August 22, 2006

Welcome to another issue of our e-zine, and another week in all of our lives!  We thank you for your visit, and we hope that this humble effort of ours can provide you with something to make you think, some small piece of knowledge that can help you to see more clearly, or something positive to help you to get through some situation in your life.

Excerpt from Letters
to a Young Poet

Rainer Maria Rilke

What Will You Do Differently?
Beth Burns

Can't We Let Kids Be Kids?
tom walsh

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Those who never sacrificed a present to a future good, or a personal to a general one, can speak of happiness only as the blind do of colors.

Horace Mann

Life is certainly only worthwhile as it represents struggle for worthy causes.  There is no struggle in perfect security.  I am quite certain that the human being could not continue to exist if he or she had perfect security.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it, by vigorously willing to have it.  Peace is a margin of power around our daily need.  Peace is a consciousness of springs too deep for earthly droughts
to dry up.  Peace is the gift not of volitional
struggle but of spiritual hospitality.

Harry Emerson Fosdick

  

  
Excerpt from Letters to a Young Poet
Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by M.D. Herter Norton

If we think of this existence of the individual as a larger or smaller room, it appears evident that most people learn to know only a corner of their room, a place by the window, a strip of floor on which they walk up and down.  Thus they have a certain security.  And yet that dangerous insecurity is so much more human which drives the prisoners in Poe's stories to feel out the shapes of their horrible dungeons and not be strangers to the unspeakable terror of their abode.

We, however, are not prisoners.  No traps or snares are set about us, and there is nothing which should intimidate or worry us.  We are set down in life as in the element to which we best correspond, and over and above this we have through thousands of years of accommodation become so like this life, that when we hold still we are, through a happy mimicry, scarcely to be distinguished from all that surrounds us.

We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us.  Has it terrors, they are our terrors; has it abysses, those abysses belong to us; are dangers at hand, we must try to love them.  And if only we arrange our life according to that principle which counsels us that we must always hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us the most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful.

How should we be able to forget those ancient myths that are at the beginning of all peoples, the myths about dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses; perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.  Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.

So you must not be frightened, Dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloud-shadows, passes over your hands and over all you do.  You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall.

Letters to a Young Poet is a superb series of letters from Czech poet Rainer Maria Rilke to Mr. Kappus, a young poet who writes to Rilke for advice on his poetry and his life.  Rilke's responses are heartfelt, spiritual, and deeply insightful, and they make for wonderful reading.

   
   

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About to have a blood test, the woman nervously waited while the nurse tightened a tourniquet around her arm.  "I understand you're from Oklahoma," the nurse said.  "Are you a Sooners fan?"

"Absolutely!" the woman replied.

"Well," the nurse said as she raised the needle, "this may hurt a little.  I'm from Nebraska."

  
  

Whenever you fall, pick something up.
~ Oswald Avery

If you ask me about my life, and ask if I have regrets, I would be pretty quick to acknowledge that I don't have regrets.   I've grown to be OK with "me." Don't be fooled by my answer though -- I have made plenty of mistakes!  I've been reckless and thoughtless, silly and some other unflattering descriptions.  I used to think that mistakes automatically equated with regrets.  On my personal path, however, I have learned to take responsibility for the actions (and inactions) of my past, to make peace with myself and others, and then to simply let go.

I've come to see life as this big journey--the past is there for a reason, a stepping stone to teach me a "bigger" lesson.  It simply HAD to be that way so that I can be who I am now and who I will become in the future.  I've learned lessons, yes, but I don't live with major regrets.  I believe here are no accidents or happenstance -- everything is intricately woven and occurs for a reason. Sometimes I have no *earthly* idea what the reason is, but I know there is a plan in the Universe and I am a part of the plan.  I can trust that all things (including the past) are working together for good.  And so, regrets can seem like a waste of energy to me.

But then, I started thinking on a smaller scale.  While I see past "mistakes" as stepping stones, what about the "little" things (which really aren't so little) in life that I have missed?  I DO have regrets!  I regret certain things ... what haven't I said or done that I needed to?  What about not reading to a child because I am too busy, or not saying "I love you" to someone, or not taking an afternoon off of work to have a long lunch with a friend?   What about not offering a hug when it is needed?

Here's a true story.  Recently, I spent some time in the hospital.  It was unexpected and so I had to go through lots of medical testing.  I remember being really sick and sitting in a wheelchair (they MAKE you use them whether you want to or not!) in a cold hallway, waiting for the next medical test.  It wasn't pleasant; I felt sick and it was cold and lonely sitting in that hospital gown.

Anyhow, I did get better and left the hospital, but had to return for further testing.  The examination rooms were in the same chilly hallway, but this time I was dressed in my clothes and I felt healthy.  My experience was totally different from what it was the week before.  But waiting in the hallway, as I had been, was a man who was sitting waiting to be tested for something.  He looked like he felt terrible and he had to have been chilly sitting in the drafty hallway.  I empathized because I had been in the same position a week earlier.  I wanted to encourage him, to ask him if I could help him or if he needed anything.  Instead, I watched from a distance, not wanting to invade his privacy or make him feel uncomfortable.  Just as I was finally ready to approach the man and offer some sort of comfort, I was called in for my test.   I did not connect.  I wish I had behaved differently.  I didn't get involved and I regret that.

This may seem small but these are the regrets each of us live with.  I realize that there are things I really do regret and time that I cannot recreate.  And while, I have gotten pretty good at "living in the moment," I still have much to learn about slowing down and realizing that the tiniest regrets can sometimes be HUGE ones.

There is a fabulous book called War Letters, written by Andrew Carroll.  The author wanted to share the legacy of the American military personnel who have served in American Wars. (To learn more, check out www.warletters.com.)  The book is compelling, and a true historical gem.  It is emotional reading--these real letters were sent back home from men and women who didn't know if they would see their beloved, their family, or their country again.  They are honest and full of raw emotion.  The letters show a clear example of people who realized what is important -- love and few regrets.  When their lives were on the line, these heroes recognized that emotional honesty and a spiritual connection to others was what they most needed.   This is what they needed to be at peace.

I propose we all make a conscious effort to begin REALLY LIVING today.  I propose we share our TRUE hearts with people.  I propose we knock down the walls that separate our egos from our spirit and we share ourselves with love.  I propose we live spontaneously and let our hearts be our guiding lights.  I propose that we seek God and consciously ask, "What is the loving thing to do here?"

What will you do differently?


Copyright Beth Burns
Beth Burns is a Professional Life Coach -- partnering with motivated people on their personal and professional goals.  Her mission is to teach people to love themselves and love their life!  She offers two free email newsletters and can be visited on the web at www.BrightSideCoaching.com.  She can also be reached by calling 678-938-0419 or by email Beth@BrightSideCoaching.com.

   

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Eyes Wide Open
tom walsh

Can't We Let Kids Be Kids?

My stepdaughter had a pretty busy week this past week because of the fact that she's on the freshman soccer team at her high school.  In addition to two hours of practice every day after school, her team also took two road trips, each to schools almost two hours away.  In order to play a simple sixty-minute soccer match, she had to be on the bus for four hours on each of those days.  I find it amazing that a freshman team is expected to do that kind of traveling when there are plenty of schools that are much nearer to us.  It's not a situation that we like to see her in, but the option of forbidding her to play a sport that she loves doesn't seem fair just because the school has scheduled these games.

Last year, when she was in the eighth grade, she was on the track team (until she sprained her ankle).  The eighth-grade track team had between 15 and 20 meets set up for their season, an amazing amount for students at that age.  That's more meets than most colleges compete in.

I had neighbors a few years ago who used to get up at four a.m. to take their son to hockey practice--the only skating rink around was so busy that that was the only time the practices could be scheduled.  During the season, their son always walked around somewhat dazed, as if he were perpetually about to fall asleep.

I wonder what we're doing to our kids when we raise the level of their dedication for them, especially to levels that are artificially high.  I've know plenty of college students who gave up on their sports even before they reached high school because the sport had lost its fun for them.  I'm advising a student now who used to study ballet and gymnastics, but she gave them up her first year in high school because she had burned out.

Burned out, at fifteen years old.  What's wrong with that concept?  A friend of my step-daughter has decided not to play soccer in high school because she's "been playing forever," and it's no longer fun for her.  She's fourteen years old.

Of the cross-country prospects that I'm coaching now in our small college, three of the students don't want to run in meets because of their high school experiences--the sport was so competitive that students were getting sick and hurt just trying to excel.

I can't help but get the feeling that we as adults jump too fast and too far as soon as we see the slightest flicker of interest in our children.  We see potential scholarships and prizes and fulfillment for our kids because we've turned them into "winners," rather than letting them play at their level and letting them enjoy the sports.  I offered to practice soccer with my step-daughter as much as she wanted over the summer, and she took me up on it exactly twice.  She wasn't setting herself up to be a star player by practicing two hours a day, but she sure did have fun with her friends this summer.

Coaches and administrators feel a great deal of pressure to build "winning" teams, and the only way to have a winning varsity program is to develop a strong freshman program.  And of course, a strong varsity program can lead to more college scholarships for the players.  But what's the price that our kids are paying for the prestige that such a program can bring to a school?  Do the kids even realize the accolades that go to the school itself and the administrators and coaches when a program is "successful"?  And do they care?  "Dedicated" coaches often are dedicated because they see their team's success or failure as their own success or failure, when the simple fact is that getting a team out there with players who are able to play as a team and hold their heads high no matter what the outcome is a success in itself.

I would love to see sports become fun again, and to see kids enjoying themselves on the field.  I would love to see adults realize that our self-worth isn't wrapped up in whether we win or lose, and that teaching kids that it is, is sabotaging their future happiness.  I would love to see coaches realize that the measure of success for a season is not in the "Wins" column, but in the way their athletes feel about themselves when they walk away from each game, and when the season closes.

Let's let kids be kids.  Let's let them play for fun, and decide later on if they want to move to the next level, the higher level of competition.  Our job as adults is to help kids to grow up, but we're failing to see that this is a process they must go through at their own pace, not something that we can impose on them by imposing our highest standards on them.

  

Everyone talks about freedom.  All around the world different people,
different races,  different countries are fighting for freedom.  But what
is freedom?  In America we speak of living in a free country.  But
are we really free?  Are we free to be who we really are?  The answer
is no, we are not free.  True freedom has to do with the human
spirit--it is freedom to be who we really are.
Who stops us from being free?  We blame the government, we blame the
weather, we blame our parents, we blame religion, we blame God.
Who really stops us from being free?  We stop ourselves.

Don Miguel Ruiz

  

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If You Can't Be the Tablecloth, Don't Be the Dishrag
an excerpt
Patti LaBelle

I learned this principle from my mother, and the older I get, the more I appreciate its wisdom.  Chubby--that's what everybody called her--insisted that everyone in her life treat her with respect.  Though she wasn't wealthy or well educated, my mother not only understood and appreciated her value, but believed in it.  Strongly.  Deeply.  Passionately.

As a result, Chubby never allowed anyone to treat her as though she were second best.  And when I say anyone, I mean anyone.  Not even the people she loved most in the world.  Or I should say especially the people she loved most in the world.

Though she loved my father deeply, when she learned he was cheating on her, she insisted that he move out of our home.  Not the next day or the next week.  The very day Chubby discovered my father had gone back on his promise to be faithful to her, she told him he had to go.  She couldn't forgive him, she said.  Not again.

For months after she put Daddy out, he would come by the house on weekends to see my sisters and me.  When it was tune for him to go, we would beg Chubby to let him come back home.  Her answer was always the same:  not as long as I'm black and the sky's blue.

To me, as a child, Chubby's refusal to take my father back seemed harsh, even cruel.  As a woman, however, I have come to understand it.  For my mother, putting Daddy out of the house and her life wasn't about pride; it was about principle.  The one she had always lived by.  The one she believed in with all her heart:  No one was going to love and respect you unless you loved and respected yourself.

Insights that will touch you
deeply, make you think, and
give you hope, encouragement,
 and guidance--that's what
Patti LaBelle offers in this
jewel of a book.  Just click
on the image to learn more.

  

  
  

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If instead of a gem,
or even a flower,
we should cast the
gift of a loving thought
into the heart of
a friend, that would
be giving as
the angels give.

George MacDonald

  

A second-grader brought home a report card that didn't meet his parents' expectations.
After dinner, the father sat the boy on his knee and said, "Son, we're going
to have to do something about these grades."
  "We can't, Dad," the boy replied.  "They're in ink."

 

  

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