I don't ask for the meaning of the song of a bird or the rising of the sun on a misty morning.
There they are, and they are beautiful.

Pete Hamill

Every person who knows how to read has it in their power to magnify, to multiply the ways in which they exist, to make their lives full, significant, and interesting.

Aldous Huxley

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.

Taki

Your Priorities Are Showing!
Kathy Gates

Everybody's heard the phrase,  "get your priorities straight."  But what does that mean?  Often I've found that it means that whoever is saying it doesn't think you have HIS or HER priorities at the top of your list.  As a child, whenever my dad would say that in a stern voice to me, I often noticed that it was his goal that he thought I was ignoring, and not necessarily my own. 

The term "creating priorities" goes by a lot of other names as well.  Some people call it focus; author Stephen Covey calls it being principal centered; a marketing campaign says "just do it."  What it means is that you choose what's important to you, and you direct your time, energy, money, space, opportunity, etc. towards it.  You protect it.  You invest in it.  You simplify your life so that you are not distracted by things that do not CONTRIBUTE to your priorities.

In a magazine article I read recently, the author noted that many of us are overwhelmed by the choices available to us.  As an example, there are 597 shades of red lipstick!  If you try to examine each and every option available to you, you'll spend all your time just trying to wade through them.   It's important to realize that things that are not directly contributing to your priorities are contaminating them.  Establishing a filter to quickly decide if it meets the criteria of your priorities is vitally important. 

Stephen Covey mentions how we tend to respond to urgent, but not necessarily important things, in our lives.  That is because we don't stop long enough to decide what's important, decide what we want to spend our time on, and most importantly decide what we DON'T want to spend our time on.  Instead we just respond to the next ringing phone, the next problem, the next color of lipstick that gets our attention. Distractions don't just take away your time, energy, and money; they actively contaminate your priorities.  You must protect your priorities even at the risk of sounding selfish.  When you let go of your priorities to respond to someone else's agenda, you are not only putting yourself at the bottom of your own priority list, you are also responding to THEIR priority. 

People often come to me and say, "One of my priorities is to be happy, or to be successful, or to have peace of mind."  Happiness is a feeling, or maybe something we experience.  The same can be said of success, or peace of mind.  To have the life you want you must be able to describe it in more concrete terms.  To define your priorities so that you can ACT on them, you must be able to break it down in specific measurable goals.  What is it you really really want in your life that would "make you happy"?  How do you measure happiness?   How will you know when you're successful?

The modern media has given us the idea that if we are really, really busy now, one day out of the blue our great simplified life will fall out of the sky.  That is totally and completely backwards!  We can't have it all.  We never could, and never will.  You must choose.  If you create the simplicity now, and direct your energy into your priorities, THEN success will follow.  You must pick your priorities and nurture them so that they grow. 

Creating priorities doesn't mean that you have to choose between family and career.  Not at all.  That's about balance (a whole different show!)  Creating priorities does mean that you do have to choose the way you allocate your time.  Each of us is given the same 24 hours each day.  Successful or happy people spend theirs in a way that takes them towards their goals.  The key to success here is to examine how you spend your time in relation to what you say your priorities are.  "Don't schedule your time around your priorities, schedule your priorities around your time."

You do not HAVE to spend many, many hours preparing food, cleaning the house, maintaining the landscape, running errands, watching TV, or playing computer games.  You may choose to do that, but then you are making choices that do not reflect what you SAY are your choices about your priorities. 

If you choose to spend a large amount of time on things that are low on your list of priorities, then a reallocation of time is the only way that you will ever achieve your most important goals.  If you don't do that, then that too is a choice--a choice that probably reflects where your true priorities are.

Creating priorities is where the real "YOU" comes into play.  This is a very individual step, and one that requires that you reach into your heart and tell the truth about what you really want out of life.  It's time to stop listening to what your mother wanted, or what your friends talked you into in college.  What's important to you?  How do you want to live your life? 

No matter what your priorities are--financial security, healthy relationships, or having more free time--creating and following your priorities can achieve them all.  Successful people have known this for years.  Now it's YOUR turn to use their secrets to your advantage.

Though no one can go back and make
a brand new start, anyone can start
from now and make a brand new ending.

Carl Bard

Kathy Gates is a Professional  Life Coach in Scottsdale, AZ, who believes that "Life Rewards Action."   She can help you set priorities and goals, take action, make changes, and reshape your life.   If you would like more information, please email kathy@reallifecoach.com, or call 480.998.5843 today! 

Author Unknown

In today’s society many baby boomers are searching for something that is illusive and difficult to obtain.  They search long and hard not only to find it, but to feel the satisfaction that finding it may bring.  This search takes them on a journey through life that has a profound effect on their relationships with others as well as their overall happiness and well being.  What they are searching for is Success.

How Do We Create Our Definition of Success?

The baby boomer generation’s definition of success began forming at an early age.  As children they watched their fathers and mothers work hard to achieve success through home ownership, a well paying job and the obtainment of material possessions.  Some moved to bigger houses and their parents purchased more expensive cars as spendable income increased.  At Christmas time they may have found that the presents got more expensive and numerous as well.  In receiving all of these things many found that their working parents spent less time with them as children.  Now they know that time is what they most cherished.

Some baby boomers grew up in a family where their parents worked hard but never seemed to have anything.  The house was small and the car was always old and in the mechanic's shop. Material possessions were never abundant.  Children raised in this type of situation may have formed their definition of success from other successful people, society and the media.  Not having the trappings of success made them more determined to achieve it in their adult life.  They were going to be "more successful than their parents."  In the final analysis, were they?

As a baby boomer I followed my parents’ example after high school and attended college, hoping it would lead to a good career.  Like many I found that it was difficult to land that perfect job after graduation and I became frustrated that success was still out of reach.  After a period of job moves searching for that "perfect position" I reached the pinnacle stage of my career.  Like my friends I worked to purchase the biggest house, nicer cars, better clothes and other material possessions to validate my success.  Each year the debt levels increased that required a higher salary. The additional debt caused me to feel "handcuffed" to my job.

In our north Dallas neighborhood many of my neighbors purchased expensive homes but did not have the money for furniture.  They created an illusion of success on the outside of their stately two- story homes.  If success was the accumulation of material things were these people successful?  Almost everything they owned of value was actually owned by the credit card companies and the mortgage holder.  What price were they really paying for success?

How Do We Evaluate Success?

There comes a time in everyone’s life when one starts evaluating his or her success.  Part of the evaluation is spent looking at the sacrifices made along the way and what is there to show for all the effort, blood, sweat and tears.  In essence what was the price for success in tangible and intangible terms?  An example might be the many moves a family had to go through for the father and/or mother to get the promotions and higher salaries.  The impact on children was frequently changing schools and making new friends. Stress was caused by increased responsibility with each new position and the effect that stress had on the family’s happiness.  Once the evaluation is completed many individuals question the value of "success" even if material possessions and the money is abundant.  Some realize that the price paid to reach success was too high.  They yearn for the happiness, true fulfillment and peace of mind they never had.

Did I Ever Achieve Success?

I am one that followed the course of success established by my parents.  As a baby boomer societal influences also had an impact on my definition and striving for success.  I climbed the career ladder knowing that when I reached the top I would achieve success and fulfillment.  I found out I was wrong.  A comment that my supportive and loving wife of 23 years made to me several years ago during my hectic corporate days really made me think about what I was doing.  One beautiful evening while walking the dog she said " Fred, you know we were the happiest when we first started out.  You didn’t make much money.  We had that rental house, the old furniture and the old car."  Another comment made by my oldest son when he was 16 was, "Dad, when I grow up I don’t want to be like you.  You don’t like your job and you never seem happy." When you receive this kind of input you know something about your path to success isn’t quite right.  I have also learned that many children of baby boomers are not defining success the same way my generation did.

I Finally Found Success

I gathered up the courage and gave up the high-paying corporate job in north Dallas.  We moved to a small Colorado town for a year of college teaching.  I remember the reactions I received from family and coworkers.  My wife and children were ready for adventure but my mother thought I was going through a mid-life crisis.  I was jumping off the "success train" established by her generation.  Colleagues at work either thought I was crazy or were actually envious of my new life change.  One corporate officer said that he wished that he could do something like I did, but he was afraid his wife and children would be upset to give up the big house and all of the possessions.  I’m sorry to say that I think he is still searching for success.

I quickly found that giving up the corporate politics and business suits was easy.  So was giving up the two-hour daily commute to my office in north Dallas.  In Colorado I walked across the street to work and wore sport shirts, khaki pants and hiking boots.  Currently I am living with my family in a small college town in the North Georgia Mountains.  I work at home.  My wife is a schoolteacher.  I have reached success at 46.  I only wish I could have reached it sooner.

My New Perspective on Success

What I now realize is that success does not have to be a lengthy journey.  Unfortunately, most of us have to learn this by going through life striving for career achievement and paying the price. True success is based on how we view things relating to our life and career.  Success does not mean obtaining material possessions or career status.  I learned from friends we met in Colorado that some people with little money are successful.  We had college teaching friends that did not have a great deal of money but enjoyed simple things like making biscotti, buying a good bottle of wine, listening to jazz at the coffee shop or exploring the mountains.  They had more than I ever had when I was using society’s definition of success.  True success is genuine satisfaction, happiness and contentment with yourself and the world around you--truly enjoying life, family, friends, work, hobbies and all that life has to offer.

I invite you to find it and enjoy it.

Fred W. Tanner, M.A. is a professional life and business coach.  He assists individuals seeking a simpler life, wanting to change careers or wanting happiness and fulfillment in their current situation.  He also assists businesses in marketing, management and planning issues. First coaching session is Free. For info visit http://www.lifebizcoach.com