this Food For Thought message, please share it with people you know.  Honor the copyright and forward this email in its entirety.  For permission to reprint in a newsletter or publication, to use in your classroom, or to reproduce on your website, contact Gail at info@innovations-training.com or 515.388.9600

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