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29 August 2006 |
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Being
defeated is often a
temporary condition. Giving up
is what
makes it permanent.
Marilyn
vos Savant |
If
at first you don't succeed, then try, try again. Then give
up. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields |
| If
at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
M.H. Alderson |
There's
often just a subtle difference between "giving up" and
"moving on." We have to know when to do each in
its turn.
tdw |
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Eyes
Wide Open
tom walsh
There's
Something Wrong with Me!
So you've
tried a few self-help books, trying to work your way through some
of the problems that are in your life, and you've been astonished
and dismayed to find out that most of them somehow make you feel
worse! Here's some woman or some man on a tape or in a book,
giving you all sorts of wonderful advice on how to improve your
life and make things better, and those upbeat and inspiring words
are bringing you down. It just doesn't make any sense at
all--or does it?
I know from
experience that trying to improve our lives by learning how to
deal with life's curveballs and obstacles can be a rough road to
follow. Personally, I've had very positive programs that
made a lot of sense to me act as a catalyst for depression, and
I've spent many an awful day as a result of trying to learn more
about what truly will make me happy. As time has gone on and
I've learned more, I've started to realize one of the main reasons
for which this dynamic occurs, and here it is:
First of all,
as soon as we start listening to a program that will help us to
"improve" our lives, there's an obvious implication that
we aren't doing something right, that there's something wrong with
us. After all, if there weren't anything wrong with us, why
would we be listening to a self-improvement program? While
most of us are willing to admit that we aren't perfect and that we
make mistakes, there's another aspect of who we are that doesn't
want us to admit such a thing. Many people refer to this
part of our selves as our "false self," the part of us
that's influenced by outside forces and that wants to please those
forces.
Once this
false self gets the idea that we think there's something wrong
with us, it goes into a defensive mode, trying to defend itself,
for self-improvement is, in most ways, an attempt to dethrone this
false self and to allow our true selves to live the lives they
were meant to live. And what's the most effective way to
defend itself? By drawing on those very feelings that make
us feel that we need to improve our lives, by making us feel
miserable and then blaming that misery on the very program we're
listening to.
And how does
it do this? Through the negative self-talk that it's used so
well for so long. "What does she know about my
life?" "How can she tell me what to do to be
happy--she doesn't even know me?" "I'd like to
think his advice is good, but he's so judgmental!"
"That may work for some people, but it wouldn't work for
someone like me!" "That's interesting, but it's so
strange. I've never heard anything like that
before." "Why is this guy telling me to
change? What's wrong with the way I am?"
You see, this
false self doesn't want to change--it likes where it is, right
there in charge of your life. It can bring you down when it
needs to by making you focus on petty, negative garbage, and it
can keep you wondering why things never get better. It can
use feelings of self-righteousness, superiority, arrogance,
selfishness -- all feelings that we intellectually despise -- to
keep us down where it wants us. It's afraid of change, for
change means its end.
It's taken me
years to figure out what's going on and how to work with it, and
I'm definitely not completely there yet. My personal false
self is still quite strong, and it often keeps me feeling pretty
low when there's no real reason for that. But I am learning
to recognize its voice, to take it for what it is, and to do my
best to reject it as soon as I recognize it. And it feels
very good when I do so -- instinctively, I feel that I'm doing
something right and advancing in my development as a person.
Deciding to
improve oneself isn't a question of getting on a well paved
highway and stepping on the gas and progressing at 150 miles an
hour. Not at all. It's more like spying a beautiful
clearing with a nice waterfall and gorgeous flowers and singing
birds several miles away, and then seeing that between you and
that clearing lie dark forests, fields of thorn bushes, people who
want to stop you from reaching the clearing, wild beasts that are
very hungry, and many more obstacles -- most created by the false
self, who knows that it can't get to the clearing with you.
But the clearing is there, and it's waiting for you, and everyone
can reach it if they just trust in their true selves and learn to
recognize all that comes from their false selves.
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A
note on the false self: This concept isn't new, and it
isn't proprietary, though many people have written about it
over thousands of years. For one of the most
interesting and thorough examinations of how to
"defeat" the false self, we'd recommend Guy
Finley's The Secret of Letting Go, a very nice book on the
power of not trying to control every aspect of our lives. |
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Free
Wallpaper! Just click below on
the size your desktop is formatted to,
right-click on the picture that appears
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"Set as background."
800
x 600 - 1024
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A Personal
Note
Lucy Lopez
I can remember a time when, had I been asked how I was doing, I
would likely have responded somewhat tentatively: Not too bad, or,
Okay, or Well, thanks. I notice these days that my response
tends to be an unreserved: I'm well thanks, really well! I
invariably have a smile on my face as I say this, a smile that is
just as likely to be heard as seen, as many of my conversations
happen over the phone.
I have also noticed
something else. The people that I speak to over the phone
often seem to smile back, or at least I seem to hear their
smiles over the phone. It doesn't matter who they are or
which of us called the other or the purpose of the call.
There inevitably seems to be a raising and exchange of positive
energy. As for people whom I physically meet, well, the
raising and exchange of positive energy is quite spontaneously and
unmistakably reflected on our faces and in our voices, not to
mention our behaviour!
Ultimately, all phenomena,
whether physical, mental, emotional or spiritual are a form of
energy. Our material or physical world is a construction of
energy variously grouped and configured. Scientific
empiricism provides us with a means of quantifying this energy and
tracking it. It does this in a variety of ways including the
use of indicators of energy such as temperature, sound, light,
work done etc. Mental, emotional and spiritual energy
however are a bit more elusive and seem to defy traditional
scientific methods of measurement! Yet, increasingly many of
us have come to realize and experience directly how these forms of
energy and their flow occurs and impacts upon all (living) things.
Many of us have undergone
changes in our energy levels in various environments, often
without even being aware of these changes. Most of us would
have experienced a temperate or rainforest, the company of a loved
one, a mountain top, the company of someone we don't like or are
afraid of, the ocean, a busy shopping mall, a quiet corner
in a cafe overlooking the water, children at play, children
fighting, peak hour traffic, a cinema, a christening ceremony, a
private space in our home, a football match, a hospital ward, at
our desk, on an airplane, the freeway at 2 a.m., a business meeting,
the hairdresser's, a church or temple, a prison cell, our minds, a
funeral, the grocery store, a birthday party, a road accident etc.
In other words, every situation, everywhere is an energy
environment!
If I am mindful, I will
notice that my energy level fluctuates as I become part of each
environment. I become aware of how the energy of other
things and people affects me. I realize that my energy
affects others too, near and distant, seen and unseen, known and
unknown ! If, therefore, I wish to generate positive energy
in a given environment and experience it myself, thereby affecting
the overall energy state of the universe, I must ensure that my
own physical, mental and emotional environments are positively
charged. In this way I am better able to express and
experience my natural spiritual state, a state of love!
Easier
said than done, no doubt, but hugely possible! In fact, I
have experienced countless occasions when I have entered into or
co-created an environment of positive energy that I am now
convinced it is something I am developing control over. I
hope you are too!
©
Lucy Lopez |
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Are
you looking for inspirational and motivational reading material?
There are many great books out there that are made to lift you up
and inspire you, and when this ad from Amazon works right, it
shows
you quite a few of the newest and most popular choices! When
it
isn't working right, it gives you a generic Amazon.com ad. . . .
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Necessities
Jim Stovall
You've probably heard it said countless times that "Necessity
is the mother of invention." With regard to many
advances in our society, this is, indeed, true. Certain
diseases created a compelling need for vaccines. The need
for fast and reliable travel resulted in the automobile, etc.
However, in our rapidly-expanding technological society, there are
certain inventions that are in search of a need. The
technology is driving the human element instead of the other way
around. This can be dangerous. Everything that can be
automated should not necessarily be created.
I recently heard about a new computer program that could instantly
give drivers directions to their destination. This would
replace the cumbersome roadmap. While this technology has
some promise in the future for navigation, it was found that it
was not practical to have a computer available in the front seat
of your car; and even if it were, it was not possible to operate a
keyboard and an automobile at the same time.
The inventors of this new computer program then suggested maybe
people would want to print out parts of the program pertaining to
a particular road trip they were on. After printing out
diagrams of roads and potential travel routes and putting them
together in an orderly fashion, the resulting paperwork began to
take on the appearance of the traditional roadmap.
This is not to say that the current computerized global
positioning devices will not have a place in our future. It
simply means that technology is here to serve us, not the other
way around. We all know people in our business lives or
personal lives who have to have the latest gadget. Many
times, you will find these devices requiring more care and
maintenance than the task they were invented to replace.
It is important that each technological advance or breakthrough be
one that serves humanity in real and practical ways. Needs
should drive every invention. Too often, inventions--due to
the pressure to "keep up with the Joneses"--are the
mother of necessity. Today, make sure that each of your
technological servants really serves you and not the other way
around.
Today's the day!
Jim Stovall
is the president of Narrative Television Network, as well as a
published author, columnist, and motivational speaker. He
may be reached at 5840 South Memorial Drive, Suite 312, Tulsa, OK
74145-9082, or by e-mail at JimStovall@aol.com. |
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If you believe in a God who controls the big things,
you have to believe in a God who controls the little things.
It is we, of course, to whom things look "little" or
"big."
Elisabeth Elliot |
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Believing
Nonsense
Gail Pursell Elliott
My mother and my aunt were sitting together in church one Sunday
morning. They were 8 and 6 years old, respectively.
Their minister was in the midst of delivering a forceful sermon of
the ‘fire and brimstone’ variety, when my mother leaned over
and whispered to her sister, “He’s yelling at you!” My
aunt immediately burst into tears. Later my grandmother, who
had an unpolished but keen sense of justice, punished them both.
Mom was punished for tormenting her sister. My poor, wounded
aunt got it for “believing nonsense.”
It would be interesting if every time we took something personally
that we shouldn’t have, we would be ‘punished’ somehow or
reprimanded for “believing nonsense.” We’d quickly
learn to take another look and be a bit more discerning before
reacting to situations. Actually, we regularly are
reprimanded when we take things personally.
Often we feel like we’ve been slapped. We become indignant
and blame our ‘tormentor,’ never realizing that the tormentor
really is us. Like most tough lessons, we wind up
having to do this one over and over until we learn. And not
taking things personally is one of the toughest lessons of all.
One reason this can be so difficult is because we humans are
basically self centered and have a tendency to personalize what we
encounter. It is a byproduct of being trapped in these
biological units we call bodies. We feel separated
from the world around us while simultaneously feeling a great need
to be connected to it. If isolation and separateness were
natural to our state of being we wouldn’t take anything
personally, for we would be acutely aware that any outside
encounter really wouldn’t apply to us. |
Mystics
tell us that we are all connected to each other as well as the
rest of creation. If we were completely aware that we are
irrevocably connected to everything and everyone around us, we
wouldn’t take anything personally either for it would be an
exercise in taking offense to oneself. We would be our
own adversary. It is the conflict between the appearance of
separation and the sense of connection that causes us to react.
Unresolved conflict can be pretty irritating, and for most of us,
the more irritable we feel, the more reactive we become.
Since most of us are caught up in this conflict, however
unconscious, we have to make a conscious decision and effort to
not take things personally. We can do this by becoming aware
that our fellow travelers, caught up in the same conflict, are
much more involved with themselves than they are with us.
Trying to make sense of the same feelings of isolation and need
for connection that we are.
There was an old game show my grandmother enjoyed watching called
“Truth or Consequences.” When we take time to
become more discerning, to look for the truth so that we can
respond rather than react, we can avoid the consequences of
“believing nonsense.”
Have a Great Day and be good to yourself. You deserve it!
Speaker, Author, Educator,
Human Resources and Training Consultant, Gail Pursell Elliott is
president and founder of Innovations "Training With A Can-Do
Attitude"TM - Promoting Dignity and Respect, No Exceptions,
in companies and communities nationwide.
To receive Food For Thought messages via email
join the website mailing list at www.innovations-training.com
For permission to reprint in a newsletter or publication,
contact Gail at info@innovations-training.com |
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In Creating Love,
John Bradshaw provides a new way to understand our most crucial
relationships: with parents and children, with friends and
co-workers, with ourselves, and with God. He shows us how we
have been literally "entranced" by past experiences of
counterfeit love, how we can break these destructive patterns, and
how we can open ourselves to the soul-building work of real love.
In this book he defines the "next great stage of growth"--
how we
can work to create healthy, loving relationships in every part of
our lives. Written for everyone who has
struggled with painful relationships and is seeking hope and a new
direction, Creating Love is a life-changing book. |
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An excerpt:
For me one of
the most significant consequences of imaginatively embracing my
inner child was that it gave me a way to be compassionate with
myself. When I look in the mirror, even now, the old voices of
blame, comparison, and self-contempt start playing. Even after
years of hearing new voices in my friendships and community
fellowship, I can hear those old posthypnotic tapes. For years
I read books that offered techniques to help one love oneself.
I stared in the mirror and said, "I love you, John,"
over and over. It helped for a few minutes and then the voices
got worse.
Techniques
are basically useless until one has restored social contact and
self-acceptance. We need social support and we need to
emotionally embrace our rejected and split-off parts. The
image of ourselves as a child is the fastest and soundest way I have
ever found to embrace these parts.
You
can read more book excerpts by clicking here! |
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