How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.

Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

The world is not a playground, it is a schoolroom.  Life is not a holiday, but an education.  And the one eternal lesson for us all is how better we can love.

Henry Drummond

People travel faster now, but I do not know if they go to better things.

Willa Cather

Hi there, and welcome to the newest issue of Living Life Fully's
e-zine.  We're grateful for your visit, and we hope that you find
something here that's relevant to your life on this new day! 

Getting Motivated to Get Organized
Kathy Paauw

Opening Doors
tom walsh

Life Pudding (an excerpt)
Bernie Siegel

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“Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.”
--Jim Rohn

When I get calls from prospective clients who say they want to get organized, I often ask, “What’s motivating you to get organized at this time, and what will be possible once you get organized?”  I ask these questions because I’ve found that without a compelling reason, there’s little or no motivation to change the habits necessary for lasting results. 

My first year in business, I got a call from a woman (I’ll call her Kelly) who said that her husband wanted her to get organized.  As I walked through their home with her, Kelly told me what her husband wanted me to do.  Among other things, he did not like the clutter scattered throughout the house -- stacks of unopened mail, piles of newspapers and magazines, unfolded laundry, and dirty dishes.  After listening for a while, I asked, “Who owns the problem here?”  With a bewildered look on her face, Kelly responded by telling me that her husband wanted her to “clean things up.”

Although Kelly was the one who was primarily responsible for creating the clutter, and she was the one who was asked to do something about it, I came to the conclusion that Kelly’s husband was the one who owned the problem.  Why?  Because he was the one who did not like the clutter, and she was perfectly content with the way things were. She was not the least bit motivated to change any of her personal habits that created the clutter in the first place. 

Under the circumstances, I decided not to take Kelly on as a client.  Although working with this client could have generated a significant number of paid consulting hours -- as well as fostered a dependency on my ongoing services to keep things organized -- I would have felt out of integrity to work with Kelly when she was not ready to commit to the process.  Without her readiness to take ownership of the problem, my working with her would not have helped in the long run.  Had she and I de-cluttered and organized their home, I’m convinced it would have reverted back to its original state in a matter of weeks.

Who Owns the Problem?

I’ll share a story to illustrate what I mean when I ask “who owns the problem.”  When our daughter was about four years old, I was the one who took her to day care on my way to work.  Every morning I’d ask her to get dressed and be ready to leave the house by a certain time, and I’d give her a 10-minute and a 5-minute warning.  And every morning when it was time to go she would not be dressed.  My husband and I were taking a parenting class at the time, and I mentioned the problem in class one night.  The instructor asked, “Who owns the problem here?”  I said, “I do, because I am late for work.”  He asked me why I was late for work, and I repeated that I was late because our daughter would not get dressed on time.  The instructor asked what would happen if I let her own the problem. 

The next morning when it was time to leave the house and our daughter was not dressed, I put her in the car in her underwear, strapped her seatbelt on, and put her clothes in a bag on the seat next to her.  It was January and it was cold in the car!  Guess what?  By the time we got to day care she was completely dressed (and with her seatbelt still on)!  The next day she was dressed when it was time to go, and it was never an issue again. From that day forward, she was ready when it was time to go.  By allowing her to own the problem, she had an investment in finding a solution. She was motivated to get dressed because she was cold and uncomfortable, and because I was no longer willing to own or solve the problem for her.

Experience has taught me that when someone says they want to get organized because someone else wants them to do so, lasting results are not likely.  Why?  Because without that internal motivation, one is not likely to change the habits necessary to stay organized.  If you don’t own the problem, you won’t have a vested interest in finding a solution.  Sometimes fear, shame, or intimidation can generate temporary motivation, but it usually doesn’t last.

Inside-Out Organizing

Most people are motivated by one of two things:  a desire to either increase pleasure or decrease pain in their lives.  That’s what inside-out organizing is all about – getting clear about your internal desires...what you want more or less of in your life -- and then working outward to achieve the desired outcome.  One of my colleagues, Julie Morgenstern, has written a bestseller about this titled Organizing from the Inside Out.

In Kelly’s case, although she has created the clutter problem, her husband owns it.  Until she is ready to own the problem, nothing will change in their household.  So how can Kelly become motivated to take ownership of the problem and do something about it?  Let’s revisit the question, “What’s possible for Kelly once she gets organized?”  To illustrate how this works, I’ve made up three scenarios in which Kelly could explore the answer to that question:

1. Kelly and her husband sit down together and add up the actual costs of the clutter and disorganization -- late payment fees because the bills are not getting opened and paid on time, purchasing duplicate items because they can’t find what they need, canceling subscriptions to magazines that do not get read, etc.  Then they determine some alternative ways to spend the money they’ll save … perhaps for a vacation they’ve wanted to take, or for a home improvement Kelly wants that they cannot afford.  Motivating factor:  Freeing up more disposable income to use for things on the wish list.

2. Kelly and her husband are both committed to caring for each other in meaningful ways.  She recognizes that order is important to her husband and he is important to her.  Therefore order becomes important to her for the sake of nurturing their relationship in a way that is meaningful to her husband.  Motivating factor:  Building a more satisfying relationship with her husband.

3. Kelly has a hobby that she has not done for years because there’s no space in the house to work on it.  She has a renewed energy and passion for resurrecting this hobby, and that serves as a motivation to begin de-cluttering their home. Motivating factor:  Following a passion of hers and doing something she enjoys.

In each scenario above, Kelly might be motivated to change some habits if it’s worth the prize that awaits her on the other side of the clutter. 

Being organized is not about how your environment looks, but about creating an environment and a schedule that enables you to work, play, and live exactly as you want to.  Stephanie Winston, author of The Organized Executive, reminds us that “a good system expresses the organization of your mind in the environment.” 

• Can you find what you need when you need it?
• Does your environment express and support who you are and what you value most?
• Does your schedule express and support who you are and what you value most?

To assess your current level of organization at work, answer the following questions:

• Can you consistently find what you need within a few seconds?
• If you work with others, can they quickly find what they need in your office when you're not around?
• Does your current system keep you focused on what's most important and remind you of important follow-up?
• Does your current paper & information management system work?  Do you like it?

If you answered no to any of these questions, ask yourself what you would gain if you organized your time and your space around what’s most important to you.  What opportunities do you miss out on or turn away because of a cluttered schedule, cluttered environment, or a cluttered mind?   Click here to find out what disorganization costs you or your company.

Someone once said that “one definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.” If you were to get and stay organized, what different results would be possible? What will getting organized enable you to do that you are not doing now?  Once you are clear about the answer to these questions, keep your eye on the prize and you’ll have the motivation to succeed!

Kathy Paauw, President of Paauwerfully Organized, is a certified business/personal coach and organizing consultant.  She works with individuals who are dedicated to moving their lives forward in powerful ways by helping them declutter their schedules, spaces and minds. Contact her at orgcoach@gte.net or visit her website at http://www.orgcoach.net to learn how you can Find ANYTHING in 5 Seconds - guaranteed!  Subscribe to her free monthly PaauwerTools ezine by visiting http://www.orgcoach.net/newsletter/freenews.html.

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Opening Doors

As I was walking through a small shopping center yesterday, I saw something fascinating.  At first, it was quite ordinary -- we were approaching the doors to a department store, and I saw a girl who was about eleven years old hold the door open for an adult woman.  The woman thanked her graciously, and the girl went back inside the store.  As I got closer and could see inside, I saw the girl talking to her sister, who was sitting on a bench just inside the door; it looked as if they were waiting for their mom.

As we passed, the girl spied a pair of women coming across the street in front of the store, and she rushed over to open the door through which they were going to enter.  A few seconds later, another woman came out of the store, and there was the girl, holding the door open for her.  I could hear the pleased and somewhat surprised "thank you's" as each person went through the door.

And what was so fascinating about that?  The fact that a young girl, left to her own devices while waiting for her parents, had decided to hold open the door for anyone who came into the store, just to be nice.  Her actions weren't earth-shattering or life-changing, but they sure were nice, and the people who were affected by them were very pleased.  It's always pleasant to have someone do something nice for you just because, with no thought of being repaid at all.

It got me to thinking about the choices that we make every day.  We all have opportunities to be nice, just as that girl did, but how often do we do what her sister was doing -- sit on a bench and watch someone else be nice?  How often do we get so wrapped up in our own worlds and problems that we don't even recognize such opportunities for what they are -- chances to brighten someone else's day in even a very small way?  I know that I've often missed chances to help someone else out, and I always feel the twinge of regret in my heart once I've recognized the fact that a tiny bit of effort on my part might have helped someone else out a great deal.

I wouldn't condemn her sister for sitting on the bench and not helping -- she's a kid, and even most adults would have sat on the bench, too.  But I do feel grateful for what that little girl showed me:  that when she knew that she had to wait a while for her parents, she saw the opportunity to do a small favor for people she didn't even know, and she did it.  She made her choice, and that choice was to reach out to others and be helpful.  She made the best of what could have been a boring situation, and making the best of it involved brightening a few moments of other people's time.

And I thank her for providing me with a role model -- an eleven-year-old role model who I'm going to try to think about the next time that I'm stuck waiting somewhere, or the next time an opportunity to help out someone else comes along.  She taught me a great lesson, one that I hope to pass on.  And once I do so, she'll have contributed to brightening even more people's days, and she won't even know the long-term effects that her actions have had.

Alone in his car heading west, it's easy for Jason to feel sorry for himself and mad at the world.  But then he gives a ride to Hector and learns life isn't as negative as we sometimes see it.  The friendship between this young man and his 70-year-old passenger is an inspiring story of love and of dealing with obstacles in life.  It's a story that you'll treasure long after you've finished reading.

Three Cavaliers, Tom Walsh's second published novel, is now available in book form!  Click on the image to the left to order!

     But then he noticed Hector’s bag still on the floor.  He sat up and put his seat back in its upright position.  He looked out the windows and he spied Hector sitting on a picnic table, his feet on the bench and his elbows on his thighs, his hands together with the fingers intertwined as he stared off into the distance.  Behind the rest area was a large field of grass that easily could have reached to Jason’s chest if he were to walk in it, and behind that started a forest.  Hector stared in that direction, and Jason imagined him at that moment a dreamer, a poet searching for inspiration or searching for words that would make his inspiration a reality, something tangible.
     He got slowly out of the car, knowing that his legs would be worse now than they had been.  He had to go to the bathroom, but he wanted to check in with Hector first.  He took his first few steps very slowly to get his walking legs back, and then he went over to the picnic table where Hector sat.  He sat down, too, not saying a word, and looked out at the grass and the forest.
     “Hello, amigo mío,” Hector said quietly.  “You have slept?”
     “I have slept,” Jason replied.  “I slept pretty well, too,” he fibbed, not wanting Hector to worry that he might be too sleepy to drive.
     “That is good,” Hector said, not removing his gaze from the scene before him.
     “What are you looking at?” Jason asked after a few long moments.
     Hector shrugged.  “I do not know,” he said.  “I am not looking so much as I am thinking.  I never have seen this particular field before, or that forest behind it.  I am wondering what kind of life there is right before me that I cannot even see.  In that grass must live many snakes, insects, birds, perhaps even foxes and mice and other animals.  In the forest beyond, how many different creatures are living their lives right at this moment, with no idea at all that I am sitting here watching the edges of their world?  And they do not care that I watch.  It does not matter to them because it does not affect them.  Why are we trained to see only the surfaces of things and people without regard for the life that is deeper than the surface?  When we learn to live life that way, we lose the opportunity to see and feel the very essence of life, the very depths of life that we only can guess at because we do not see it.”
     “Maybe it’s too scary for us,” Jason said.  “Maybe if we were able to see the depths, we’d lose our minds.  Go insane.”
     Hector turned to him slowly and regarded him very curiously.  “That is a very wise thing that you say,” he told Jason.  “I am very impressed with your insight.”
     “Thanks,” Jason said awkwardly, not sure if Hector was being serious or was joking with him.
     “You are welcome,” Hector replied, turning back around and returning his gaze to the scene before him.  “The question is, though:  What is so wrong with losing our minds?  Just what are we trying to preserve by not losing them?”
     Jason laughed.  “That’s a good question.  Sometimes I wonder.  Sometimes the people that other people call ‘flakes’ seem to be much happier than the ones we all call ‘normal.’  I think sometimes it’s good to be weird.”
     “Personally, I would not be any other way,” Hector said.  “I want to be weird always, for only in weirdness can we find the normal.  We all are trained to see the world in certain ways, and that keeps us from seeing the world as it really is.  And we create these carefully controlled façades for ourselves that become so normal that it makes me sick sometimes to see them.  In order to become ‘normal,’ people have sacrificed their sense of play, their ability to have fun, their willingness to try different things and to take risks.  It is so very sad.”

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
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of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement.  Our articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live life.  Take
from them what you will, and disagree with whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you each week.

I want to leave all who read this book with a gift of my favorite recipe for Life Pudding.  You deserve a reward for your courage, determination, and inspiration.

First, set the time aside to prepare your life pudding without interruption.

Then, take a liberal helping of love and stir in enough compassion and commitment to create the desired consistency.  Season liberally with humor and blend the ingredients until they meet your taste.  Set aside to rise to the occasion while you prepare the icing.  When it is firm enough, place it in the form you desire.

Mix action, wisdom, devotion, prayer, and chocolate syrup in a large container.  Layer it thickly over your life pudding, whatever form it may take, making sure to cover all the corners.

When you are satisfied with the result, garnish with reverence and devotion.

Let stand and season at room temperature until you feel it is ready to be served, and then serve generous portions liberally during your lifetime.  Protect from extreme heat and cold.  Remember that it is low fat and low calorie, and safe to consume in large quantities whenever you have a hunger for life.

The more you serve to others, the more fulfilled you will be.  Do not hurry the process.  Take time to savor what you have created.  If you do, you will find, as I have, that you will feel more full when you share your life pudding with others than when you consume it alone.  Actually, I find I don't need to consume much, because serving others is what nourishes me.