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June
27, 2006 |
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As a
doctor, I studied survivors--people who got sick but
exceeded expectations. Many of those exceptional patients
had been given little time to live, yet they were some of
the happiest people I'd ever met. They knew, or they
discovered through their illness, which became their
teacher, that if you want to be happy, you must answer
some key questions. What are you here for? And how do you
want to spend your limited time? If your answer is that
you are here to love, to serve others and not to be
served, then you already have everything you need to be
happy. If you wake up in the morning, that's enough; you
are grateful for life and the opportunity to contribute
in your way.
Bernie
Siegel |
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Rabbi
Harold Kushner
When
your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness
in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary
life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life
begins to nourish your soul! With each new
circumstance that comes your way, another opportunity
presents itself to nourish your soul. |
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| I wish there were a
book I could read each day to tell me exactly what to do
to live consciously from my heart and soul. But
part of the mystery and magic, part of the reason I'm
here, is to try to stumble through and hear what the soul
has to say about what it needs at each moment--whether it
is to work through an emotional block, discover what the
next lesson is, meet the next soul mate (my children are
soul mates; my best friends are soul mates), or finish my
business with the one I'm with now. Ultimately, for most
of us, the journey comes down to the same issue: learning
to love freely. First ourselves, then other people.
Melody
Beattie |
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Eyes
Wide Open
tom walsh
Thoughts
That Hurt
Thoughts have
been my greatest nemesis my entire life long. Not all thoughts, just
those that make me feel miserable, those with which I would torment myself
for long periods of time. Often they'd result from my own
actions--I'd do something or say something I regretted, and I would spend
hours or days feeling miserable as my mind went over all the possible
negative repercussions for doing what I had done.
Say, for
example, that I said something that offended someone else, and that person
let me know that he or she was offended. In my mind, that person was
extremely angry with me, and wouldn't want to have anything to do with me
any more. Furthermore, my thoughts would take me to other scenarios
that were even worse--that person would tell others what a jerk I was for
having said something, and other people would look at me more judgmentally
and wouldn't want to be around me anymore.
Or say a friend
called to cancel something we had planned to do. In my mind, it
wasn't just a cancellation, it was a reflection of what that person felt
about me. He or she had heard something about me and didn't want to
be around me any more, or they had originally agreed to do something with
me just to make me feel good, so as not to insult me or hurt me. But
when it came time to doing something with me, they really didn't want to
go through with it. There were other, more interesting people around
to do things with.
Or say a friend
didn't show up at all--that was the worst, for then I'd have plenty of
ammunition with which to make myself miserable. I'd start going
through all of the possible negative explanations in my mind, always
looking at the action as a reflection on me, not on the friend. Any
harsh word from a friend or family member led me to think that things were
over between me and that person, that that person wanted to have nothing
to do with me any more. Even now, there are times when my wife says
something to me and I start to think that she's fed up with me and doesn't
want to have anything to do with me any more.
These are, of
course, ridiculous thoughts, and I'd even recognize that while I was
having them. I've found the origin, I believe--they come from a
mixture of having an alcoholic father and moving around constantly.
With an alcoholic parent, love always seems to be conditional, if there at
all, and the children often feel they have to prove themselves.
Mistakes are often treated much more harshly than the situation
demands. Being in a military family, I changed schools eight times
in twelve years, and I never had a chance to develop any sort of long-term
friendships, so I never experienced any sort of behavior involved in such
a relationship--never saw the forgiveness or the tolerance or the
getting-back-together. To me, everything always just ended, and I've
carried the fear of that with me my whole life long. I also grew up
without any sort of church, any sort of faith-fostering, and I never had
the chance to experience or witness the strength that a deep faith can
give us.
But recognizing
the source doesn't make one feel better when one's beating oneself up over
something that truly doesn't deserve as much attention as it's
getting. Sometimes I can't believe all of the hypothetical
situations I dreamed up to make myself feel horrible, when the very nest
day things were fine, and I had just lost an entire day or evening to
feeling miserable. I feel fortunate that I've broken the pattern,
even if it does return now and then. When those thoughts return now,
I can usually deal with them rather quickly, and there's little chance
that they can trigger depression as they used to.
The fears I grew
up with are still in there, but I choose to view them as what they
are: negative thoughts that mean nothing. I don't fool myself
into thinking that they can't come back just as or even more strongly, and
I pay attention to them, just in case. But now I know them, and I
can recognize them sooner. I'll never be a person who can function
well in a crowd of complete strangers, but that's who I am. At least
now, I know that I can't function well in such a group because that's who
I am, part of my nature; I no longer fear the people because they probably
won't like me or because they'll judge me harshly. I want to get the
most out of life, and allowing such thoughts to control how I feel will
make me miserable, not happy. I know this from experience.
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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A Lesson from a 4-Year-Old
Jim Stovall
If we were to conduct a poll among the readers of this column
to determine how many of you could sing or dance, I fear that we
would receive the overwhelming message that the vast majority of
adults feel they have no talent in these areas. On the other hand,
if we were to conduct the same poll among 4-year-olds, we would
find that virtually all of them are convinced they can sing, and
virtually all of them have confidence in their ability to dance.
Most of the 4-year-olds have little or no real talent, but,
instead, they are endowed with incredible confidence in their own
potential. This confidence, or certainty of success, is something
we were all born with but we later traded in for a strong dose of
what we call realism.
Shortly after we reach school age, we are taught lessons about
the world that revolve around us, limiting our vision and becoming
realistic. I defy you to find a statue or a monument ever erected
to anyone because they were realistic. All dreamers, all
achievers, all great people kept their child-like faith in their
own dream and their ability to carry it out, and these great
people had an inordinate gift to disregard the world’s cries for
reality.
I challenge you to go through a single day exploring every
aspect, not from what is realistic, but instead from what is
possible. If we can master this, we will begin to revert backwards
and live our lives in the unlimited realm of the successful
4-year-old.
Today is the day!
Jim Stovall
is the president of Narrative Television Network, as well as a
published author, columnist, and motivational speaker. He
may be reached at 5840 South Memorial Drive, Suite 312, Tulsa, OK
74145-9082, or by e-mail at JimStovall@aol.com.
You can read more by and about Jim at http://www.NarrativeTV.com,
which provides narrated movies free-of-charge for blind and
visually impaired people 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, on-demand,
or at http://www.JimStovall.com,
where you can find information regarding his services as a
motivational/inspirational speaker.
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Cleaning
the Lens, Cutting the Cord
Gail Pursell Elliott
Over the years our world and workforce have changed
dramatically. People treat each other more often as
objects and opportunities rather than as human beings , who are
worthy and entitled to be treated with dignity and respect.
When I make this statement at the beginning of a presentation,
virtually everyone nods in agreement.
All people want and have the right to be treated with dignity
and respect. No exceptions. Everyone agrees with the
dignity and respect statement, especially when it applies to
themselves or to those they care about. It's the no
exceptions part that becomes challenging. But if it is not
for everyone, it winds up being for no one. Including us.
Treating others and ourselves with dignity and respect is
something that most of us already know how to do. But it
is something that many of us forget to do or have forgotten.
We must remember how to do this and do it once again.
It takes courage and practice to bring it into the forefront of
our awareness.
Many people are walking around with a deep anger and
dissatisfaction inside of them and don't know where it's coming
from. When we see road rage erupting and other types of
violence, when we turn on the evening news, we see more evidence
of this happening. It becomes clear that we are on a
collision course with something extremely unpleasant if we don't
clean up our collective act with regard to the way we treat each
other.
We live in complicated times and some of the issues that we face
appear to be overwhelming. But the solutions can be
simple, though not simply achieved. It takes insight,
awareness, and paying attention to what is going on around us in
each situation. Taking a bit of time to reflect before
acting. Acknowledging the unique, precious, one of a kind event
that each of us is and then extending that to others one person
at a time.
How do we complete this simple task if we ourselves are among
those who feel that anger and frustration? That we have
been treated as objects for too long? That is a key issue.
We must begin with forgiveness. This may sound impossible
but it is the doorway to recreating our world and helping to
heal it.
There was a poem written years ago by Grahame Edge of the rock
group the Moody Blues. Part of it explains this process
perfectly, and it has always been a favorite of mine.
"And he thought of those he angered
For he was not a violent man.
And he thought of those he hurt
For he was not a cruel man.
And he thought of those he frightened
For he was not an evil man.
And he understood.
He understood himself.
Upon this, he saw that when he was of anger,
Or knew hurt, or felt fear
It was because he was not understanding.
And he learned - compassion.
And with his eye of compassion
He saw his enemies, like unto himself."
It's been said that resentment or unforgiveness is like an
invisible umbilical cord that connects us to the person or
situation that has caused us distress. It will continue to
feed us anger, hurt and fear through that connection until we
cut it. Forgiveness is not something that we do for the
source of what has injured us. It is an act of setting
ourselves free. Of cutting the invisible cord so that we
can move forward with our lives looking at each day freshly,
with anticipation, and a new sense of independence.
More importantly, it allows us to see ourselves with new eyes.
Each of us views ourselves and our world and experiences through
a personal lens. The lens is often clouded, diminishing
our ability to see others and ourselves with the dignity and
respect to which we are entitled by virtue of who we truly are.
We allow the lens to be clouded by behavior, experiences,
comparisons, and expectations.
If you have ever worn glasses or sunglasses that have become
smeared or dirty, or looked through a window that needed
cleaning, you know how you became used to looking at the world
through them, for usually the soil accumulates gradually.
When the lenses are cleaned the new view is refreshing and often
surprising.
Cleaning our glasses or sunglasses each morning before they are
put on is a regular habit of many of us. Practicing
forgiveness and connecting with our inner sense of dignity and
respect is an exercise in cleaning the inner lens through which
we view ourselves, the people we encounter, and the situations
in which we find ourselves. This also can be done each
morning before we begin our day or each evening before we go to
sleep.
This act is a powerful exercise in releasing us from the events
of the past, whether positive or negative. It allows us to
experience the present moment. It does not involve the
future, which is unknown. It enables us to be fully alive.
Each morning we awaken as new beings, for we cannot be what we
were yesterday even if we wish to be. Each time we
cut the invisible cord to yesterday we have the opportunity to
recreate ourselves and express the true nature of what we were
intended to be.
Have a Great Day and be good to yourself. You deserve it!
Food For
Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is
Innovations. If you enjoyed this Food For Thought message, feel
free to share it with others. Please honor the copyright and
forward this email in its entirety. For permission to reprint in
a newsletter or publication, contact Gail at info@innovations-training.com
or 515.388.9600
Call or email today to schedule your Training, Presentation,
Seminar Day, Or Leadership Institute!
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You
Are a Marvel
Each
second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a
moment that will never be again . . . And what do we teach our
children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris
is the capital of France.
When
will we also teach them what they are?
We
should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a
marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there
has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your
clever fingers, the way you move.
You
may become a Shakespeare, a Michaelangelo, a Beethoven. You have
the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you
grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel?
You
must work - we must all work - to make the world
worthy of its
children.
Pablo
Casals |
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