Making the Most of Time

I think that time is the clearest indicator of Einstein's theory of relativity.  In my life, time is always relative.  If I'm doing something that I enjoy, then time flies by quickly, while if I somehow have to do a tedious, annoying task, then time goes by very, very slowly.  But probably the most important indicator of the relativity of time for me is the fact that as I grow older, time goes by much more quickly.

When I was a child, for example, Christmas always took forever to arrive.  The two or three weeks before Christmas were always the slowest weeks of the year, and it seemed that the holiday never would get there.  The anticipation of the gifts and the holiday spirit made me impatient, and my impatience just seemed to slow things down even more.  For all practical purposes, there were two or three months crammed into the two or three weeks before Christmas.

These days, though, holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving are here--and gone--before I know it.  It seems like just last week that we were making our ways through September, and Thanksgiving was weeks away.  Now, though, the day is gone--almost a week past already!  And while I enjoyed it immensely, I do sometimes wish that I could slow time down and spend more of it enjoying a day like Thanksgiving.  And right now we have four weeks until Christmas--but how long do you think those four weeks are going to take?  I know that for me, they're going to fly by as if they were only a week or two, and then we'll be counting down to the new year.

Perhaps this happens because as we grow older, we have many more activities that we're involved in, and our time is full of more to do and to accomplish.  Perhaps as we get a day closer to our death with each new dawn, we start to notice time much more.  Or perhaps we're more patient as we age, and we don't spend as much time in anticipation of the future, which I suppose could slow things down for us.

No matter what the reasons for this relativity, I find it very important these days to learn even more strongly how to spend my life in each present moment as it comes.  I find it important to cherish these moments for what they are--treasures that bring to me wonderful experiences and wonderful memories.  And as time passes more quickly, I realize that it's important for me to slow down--I think that the passage of time leads many people to become far too busy, out of the fear of "missing out" on the potential of their time.  After all, if time's going by so fast, how can we cram in everything we want and hope to do with our lives?

But time isn't our enemy.  It's not really our friend, either--it's pretty neutral.  We each have the same number of hours in each day, and we each can fill those hours with things we love to do, with positive thoughts and energy, or with negative things that bring us down.  And the secret of making the most of our time is the fact that all of our time comes down to minute-by-minute decisions.  How am I going to spend the next hour?  Will I do something that I need to do to keep me healthy, like go for a walk or take a nap, or will I sit down and crank out another hour of work?  Will I start on that new project, or will I continue to procrastinate by watching television?

All of our decisions require careful examination of where we are right now, and what we need.  If we want to make the most out of time, we have to know what will benefit us in the long run.  It's very effective to make lists that help us to see clearly just what we want to accomplish today, tomorrow, or this week, and then our decisions may become a bit easier to make.

Time is relative.  But that's okay--that's the way things are.  We can't base our happiness or our production on time, for time is quite neutral and will never react how we hope it will.  We can, though, do our best to make sure we use our time well by being aware of our own needs, and the needs of others.  That awareness will help us to look back after each period of time--days, weeks, months, years--and see that we have done many of the things we hoped to do, and that we did them well.

Language provides the key for many of our current views and beliefs.  Unfortunately, we rarely listen to ourselves with conscious attention and so we miss many clues that could help us understand our behavior.  Here are three areas where it would benefit us to pay particular attention while we are speaking.  Very often the blocks to our success are revealed this way.

1. Words that keep us where we are. (The "I've Fallen and Can't Get Up" syndrome).

Some words, like 'should', 'must' and 'try' keep us locked where we are.  'Shoulds' and 'musts' are typically other people's expectations and not our own desires.  Because they're not ours, they never seem to get done, but we carry the guilt around all the time.  'Trying' is actually a pre-fabricated excuse for not succeeding.  Think back over the times you've used the word try. How often have you not even made the attempt at something if you started by 'trying' to do it?

RECOMMENDATION:  Program yourself to have an alarm go off every time you use the words 'should', 'must', 'try' and any others you would like to stop using.  That gives you a chance, in the moment, to look at what you are saying and provides you the opportunity to rephrase it immediately.  Doing it in the moment is immediately freeing.  To program yourself, all you have to do is make a clear and definite intention to notice when you are using certain words.

2. Negating thoughts.  (The "Way We Were" syndrome)

I was recently working with a client on a challenging situation.  During the  hour she had made some insightful discoveries and was able to see that the situation was actually an opportunity and the universe's way of reminding her it was time to move on.  She became very calm and centered and we moved on to other topics.  As we were winding down the call, she again brought up the situation and talked about how angry and hurt she was.  I asked her to stop and get clear.  Was she feeling angry and hurt in that moment?  Her answer was no.  Then why did she say it? Because she was so used to talking about anger and hurt when she talked about the situation that the old tape automatically started playing.  Eventually, the old tape would kill off the new tape she was trying to create and keep her feeling angry and hurt.

RECOMMENDATION: If there is a situation or person that evokes highly charged energy for you, choose to pay attention to all conversations about it.  You can definitely talk about what you 'did' feel (honoring those legitimate feelings), but also bring in your current feelings about it and any understandings gained.  This keeps you in the present and complete with the past, allowing you to build the future you desire.

3. The 'other' half of our history.  (The "If I Don't Acknowledge It, It Never Happened" syndrome).

When we believe something strongly, we usually accept without question anything that supports that belief.  The opposite is also true. When we believe something strongly, we tend to ignore incidents that would break down that belief.  This is true even when the belief is ultimately something that undermines our ability to achieve our goals.

As an example, a client of mine has run into blocks in achieving her goals because of a very critical inner voice, one that was reinforced by her father.  Recently, in talking about her writing, a recognized strength, she said in passing:  "My father always told me I was a good writer.  He was the only one who believed in me."   I asked her to stop and listen to those words.  It took her a few minutes to accept this picture of nurturing and integrate it with the view of the stern and critical father she usually holds.  It was a small step, but an essential one.  By acknowledging "all" of our history, both positive and negative, we make the journey to wholeness.

RECOMMENDATION:  Are there people or events from long ago that can trigger your buttons today?  If so, program yourself to have an alarm go off EVERY time you bring up that person or event.  Pay attention to what you say.  Does it conform to your belief around this situation?  Is it true?  If it's true but doesn't support your belief, can you allow yourself to accept it as true? Can you begin to broaden your picture of the person or event?  With this new idea, can you begin to see that the piece that still hurts you was probably about them and not about you?  Open yourself up to the possibilities and remember this is to free you, not them.  As we free ourselves from the past, we are able to make better choices in the present.  And the choices we make here and now are the cornerstone for our future.

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.  Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com    Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com