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31 January 2012 |
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Few
are those who see with their own eyes and feel with
their own hearts.
Albert
Einstein
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There
is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening
that is translated through you into action, and
because there is only one of you in all of time,
this expression is unique. And if you block it, it
will never exist
through any other medium and be
lost.
Martha
Graham
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The
greatest thing is, at any moment,
to be willing to give up who we are in
order to become all that we can be.
Max
De Pree
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What's
Happened to Common Sense?
Mary Ellen Chase
Whenever I return to the isolated Maine village where I
spend my summers, I am pleasantly impressed by the way my
neighbors there hold on to certain old terms.
One of these is grit, with its companion, gumption;
another is get up and get, which in Maine means to
depend on oneself; yet another is common sense.
These words describe the human qualities which my
neighbors, fishermen and their wives, extol above all
others. For fishing is a hard calling. It
demands gumption, or in more polite terms, self-reliance,
the power of decision and the determination not to be
downed by adverse circumstances.
My neighbors are frankly suspicious of anyone who lacks
these old American virtues. They voiced their common
judgment of a man who had lost his lobster traps in a
northeast gale and had been bewailing his fate with too
little reserve.
"Why don't he shut his mouth and pick up his
feet?" they said. "You can't sail straight
by takin' time to bawl about bad luck."
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They and
I stem from the same rural background. In the
country school of my childhood, precepts were written on
the blackboard each Monday morning by
"old-fashioned" teachers who knew it to be their
duty to instill iron in our souls as well as common
fractions in our minds. Through the years those
precepts have proved salutary to me in moments of
indecision and anxiety. Usually they were in terse
prose:
It takes a live fish to swim upstream, but any old log
can float down.
Don't expect others to bear your troubles; they have their
own.
Life isn't all you want, but it's all you have; so have
it.
Occasionally a rhyme enlivened us. One I recall
as a favorite:
The mind of man has no defense
To equal plain, old common sense.
This homely virtue don't despise,
If you would be happy as well as wise.
Parents, too, 50 years ago dealt our such robust
aphorisms liberally, sometimes even sternly, in the
upbringing of children. I was taught early by both
precept and example that a job once undertaken must be
completed whatever the cost, and no one but the
maker of them must be expected to pay for mistakes.
During my life as a teacher I have often questioned
whether we have discovered any worthy substitutes for
those precepts and teachings which, outmoded as they seem,
are rooted deeply in our history and our ways of life.
In place of old sayings we use today new words and terms
to describe our states of mind and our meeting of those
difficulties and questions which will always best
us. We are now insecure, or ill-adjusted,
or frustrated, or made ineffective by a sense of
inferiority. These new words lack the optimism
of the old. Implicit in them is the notion that we
are surrounded by foes difficult to defeat.
The new vocabulary comes into use early. We hesitate
to look upon our children as simply ill-mannered or
spoiled. We fear that they are problem
children who need expert care lest they become neurotics
or uncontributive members of society.
In high school and college they are surrounded by
advisers on what they would best study, what work in life
they are best fitted for. They are too seldom
encouraged to face problems by themselves, to make their
own decisions and to pay the consequences of their own
mistakes.
Nor are adults free from waves of anxiety. Too many
of us are looking about for some panacea which will ease
the burdens of our past and present errors in judgment and
lighten our fears of the future. Something, we feel,
is wrong somewhere, and, without making any stout attempt
on our own to discover what it is, we turn to professional
advice which guarantees to show us how to understand
ourselves.
Even a cursory reading of such books reveals nothing but
what we used to cal plain old common sense. They
urge upon us a calm and objective weighing of ourselves; a
frank and even merciless recognition of our weaknesses and
failures; a determination to oust at any cost
oversensitiveness, which is but a form of self-indulgence;
a sense of personal responsibility for the well-being of
our families and communities; a fresh start; in short, on
our own powers of self-discipline.
No one in their senses would suggest that such books are
not often helpful to the anxious mind. But the
assumption that most of us have somehow acquired emotional
conflicts which we cannot cope with by ourselves surely
has its dangers.
We Americans have since our beginnings been known for our
self-reliance, for our gumption and common sense. We
are, or at least we were, adventurers, and our
history is the story of a game played against tremendous
odds and gloriously won. Why not recall the tough
moral fiber which made the winning possible? Isn't
it about time that we return as individuals to those
values and practices which we have not so much
forgotten as neglected? Shouldn't we stop dumping
our ash-cans on our families, our friends, our
physicians--save our self-respect, make our own decisions,
and attempt to work out our own problems?
Life may not be all we want, but it's all we have, as my
old school precept said, and it's high time that we have
it. We shall not find its secrets or its possible
riches in the advice of others, however wise, unless we
complete that counsel with our own grit, gumption, and
common sense.
1954
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Dance
with What You've Got
Rosemarie
Rossetti, Ph.D.
December
31, 1997. My husband, Mark and I, were dancing
at a party house celebrating New Year’s Eve.
Of course I did not think that would be our last
dance. Six months later, I was paralyzed from
the waist down when crushed by a falling tree.
Time
has continued for me and Mark, and what I’ve
learned is that I’ve had to adapt my life, and
forget about dancing the way we used to dance.
Dancing
is different now. I’m in a wheelchair.
But
what I felt for Mark on New Year’s Eve is no
different than what I feel for him today. When
the music is playing, I still have an urge to
dance with him.
I
remember going on the dance floor in my
wheelchair the first time. I felt self
conscious. People looked at me. Tears welled in
my eyes. It was an emotional experience to
realize that I couldn’t dance like I used to.
Something
was missing in my life. Mark and I had taken
dance lessons before my injury and went dancing
on a regular basis. I wanted to have fun again.
Dancing was just one of the activities that
brought me joy. I wanted to have my life back
and move my feet, legs, and hips in time with
the music. I decided to give wheelchair dancing
a try.
Wheelchair
dancing is gaining in popularity. There are
videotapes available to show how the
“wheeler” and “walker” work as partners.
Dance studios are accepting clients in
wheelchairs. Wheelchair users are participating
in dance competitions. When Mark and I go out on
the dance floor, we spin with the best of them.
When
I was first injured, I saw my limitations as
road blocks. I had made a decision that there
were certain activities I would have to give up
as a result of my injuries. Now I look back and
see how I have been able to regain my
activities. My limitations are not as limiting
as I once thought.
We
all have our limitations. Some of them are
visible, while others are not. As we go about
everyday life and interact with people, we are
not aware of their health problems that limit
activity. Some people have accepted and adapted
to their limitations, while others have not.
Too
many times our limitations keep us from doing
activities we once enjoyed and are capable of
enjoying again. We are resistant to change. We
don’t want people to see us with limitations.
We are embarrassed by our handicaps. We decide
that we will give up.
We
need to change our views of what is possible. If
we modify the activity, it may be possible to
once again enjoy life. There is much more that
we can do if only we try. We might have to
relearn it or use a new piece of equipment, but
joy can return.
As
we make progress in adapting to our limitations
in one component of our lives, it is easier to
adapt in other components as well. For example,
I had to learn how to drive my van with hand
controls, since my feet are paralyzed. I trained
my hands and arms how to use the new controls to
accelerate and brake. Other modified activities
that were introduced to me, such as snow skiing,
were easier for me to learn because I was more
willing to take a risk and accept my
limitations. I have also resumed: biking,
tennis, golf, racquetball, ice skating, and
horse back riding. Adaptive equipment makes
these sports fit my lifestyle.
My
message to you is look at your life. Look at the
challenges and the troubles that you’ve got,
and realize that you’ve got to adapt. You’ve
got to look at yourself and your situation a
little differently. It may not be over. It may
be just beginning.
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Rosemarie
Rossetti, Ph.D. is a powerful, internationally known
speaker, trainer, consultant, writer, and publisher who
walks her talk. Rossetti’s life was transformed when a 3
1/2 ton tree came crushing down on her. Paralyzed
from the waist down with a spinal cord injury, Rossetti
looked deep within herself and found new strength and new
resolve. In her keynote speeches, she shares the lessons
she has learned since that fateful day, and demonstrates
how to rise above misfortune and live life with
conviction.
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Why
be afraid of what people will say? Those who care
about you will say, "Good luck!" and those who
care only
about themselves will never say anything worth listening to
anyway.
J.Z.
Knight
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When the
Fun Goes away
It would be really nice if everything stayed fun and interesting
all the time. Almost everything that we do used to be fun,
it seems, but has lost some of its luster over time. At one
time, our jobs were enjoyable and exciting as we faced new
challenges and learned new things, but eventually most of us
became used to them and we lost our enjoyment of the jobs.
I feel that it's important to be accurate; I almost wrote
"the jobs lose some of their fun for us," but I realized
as I wrote the words that most of our jobs don't change much at
all--we lose our ability to have fun on the job as our
perspectives change, don't we? Sometimes it happens because
of things out of our control--we may have a new boss who treats us
differently, or we may be assigned different work or more work
that makes our experience on the job completely different.
Other times, we may simply burn out and be too tired and
frustrated to be able to have fun on the job any more, especially
if we dread going to work in the morning.
There are ways to deal with such a situation, and it's important
to realize that this is a situation that really should be dealt
with. Since we spend so much time at work, it really does
make sense that we spend our time doing something that we actually
enjoy. After all, if we don't enjoy our work, it affects the
other areas of our lives in a negative way--our stress levels may
rise, we may spend more time around loved ones complaining than
talking about positive things, we may develop feelings of
uselessness or anger or frustration that are difficult to deal
with, we may even start being more dishonest as we call in sick
more often in order to avoid going to work.
The most important question that we have to face is simple:
what can we do about the situation? Obviously, the most
logical step to take when we don't have fun at work any more is
simply to leave the job and look for another. This is a very
simple step that will allow us to find something to do to earn
money that will be much more enjoyable for us.
Also quite obviously, this is an option that not many of us have,
especially in these days of financial turmoil. So what do we
do when we find ourselves in jobs that have lost their appeal to
us, jobs that we now find tedious or unimaginative? As with
almost everything in our lives, much of the appeal in our jobs
results from our perspective of our job, and if fun is lacking,
then it's important that we find ways to instill it in the work
that we do.
First of all, we can find elements of our work that could use an
infusion of enthusiasm in order to liven them up. This can
be new ways of organizing things, new ways of approaching tasks,
or new ways of doing the tasks. When I was a kid, one of the
things that helped me to get through tasks that I didn't much like
was my imagination. When I was drying dishes, I could
imagine that each dish was a bomb that had to be handled extremely
carefully, or that the world would come to an end if I didn't
finish all the dishes by a certain time. Fortunately, I
never "grew up" completely and I've found that I can use
similar imaginative strategies to get me through tedious times at
work, and actually have fun with them.
It's a mistake to think that "fun" is exclusively an
external term, saved for actions and activities. Some of the
most fun times that I've had have been completely in my mind, like
when I watch other people and make up stories of their
lives--especially when those lives don't match up at all to the
people I see.
Another thing that we can do to increase our enjoyment at work is
truly to give our all to everything we do there. Sometimes
when we get bored and frustrated, we stop giving our all.
When we stop giving our all, we get more bored and
frustrated. If I have a form to fill out, I can make sure
that it's perfect before I'm finished with it, and then I'm giving
myself a challenge as well as doing my job. If I have an
account to manage, I can re-examine it to make sure that the
clients is getting everything they deserve to get, and if they're
not, then I can give it. When we give our all to anything,
our feelings of satisfaction grow; when that happens, our
engagement in the work that we do grows also.
Of course, sometimes there are people who keep us from excelling
or having fun. If I have a boss who forces me to do work in
a certain way, who keeps me from doing things really well because
of a lack of management or supervisory skills, then there are
fewer chances of really making a job fun. It's also
difficult to give our all when someone else takes credit for our
work. In these two situations--and others, I'm sure--it's
very important to carefully examine our options and develop an
exit strategy for leaving the job while making sure that you're
taking care of your most important obligations and
responsibilities.
This may sound like oversimplification, but I've found in my life
that most things are simpler than we think they are--and because
we think they're complicated, we never even try them, which keeps
us from discovering that things were simpler than we
thought. We spend a lot of our life at work, and if the
thrill and enjoyment have gone out of that work, it's important to
try anything we can to bring it back rather than face going to an
unpleasant job each day. Life's far too short to allow that
to happen.
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In
spite of everything
I still believe that people
are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up
my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion,
misery and death.
Anne
Frank
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Never
Forget
Your
presence is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through, whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.
Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and your prize.
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot of love goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures, are people . . . together.
Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health, hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.
And don't ever forget . . .
For even a day . . .
How very special you are.
-- Author Unknown
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I
have learned from experience
that the greater part
of our happiness or misery
depends on our
dispositions
and not on our circumstances.
Martha
Washington
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i thank you God for this most amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
e e cummings
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Whatever
my individual desires were to be free, I was not alone.
There were many others who felt the same way.
Rosa
Parks
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Over
a year of one-sentence reminders
of ways that we can
make the most of our lives each day that we live.
Book - Kindle - Nook |
A
novel of life and learning; Walker's fascinating journey
will remind you of all that is good in this world.
Book - Kindle
Read Chapter One |
When
David agrees to give 70-year-old Hector a ride west, he
never thinks that the man will become so important to him.
Book - Kindle
Read Chapter One |
"Getting
and spending, we lay waste our powers," wrote
Wordsworth over 150 years ago. And we're still doing
the same.
Book - Kindle |
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