At bottom every person knows well enough that he or she is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as one is, ever be put together a second time.

Friedrich Nietzsche

We experiment with different personalities as children and adolescents to see how our audience responds, but then we tend to stop changing and settle into the safety of one being, one person.  The personality we end up with is, for most of us, not one we have freely chosen but one that has been imposed on us.  We chose it out of necessity, as a survival mechanism.  If you want to be happier and have a more fulfilling, authentic life, you must be willing to begin experimenting again.  You cannot change your life and remain the same person.  Remember the warning, "Those who seek to save their lives will lose them, and those who are willing to lose their lives will save them."

You have to be willing to lose your untrue self in order to change and become your true self.  Most people do plan to make some changes--later.  They say, "When I retire. . .," "When I have the money. . .," "When this or that. . . ."  When people tell me what they are going to do in the future, I respond, "Why don't you start rehearsing and practicing now?"

One woman in her seventies told me her daughter was driving her crazy calling her every day, wanting her to run errands, take care of her cats, water her garden and on and on.  I said, "Why don't you say no?"

She said, "I'm not eighty yet.  When you get to be eighty, then you can say no."

"I'll tell you what I want you to do," I said.  "On Friday, you are to be eighty.  Every Friday, you are eighty.  You've got to start practicing so when you get to be eighty you'll know how to handle it.  For now, you can be seventy-five six days a week, but on Fridays you have to be eighty."

You have permission to do the same thing.  You can be a kid one or two days a week if that's what you need in order to go fishing for a life.  Don't wait for an illness, retirement, the lottery or a knock on the head to awaken you.  Awaken yourself now.  Switch personalities and play your part.

The truth is, we are all multiples anyway, even if we have settled into one comfortable personality.  You may be more comfortable hiding your many selves and sticking to your one well-rehearsed role.  But the other sides of you are still there.  What a shame to force yourself to face every day with the same safe and secure, but inauthentic personality.  You have many talents and you can play multiple roles in the theater of life.  When you do try new roles, you will discover wonderful characters residing within you. You don't have to get divorced, change your job and move to another part of the country to have new experiences.  You can have all kinds of excitement while you stay married to the same person, keep the same job and live in the same place.  You just change personalities, and life remains interesting and exciting.  Decide tonight whom you want to be tomorrow, and when you awaken, give birth to your new personality.
  

A Piece of Advice

I'm always amazed when I hike down into the Grand Canyon and see the ways that people decide to hike.  I see all sorts of clothing and shoes, from flip-flops to dress pants to high heels to dresses that definitely weren't made for hiking.  Many of these people already are a mile or two down the trail and haven't yet turned around to make the grueling trip up to the top, so they still haven't learned about the mistakes that they're making.

I'm also amazed at the incredibly small amounts of water that people bring with them.  I've seen entire families of five or six people with just one small water bottle between them.  Many people go down a mile or two without any water at all--after all, they can buy water when they get back up to the Village.

All of these people are ignoring well-publicized advice from people who have a lot of experience in dealing with the results of people hiking into the Canyon poorly prepared.  There are signs and posters all over the place telling people to bring plenty of water and to dress appropriately, but while many people take the warnings seriously, many others ignore them completely.  I recently saw a couple with two kids stop at a sign on one of the trails that warns about not taking water.  "They could use our pictures for that sign," the woman said to her husband.  "Right down to the not having any water."  She seemed to think it was pretty funny, but their two kids looked pretty thirsty and weren't laughing.

Quite a few people get extremely sick each year, and several die for one simple reason--they've chosen to ignore advice from people who truly know what they're talking about and who truly care about everyone's well-being.

Why is it so easy for us to ignore advice?  I know that in my life, I've gotten a lot of advice from people who really weren't qualified to give advice.  Most of them give it because they think that their ways of doing things somehow are the best, and that others would be well off to do things the same way.  Most of it is well intentioned, but when people don't take into consideration that each of us must find our own ways in life then their advice simply falls flat.  I've received relationship advice from people who have terrible personal relationships, money advice from people on welfare, professional advice from people who aren't very well regarded in their professions, and marriage advice from people who never have been married.  As the amount of advice grows, it becomes easier and easier to take it with that grain of salt and ignore it, choosing instead to follow my own ideas about how something should be done or searching out more credible sources of advice.

But doctors who have dealt extensively with emphysema or lung cancer patients advise us not to smoke--and still many people choose to smoke.  People who have dealt with the horrible effects of alcoholism advise us not to drink to excess, yet many people still choose to turn to drink as a way to "escape" their problems or situations.  Law officers who have dealt with the mangled bodies in car wrecks advise us not to exceed the speed limit and not to tailgate and not to drink and drive, yet many people do all those things every day, ignoring the advice they've been given by people who know what they're talking about and who care about it.

Some people regularly ignore advice because they feel that by taking it, they're giving other people some sort of control over their lives.  This is untrue, though--no one has power over our lives or over who we are.  We may allow people to have influence over us, but that doesn't give them any power over who we are as human beings.

Personally, I know that I don't have enough time on this planet to study and to learn everything there is to know.  Therefore, I want to take advice from people who know much more than I in areas outside of my expertise.  I try to take the advice of doctors concerning food and nutrition and exercise, and I try to take the advice of financial experts when I need to figure out what to do with my money.  I try to take the relationship advice of and follow the models of people who have happy, successful relationships.  And I try to make sure that any professional advice that I follow comes from someone who is successful and well respected in the field.

We get advice all the time, even from people we don't know--marketers and advertisers, for example, who advice us to buy things or to use certain services--and every time we get advice we face a decision whether or not to follow it.  Many people are losing their houses now because they took the advice of lenders to take out variable interest rate loans--even though the lenders giving the advice had much to gain when their customers followed it and took out such a loan.

We can become effective at taking advice by asking ourselves some simple questions when we get it.  Who's giving it?  If this person isn't an authority on the subject, has no real interest in me as a human being, or will gain personally if I take the advice, then I want to think twice or thrice before taking it.  Does it concern something that concerns me?  Someone may be advising me to buy stock in a certain company, but since I'm not actively involved in the stock market and I've done no research on it, then this advice is irrelevant to me.  What can happen if I don't follow it?  If I don't take water into the Canyon, there could be some very serious health-related consequences.  If I don't buy a new stereo for my car, the consequences most certainly will be limited.

Taking advice--or not taking it--is simply a matter of choice.  But let us choose intelligently, with full consciousness of what we're doing and where it may lead us.  Only then can we say that we're doing the most with the lessons that so many other people have learned in their lives. 

Begin your day with a Success Ritual to keep yourself off the bottom

How do you start your morning — do you hit the snooze button 2 or 3 times, then jump up at the last minute?  Do you set a world record for the fastest shower, throw on some clothes, then wolf down hot coffee and stale donut in the car while you make last minute grooming adjustments?  On your commute are you listening to talk radio that's telling you the world is just about to end (stay tuned ...) or speaker rattling music designed to lifted your begrumbled morning spirits on the way to being late again to the office?  And, do you ever wonder if there's a better way to get going every day?

Not to brag, but people who know me tend to describe me as a positive and confident person.  This wasn't always true — I describe myself as a "formerly shy, low self-esteem underachiever with a bad attitude."  In other words, I was a normal Chicago-kinda guy through my 20's and into my early 30's.  And I was mostly frustrated and depressed about my prospects for the good life.

So how did I turn things around? In the early '80's I began to read books on goal setting, listen to motivational audio programs and go to personal development seminars — 25 years later I'm now an "overnight success."  These resources inspired some new habits, among them a morning "Success Ritual" that has served me well, which I'll share here:

Morning recitation
I don't know what time you get up, but my dog got me trained to walk and feed him at around 5 am every day (yes, even weekends!).  While on this morning stroll I recite aloud the following:

1. My Mission Statement.  Per instructions in Napoleon Hill's classic success book Think and Grow Rich, years ago I created "a statement of chief definite aim," then committed it to memory and now I recite it every day so that the vibrations of sound can reach my subconscious mind.  According to Hill this exercise is the starting point of all "riches," both monetary and otherwise.
2. Affirmations.  I learned from Brian Tracy that using positive affirmations as you start your day is a key to thinking and feeling positive most of the time.  If doing this is good enough for a successful person like Brian Tracy, it's good enough for me.  So I use several custom-made affirmations to reinforce my belief in my capability to achieve whatever I want.
3. Gratitude/Blessing Statements.  I would never describe myself as "religious" in a traditional sense.  Yet I want to give thanks to God for all my blessings which are far too numerous to count.  So I put these thoughts into words with the belief that "Someone" actually hears them.  And I make a point to bless all of my friends, family, associates, clients and prospects — past, present and future ... covers just about everyone, doesn't it?
   
   This recitation takes all of 5 minutes.  Yes — there are probably people who drive by at that early hour who are wondering who the crazy guy is that always seems to be mumbling to himself or his dog.  They have no idea I'm in the process of using "mental floss" on my attitude!

Health shake
I've never been a breakfast eater — seems like nothing's happened yet to work up an appetite.  I found that when I just had coffee around 10 am I would get hungry.  So several years ago I began to make my own version of a "health shake," which is tasty, nutritious and keeps the mid-morning sag away.  Ingredients include vanilla soy milk, protein powder, fresh and frozen fruit, roasted almonds, flax seeds, pure coconut oil and ice cubes.  I'll put this all in the blender, then take my custom concoction over to the computer.  I'll glance at the day's news headlines briefly before I go to the truly important news: the Chicago weather, and the Cubs, Bears or Bulls scores.  (Even if I watched the game the previous day, I wanna make sure the score hasn't changed — with these teams, ya never know ...)  You may wonder why I don't pay more attention to the headlines.  The fact is most reported stories really don't affect my world that much, and I don't have control over them anyhow.  So why waste mental energy on them?

Motivational audio program
I leave most weekday mornings by 7 am for the 20-minute commute to my office, and I have the habit of listening to a motivational/ inspirational/educational audio program.  It's not that I dislike music or talk radio — it's just that these don't put me in the right frame of mind on my way to being a great coach for my clients.  And the ideas I learn can put money in my pocket; when I share them with clients it can put money in their pockets too.

I'm not suggesting you do your morning Success Ritual exactly the same way I do.  For example, you may find that working out in the morning while listening to a motivational audio works best — fine. Morning prayers from a prayer book?  Great!  I just want to encourage you to pick some "attitudinal fitness exercises" every morning to inoculate yourself against the unseen deadly "negativity virus" that pervades our culture. By taking this on to start your day you'll first build and then maintain a positive attitude, which will lead to a successful day.  String these together and you have the foundation of a successful and happy life.

Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach, "The Personal Fitness Trainer for Your Business," coaches business owners, entrepreneurs and sales professionals on growing their clientele. He has helped hundreds of individuals to achieve their goals since he developed his first coaching program in 1982. You can visit Jim on the web at www.SuccessSkills.com.