Our judgment is best when we can forget ourselves and any reputation we may have acquired and can concentrate wholly on making the right decisions.

Raymond A. Spruance

Sow an act, and you reap a habit.
Sow a habit, and you reap a character.
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.

Charles Reade

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides.

Margaret Thatcher

Of course, you can't unfry an egg, but there is no law against thinking about it.

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes.  I would relax.  I would be sillier than I have been this trip.  I know of very few things that I would take seriously.  I would be less hygienic.  I would go more places.  I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.  I would eat more ice cream and less bran.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.  You see, I have been one of those fellows who live prudently and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I have had my moments.  But if I had it to do over again, I would have more of them - a lot more.  I never go anywhere without a thermometer, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.  If I had it to do over, I would travel lighter.

It may be too late to unteach an old dog old tricks, but perhaps a word from the unwise may be of benefit to a coming generation.  It may help them to fall into some of the pitfalls I have avoided.

If I had my life to live over, I would pay less attention to people who teach tension.  In a world of specialization we naturally have a superabundance of individuals who cry at us to be serious about their individual specialty.  They tell us we must learn Latin or History; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed.  After a dozen or so of these protagonists have worked on a young mind, they are apt to leave it in hard knots for life.  I wish they had sold me Latin and History as a lark.

I would seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun.  I had a few of them, fortunately, and I figure it was they who kept me from going entirely to the dogs.  From them I learned how to gather what few scraggly daisies I have gathered along life's cindery pathway.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall.  I would play hooky more. I would shoot more paper wads at my teachers.  I would have more dogs.  I would keep later hours.  I'd have more sweethearts.  I would fish more.  I would go to more circuses.  I would go to more dances.  I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.  I would be carefree as long as I could, or at least until I got some care--instead of having my cares in advance.

More errors are made solemnly than in fun.  The rubs of family life come in moments of intense seriousness rather that in moments of light-heartedness.  If nations -- to magnify my point -- declared international carnivals instead of international war, how much better that would be!

G.K. Chesterton once said, "A characteristic of the great saints is their power of levity.  Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly.  One 'settles down' into a sort of selfish seriousness; but one has to rise to a gay self-forgetfulness.  A person falls into a 'brown study,' and reaches up at a blue sky."

In a world in which practically everybody else seems to be consecrated to the gravity of the situation, I would rise to glorify the levity of the situation.  For I agree with Will Durant that "gaiety is wiser than wisdom."

I doubt, however, that I'll do much damage with my creed.  The opposition is too strong.  There are too many serious people trying to get everybody else to be too darned serious.

(1953)

Our culture seems to have elevated the quest for perfection to the status of virtue. When someone is described as a perfectionist they are frequently admired and envied.  A perfectionist, in my opinion is someone living in a constant state of dissatisfaction and that isn't healthy.  To perfectionists, no one, including their spouse, children, family, friends and themselves ever measures up to their impossible standards.  Perfectionists spend their lives never being happy with what they have accomplished always wanting things to be perfect.  I could have or should have done better becomes the motto by which they live.

Can you imagine the anxiety involved in living with a perfectionist?  I recall teaching a bright high school senior whose mother was a perfectionist.  After receiving an A in my subject she looked rather emotionless.  I asked her if she was pleased with the mark she achieved, and she said,  "Yes, but my Mother won't be. She'll want to know why it isn't an A+."

I don't know if full-blown perfectionism can be changed without psychological intervention, but I do think that it can definitely be avoided by adopting more reasonable expectations of yourself and others.  How?

* Make friends with your imperfections and those of others.  Sure, it's important to strive to do well in what you attempt, but if your best efforts don't result in what you wanted to achieve, don't be too hard on yourself.  It is more important to strive to improve than to insist on perfection.

* Strive to find pleasure in what you do, not perfection.

* Believe in the old saying "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly."  If you enjoy playing the piano but play it poorly, keep playing for the sheer pleasure it gives you.  It isn't important how well you play.  It is more important that you get pleasure out of doing it.

* Never let your urge to do something well become a compulsion to do it perfectly. Just commit yourself to the joy of doing and enjoy the thrill of improving at it.

* Live by the law of reasonable expectations rather than by the law of perfection. Not only is perfection stressful, it's also boring.  Imperfection evokes humour and laughter while perfection evokes stress, frustration and anger.  One promotes health and well being; the other, anxiety and dis-ease.

* Learn to laugh at yourself and your imperfections.  If you don't, you leave the job to someone else.

* Human beings, by nature, are imperfect, so relax and enjoy the fact.

Mike Moore is an international speaker and writer on human achievement and humor therapy. You can access his site at http://www.motivationalplus.com

As Much As I

It's interesting to see just how easy it is to remain self-centered in this world of ours.  After all, our thoughts are the part of the world with which we're the most intimately connected.  Our minds and our feelings are the things with which we have the most constant contact, the things that we know the best.  But it's worth our while at least to try to understand others, at least to try to develop compassion for them and their lives, as they make their own ways through this world of ours.  And while it's not always easy for me to do, there are some tricks that I have that help me to keep focused on the connections that I have with other people; these "tricks" are mostly in the form of reminders.

I like to remind myself sometimes that the person in line in front of me at the supermarket probably enjoys beauty as much as I do, probably enjoys looking at sunsets and beautiful pictures just as much as I do, and probably experiences very similar feelings when he or she does so.

It helps me to remind myself that the actor or actress that I see on TV or in a movie probably fears some things as much as I--either heights or other people or certain situations or conflict.  And that person probably has very similar feelings to those I feel when facing those situations that he or she fears.

It's good to remind myself that the person in the car next to mine is facing many of the same challenges and doubts and worries that I face in my life.  Are my relationships as strong as they could be?  Is she worried about having enough money to pay her bills next month?  Is he upset about something that his son or daughter did yesterday, and isn't sure of how to react to it?

I like to remind myself that the person who's asking for my help very possibly likes to listen to music as much as I--and gets as much out of it as I do.  He or she feels the music just as I do, and allows it to relax him or her and make the day more peaceful and enjoyable.

It's good to remind myself that the person who just treated me rudely feels things just as strongly as I, and can often let those feelings affect how he or she treats other people.  The rudeness is just a reflection of the current feelings, not necessarily an indication of what this person is like inside.

The people who are working in the store or restaurant or garage where I happen to be right now are trying just as hard as I to make ends meet, to raise their children as well as they know how, to share their love and compassion with others, to make the most of their lives.

The people in the stands at the athletic event that I'm watching think just as much as I about what it means to be human, what they can do to improve their lives and to help the people they love to lead better lives.

I'm not alone on this planet, and I'm not alone in my thoughts or deeds.  The people who share this world with me all are engaged in the process we call life, and it's not up to me to judge whether they're doing it well or not--it's important for me to keep in mind that they give as much effort as I, in their own ways, to making their lives positive and fulfilling.  When I keep this in mind, it's possible for me to be much more compassionate with them, and to keep their good in mind rather than trying to judge or change them.  For they love life as much as I, whether they show it to me or not.

Stop and Smell the Roses (recorded by Mac Davis)
(Davis/Severinsen)

Hey mister, where you going in such a hurry?
Don't you think it's time you realized
There's a whole lot more to life than work and worry
The sweetest things in life are free
And they're right before your eyes

chorus:
You've got to stop and smell the roses
You've got to count your many blessings every day
You're gonna find your way to heaven is a rough and rocky road
If you don't stop and smell the roses along the way

Before you went to work this morning in the city
Did you spent some time with your family?
Did you kiss your wife and tell her that she's pretty?
Did you take your children to your breast and love them tenderly?

chorus

Did you ever take a walk through the forest,
Stop and dream a while among the trees?
Well you can look up through the leaves right straight to heaven
You can almost hear the voice of God
In each any every breeze

chorus