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11
March 2008 |
| Simplifying is like weeding your
garden. It allows you to get rid of unwanted clutter
so you can appreciate the beauty of what you already have.
Susan Santucci |
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People who are satisfied appreciate what
they have in life and don't worry about how it compares to
what others have. Valuing what you have over what you
do not or cannot have leads to greater happiness.
David Niven |
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Like a great poet,
nature produces the greatest results with the simplest
means. There are simply a sun, flowers, water, and
love.
Heinrich Heine |
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The
Five Secrets You Must Discover before You Die
John Izzo
What
are the secrets to happiness and meaning? Why do some
people find a deep sense of purpose while they are here
and die with few regrets while others end their lives
bitter and disappointed?
About
two years ago I set out to answer that question by asking
several thousand people to identify the one person they
knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness.
It seemed to me that each of us knows at least one person
who achieved true success. After receiving over 1,000
nominations, I interviewed 235 people from the age of
59-106 (who had over 18,000 years of life experience)
asking them to reflect back on their lives: What brought
happiness? What gave meaning? What did they regret? What
did they wish they had learned sooner? What did not matter
in the end?
These
“wise elders” were an incredibly diverse group ranging
from a town barber to CEO’s, from poets to native
chiefs, Holocaust survivors to war veterans, and
represented all the major religions and cultures of our
society. My goal was not to interview famous people but to
identify ordinary
people who had found extraordinary
happiness. What I discovered were five clear themes of
what it means to live a happy and meaningful life (and to
die with a smile on your face). In my new book, The
Five Secrets You Must Discover before You Die, I
share the five true paths to finding meaning in life and
show how we can live these secrets.
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The
first secret I learned from these interviews is Be
true to yourself. Each one of us is on a unique
human journey and the path to true happiness is to be true
to ourselves. This means knowing what brings us happiness
and focusing our life on what matters to us. It means
reflecting on a regular basis as to whether our life fits
our soul. In our daily lives it means knowing what brings
us joy and ensuring that we fill our life with the right
elements. It also means following our unique destiny. One
of the people I interviewed was a Latino woman who talked
about the importance of following our “destina.” The
idea is that each of us has a path that is most true to
us, which is not so much a destination as a way we are
meant to be in the world. For example, I am a teacher and
philosopher by nature and when I stay close to that path I
experience true joy.
Being
true to self often means drowning out other voices that
would ask us to live their dreams instead of ours. Ron, a
gifted chiropractor, told me the story of how he planned
to become a medical doctor but when he visited a
chiropractor shortly before starting medical school he
discovered a profession that connected to his true self.
“Others told me I was crazy but I knew it was my
path.” He told me that to follow your heart you
must have the “discipline to listen and the courage to
follow.” This means asking if the life we are living is
true to our deepest sense of self and it sometimes
requires a step of courage to follow our soul. Are you
being true to yourself right now?
The
second secret I learned is to Leave
No Regrets. It seems to me that what we fear most
as we age is not death, but rather to come to the end of
our life feeling that we never truly lived. The saddest
words ever spoken at the end of life are “I wish I
had…” Tom, a native healer, told me that the great
fear at the end of life is “the great incompleteness;
that you did not do what you came here to do.” One of
the most interesting things I discovered in talking to 235
wise people is that almost no one regretted risks they
took that did not work out and most said they wished they
had risked more. When I asked these people about major
crossroads in their lives, many of them talked about
taking risks-sometimes large and sometimes small-which
wound up bringing great happiness. One of the keys to
moving towards what we want instead of what we fear is to
focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Are
you going for what you truly want in your life or acting
with fear?
Become
Love was the third secret I learned from these
people. Not surprisingly, the greatest source of happiness
for people and the largest place of regret had to do with
people. What I discovered is that those who made people a
priority in their lives and who developed deep personal
relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me
that “things” rarely brought true joy whereas family
and friends brought lasting happiness. One way to focus on
relationships is to get intentional goals for our personal
relationships just like we do in our careers.
Yet
the most interesting thing I uncovered is that being a
loving person, the choice to give love, is even more
important in determining happiness than getting it. These
people talked to me about the importance of choosing love
and kindness as your way in the world. They taught me that
when we choose to be a loving person we find a deep sense
of meaning in life.
The
fourth secret was to Live
the Moment. One of the most common things people
told me was how fast life goes by and how important it is
to enjoy each moment. One woman told me “when you are
young you think sixty years is an incredibly long time but
when you get there you realize it was only a moment.”
Among the secrets they shared were how important it is to
live in the present, to fully enjoy whatever experience
you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else),
and to live with gratitude focusing on what you are
grateful for rather than what you don’t have. They told
me that we have no power over the past and little power
over the future. Many of them said that whenever you find
yourself saying “I will be happy when or I will be happy
if” that it is important to remember that happiness is a
choice we make inside. One woman told me: “You have to
stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop
keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead
live each day fully and stay in the moment.” Are you
living with gratitude right now, focusing on enjoying your
life rather than judging it?
The
fifth and final secret was to Give
More Than You Take. When I asked people what gave
their life the greatest meaning, people told me again and
again people that being of service and knowing that you
made things better because you were here was by far the
greatest source of meaning. I learned that whether in
career or personal life, that it is what we give not what
we take that gives life meaning. Many of them also
reminded me that we have little control over what we get
from the world every day (whether people will love us,
whether we will win the lottery, etc.) but we have
complete control over what we give to the world (whether
we choose to be kind, charitable, and to give to others).
These people reminded me that everything we take from the
world dies with us, but everything we give to the world
gets recycled. A wise woman named Susan told me that
“when we are young we cry for ourselves but as we age we
learn to cry for the world.” Indeed all the spiritual
traditions remind us that true happiness comes from
focusing on being of service and in the process joy finds
us. Are you focused on giving or getting each day?
What
I also discovered is that it is not enough to know the
secrets, we must live them. One man told me “many of us
know what is important but it is not enough to know, you
have to put these things into practice.” These people
taught me a great deal about how to live the secrets as
well and I share many of their techniques in the book. One
of my favorites was sixty-four year old Joel who told me
about how he reminds himself each day to live the moment.
“When I wake up the first thing I do is say a prayer
thanking God and the universe that I get to live one more
day and I pray that I will treat it as a gift. At night,
just before I go to bed, I have a time of meditation and
remember all the things that I am grateful for that day
and ask for one more day.”
Someone
once told me “if you want to live a happy life; ask
someone who has lived one.” This past year I had the
privilege to sit at the feet of 235 of the wisest people I
have ever met and I was amazed how clear they were on what
mattered, what didn’t matter, and how each of us can
create a life of meaning and happiness.
Copyright
© 2008 John B Izzo, is the best-selling author of Second
Innocence and host of the public television series The
Five Things You Must Discover Before You Die.
Holding advanced degrees in religion and psychology, Izzo
has spoken to over one million people on four continents
about living more purposeful lives. More information about
Mr. Izzo can be found at www.theizzogroup.com.
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"In
my experience, the two
things humans want most are
to find happiness and to find
meaning," Izzo writes. In this ready-made
spiritual quest,
the business consultant and
ordained Presbyterian minister interviewed more
than 200
people from ages 60 to 106.
The answers they received
led him and his team to
the belief that there are
five secrets to happiness. |
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Succeeding
in Tough Times
Kyle Wilson
I've noticed (and I'm sure you have
to), while many companies and individuals might be struggling
right now, that there is also a group of companies and
individuals flourishing. I've also noticed there are some
common characteristics found in these companies and individuals
who seem to be doing well during some of these uncertain
times. Here are five characteristics that stand out:
1. These companies and individuals
operate from a win/win philosophy and inherently value their
business relationships (customers, employees and vendors).
When you understand and appreciate this principle it allows you
to create and receive value both on a short and long-term basis,
as well as recognize and be in line for new opportunities that
begin to present themselves.
2. These companies and individuals have an entrepreneurial
mindset. Although it's true that when a boom is going on the
entrepreneur is often leading the way, I've also noticed that
when the water is high (things are going good), everything tends
to even out (everyone seems to be doing well). But when it
all starts to go south, it is then that entrepreneurs can rise
more quickly and distinguish themselves. Their ability to
take risks, be decisive, recognize and seize opportunity and to
basically "create", allows them to find a way to make
things happen.
3. These companies and individuals have an excellent work
ethic and focus. In sports, if you were to ask, who in their
respective sport has been a dominant figure, three immediately
come to my mind--Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan and Wayne
Gretzky. Beyond their remarkable ability and talent, there
is also something about these three that help propel them into
greatness--their fierce competitiveness and their incredible
work ethic. How do you beat the most talented person in
the world when they will also out work you and have a "will
to win" that is not to be exceeded? Well, the same is
true in business. The top performers do not get
complacent. They do not rest on their laurels. And they
don't decide that because they are doing well or are on top that
that is good enough. Their work ethic and drive to be
their personal best has allowed previous victories and momentum
to carry over into more success (even in difficult times).
4. These companies and individuals have made a commitment
to succeed. Making a decision is the prerequisite to all
successes. As Jim Rohn says, all good things are upstream,
but the natural tendency is downstream. Commitment creates
the mindset that allows us to face challenges, shut out negative
circumstances and discomfort and then move upstream towards our
goals.
5. These companies and individuals operate out of
faith. Without faith it is impossible to take risk.
Without faith it is impossible to make investments of time and
effort in the present hoping for a future reward. And
without faith it is impossible to make short-term sacrifices on
a consistent basis. Faith allows you to be free to give
and be your best, knowing that the reward will manifest itself
sometime in the future. Faith also allows you to find the
opportunity that often comes disguised in the form of a problem
or challenge. While others are "missing it" or
spending their time and energy complaining, the person or
company of faith is identifying and seizing new opportunities.
Question: How do you rate yourself in these five areas
above? I would estimate much of where you find yourself
today could be directly related to how well you have fared the
past few years in regards to the five points above. The
good news is today is a new day, a new opportunity. |
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
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mean
to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you
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each week. |
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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh
Something to
Look Forward to
My wife and I
have a pretty consistent habit. While we definitely like to
live in today, experiencing the present for all that it's worth, we
also like to give ourselves something to look forward to in
life. We like to plan things for our future--both short-term
and long-term--so that we know that there's something special ahead
in our lives. It's important to us to be able to do this so
that no matter how trying today or tomorrow may become, we always
have in the back of our minds something to look forward to.
Sometimes
it's something as simple as eating out over the weekend, or taking a
nice daytrip somewhere that we haven't been before. If I know
that on Saturday I'm going to be visiting a few new places, then
Thursday's difficulties aren't going to seem all that drastic.
And if we know that we're taking a weekend away at the end of the
month, then this week's stress will be easier to deal with.
We definitely
aren't living for the future, and we're not depending on our plans
to make us happy or fulfilled. We don't look at these plans as
completely necessary to make our lives complete, and sometimes when
we've had to cancel them, it's been okay. But we do know that
having something in our future to look forward to can help our
morale and our spirits. Having something ahead of us changes
our perspective, allowing it to look past our normal daily lives to
include something extra in them. We're going to Death Valley
this coming weekend, and that trip has been a part of our lives for
several months now--and we're truly looking forward to the new
experience.
I know many
people who don't make plans at all. Somehow they seem to think
that if they plan pleasant things for their futures, they're setting
themselves up for disappointment. The trip will get cancelled,
or it won't turn out as they expected it to, and they feel that they
would have been better off if they never had planned it in the first
place.
But one of
our cardinal rules is not to have great expectations for any
trip. Our plans always exist on a wait-and-see basis. We
have no expectations at all for this weekend's trip--we're going to
go and see what happens, and do our best to make it the most
fulfilling trip possible. I've seen too many people disappoint
themselves by building up unrealistic expectations about things like
this to believe that doing so would be good for me.
One of the
most important things we can do for ourselves is to put ourselves
out there, and let life give us what it has to offer, without
forcing our expectations onto life. All we can do is put
ourselves into an experience without trying to control every little
aspect of it, and then let life be what life is. When we can
give ourselves something to look forward to, we can make today more
pleasant, and we can create something new inside ourselves.
In addition
to Death Valley, my wife and I have plans for this summer and for
five years from now. We're working towards accomplishing all
that we can to make these plans come through, and we're convinced
that they will, come what may. We're not just giving ourselves
plans--we're also giving ourselves something to work towards,
something to anticipate fondly, and something to hope for in our
futures. And all that is in addition to getting all that we
can out of this great day!
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I
am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult,
in
order to accept the responsibilities of a 6-year-old.
The
tax base is lower.
I
want to be six again.
I
want to go to McDonald's and think it's
the best place in the
world to eat.
I
want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make waves with
rocks.
I
want to think M&Ms are better than money,
because you can eat
them.
I
want to play kickball during recess and stay up on Christmas
Eve
waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I
long for the days when life was simple.
When
all you knew were your colors, the addition tables and simple
nursery rhymes,
but it didn't bother you, because you didn't know
what you didn't know, and you didn't care.
I
want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym and field
trips.
I
want to be happy, because I don't know what should make me upset.
I
want to think the world is fair and everyone in it is honest and
good.
I
want to believe that anything is possible.
Sometime,
while I was maturing, I learned too much.
I
learned of nuclear weapons, prejudice, starving and
abused kids,
lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain and mortality.
I
want to be six again.
I
want to think that everyone, including myself,
will live forever,
because I don't know the concept of death.
I
want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and
be overly
excited by the little things again.
I
want television to be something I watch for fun,
not something
used for escape from the things I should be doing.
I
want to live knowing the little things that I find exciting
will
always make me as happy as when I first learned them.
I
want to be six again.
I
remember not seeing the world as a whole, but rather
being aware
of only the things that directly concerned me.
I
want to be naive enough to think that if I'm happy, so is everyone
else.
I
want to walk down the beach and think only of the sand beneath my
feet
and the possibility of finding that blue piece of sea glass
I'm looking for.
I
want to spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike,
letting
the grownups worry about time, the dentist and how to find
the money to fix the car.
I
want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up and what I'll be,
who
I'll be and not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.
I
want that time back.
I
want to use it now as an escape, so that when my computer crashes,
or I have a mountain of paperwork, or two depressed friends, or a
fight
with my spouse, or bittersweet memories of times gone by, or
second thoughts
about so many things, I can travel back and build
a snowman, without thinking
about anything except whether the snow
sticks together
and what I can possibly use for the snowman's
mouth.
I
want to be six again.
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please make this week a very special week in your
life. . . . |
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