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9 January 2007 |
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| There
is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying
about things that are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus
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Think as little as
possible about yourself
and as much as possible about other people.
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Each
of us makes our own weather, determines
the color of the skies in the emotional
universe which we inhabit.
Fulton
J. Sheen
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Get
Over It
Gail
Pursell Elliott
"I
told him to just get over it.
Stuff happens in life and you just got to get over
it."
Is
advising someone in distress to "just get over
it" helpful? Usually
only to the person giving the advice. For the person
to whom it's directed, "get over it" may feel
like being told to climb a mountain with no summit.
Sometimes
we offer what we think is tough love to others that in
reality is a dodge from issues within ourselves that we
cannot bear to confront.
When
we think about it, the phrase "get over it" is
used primarily when the speaker is tired of hearing about
the situation or feels threatened, annoyed, or
uncomfortable.
"Get
over it" is a dismissal.
"Get
over it" says, "Your feelings are not
legitimate."
"Get
over it" implies, "I don't want to be bothered
with this."
"Get
over it" means, "You're on your own."
It
is reminiscent of a scene from the film Trading Places
in which the main character who has been wrongfully
accused, disgraced, and cut off from all of his
possessions shows up at his private club to ask his
friends for help. One
of them replies, "I think I speak for all of us when
I say that it is in extremely bad taste for you to come
here and embarrass us like this."
Think
of what the term "get over it" implies. Think
about under what conditions this phrase is used and under
what conditions it is not used.
We
rarely hear such statements as: "So
your father had a stroke. Get over it."
But
we might hear a statement such as: "So she left
you standing at the altar. Get over it."
Placing
a value on someone else's pain to determine whether it is
worth our attention might seem rather obtuse, but it is
something that many of us do without thinking.
When
do people have the urge to dismiss someone with this
phrase? When
have you been tempted to do so?
It is worth some thought and reflection; simply
because in so doing we may discover issues of our own that
we have submerged rather than "getting over
them."
The
phrase "get over it" has more to do with how we
are feeling than how the person to whom it is directed
feels. It may
be used as an escape mechanism disguised as rational
sounding advice. It
even may be used to camouflage feelings associated with
having ridiculed, criticized, or gossiped about the
individual before we were confronted with seeing the
person as a human being.
When
tempted to do this it might be more helpful to express how
we are feeling rather than to toss out the statement.
For example, we might say, "I feel frustrated
because no matter what I say or do to try to help, it
seems to make no difference," or "I had no idea
that this affected you so deeply.
I feel helpless."
We
might ask questions such as, "What can I do to help
you put this situation behind you?" We
can remind the person of their positive qualities to help
them regain their sense of personal dignity. We can
give each other the gift of permission to grieve and
forgive without embarrassment or guilt.
Have
a great day and be good to yourself.
You deserve it!
Speaker, Author, Educator,
Human Resources and Training Consultant, Gail Pursell Elliott is
president and founder of Innovations "Training With A Can-Do
Attitude"TM - Promoting Dignity and Respect, No Exceptions,
in companies and communities nationwide.
To receive Food For Thought messages via email
join the website mailing list at www.innovations-training.com
For permission to reprint in a newsletter or publication,
contact Gail at info@innovations-training.com
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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| Once
upon a time there was a blacksmith who worked hard at his
trade. The day came for him to die. The angel
was sent to him, and much to the angel's surprise he
refused to go. He pleaded with the angel to make his
case before God, that he was the only blacksmith in the
area and it was time for all his neighbors to begin their
planting and sowing. He was needed. So the
angel pleaded his case before God. He said that the
man didn't want to appear ungrateful, and that he was glad
to have a place in the kingdom, but could he put off going
for a while? And he was left.
About a
year or two later the angel came back again with the same
message: the Lord was ready to share the fullness of
the kingdom with him. Again the man had reservations
and said: "A neighbor of mine is seriously ill,
and it's time for the harvest. A number of us are
trying to save his crops so that his family won't become
destitute. Please come back later." And
off the angel went again.
Well, it
got to be a pattern. Every time the angel came, the
blacksmith had one excuse or another. The blacksmith
would just shake his head and tell the angel where he was
needed and decline. Finally, the blacksmith grew
very old, weary and tired. He decided it was time,
so he prayed: "God, if you'd like to send your
angel again, I'd be glad to come home now."
Immediately the angel appeared, as if from around the
corner of the bed. The blacksmith said:
"If you still want to take me home, I'm ready to live
forever in the kingdom of heaven." And the
angel laughed and looked at the blacksmith in delight and
surprise and said: "Where do you think you've
been all these years?" He was home.
Megan
McKenna
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We've
been looking for a way to recommend many of the books
and movies that inspire us to live our lives more fully, and
Amazon
finally has provided it. Check out our new bookstore,
which is full
of inspirational and motivational material. We'd also
appreciate any
suggestions you might have of what to stock it with--please
visit
our feedback page
to make recommendations! |
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Free
Wallpaper! Just click below
on
the size your desktop is
formatted to,
right-click on the
picture that appears
in the new
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"Set as background."
(This
photo's from September 18
in
Grand Teton National Park,
by the way.)
800
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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh
My Prayers for You
This year is still very young, and most of it lies
before us--more than 350 days full of potential and hope
and possibility. We have the opportunity in our
hands--right now--to begin this year in very positive and
productive ways, if only we're willing to make the effort to determine what we'd like to accomplish
this year, and to take the steps necessary
actually to do what we need to do in order to reach those
accomplishments.
It's hard
to pray for a lot of people at the same time, but I want
my prayers to reach each individual person in the
world. That sounds like an impossible wish, of
course, but I have to say that I honestly don't understand
the depths of the nature of prayer, so I'll just say my
prayers and let God sort it out when the prayers reach
him.
I pray
that you have peace of mind during the year to come.
My hope is that the setbacks in life don't take away that
peace, and that you not spend many hours worrying about
what may happen in the future. Worry doesn't help
things to come out better, but it can take away your
peace; may you be able to enjoy each moment of your
precious life during this coming year.
I pray
that you're able to share love--both receiving it from
those who love you and giving it to those whom you
love. And may that love be truly unconditional on
both sides, for the only true love is unconditional
love. May you be able to accept the love that others
wish to share with you, and may you be able to spread your
unconditional love to others with whom you have contact in
your life, from your sons and daughters to the waitress in
the restaurant to the man who changes the oil in your car.
I pray
that you're able to deal with setbacks well. May you
not lose your peace of mind and heart because of things
that happen to you; may you deal with all setbacks with
patience and equanimity, and may you see the learning and
potential that's present in all things that we often see
as negative.
I pray
that you're able to provide a positive role model to those
around you, especially our youth, who are in need of role
models who demonstrate the appreciation of life and
living, as well as the ability to see the beauty and
wonder of life and living.
I pray
that you'll be able to be fully aware of the beauty and
value that you add to humanity simply by being who you
are. May you accept the fact that you are a
beautiful, valuable person whose presence makes this world
a better place, in ways that are unique to you.
I pray
for your financial stability (not necessarily wealth), job
satisfaction (not necessarily promotion or raises), strong
relationships (on mutual terms), and creativity.
And my
strongest prayer of all is a prayer of thanksgiving--thank
you for being a part of this world and making it
richer. May you take good care of yourself and of
those you love, as you all deserve.
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I shall pass through this world but
once. If therefore there be any kindness I can show,
or any good thing I can do, let me do it now; let me not
defer or neglect it. Etienne de Grellet
(attributed) |
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Risk
And Rising Water
Helaine Iris
I
was sound asleep. It was a dreary Sunday morning and
I was suddenly awakened by an insistent honking sound
outside my bedroom window. My husband ventured
downstairs to see what the ruckus was about. It was
the fire department engaged in their urgent mission to
rouse and evacuate our neighborhood. A flood was
coming.
Although
it had been raining for a week it hadn't occurred to me
that we were in any danger. Apparently I was
wrong. Suddenly we were told to gather our important
belongings and head for higher ground.
There I
stood with sleep in my eyes, my jaw on the floor and a
rising wave of panic I knew better than to give in
to. I needed to think clearly-–what do I do
first? Fortunately, my children are grown and living
elsewhere so my thoughts turned immediately to what else
was most valuable to me.
I backed
up my computer (of course), grabbed the family photos, and
my favorite clothes and threw them into the back of our
truck. As I frantically scurried around my home of
twenty years gathering what else I had room for, I was
heartsick at the idea of what I might lose, and
simultaneously a bit horrified at how attached I was to my
material possessions.
Within
about an hour, I gave my house a final hug and we drove
out of the driveway and off to friends that lived in a
safe part of town. The next dilemma: what
route should we take? Already roads were
closed. Bridges washed out. We were listening
to the radio and asked any local officials we could find
for any information that might shed light on the
ever-increasing danger our town was facing. We
couldn't get a clear and consistent message from
anyone. There was chaos everywhere.
As we
made our way across town it suddenly occurred to me that
my sense of safety was being washed away like the
floodwaters. All that I thought made me feel safe
was an illusion. And I guess it makes sense--it
takes becoming vulnerable within a life-threatening event
to be reminded of that. As cliché as it may sound,
life is a risk and there are events both natural and
man-made that can threaten our existence at any moment.
What does
it mean for you to live with risk?
Whether
we like it or not, taking risks is a part of our
lives. Every day there are large and small decisions
to make. You need to decide everything from what
types of food to cook to where to go on vacation and how
to get there. Most of the risks you take have, by
definition, uncertain outcomes.
So, how
comfortable are you with risk? Where do you look to
find a true sense of safety and security within the many
illusions our culture, business and personal, creates for
us?
You look
to your previous experience, data, research and trends to
make calculated risk decisions, but ultimately, you look
inside your self. You look to the foundations and
principles you live your life from. Are your
relationships strong and healthy; are your values
intact? Does your word mean anything?
Because
when it's all said and done, you only have yourself.
Fortunately, our home was spared the devastating flood
that hit Keene, New Hampshire, in October of 2005.
The brook that typically meanders through this side of
town overflowed its banks damaging many homes as near as
one block away, but not ours.
The
rushing water may have washed away some of the illusion
that lulls me into a false sense of security, but the
raging passion of the natural world reminded me of what's
truly important as I forge ahead growing my business and
living the very best life I can.
It's YOUR
life. . . imagine the possibilities!
Helaine
is a professional coach and writer, who has been featured
in numerous publications, including "O" The
Oprah Magazine. She helps entrepreneurs and
professional women accelerate their professional success,
while achieving a more complete and
fulfilling personal life. She combines a broad range
of professional experience in her work, including
management positions in the education, training,
retail and international non-profit sectors. For a
solution-focused, initial consultation visit http://www.pathofpurpose.com
or email her at helaine@pathofpurpose.com |
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Mission
statements represent your belief system—the priorities,
values and principles that measure your decisions. It
provides overall direction and clarifies your purpose and
meaning. When you clearly know what you want to be and to
do in your life, you feel strong in your sense of mission.
You’re no longer driven by everything that happens to
you. Rather, you feel a deep and complete commitment to
following your innermost values.
Dawn
Angier |
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Be
grateful for what you do have, and
you will find it increases. I like to
bless with love all that is in my life
right now--my home, the heat, water,
light, telephone, furniture, plumbing, appliances, clothing,
transportation,
jobs--the money I do have, friends,
my ability to see and feel and taste
and touch and walk and to enjoy
this incredible planet.
Louise Hay
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The value of life lies not in the length of days,
but in the use we make of them.
One may live long yet live very little.
Michel de Montaigne |
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