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2 October 2007 |
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| Live all you can;
it's a mistake not to. It doesn't so much matter what you do in
particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven't had
that, what have you had?
Henry James |
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There
are no classes in life for beginners;
right away you are always asked to deal
with what is most difficult.
Rainer
Maria Rilke |
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I do not believe
in a fate that falls on people
however they act; but I do believe in
a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
G.K. Chesterton |
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Receiving
Your Blessings
Rachel Naomi Remen
Most of
us have been given many more blessings than we have
received. We do not take time to be blessed or make the
space for it. We may have filled our lives so full of
other things that we have no room to receive our
blessings. One of my patients once told me that she has an
image of us all being circled by our blessings, sometimes
for years, like airplanes in a holding pattern at an
airport, stacked up with no place to land. Waiting for a
moment of our time, our attention.
People
with serious illness have often let go of a great deal;
their illness has created an opening in their lives for
the first time. They may discover ways to receive all the
blessings they are given, even those that were given long
ago. Such people have shown me how to receive my
blessings.
Many
years ago I cared for a woman called Mae Thomas. Mae had
grown up in Georgia and while she had lived in Oakland,
California, for many years, she had in some profound way
never left the holy ground of her childhood. She had
worked hard all her life, cleaning houses in order to
raise seven children and more than a few grandchildren. By
the time I met her, she had grown old and was riddled with
cancer.
Mae
celebrated life. Her laugh was a pure joy. It made you
remember how to laugh yourself. All these years later,
just thinking of her makes me smile. As she became sicker,
I began to call her every few days to check in on her. She
would always answer the phone in the same way. I would say
“Mae, how ya doin’?” and she would chuckle and
reply, “I’m blessed, Sister. I am blessed.”
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The night before she
died, I called, and her family had brought the phone to her.
“Mae,” I said. “It’s Rachel.” I could hear her coughing
and clearing her throat, looking to find breath enough to speak in
a lung filled with cancer, willing herself past a fog of morphine
to connect to my voice. Tears stung my eyes. “Mae,” I said.
“It’s Rachel. How ya doin’?” There was a sound I could not
identify, which slowly unwrapped itself into a deep chuckle.
“I’m blessed, Rachel. I am blessed,” she told me. Mae was
one of those people. And so, perhaps, are we all.
Martin Buber
reminds us that just to live is holy. Just to be is a blessing. If
Buber is right, what keeps us from receiving life’s blessings?
It is not always so simple a thing as a lack of time. Often we may
not recognize a blessing when it is given, or we may have ideas
about life that keep us from experiencing what we already have.
Sometimes we become frozen in the past or unaware of the potential
in the present. We may even come to feel entitled to what has been
given us by grace. Or we may become so caught up in what is
missing in the world that we allow our hearts to break. There are
many ways to feel empty in the midst of our blessings.
We can bless
others only when we feel blessed ourselves. Blessing life may be
more about learning how to celebrate life than learning how to fix
life. It may require an appreciation of life as it is and an
acceptance of much in life that we cannot understand. It may mean
developing an eye for joy. It is not necessary to sit in judgment
in order to move things forward, and our anger may not be the most
potent tool for change. Most important, it requires the humility
to know that we are not in this task of restoring the world alone.
Larry knew none
of these things. He and his wife had been coming to see me as a
couple for a few months. His wife came to their final appointment
alone. “Where is Larry?” I asked her. “He got a call from
Washington,” she told me. “He was still on the phone when I
left.” “But didn’t he promise to take Wednesdays off?” I
asked. She looked at me and just smiled. “I’m leaving,” she
told me. “I thought if I could get him here, he might focus on
me and the kids long enough for me to tell him.”
My heart sank. I
had met Larry ten years before when he was first diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He was twenty-nine at the time, a young
stockbroker with a promising future. Two words from a doctor had
taken all that away. Larry and his wife had fought back. Deeply in
love, they had supported each other through a year of brutal
chemotherapy. Their children were small, and there was much to
live for. But eight months after his chemotherapy was complete,
the cancer returned. This time Larry had a bone marrow transplant.
Back then one out of two people who underwent this procedure died.
Larry took this chance because he loved life fiercely. And he was
one of the lucky ones.
He emerged from
this treatment a changed man. “There is more to life than making
money,” he had told me back then. Convinced that his life had
been spared for a reason, he felt he had to use his time to make a
difference. He left the world of business and began working in the
new field of conservation. Over the next ten years, conservation
became a nationwide movement, and Larry became a man possessed. He
began working a fifty-hour week. And then a sixty-hour week. Now
he traveled almost constantly and, when he was at home, worked far
into the night by fax and e-mail. He ate and slept irregularly.
Months went by without his having a talk with his children, an
evening with his wife, or any time for himself. He lived on the
edge of burnout. But there was always something more to be done,
another project, another cause. His wife and children had been
lonely at first, but gradually they had built a life without him.
“Tell him that I would like to see him,” I told his wife.
She nodded.
“I’ll tell him after I give him the news,” she said.
Larry came in a
few days later. He sat down wearily in the chair opposite. I was
shocked at his appearance. “Carol said you wanted to talk with
me.”
“Yes,” I
said. “She told me she was leaving.”
“Yes,” he
replied. “She told me, too.”
He began to cry.
“Ten years ago, I was losing my life,” he told me. “I
didn’t lose it then, but I’ve lost it now.”
“What was it
like for you back then?” I asked him.
“Desperate,”
he said. “Life was slipping through my fingers. I felt that I
was running out of time.” He paused. “I still feel that
way,” he told me. “The world is dying. We may not have another
chance.”
We sat looking at
each other in silence. My heart ached for this good man. “When
was the last time that you ate with your family?” I asked him.
He shook his
head. “I don’t remember.”
“Or the last
time you went to sleep without setting an alarm clock?” He shook
his head again. “Do you remember the last time that you played a
game or read a story to your children?”
“I don’t
remember,” he said softly.
“Larry, would
you treat a spotted owl in this way?” He looked down at the
floor and shook his head. I saw that he had begun to cry again.
“I don’t
think I can go on,” he said.
I told him that I
understood how important his work was. Silently he nodded. “Has
serving life made you happy?”
He looked at me,
confused. “How can serving life make you happy?” he asked me.
“Service requires sacrifice.”
But perhaps not.
One of the fundamental principles of real service is taught many
times a day aboard every airplane in the United States. Larry, who
flies more than a million miles every year, had heard it hundreds
of times without recognizing its relevance to him. It is the part
just before takeoff when the stewardess says, “If the cabin
loses pressure, the oxygen masks will fall from above. Put your
own mask on first before you try to help the person next to
you.” Service is based on the premise that all life is worthy of
our support and commitment. For Larry, this was true of every life
except his own.
If I wished to
defeat those who wanted to use their lives to make a difference,
this is exactly the way in which I would go about it. Few such
people would be tempted from their purpose by fame, or power, or
even by wealth. But I could confuse them and stop them in just the
same way Larry found himself stopped. I could use their own
dedication against them, driving them to work until they became so
depleted and empty that they could no longer go on. I would make
certain that they never discovered that blessing life is about
filling yourself up so that your blessings overflow onto others.
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When
doctor and author Rachel Naomi Remen was young, she was
caught between two different views of life: that of her
rabbi grandfather and that of her highly academic,
research-oriented parents, who believed religion was the
opiate of the masses. As Remen gravitated toward academics
and serving the world as a medical doctor, her grandfather
became an "island of mysticism in a vast sea of
science." But over time, Remen discovered that two
seemingly divergent paths could lead to the same
destination, especially as she learned to blend her
spiritual beliefs with her medical treatment. |
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"I
have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And
I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and
snicker;
And,
in short, I was afraid."
T.
S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock
Most
of us do the best we can on a daily basis.
The problem is that our personal best changes
on a day to day basis based on a lot of variables.
If you have ever suffered from what I refer
to as "functional retardation" you know
what I mean.
When
we are under continual stress or dealing with a
crisis situation, all sorts of biochemical changes
occur in our bodies.
One of these is the release of the stress
hormone epinephrine.
Our
pupils dilate, our blood pressure goes up, our
ability to communicate is reduced, our ability to
compromise is reduced, and even the way we use
language changes.
Although a lot of our normal functions are
diminished, these are just the times when we may
expect the most from ourselves.
One
of the ways that we can call forth our personal best
despite the circumstances in which we find ourselves
is to work through fear.
Writer Frank Herbert referred to fear as
"the mind killer" in his epic novel Dune.
Paraphrasing his statement and using it as a
personal affirmation can be really helpful.
"Fear
is the mind killer
I
will face my fear.
I
will let the fear pass through me
And
only I will remain."
The
important point of this statement is that fear
comes, passes, and leaves.
It does not adhere to us unless we grab hold,
hang onto, and internalize it.
Facing
our fear may also involve embracing it and letting
it go. Looking
it in the eye, acknowledging it, then setting it
free as being something that is not solid or lasting
but meant to pass through and on.
When
we identify with our fears by making negative
statements about ourselves, we have forgotten who we
truly are.
Each
of us is a precious one-of-a-kind event that is
necessary for the world to move forward.
There is something that only we can do, a
destiny that we create and fulfill for ourselves
that impacts the whole.
We
may not feel that we are worthy or entitled but that
is simply a byproduct of fear and as unsubstantial.
It simply is not true.
We
have more impact on the lives of others and the way
things play out than we can ever imagine.
We have more power than we can contemplate.
Perhaps understanding the magnitude of this
is the greatest fear of all.
For then we understand that we are
responsible for our own destiny and must let go of
any thoughts of blaming anything outside of
ourselves for who we are.
In
reality, this understanding sets us free.
For though we rarely can control the
situations that come to us in life or the word and
actions of others, we can always control what we do
with them.
Situations
come to pass, they never come to stay.
And when we allow them to pass and disappear
into the past like shadows, our vibrant spiritual
selves remain, powerful in the present moment. That
is the constant, the unchanging, in an ever changing
world.
Have
a great day and be good to yourself.
You truly deserve it!
Gail Pursell Elliott, "The Dignity and Respect
Lady"© Innovations
"Training
With A Can-Do Attitude"
TM
Box 552
,
Roland
,
IA
50236-0552
515-388-9600
www.innovations-training.com
Promoting Dignity and Respect, No
Exceptions. In Companies and Communities
Nationwide.
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Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
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Eyes
Wide Open
tom walsh
Release
I've
always had a difficult time understanding the
concept of release. After all, most of my role
models in life while I was growing up seemed to
dedicate themselves to holding on to things--holding
on to anger and resentment and memories of things
that other people did "to" them. Now
that I'm older I can see in hindsight just how
unhappy these people were, but when I was younger
their behavior seemed quite normal to me.
The
concept of releasing can be one of the most
important ideas that you'll ever explore. If
you want to call it "letting go," you'll
still have the main idea in place. Release is
the opposite of allowing something to control you by
its simple presence in your life. Did someone
offend you yesterday? Are you still feeling
angry about it, and snapping at other people because
of your anger? Well, then, that offensive
remark or action from yesterday is controlling your
behavior, and you're allowing it to do so. Did
someone leave your town and you miss them so much
that your behavior is affected negatively because
you're missing them? In this case, too, that
person's absence is controlling your behavior, and
you're allowing it to do so.
You're
allowing these things to control you because you're
not willing to release them. It's somehow
safer--though very unpleasant--to hold on to
them. Some people might even say that you need
them.
It's
important, though, that you consider releasing them
from your life, from your mind, and from your
spirit. If you're able to do so, then you give
yourself a higher degree of freedom in your
life--freedom to face each present moment for
exactly what it is, rather than seeing it through
the filters of your anger or resentment.
A
really good example of this was my desire for a
relationship. This was something that I simply
wasn't able to release from my life, and it affected
me for years in negative ways every time I went out
on a date or tried to get to know a woman. The
desire was so strong that I spent a lot of time and
energy trying to fulfill that desire, and the
results usually weren't very positive. The
result of trying to make things happen usually was
stress and tension--and no relationship.
Finally,
though, I realized just how much pressure I was
putting on other people because of my efforts to
fulfill my desires. I finally released that
desire, and I told myself that I would just let life
take its course without trying to control it in my
favor. After I did that, I suddenly found
myself acting much more relaxed in the presence of
women, much more willing to just let things
happen. Within six months, I met the woman I
would eventually marry. I know that I was able
to develop a relationship with her only because I
never tried to force a relationship to happen
between us.
We've
all heard the saying that tells us if we love
something, we should set it free. If it comes
back to us, it was meant to be with us; otherwise,
it was meant to be on its own. I would say
that we should set everything free--things that we
love, things that we dislike, even things that we
hate. If we can release the judgment of loving
or hating, if we can allow things simply to be as
they are without trying to control them or without
letting them control us, then we're releasing things
that can be detrimental to us.
One
of the greatest beauties of releasing things is the
fact that when we do so, we create more room inside
of ourselves for other things, more positive things
(as long as we choose to fill those spaces with
positive things). In my case, I filled the
times that I had been obsessing about a relationship
with things like climbing mountains and going for
long walks. The important thing about this
concept is that until we release negative things,
there won't be room for other, more positive things.
And
the more you fill your life with the positive, the
less room there is inside of your spirit for the
negative.
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We've
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Mission
statements represent your belief system—the priorities,
values and principles that measure your decisions. It
provides overall direction and clarifies your purpose and
meaning. When you clearly know what you want to be and to
do in your life, you feel strong in your sense of mission.
You’re no longer driven by everything that happens to
you. Rather, you feel a deep and complete commitment to
following your innermost values.
Dawn
Angier |
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Joy
is what we are, not what we must get.
Joy is the realization that all we want or need in life has been
etched into our souls.
Joy helps us see not what we are "going through," but what
we are "growing to"--a greater sense of understanding,
accomplishment, and enlightenment.
Joy reveals to us the calm at the end of the storm, the peace that
surpasses the momentary happiness of pleasure. If we keep our
minds centered on joy, joy becomes a state of mind.
Iyanla
Vanzant
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Rose
Dan Clark
The
first day of school our professor introduced himself and
challenged
us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I
stood up
to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming
up
at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose.
I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a
hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course
you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent
age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband,
get married, and have a couple of kids..."
"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what
may have
motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education
and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union
building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next
three months
we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was
always
mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she
shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus
icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention
bestowed upon her from the other students. She was
living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our
football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was
introduced and
stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her
prepared
speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the
microphone
and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up
beer
for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never
get my
speech back in order so let me just tell you what I
know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do
not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we
stop playing.
"There are only four secrets to staying young, being
happy,
and achieving success. You have to laugh and find
humor every day. You've got to have a dream.
When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many
people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
"There is a huge difference between growing older and
growing up.
"If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one
full year
and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty
years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in
bed
for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
"Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any
talent or ability.
The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in
change. Have no regrets.
"The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we
did,
but rather for things we did not do. The only people
who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The
Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them
out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had
begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
More
than 2,000 college students attended her funeral in tribute
to the wonderful woman who taught by example that
it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
Remember,
growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
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This
book deals with the myriad issues of college life,
from homesickness to partying to G.P.A.s and
everything in between. Whether freshmen, sophomores,
juniors or seniors, this book is a must-read for all
college students-as they'll be sure to agree.
College graduates, too, will enjoy reminiscing about
those unforgettable years as they read the stories
in this collection. Chicken Soup for the College
Soul is sure to be a hit with all readers. |
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