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29 May 2007 |
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Sometimes, I feel
discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It
merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure
of my company? It's beyond me.
Zora Neale Hurston
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When
we want to infuse new ideas, to modify or better the habits and
customs of a people, to breathe new vigor into its national traits,
we must use the child as our vehicle; for little can be accomplished
with adults.
Maria
Montessori
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I
have made a pact with my tongue, not to speak when my heart is disturbed.
Francis
de Sales
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See It
Through
(an excerpt)
Christopher Kimball
When
I was ten, I got a summer job with a local dairy farmer,
helping out with the afternoon milking as well as with
haying, fixing equipment, and feeding and watering the
horses. My first day started with an instruction to
go out and bring in a cow with her newborn calf. The
rest of the herd was already in the barn for the afternoon
milking. I went out to the back pasture and soon
found the wayward cow, horns long and untrimmed, standing
protectively in front of her three-day-old. This
wasn't the first time I had been around cows, but I was
used to slow-moving, docile beasts. The kind I knew
might step on your foot if you weren't careful, but they
weren't mean or aggressive.
Knowing
that I was being watched from the barn, I hitched up my
pants and went right after her, confident that a slap on
the rump and a few throaty "git-along" sounds
would soon get the job done. When I was about thirty
feet away, she lowered her massive horns and pawed the
ground like a dyspeptic Texas longhorn. Then she
came right after me. Luck was with me since the
barbed wire fence was nearby, and I scrambled under it
like a crab scuffling out of reach of a net, finding
myself in a dense patch of milkweed and thistle. I
looked up and saw her huge head, red eyes bulging out of
massive bony sockets, a long ropy string of drool hanging
from her lips.
For
the next twenty minutes, I scooted out from the safety of
the fence, made a series of wild herding movements with my
arms, and then ran like crazy for safety. We finally
worked our way around the perimeter of the pasture, the
cow chasing me back to the great red barn. There the
farmer, wearing a faded green cap and just the hint of a
grin, came to my aid. He grabbed a thick leather
milking strap, gave the cow a couple of good whacks, and
she turned toward the barn, submissive and defeated.
Somehow that farmer kept from laughing in the face of my
utter humiliation, but that story is still told in our
town, some thirty-five years later, since it so clearly
defines what it means to be a Vermonter.
Yet
for most folks these days, being a Vermonter has lost its
meaning--like the lyrics to "Yankee Doodle
Dandy," which no longer have the ring of
familiarity. When one talks of persistence or
thrift, these terms have little resonance in the modern
vernacular. Confronted with a difficult, seemingly
impossible task, an old-time Vermonter would simply settle
in for the long haul. There was simply no
alternative. New England farmers led a parsimonious
life. If something broke, one had to repair it,
since a new model was either not available or too
expensive. And in the face of tragedy, Vermonters
were always steadfast, never wavering in their conviction
or inner sense of self-worth. One could do a lot
worse than to live by the rules of the farm, no one person
rising above the others, no pressing need to develop the
inner self. Hidden desires are often best left
hidden, our darker, more self-serving impulses sweated out
in the hot July sun, our souls bleached white and pure
through hard work.
So
when your turn comes to bring in the cow and the calf,
don't flinch from the assignment. Run for cover if
you must--I know I did--but stick to it. Keep coming
back to the task at hand, no matter how impossible it may
seem at the time. The old farmer watching you from
the barn is looking for no more than persistence, the
outcome being secondary to matters of character.
Resist the temptation to turn tail and run for the barn.
See it through and life will be your friend, bestowing
riches at every turn.
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Christopher
Kimball shares
fifty-two poignant, heartfelt
letters to his son and three
daughters. The uplifting
compilation captured a 1999 Christopher Award,
selected
for "outstanding work in film, television, and
publishing whose
work affirms the highest
values of the human spirit." |
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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh
Playing
God
There's
an interesting and tragic story about something that
happened here at the Grand Canyon many years ago. It
seemed that a man named James Owens "was hired in
1906 by the Forest Service to serve as game warden in the
Grand Canyon Game Reserve on the Kaibab
Plateau." At the time, species such as deer
were considered "good," while predatory species
such as mountain lions were considered to be
"undesirable."
To make a
long story short, over the next decade Owens killed, by
his own count, 532 mountain lions. And the deer
population boomed, reaching about 100,000 in the next few
years. Unfortunately, the area couldn't sustain that
many deer, and during one harsh winter, thousands upon
thousands of deer starved to death. Owens' efforts
resulted in hundreds dead mountain lions--who were just
doing what mountain lions do to survive--and thousands of
deer who died in one of the worst ways possible. His
efforts to "help" the deer by imposing his own
will over the way that life functioned in this area had
truly terrible results.
This is
almost always what happens when we try to impose our will
and desires into the lives of others. When we see
something and think that we somehow know better how it
should be, and then try to make it that way, we tend to be
playing God, trying to create circumstances that to us are
optimal--even though to others they may be horrible.
While we
don't all go out killing mountain lions to protect the
"helpless" deer, we do find ourselves in
situations in which we have similar choices to make.
Perhaps a son or daughter is having problems at school,
and we see exactly what should be done to solve those
problems. So instead of teaching our child methods
of dealing with his or her own problems, we take the reins
and try to solve the problem ourselves. (And the
chances are good that the problem was more in the
perceptions than in the actual situations.)
There's a
great deal of value in watching situations play out versus
trying to impose our will and try to make them turn out
how we want them to. If we can take a step back and
try to understand the forces at play, we can learn a lot
about the forces at work and how valuable they might be to
us if we can learn how they work and the results that they
have.
Of
course, there are times when it's necessary to impose our
will--but only if we're in positions that allow us to do
so in an authentic way. If a department in a company
is ineffective or destructive, it's up to the leaders in
that company to step in and "fix" things if the
entire company is to remain healthy. If a body has a
broken bone or a cancerous area, then a doctor can surely
set the bone or remove the cancerous tissue. Letting
things go in those situations most probably would lead to
worse situations in the very near future.
But if
someone has robbed my home, it's better to let the police
handle the issue than to go out myself and dispense
"justice." If I don't like the job that
someone else is doing but I'm not in a position of
authority, then it's probably best that I let things be
(unless that person is harming others, of course).
There may be elements of that person's job about which I'm
unaware that make it seem like he or she is doing poorly.
We almost
never have the "whole story." James Owens
did not have the research available to him that showed the
important dynamics that predatory species add to
ecosystems, and because he decided to play God and try to
eradicate a species without knowing much about the
importance of predation, he also ended up causing the
painful, miserable deaths of the very deer that he thought
he was protecting.
Personally,
I hope to learn from Owens' mistakes. The next time
that I feel compelled to impose my will on a situation,
I'm going to sit back and ask myself if I know the whole
story, and if I can truly foresee all of the potential
consequences of my meddling. I'm also going to ask
myself if I'm truly in a position that justifies the
imposition of my will, or if I would be much better off
letting people devise their own strategies for dealing
with their problems and then letting them do so.
(The
information about James Owens comes from Best Easy Day
Hikes: Grand Canyon, by Ron Adkison.)
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Your
mission statement becomes your
constitution, the solid expression of your vision
and values. It becomes the criterion by which
you measure everything else in your life. . . . Writing or
reviewing a mission statement changes you because it
forces you to think through your priorities deeply,
carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs.
Stephen
Covey |
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For nothing is
fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed;
the earth
is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea
does not
cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease
to be born,
and we are responsible to them because we are the
only witnesses
they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling
to
each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease
to
hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another,
the sea
engulfs us and the light goes out.
James Baldwin
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Call
"Time Out" and Adjust Your Course
Jeff Keller
"I don't think much of a person who is not
wiser today
than he or she was yesterday." --Abraham Lincoln
In
a basketball game, when things are going poorly and the coach
doesn't like the way his team is performing, he instructs his
players to call a "time out." At this point, the
game is stopped for a few minutes while the coach huddles with the
team to discuss adjustments which are needed to get the players
back on track and performing more effectively. Of course,
during the time out, the coach also points out what the players
are doing right-- which helps to reinforce their positive
behavior.
Here's the question: How often in your
life do you call a "time out" to review what is working
for you and to put an end to what isn't? Probably not often
enough. Unfortunately, we tend to become entrenched in
habits which are not moving us in the direction of our
goals. Life is continually providing feedback,
however. And it's up to you to become aware of these useful
clues--to learn from the results you're producing and to make any
changes that may be necessary.
Pay
Attention to Patterns
Do you recognize any patterns in your life? Do you, for
instance, seem to have a particular type of "luck"--good
or bad--that follows you around? If so, pay close attention
to these recurrent events; they're trying to tell you something.
It's my strong conviction that there are no
accidental patterns; something inside of you is attracting
certain people and events into your life. For example, let's
say that your friends and co-workers constantly put you
down. This pattern reveals that, at some level, you believe
that you deserve to be treated in this manner.
Of course, patterns can also reflect your positive
thoughts and feelings. If you are receiving promotions at
work and your income is steadily increasing, this reflects your
positive belief system and your productive actions. In this
case, whatever you are thinking and doing, keep thinking and doing
it!
One of the most destructive things you can do is to
deny that you are responsible for originating the patterns in your
own life. If, instead, you blame external factors (such as
the economy or other people) for your problems, you will remain
stuck and frustrated.
Common
Stumbling Blocks
Whether or not you notice any patterns, I suggest you call a time
out on a regular basis. What follows are some common
stumbling blocks which prevent us from attaining the success we
desire. When calling a time out, look to see if you are:
1.
Lacking clarity about what you want.
Your mind is a goal-seeking mechanism and responds best to specific
targets and pictures. Vague wishes about having a "more
fulfilling" job or earning "more money" aren't
effective. Decide, precisely, what will fulfill you and
exactly how much money you want to earn.
For those who simply aren't sure about which path to
follow--that's okay, too. Confusion can be good; at least it
shows you are thinking. The worst thing you can do is plod
along unconsciously, sticking with habits and belief systems which
aren't serving you. Eventually, however, confusion itself
can become nothing more than an excuse for not taking
action. That's why, after carefully looking into your
options, you must choose a particular path and get moving!
2.
Trying to achieve too much at once.
Having too many goals is the other extreme. If you try to
tackle five major projects at once, you'll probably fail to
succeed at any of them. Spreading yourself out scatters your
energy and diminishes your power. Concentrate on one major
goal at a time; laser-like focus is a necessary element for
success.
3.
Not taking enough action.
Be honest with yourself. Maybe you're not taking enough
action to reach your objective(s). Most significant
achievements take considerable effort. You can't just sit
back and hope that success comes to you.
4.
Stubbornly sticking with a losing strategy.
Let's assume that you are trying to market your product or service
and you've implemented Plan A. After three months, Plan A is
yielding very disappointing results, with no signs that the
pattern will reverse itself. Examine why Plan A is not
working and develop a new plan. This sounds so
obvious, and yet many people stick with unsuccessful strategies.
5.
Not taking advantage of the knowledge of qualified people.
While "trial and error" sometimes works, you'll waste a
lot of time and resources in the process. Instead, you can
get back on course quickly by seeking help or advice from someone
who has achieved what you want to achieve. The emphasis is
on qualified individuals; don't ask a friend or relative who knows
little or nothing about solving your particular problem.
Rather, find a coach or mentor who can offer suggestions and who
will follow through and hold you accountable for keeping your
commitments. In addition, locate books, courses or cassette
tapes which provide the information you need.
6.
Hampered by limiting beliefs.
If you are dominated by negative thoughts, you can't possible
produce positive results on a consistent basis. Who controls
what you think about? You do. As motivational speaker
Brian Tracy urges, you must develop the mindset that you are unstoppable!
7.
Lacking positive inputs.
To sustain your positive beliefs, you need frequent positive
reinforcement. Read inspiring literature, listen to
motivational cassette tapes and surround yourself with
enthusiastic, upbeat people. That's the environment in which
you will maintain optimism and perform at your best.
8.
Refusing to confront the problem.
You've waited five years and your problem hasn't solved
itself. Will you wait another five years, hoping that things
will turn out differently? Things don't change unless you
change. It may be that you have to confront your
situation head-on, even if this choice will cause some temporary
pain and hardship. Your other option--do absolutely nothing
and continue to live with your problem.
9.
Trying to skip rungs on the ladder.
In our excitement to reach bold objectives, we sometimes delude
ourselves into believing that we won't have to climb the ladder of
success incrementally. Instead, we think we can immediately
soar to new heights. When this doesn't happen, however, we
get discouraged. You need to remember that, as Zig Ziglar
often says, "the elevator to success is out of order.
You have to take the stairs." So, be patient and set
realistic intermediate goals. After all, success is achieved
one step at a time.
10.
Ignoring intuitive feelings.
The "right" decisions in our lives are not dictated by
logic alone. You ignore your intuition at your own
peril. For example, have you ever been tempted to do
business with someone when logically everything seemed
perfect--and yet you had a negative feeling or
"vibration" about this person? Well, if you went
ahead despite your reservations, you probably regret it now.
So, don't push your strong feelings aside--this internal guidance
system is there to help you.
Do not be discouraged is many of these factor apply to you.
I myself have fallen prey to all of these at one time or
another--and I'm still dealing with several of them. Also,
know that this is not an exclusive list. You may have other
issues to address during your "time out."
In any case, don't just bull ahead doing the same
things and expecting your results to change. Live your life consciously.
Examine what is working and what isn't. Then make the
necessary adjustments.
Here's an idea. . . . Why not call time out right
now--then step back onto the court with powerful new
strategies for achieving your goals!
Jeff
Keller is a motivational speaker and writer who founded
Attitude is Everything, Inc. Visit Jeff's website at http://www.attitudeiseverything.com
. He'd love to have you visit!
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We've
been looking for a way to recommend many of the books
and movies that inspire us to live our lives more fully, and
Amazon
finally has provided it. Check out our new bookstore,
which is full
of inspirational and motivational material. We'd also
appreciate any
suggestions you might have of what to stock it with--please
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our feedback page
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obstacles to living
life fully - e-zine archives
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All contents
© 2007 Living Life Fully™,
all rights reserved.
Livinglifefully.com is trademarked SM, all rights
reserved..
Please feel
free to re-use material from this site other than
copyrighted articles--
contact each author for permission to use those.
If you use material, it would be
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They who will live for others
shall have great troubles,
but they shall seem to them small.
They who will live for themselves
shall have small troubles,
but they
shall seem to them great.
William R. Inge
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No
wonder English is so difficult to learn , , , ,
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the birthday present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
The seamstress and the sewer fell into the sewer.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
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The
society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a
humble activity, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because
philosophy is an exalted activity, will have neither good plumbing
nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will
hold water.
John
W. Gardner
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On
Letting Go.....
author unknown
To
"let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To
"let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.
To
"let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the
outcome is not in my hands.
To
"let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To
"let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To
"let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To
"let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a
human being.
To
"let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the
outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To
"let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To
"let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To
"let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To
"let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live
for the future.
To
"let go" is to fear less and to love more.
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Alone
in his car heading west, it's easy for Jason to feel sorry
for himself and mad at the world. But then he gives
a ride to Hector and learns life isn't as negative as we
sometimes see it. The friendship between this young
man and his 70-year-old passenger is an inspiring story of
love and of dealing with obstacles in life. It's a
story that you'll treasure long after you've finished
reading. Three
Cavaliers, Tom Walsh's second published novel, is now available in book form! Click
on the image to the left to order! |
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A quick review:
I loved Tom Walsh's new book "Three
Cavaliers." It is a great story filled with excitment,
wisdom and tenderness. --L. Abeling
(Thanks, Louise!)
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An excerpt:
Hector didn’t reply for several
very long moments. Jason
felt him searching, looking for something that could
explain one person to another person.
“When
I was fourteen,” Hector finally started, “two years
before my father died, Ana Maria came home from school and
she was crying very hard.
She said that a little boy had hit her and spit on
her and called her names like ‘spic’ and
‘wetback,’ names that I had been called a few times
but which did not bother me all that much.
They bothered my sister, though, and my mother took
her in her arms and comforted her.
As she held her there, I couldn’t imagine a more
peaceful sight, for my mother was the very picture of
peace and calm and love.
The sunlight was coming in through the window from
behind her, and I remember sitting on the couch and
watching them, feeling that deep sense of peace myself,
loving my mother more than ever.
In a few minutes my sister had cried herself to
sleep in her arms, and my mother brought her very gently
to the couch and lay her down on it, whispering to her the
whole time. She
kneeled down next to my sleeping sister and kissed her on
the forehead, and I could see in her eyes all of the peace
that she had just caused Ana to feel.
“Then
she stood up and turned to me and I almost yelled out in
fear, because her eyes were now filled with an anger such
as I had never seen before.
‘I need you to watch Ana Maria,’ she told me,
and her voice which had just been filled with peace and
calm and loving words was now filled with a rage that
matched that in her eyes.
‘I am going to that school and I am going to find
out who could do such a thing to my daughter, and why
nobody did anything about it.’
“I
was speechless. I
watched in awe as she went calmly to the closet and got a
sweater, then came over to me and kissed me on the
forehead. I
was even a bit afraid because she seemed like a bomb about
to explode, but when she touched me I felt none of her
anger at all, only love.
I knew that if my father had been that angry, he
would be yelling very loudly and even throwing things
around the room, but my mother was completely in control
of herself. I
think it was the control that gave me the most fear.
I could see just how much anger she had, but if I
had not known her as my mother I would not have seen it at
all. I was
afraid for the people at the school as she went out the
front door. I
watched her through the window as she walked away, and I
could see the energy and tension that she walked with.
I felt that I should call my father and tell him,
or call the school and warn them all to leave before she
got there, but I was only fourteen, so of course I did
nothing.
“She
came back almost two hours later, and I could see that she
was satisfied with what she had accomplished.
She never spoke another word of the incident to me,
or even to my sister, but I knew on that day that if I
ever needed anyone to support me in any way, my mother
would be there for me with all of her heart and soul.
I could not imagine anyone standing up against that
kind of anger without being very, very afraid of what
might happen. And
she seemed to have no fear of anything, especially when
her children were involved.
“In
a store once, I dropped a jar of pickles that I was
carrying for her. A
man from the store was standing very near to me, and he
turned around and saw what had happened.
He said, ‘That was a very stupid thing to do.’
“’Don’t
you ever talk to my son that way!’ my mother said
immediately. ‘Everyone
has dropped something in their lives, and I will not allow
you to insult my son for a simple mistake.’
I thought we were in trouble for sure, but the man
backed down. ‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ he said.
‘I meant nothing by it.’
“’If
there is no meaning behind the words,’ my mother
answered, ‘then perhaps they should not be said at
all.” I have
always remembered those words.
They were full of wisdom—I recognized that, even
then. My
mother was a simple woman with very little schooling, but
she was a very wise woman.”
“She
sounds it,” Jason said.
“She sounds like a very marvelous woman.”
“Of
course she was marvelous.
She was a saint.
I told you that.”
Hector sounded surprised that Jason could have
forgotten such a thing.
“Right—you’re right.
Sorry about that.
I forgot.”
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