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11 July 2006 |
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Though
we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it
with us or we find it not.
Ralph
Waldo Emerson
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Sweet
flowers are slow,
and weeds make haste.
William
Shakespeare
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comfortable and comforting people are those who look upon the
bright side of life; gathering its roses and sunshine and making
the most that happens seem the best.
Dorothy
Dix
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You're
only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry, and
stop to smell the flowers along the way.
Walter
Hagen
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Breaking the Habit of Negative
Thinking
Carol
James
One behavioral symptom of
stress is negative thinking or self-talk, which usually contains
self-defeating or self-diminishing statements. For example,
"I just know I'm going to fail." or "Things just
never work out right for me." or "I always get the short
end of the stick."
I've noticed that
negative self-chatter is pervasive with many people. One example
comes from a conversation I had a while back with a desperate
woman who somehow found my phone number. Negativity and depressive
beliefs dripped from her lips. No matter what I said, she insisted
that she had nothing to be happy about and that her heart had
closed.
I tried to help her see
that as long as she looked only at what was wrong with herself and
her life, she would continue to find more things wrong, and that
she could not get to happiness from where she now stood. But she
kept interrupting me to share more problems.
Amazingly, this woman
also told me how happy and successful she used to be, but she had
lost it all. It was clear to me that she had allowed the
conditions and circumstances of her life to determine her level of
happiness. As long as things went well, she was happy. But as soon
as circumstances changed, she lost her happiness. Yet try as I
might, I couldn't help her break through her wall of
self-defeating talk.
After thirty minutes of
trying to help her remember something – anything – that would
bring her a feeling of hope or happiness, I began feeling hopeless
myself when I was suddenly inspired to say, "This may be a
little thing, but when you hear a bird sing, does it bring you
joy?"
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Her response was
immediate: "That's not a small thing to me. I love to hear
birds sing."
"And hearing the
laughter of a child playing?" I countered. I could almost
hear the rush of relief (mine or hers?) that broke forth as she
shifted her perception. For the first time in our conversation she
stopped insisting that she had nothing to be happy about. In her
silence I could tell that my message had finally penetrated her
resistance.
I’ve found that
negative thinking derives from beliefs about ourselves that were
formulated long ago – about who we think we are and what we’re
capable of doing. In our early years, many of us had parents who
didn’t know how to be loving, nurturing or supportive, so we
learned from them how to criticize and judge ourselves. As a
result, we often treat ourselves exactly as we were treated as
children, scolding ourselves for being afraid or for making a
mistake and often taking on a distorted view of how things are
without ever questioning its validity.
But the past is ancient
history, gone, dead and buried (at least if you allow it to be),
and now it's time to treat yourself exactly as you've always
wanted to be treated. When you catch yourself beating yourself up,
remind yourself to be gentle and loving. After all, if you aren't
that way with yourself, how do you expect others to be that way
with you?
© Copyright Carol James
http://www.inspiredliving.com
Inspired Living empowers people to live an inspired life through a
chat list, newsletter, books, coaching, workshops and an extensive
library of motivating articles, stories and more.
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Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week. |
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Picture Your
Way To Success!
Jeff
Keller
In a recent television interview, singer Celine Dion was asked
if she ever thought she'd sell millions of records and be on tour,
singing in front of tens of thousands of people each week. The
singer replied that none of this surprised her, as she had
pictured the whole thing since she was five years old! She was not
bragging, and she has worked unbelievably hard to earn every bit
of her success. What she learned at an early age was her ability
to tap into the power of holding a vivid, powerful image and to
become the star that she always pictured.
World class athletes also incorporate the power of imagery to
reinforce in their mind exactly how they want to perform.
Whether it's a figure skater completing a difficult jump, a tennis
pro acing the perfect serve or a golfer driving the ball long and
straight down the fairway, many top competitors mentally envision
a successful outcome before actually achieving it in "the
real world."
Visualization, however, is not something reserved solely for
singers, athletes or movie stars. In fact, it's something you've
used since childhood to create the circumstances of your own
life. Let me clarify what I mean. Author Adelaide Bry has
described visualization as "movies-of-the-mind,"
"inner pictures" or "images." Each of us
stores pictures in our minds about the type of relationships we
deserve, the degree of success we'll attain at work, the extent of
our leadership ability, the amount of money we'll earn and
accumulate, and so on.
Where do these pictures come from? Well, we begin to develop
our "mental movies" early in life. If we were criticized
or felt unworthy as a youngster, we record the events (and the
feelings associated with those events) as images in our minds.
Because we frequently dwell on these pictures (both consciously
and subconsciously), we tend to create life situations that
correspond to the original image. For example, you may still hold
a vibrant image of being criticized by a teacher in elementary
school. You felt humiliated in front of the whole class. Later on,
when you were tempted to offer your opinion in school or in a
group of people, you held back and kept quiet all the while
remembering (even if only on a subconscious level) how painful it
was when you were criticized. The picture remains in your mind,
and exerts tremendous influence over your present actions.
Unfortunately, many of us have not updated or revised our
childhood movies, so we are continually producing results that
fall short of our full potential. Here are some techniques for
using the power of visualization to improve virtually every aspect
of your personal and professional life:
- Take responsibility for the pictures you are playing in
your mind. No matter what the source of those images, it's you
that keeps playing them. Let's try a short
experiment. Think about an ice cream cone filled with your
favorite flavor of ice cream. Does that create a picture or
image for you? I'll bet it does. Okay, now think about an
elephant. Can you see it? Change the color of the elephant to
pink. In a fraction of a second, you probably formed an image
of the pink elephant. Can you bring back the picture of the
ice cream cone? Of course, you can. You have full control over
the pictures that occupy your mind. However, when you do not consciously
decide which pictures to play, your mind will look into
the "archives" and keep re-playing old movies on
file in your mental library.
- Accept what happened in the old movie - but change its
meaning. It doesn't serve you to deny what happened in a
past experience, no matter how painful or disappointing. You
can't, for instance, change the fact that you were criticized
by the teacher. You can, however, alter your interpretation
of the event. That is, at the time you were originally
criticized, the meaning you might have assigned to the
experience was: "I'm not good enough," or "My
opinions are worthless." While this was the
interpretation of a child, you may have inadvertently carried
it into your adult life. Today, though, you can consciously
choose to view the situation differently -- for example,
the teacher may have disagreed with you, but it wasn't a
statement about your intelligence or your overall worth as a
person!
- Create new pictures to move you toward what you want.
We
can create new mental movies whenever we choose to do so. And,
when we develop (and concentrate on) new images that evoke
powerful feelings and sensations, we will act in ways that
support those new pictures! So, the first step is to create an
image of your desired outcome. You are limited only by your
imagination. Recognize, however, that the pictures in your
mind are not fulfilled overnight! But, by being patient and by
persistently focusing on these mental images, you'll
automatically start acting in ways that support your vision.
- Relax and involve your senses.
What's the best method
to use when concentrating on your new images? It's been proven
that your mind is most receptive to visualization when you are
calm and not thinking about a lot of things simultaneously.
So, sit down in a comfortable chair at home, close your eyes
and do some deep breathing exercises to clear your mind and
relax your body. Now, strive to develop images that involve as
many senses as you can. The more sights, sounds, smells,
tastes and touches you put in your pictures, the more powerful
the "pull" for you to make your vision a reality.
Here's an example. Let's say you always dreamed of owning a
beach-front house in the Caribbean. Picture the white and peach
colored house. See the green palm trees slowly swaying in the
gentle breeze. Smell the salt air. Feel the warm sand between you
toes. Can't you just taste it? And all this can be yours,
if you hold onto this image and do what it takes to achieve it!
Also, remember that those images associated with strong emotions
have even more power, so be sure to add positive feelings to
your vision. For instance, when visualizing your ideal job,
combine the vivid mental picture and the physical senses with the
terrific emotions of pride and satisfaction you'll have working in
that new position.
Finally, don't be concerned with the quality of your images at
the outset. Some people can create lively color pictures ... while
others have trouble getting anything more than a fuzzy image, or
no image at all. It's also possible that you may only be able to
get a particular feeling at the beginning as opposed to a
clear image.
In any case, don't worry about it. Do the best you can and
don't compare yourself to anyone else. Your images will become
sharper over time. The key is to spend several minutes each day
running these new movies in your mind.
Well, there you have it--some suggestions for creating and
benefiting from your own mental pictures. Remember, if you don't
take control and develop your own movies, you'll continue to
replay the old ones. If the old movies are serving you, that's
great. But, if they're holding you back in any way, get started today
and use the incredible power of your mind to picture your way
to greater success!
Jeff Keller
works with organizations that want to develop achievers
and with managers who want their people to be more
positive. Visit his site at http://www.attitudeiseverything.com.
Jeff also delivers presentations and seminars on a variety of
motivational topics. Attitude is Everything, Inc.
also offers unique products that feature its attractive
color logo; all products are designed to reinforce a
consistent, positive message. For information, call
1-800-790-5333. P.O. Box 310, E. Norwich, NY 11732. |
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Look
Past the Pain
Louise Morganti Kaelin
Can you remember the last time something emotionally painful
happened to
you? Perhaps someone you care about decided it was time to move
on? Or just
needed to express their truth, which somehow involved something
negative
about you?
Our first response is typically to feel raw and vulnerable. Which
shouldn't
surprise us, since we just had our nice clean image of our self
stripped
away without warning. We feel like we've been attacked and our
reaction
usually follows a "withdraw and protect" mode. Trying to
keep our sense of
self in tact, we usually start by feeling sad and hurt, then move
on to
what's wrong with the other person. While the time spent in phase
1 will
depend on our basic sense of self worth (the lower our self
esteem, the
longer we stay in phase 1), for most of us self-protection
involves putting
up defenses about the other person.
Unfortunately, while it is critically important that you feel
everything you
feel, neither of these reactions serve you long-term.
Protecting ourselves
from being hurt is, I believe, the number one cause of people
being alone,
and lonely. Therefore, allow yourself to feel both of these, but
then move
past both of these feeling to phase 3. Didn't know there was
a Phase 3?
Well, there it is. It's that place where you accept
responsibility for
EVERYTHING that happens to you, even the things that other people
do to you.
In that place, you get to ask yourself some questions. What
did I learn
from this? What did I need to learn from that person?
Did I learn it? Is
it time to move on? How can this experience make me better and
stronger? Is
it possible that I wanted to move on but was afraid to do so? What
do I know
now that I didn't know before? Does this move me closer to
my long term
goals? Or further away? What am I afraid of?
Looking past the pain allows us to put this experience into
perspective. And
for me, the goal is not to experience pain at all, but to learn
from each
painful (and joyful!) experience as soon as possible,
incorporating that
knowledge into my life. Life without pain is not life. It's
a hollow shell
of life where we are basically unhappy, wondering why we are not
able to
have what everyone else seems to have no trouble finding.
Another point: Once you've come out the other side of the
questioning,
you'll quickly see that, in most cases, there is no reason to stay
upset
with the other person. If someone is the impetus for us
learning about
ourselves, our natural response is to want to thank them.
You may have to
experience this first hand to believe it, but it's happened to me
too many
times not to accept this as truth.
Copyright Louise Morganti Kaelin;
Louise is a
Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn
their
dreams into reality. Phone: 1-617-984-2868
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com |
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As
Is
Gail Pursell Elliott
"Some people are some ways and some people are t'other.
You just can't do nothin' about it," said my grandfather
during one of our long walks along the canal. We'd pick up fallen
crabapples from the old trees at the back of his property and
throw them into the canal, hear them plop and then watch for
curious fish to break the surface.
I must have been doing my usual pondering about people. I
couldn't have been more than ten or twelve years old at the time.
My grandfather's response was pretty simplistic and may sound like
a brush off. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In his homespun way he was telling me to let people be who they
are and to accept them "as is."
Our country was partially based upon allowing people the freedom
to be themselves and to have opportunities to express that
individuality. It is something that most of us deeply value.
Yet many are not as willing to extend that freedom to others
though we insist upon it for ourselves.
Many years ago I met a medical student from South America who was
continuing his education in the States. We became friends.
He introduced me to his circle of friends from that part of the
world and included me in get-togethers, always prefacing his
introduction with the phrase, "She's not like an American
girl." I found out later that this was his way of
telling his other friends that I did not fit a stereotype.
Did I speak Spanish? No.
Did we talk about "cultural differences?" No.
Did I know about his country? Not much, mainly where it was on the
map.
None of these things really seemed to matter. We were
interested in getting to know each other as people, not as
nationalities or cultures. We didn't begin with assumptions
or preconceived ideas. We talked about our work, our hopes
and dreams, our philosophies of life, our beliefs, and our
families. We shared some common interests that we enjoyed,
introduced each other to some new interests. Just like friends
anywhere, we were looking for common elements to share rather than
differences to try to overcome. Our differences were
interesting to learn about rather than barriers because we found
things to like about each other first. And of course we
found them because that was our intent. Similarity rather
than diversity made the connection. We accepted each other
'as is' and had a lot of fun in the process.
This same friend gave me a copy of The Little Prince as a gift.
In that story, the Prince has a flower on his home planet who has
told him that she is 'one of a kind' and has to be treated
specially because of that. When he travels to Earth he finds
a garden filled with roses that look just like his flower.
At first he is saddened. Later he realizes that his
flower was telling the truth. That she is "unique in
all the world" because of their friendship, because of the
connection that they have made.
So often we judge others rather than expressing acceptance.
Since we are all one-of-a-kind events, "unique in all the
world," someone else's expression is never going to be a
clone of our own whether they grew up next door or halfway around
the world, on Earth or the Little Prince's planet. Treating people with dignity and respect is an exercise in finding
those points where we connect. Dignity involves allowing
others to define themselves rather than labeling them.
Respect involves acknowledging and appreciating that individuality
without judging it. Accepting each other "as
is."
Have a Great Day and be good to yourself. You deserve it!
© Gail
Pursell Elliott. Food For
Thought is part of the Dignity and Respect message that is
Innovations. If you enjoyed this Food For Thought message, feel
free to share it with others. Please honor the copyright and
forward this email in its entirety. For permission to reprint in
a newsletter or publication, contact Gail at info@innovations-training.com
or 515.388.9600
Call or email today to schedule your Training, Presentation,
Seminar Day, Or Leadership Institute!
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Correction
does much, but encouragement does more.
Encouragement after
censure is as the sun after a shower.
Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe |
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