Tune In (an excerpt)
Brenda Anderson

Five Ways to Be More Encouraging
Kevin Eikenberry

My Contribution
tom walsh

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Have you ever been run over on the information superhighway?  Do you go around in a techno trance, alternating among your cell phone, Blackberry, and computer as you dash to your next appointment?  Have you forgotten how to focus on the human being in front of you?

Most problems today stem from living in a state of disconnection, and most disconnection is caused by people feeling so rushed that they don't pay attention.  Or maybe they're so invested in their agenda, they can't take in another perspective without skewing it.  When you Tune In, you stop and get present. . . . you optimize all your senses, including your sixth sense.  You miss all these valuable insights when your mind is in the past or future.

When you Tune In, you become more open--not guarded, not protective, not on the attack, not trying to figure out what to do next.  This requires a great deal of concentration, particularly when you bounce from one activity to the next.  You start noticing how your boss interacts with others and what works best.  You get a sense of your child's state of mind before she even says a word.  You instinctively say the right thing to your friends.  When you Tune In, you interact better with everyone in your life because you understand what matters to them.

Nearly everyone has heard that we tap into only ten percent of our brain power.  Tuning In, however, enables you to override physical limitations and emotional obstacles and tap into the other 90 percent.  It also reduces stress.  You access new possibilities when you don't have any agenda other than being present to what's happening in the moment.  This enables you to connect with others in an intangible, but nevertheless very real, level. . . .

People feel it when you're completely and unequivocally focused on them.

Tuning In is a high-energy choice that aids communication and breaks down barriers, moving you out of the mundane, monotonous details and bringing you to a place where big things can happen easily and quickly.

When we don't Tune In, we're living in an altered reality that can feed misunderstandings and misconceptions.  We all have a warped, one-sided view of life.  We spend so much of our life not Tuning In because we're always thinking about the next thing, solving the next problem, anticipating what will happen, or reliving and rehashing the past.  We're daydreaming about the vacation we just took and how much fun it was.  While on vacation we're thinking how much we dread going back to work.  We're thinking about what our child should do next, even as she is trying to get our attention right now.  It takes conscious effort to Tune In.  It doesn't feel natural because we spend so much of our time mentally and physically orbiting from place to place.

We drift away so easily for two reasons.  First, we're trained from a young age to multitask, and that can be useful--if we're giving our full focus to each item that comes across our perceptual screen.  Second, our society is oriented around sound bites.  Advertisers count on short attention spans.  You and I are not wired to get present and focus.  Think about when you're in a new relationship or have just met someone.  You don't always Tune In because you're thinking about how you're coming across and wondering if you sound stupid.  You think you're enhancing the connection, but all you're doing is disengaging and disconnecting.  When you check out, you miss in-the-moment opportunities.
   

Many people are trying in their own ways to create works that will be valuable to people, and you can find a couple of those works at these sites:

David B. offers a two-page collection of short quotations that you can print off and share with others.  Click here to visit a printable PDF file.

Likewise, Leland Beaumont offers a very nice site on "Emotional Compentency," with a nice collection of passages, quotations, and ideas that can be very helpful to many.  Click here to visit.

Finally, Sandra Imperatore is working to create songs with positive, uplifting lyrics.  If you'd like to read a short article about her, read a few of her poems, and contact her, click here!

We all need encouragement.  Even the most callous, hard-headed self- made person needs encouragement to stay on track and move forward. This isn’t news – it is something we all know.

Unfortunately, many times we don’t take action on what we know.

We can change our habits about encouragement – we can choose to become a more encouraging person.  This will have a positive impact on our results and satisfaction in a variety of roles we play in life – from leader to co-worker to team member to parent to family member.

Below are five specific ways that you can become more encouraging starting as soon as you finish reading this article.

Encourage with your eyes.  Don’t underestimate the importance and value of solid eye contact.  Think about the people you know who always seem to make good eye contact with you.  How do you feel about them?  Do you feel that they support and believe in you?  Do they seem to care more?  This is a glimpse at how powerful good solid eye contact can be.  Perhaps these people haven’t said anything to give you encouragement, but their presence and eye contact show you anyway.  Use your eyes to be encouraging – make eye contact with people.

Encourage with your face.  This is perhaps the easiest of all.  Smile.  A smile is a powerful encourager.  It tells people that they are okay.  It tells people that what they are doing is okay.  For some people smiling comes naturally, while others need to be more conscious of smiling.  You know which you are.  Either way, there are probably more opportunities and more situations where you can flash your pearly whites.  Smile.  You will be encouraging when you do and you will feel better yourself.

Encourage with your lips.  Of course we can say encouraging things.  In fact, when you started reading this list, I’ll bet you expected the whole list to be things to say or situations in which to say them.  We all know how to be encouraging with our words.  So do it.  Be supportive.  Give people specific comments and encouragement on who they are and what they are doing.  Let them know that they matter.  Let them know how their work adds value.  Encourage with your lips.

Encourage with your feet.  Encouragement can come in the form of being there.  Sit in on the meeting someone asks you to attend, even if you know they can handle it.  Go to the ball game.  Your presence and attention can be powerful encouragers and motivators.  Be aware that your actions in themselves can be encouraging, so act accordingly.  First you must be there, and then you must behave in encouraging ways.

Encourage with your head.  If all you see is what people are doing wrong, it is hard to be encouraging.  The biggest barrier some of us have to overcome to become more encouraging is in our head – we aren’t looking for and therefore seeing the right things.  We must focus on and look for the positive things.  Look for the good.  Then use your feet, lips, face and eyes to communicate those encouraging messages.

Okay, it's your turn.

Get up from your chair now.  Pick one of these approaches and practice it right now.

Write these five things down on an index card and carry it with you for the next three weeks.  Refer to the card often as a reminder to continue to use these approaches to becoming more encouraging.

You will be amazed at the new results you will see in those around you and in your own life as well.  You can do it – you can make this choice.

Kevin is Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company that helps clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on “Unleashing Your Potential” go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

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