|
4
July 2006
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
Happy
times and bygone days are never lost. . .
In truth, they grow more
wonderful within
the heart that keeps them.
Kay
Andrew
|
| The
weakest among us has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is
peculiar to him or her, and which, worthily used, will be a gift
to his or her race.
John
Ruskin
|
|
How beautiful
a day can be
when kindness touches it!
George
Elliston
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Anchors:
Handling Long-Term Stresses
Beth Burns
I once
participated in an interesting group exercise. We were in a
circle and each participant was asked to write down his/her
greatest trouble or stressor on a piece of paper, fold it and
then put it into the center of the circle. After everyone
completed their writing, we were asked to pick a folded paper
out of the pile. We then had the option of keeping the trouble
we selected from the pile (which was someone else's) or taking
our own trouble back. Inevitably, each person decided to keep
their own troubles versus taking on someone else's.
It's interesting that we are most suited to handle the problems
that come our way, isn't it? Do you ever feel as though you
aren't handling your stresses in the best manner though? I know
I have! What happens then when faced with uncertainty and chaos?
What do you do in times of trouble when you need to be anchored
and grounded? What brings you stability and inner peace?
Here are some suggestions that work for me and clients I work
with:
1.
Take a break and enjoy the present moment.
I like to call these my "respite retreats." (This is
my own definition of R&R). :) Remove yourself from the
situation at hand and change your pattern. Perhaps you can take
nap or a walk. Explore and enjoy nature. Take a long bath. Treat
yourself to a cultural event such as a museum or concert.
Remember to breathe deep and savor the moment. If you are like
most people, you'll find your perspective is new once you have
stepped away from your stress for a bit.
What can you do to give yourself a break and a fresh
perspective?
2.
Hold on to tradition or routine.
We humans like what feels comfortable to us. For long term
stress, one of the best things we can do for ourselves is to
maintain a familiar routine.
I remember a few years ago when I was going through my divorce.
It was tough on my kids being divided between two homes. One
thing that kept us grounded during those turbulent days was
spaghetti. :) I often make a big pot of spaghetti sauce with
fresh herbs and meatballs, letting it simmer all day long. The
"recipe," if there ever really was one, was handed
down from an elderly Italian lady, who passed it on to my Dad,
who then passed it along to me. Big spaghetti dinners are not
just a meal, but an event at our house. These meals were
familiar to my kids and brought comfort (comfort food) to them,
even though their world was turbulent while adjusting to
divorce. Our spaghetti suppers became a sacred time for honest
sharing between my kids and me. Spaghetti is still a tradition
we established that really anchors my family.
What traditions or routines do you have that bring you comfort?
3.
Connect with others and with God.
Faith can be waning when times are tough. It's especially
important during these times to keep the communication open
between God and you and also others and you. Make time for
prayer and meditation as well as seek the guidance of a trusted
friend or family member. If you attend a place of worship, go
and find solace there. If you don't, consider going or designing
your own way to reach out to God.
When my son, who was 7 at the time and is now 13, was diagnosed
with Type I diabetes, my world was rocked to the very core. I
know there are worse fates, but having a sick child is pretty
devastating to a parent. Diabetes is especially cruel to
children and is a chronic condition in which there is no cure or
break from. I was in a daze, angry and hurt for a long, long
time. Reaching out to others seemed to be too strenuous of an
effort and attending church just seemed inconsistent with my
spirit at that time. I was fortunate to have a dear friend who
listened, but told me to snap out of it, pick myself up and get
on with life. I needed that kick in the butt more than anything!
We all need to have friends like that! It took some time but I
was able to reconnect with other friends and God, who equipped
me so adequately for handling the pressures associated with
having a diabetic child. Without that connection and without
faith, I can only imagine how difficult it would be each day to
face challenges solo. I am grateful for a pretty healthy child
and a bright (hence the name BrightSide Coaching) outlook on
life.
With Whom and how can you connect?
4.
Distinguish between your perception of your stress and what is
real about your stress.
Focus on the aspects of your obstacles (which can be
opportunities in disguise) that will empower you. If you have a
personal responsibility that needs to be handled such as an
incomplete conversation, forgiveness or acceptance, then
increase your self confidence by taking care of it. This can be
challenging and training your mind requires persistence.
I recommend writing in a journal and using affirmations as a way
of strengthening yourself to respond to stress in the way that
is healthy. Developing this muscle is the same as developing
your physical muscles -- it takes repetition and practice. If
you'd like a sample list of affirmations that may help you with
your stresses, please email me at Beth@BrightSideCoaching.com
with 'affirmations' in the subject line and I will send you a
copy of these healing messages.
What's really going on with your stress and what can you do
about it now?
So often we think that peace of mind is just something that we
have when all is going well. Not true! Peace comes from a
combination of many factors and each one of us can tap into them
when we choose to. When we use these suggestions consistently we
can find that peace that will sustain us when the world around
us is chaotic.
Copyright
Beth Burns
Beth Burns is a Professional Life Coach -- partnering with
motivated people on their personal and professional goals.
Her mission is to teach people to love themselves and love
their life! She offers two free email newsletters and can
be visited on the web at www.BrightSideCoaching.com.
She can also be reached by calling 678-938-0419 or by
email at Beth@BrightSideCoaching.com.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
Sing a Song
Joseph J. Mazzella
I was driving along yesterday listening
to one of my favorite radio stations. It was playing a song that I found both uplifting and energizing. Since I
was alone and unlike others don't mind my singing voice, I sang along. As I
started to go down a
mountain, though, the signal began to fade. I was soon left with nothing but static. For a
moment I considered changing the station to something else, but in the end I thought better of it. I
instead turned the radio off and kept on singing the song I loved so much.
Life can be like that sometimes, too.
Sometimes life doesn't let us tune in the radio station we want. Sometimes we are left with only static and junk we
don't want to listen to. It is then that we have to make a choice. Are we going to whine and
complain about the static and make ourselves miserable? Are we going to tune in the junk just
because it is all that is on? If we do either, we are doing no favor to
ourselves.
There is
another choice, however. We can instead turn off that radio and sing to the music that is within our own
souls. We don't have to be miserable because life didn't give us what we wanted. We don't have
to go along with what life and other people hand us. We can create our own music. We can
sing songs of joy, love, and light. We can make our life a concert of never ending happiness.
It has been said many times that life
is a song that we sing. Make your song a beautiful one then. Make your song an uplifting and energizing one.
Make your song one that touches the hearts of others. Make your song a love song in
which everyone finds happiness and no one gets hurt. Make your song full of fun, forgiveness, kindness,
caring, laughter, light, goodness, and oneness with God. Make your song one that you will
sing joyfully for all eternity.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
To those of you
in the United States: Happy Independence Day!
You can click here to visit our page inspired by this day. |
| |
Eyes Wide Open
a column
Taking Care
of Me
Most of us
have read enough articles about taking care of ourselves to know
that it's not selfish to want to do so--it's
not egocentric and it's not bad. In fact, most articles
that we read tell us that unless we take care of ourselves, it's
almost impossible to take care of or help out others who may
need us. How can we help others when we're so needy
ourselves?
Sometimes,
though, I'm convinced that many of us--myself included--don't so
much take care of themselves as try to fill what we perceive as
needs. In other words, we don't plan our time and
activities in a way that's good for our physical and mental
health as much as we try to plug up "need holes,"
thinking that buying this thing or doing this thing will help to
make us whole.
One of my
students just finished a very important paper on the need for
sleep and exercise, and the effects of the lack of both.
Sleep is one of the ways that I best take care of myself--I make
sure I get enough as often as I can. I go to bed much
earlier than most people because I know I get up earlier than
most. I take naps whenever possible, too, and I try
to make sure that if I'm deprived of sleep for whatever reason,
I make up for it as soon as possible.
In his
paper, the student pointed out that if we don't get enough of
these two extremes--extreme inactivity on the one hand, extreme
activity on the other--we can't find the balance there in the
middle where it's supposed to be. And he's right.
Yet how many of us consciously try to arrange our schedules so
that we're getting enough sleep? He pointed out in his
paper that most people, when they're faced with hard decisions
concerning time, will cut back on sleep and exercise first of
all. In a way, they're sabotaging themselves, for once
they do that, they're functioning far below their peak levels.
How often do
you cut back on something that you definitely need in order to
afford--either with time, money, or emotional input--something
that you feel is a strong need? How often do you sabotage
your chance for happiness or success because you've deprived
yourself of something that's incredibly vital to you as a human
being? I have a friend who spends so much time on her
job--nine hours a day at work, then two or three at home
afterwards--that she's approaching burn-out so quickly that it's
frightening. She doesn't address her needs for
relaxation--re-creation, if you will--so she's losing her
effectiveness at work.
And how many
people spend tons of time at work in order to provide for their
families financially, while at the same time neglecting their
children because they're at work all the time? Not only
are they neglecting their children's needs to spend time with a
parent, but they're neglecting their own needs to spend time
with their children.
I find that
the best way for me to take care of me is to cut back almost
everywhere. I work as much as I need to get the job done
well. I watch less television so that I can relax and
think and process what's happened in my day. I go out less
so that I can relax more. I buy fewer things so that the
money can go towards more pressing needs. I say
"no" to things that will cut into my time that I know
almost anyone else can do. I don't volunteer for
everything that comes along. I'm a giving person by
nature, but I know that when that's taken to an extreme, the
giving takes away my focus from many of the things I want and
need to focus on.
Have you
taken stock of your own life recently? Have you ever sat
down with a sheet of paper and a pen, and written
"Wants" and "Needs" at the tops of two
columns, and then proceeded to make a list of both? try it
sometime, and I think you'll be surprised at how many things
that you now consider to be needs will end up in the list of
wants. And if we're truly taking care of ourselves, the
wants and the needs will be prioritized much differently.
|
|
| |
|
A smile
costs nothing but gives much.
It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who
give.
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
Anonymous
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
It's
all I have to bring to-day,
This, and my heart beside,
This, and my heart, and all the fields,
And all the meadows wide.
Be sure you count, should I forget,--
Some one the sum could tell,--
This, and my heart, and all the bees
Which in the clover dwell.
Emily
Dickinson
|
|
| |
|
Cultivating Happiness
Rinatta Paries
We always seem to want those things we don't have.
Moreover, we are often convinced that if we had those things we
want so badly, we would finally be happy.
Singles who want to be in a relationship often believe
once they are in one they will finally be happy. Those in
shaky relationships hope their relationship will work out,
because having worked it out will finally make them happy.
"I will be happy when I am in love." "I
will be happy when he/she does really loves me." "I will
be happy when I know he or she is committed to me." "I will be
happy when my husband/wife is more considerate." Sound
familiar?
The truth is that happiness is an attitude. It's not
something created by outside circumstances, but instead is
completely within your control. This means that you can be
happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or
not. You can be happy regardless of whether your relationship is
working out or not. If fact, if you cultivate happiness,
your relationship will improve.
You will not get that deep sense of satisfaction and
happiness you crave just by getting or improving a relationship.
Nothing will give you that sense of happiness, unless you
cultivate it consciously.
Is the glass half empty or half full? Life and
relationships work better when the glass is half full. Below
are some simple yet specific steps you can take to cultivate happiness
and see the glass half full, regardless of your relationship
status.
1. Be grateful
Create a sense of gratitude for what you have, for
what is working, for what is wonderful and sweet in your life.
A morning or evening gratitude list, written each day,
can do wonders for helping you feel grateful.
2. Take care of yourself
Identify the small things in life that make you feel
good, and do one daily. A short walk, a few minutes of
writing in your journal, a short meditation, watching the sunset.
Whatever reminds you that you are a human being and not a human
doing will improve your outlook on life.
3. Be creative
Creativity and self-expression generate happiness.
Schedule some creative time each day, even if it's just a few
minutes of writing, painting, sculpting, etc.
4. Move
Moving our bodies generates feel-good hormones called endorphins. Move a little every day to stay
happy.
5. Get someone to take care of you
It feels good to be taken care of, even in small ways.
Get a massage, a manicure, someone to carry your groceries,
launder your clothes, or fix something for you.
6. Read inspirational material
It helps to be reminded of positive thoughts and
positive attitudes. Get a small book of positive,
inspirational thoughts and keep it by your desk. Read one or two
thoughts each day.
7. Contribute
Stand up for something that matters to you.
Contributing, making a difference feels good. It boosts your
self-esteem, your gratitude and feeling of well being.
8. Get some time
I know this one is hard, especially if you are a
single parent. But if you are determined, you can find some time
every day to just be. Make sure you do this - it will make a
big difference in your ability to be happy.
9. Be in nature
Nature rejuvenates and restores the human spirit.
Whether your brand of nature is mountains or the ocean, give
yourself the gift of visiting it frequently.
10. Be happy
No matter how many wonderful things you do to create a
positive, happy, satisfied life, you could still end
up unhappy. Ultimately, happiness, gratitude, a feeling of
satisfaction is a choice. People often do not choose happiness.
Many feel refusing to be happy will somehow get them what whey
want, like a child holding his breath. Holding your breath
will not get your what you want. It is happiness that
attracts.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta
Paries in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a
weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles,
the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms.
Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create
more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe,
go to www.WhatItTakes.com |
|
| |
|
Are
you looking for inspirational and motivational reading material?
There are many great books out there that are made to lift you up
and inspire you, and when this ad from Amazon works right, it
shows
you quite a few of the newest and most popular choices! When
it
isn't working right, it gives you a generic Amazon.com ad. . . .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
We must be ever on
the search for some persons
whom we shall love and who will love us in return.
If good will and affection are taken away, every joy is taken from life.
Cicero
please
make this a beautiful week in your life. . . .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
