Helen Keller

There is always hope for an individual who stops to do some serious thinking about life.

Katherine Logan

Alan Cohen

The story of his childhood was, in certain important aspects, an all too common one.  Having been left an orphan when he was only six, he was brought up by an aunt who was conscientious but rigid and unaffectionate in her attitude towards him.  She sent him to school, gave him the material things he needed.  But he never had from her the kind of warm, loving care that sustains the heart of a young child.

He soon set for himself a motto which he had never renounced:  "Everyone for himself, and the devil take the hindmost."  This had dominated, and spoiled, his whole life.

His problem and its solution might be summed up in three brief points.  First, the main reason for his depression was a lack of love in his childhood.  Second, the only way to get love from others is to give it to them.  And third, since he had never learned how to bestow love on other individuals, he would have to have help in order to learn it now.

We knew that it was useless to tell him he must learn to love people.  It was something, however, that he had to be led to do.  We asked him to start with trying to discover what other people were like and to begin with a simple affirmation, "I am learning to understand my wife, Anna.  And I am learning to understand my children, John and Susan."  To help him make this a reality in his life, it was suggested that he take the time and trouble to do things with them that they enjoyed, although he would have to force himself to do so at first.  And he was told to write down on a piece of paper all the fine qualities and desirable traits that he could see in them.  He was to carry this paper around with him and study it, and add to it from time to time.  Whenever he got to thinking and fretting about himself, he was to take out what he had written and reflect on it, instead of on himself.

He took a rather harsh attitude, he admitted, toward the people who were his subordinates in his business.  He was told to try to feel a warmer, human relationship toward them, to try to imagine himself in their shoes, until the number of those in whom he had a definite personal interest could be increased.  And to further this, we suggested that he write down the name of every person in his office, and, along with the name, to put down as many facts as he could uncover about each of them:  How many children?  Where did they live?  Did they own their own home?  What were their likes and dislikes?  What were their hobbies?  He was to do this until he found himself able to think of them, not just as people sitting behind desks, but as human beings with human characteristics.

And, as it turned out, this became an absorbing interest for him.  He was an intelligent man and, to make his study complete, he decided to go and visit his associates in their homes, casually and as a friend.  And as he put together more and more facts about them, writing it all down carefully in a notebook afterward, he would study these people's histories on his way into the city on the morning train.  He would sit in the train reading over the names, visualizing the faces and thinking about them.

One day he found himself reflecting, "Bill's a great fellow.  It's wonderful how he loves his little boy.  That yarn he told me about making a boat for him was really touching."

That day, he told us, he suddenly realized that he had turned the corner.  It became a habit for him to think in this new pattern.  In enthusiasm he exclaimed one day, "Where have I been all my life?  Where have I been?  I used to think people were dull, stuffed shirts.  How wrong I was!  They're interesting!  They're wonderful!"  He was practicing a most effective therapy, that of understanding others!

Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life's challenges, I've come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.

First, life is worthwhile if you LEARN.  What you don't know WILL hurt you.  You have to have learning to exist, let alone succeed.  Life is worthwhile if you learn from your own experiences - negative or positive.  We learn to do it right by first sometimes doing it wrong.  We call that a positive negative.  We also learn from other people's experiences, both positive and negative.  I've always said that it is too bad failures don't give seminars.  Obviously, we don't want to pay them so they aren’t usually touring around giving seminars.  But that information would be very valuable – we would learn how someone who had it all then messed it up.  Learning from other people's experiences and mistakes is valuable information because we can learn what not to do without the pain of having tried and failed ourselves.

We learn by what we see, so pay attention.  We learn by what we hear so be a good listener.  Now I do suggest that you should be a selective listener; don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory.  We learn from what we read so learn from every source; learn from lectures; learn from songs; learn from sermons; learn from conversations with people who care.  Always keep learning.

Second, life is worthwhile if you TRY.  You can't just learn; now you have to try something to see if you can do it.  Try to make a difference, try to make some progress, try to learn a new skill, try to learn a new sport.  It doesn't mean you can do everything, but there are a lot of things you can do, if you just try.  Try your best.  Give it every effort.  Why not go all out?

Third, life is worthwhile if you STAY.  You have to stay from spring until harvest.  If you have signed up for the day or for the game or for the project - see it through.  Sometimes calamity comes and then it is worth wrapping it up.  And that's the end, but just don't end in the middle.  Maybe on the next project you pass, but on this one, if you signed up, see it through.

And lastly, life is worthwhile if you CARE.  If you care at all you will get some results, if you care enough you can get incredible results.  Care enough to make a difference.  Care enough to turn somebody around.  Care enough to start a new enterprise.  Care enough to change it all.  Care enough to be the highest producer.  Care enough to set some records.  Care enough to win.

Four powerful little words:  learn, try, stay and care.  What difference can you make in your life today by putting these words to work?

Reproduced with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine.

Twelve Steps to Increase Your Self-Esteem
Nisandeh Neta

It all begins one day, with your birth into the world.
Showered with love and affection, you are adored, appreciated and enjoyed...

A low self-esteem simply does not exist.  Everything around you, indeed the whole universe, is simply an extension of yourself.  Although you were cranky when you were hungry, tired or wet, you made no negative judgments about yourself the way adolescents and adults do.  You never cried about self-doubt, self-hate, or wanting to be popular.

As an infant, you still hold the idea that you're the center of the universe.  When you enter the shopping mall - you don't just want a toy - you want the toy store.

And then, 20-30-40 years later (after a few 'failures' and many statements such as "You can't always get what you want..." or "You've been bad this morning, so you can't have it now. . ." or "If you'll behave yourself, tomorrow you can have one. . .")  you visit someone for the first time.  They ask you a simple question:  "would you like tea or coffee?"  And you answer: "oh, it doesn't matter" or "what's easier for you" or "no thanks, I've had coffee in the morning. . . ."

What a long way down the hill, from the once high-point of a healthy self-esteem...

As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject.  No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

The building of a high self-esteem is a continuing process, not something that can be developed overnight.  From my experience of working with thousands of people, every person has the capacity for a high self-esteem.  The only question is, are you ready to make the commitment necessary to increase your self-esteem?

If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started:

STEP 1
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Stop comparing yourself with others.  There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less.  You are unique and your purpose is to express your uniqueness.  Who can do that better than you?

STEP 2
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Stop diminishing yourself with negative judgments.  You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities.

STEP 3
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Avoid perfectionism.  Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.

STEP 4
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Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.  When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you down, your self-esteem is diminished.

STEP 5
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Acknowledge yourself.  Get yourself a beautiful booklet, and write in it every night, before going to sleep, 20 things you did well during the day.  Big or small, doesn't matter, as long as you allow yourself to feel acknowledged.

STEP 6
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Give more of yourself to those around you.  When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and subsequently begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.

STEP 7
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Get involved in the work and activities that inspire you.  It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you detest.  Even if you cannot leave your present work situation immediately, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.

STEP 8
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Be true to yourself.  Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you.  If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem will suffer as a direct consequence.

STEP 9
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Solve problems.  Don't avoid problems, and don't complain about them.  Treat them as challenges and opportunities for growth.

STEP 10
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Respect your own needs.  Recognize and take care of your own needs and wants first.  Identify what really fulfills you - not just immediate gratifications.  Respecting your deeper needs will increase your sense of worth and well-being.

STEP 11
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Free yourself from "shoulds".  Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think you "should" do.  Discover what you want and what you are good at and take actions designed to fulfill your potential.

And the most important of them all,

STEP 12
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Take action!  You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and avoid challenges.  When you take action - regardless of the result - you feel better about yourself.  When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you create frustration and dissatisfaction within yourself.


The 'real you' is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing self-love and extending that love to others.  As your self-esteem grows, this 'real you' emerges.  You begin to take more risks without the fear of failure.  You are no longer preoccupied with obtaining the approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you both joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world.

Most importantly, high self-esteem brings you peace of mind.  When you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.